by HJ Bellus
The cashier gives me a total. I pass over my debit card, not even knowing if it was one hundred or one thousand dollars. Hell, I could’ve just won a million dollars and would have no clue. My blood simmers over into a boiling point.
“I’d put all my money on a bet that thing of Jules isn’t even Jessie’s. Well played by Jules. She knows how to pull at those heartstrings,” Shayna announces.
“Oh, but have you seen her…”
I don’t hear the rest. The ringing in my ears pitches out every single sound. My shoulder pile drives into the magazine rack as I round the corner of the checkout stand. I come face to face with Shayna. She pales, only causing my blood pressure to skyrocket. The rest of the women pick up on her facial cue and whip around to face me.
I plant a hand on my hip. “Just thought I’d join the daily conversation here at Country Cousin’s grocery store. Anyone want to fill me in on what I missed out on?”
Not one single word. None of the cowards are even brave enough to open their mouths to respond, so I take it upon myself to go on.
I take a step forward, leaving no room between Shayna and myself. “I have no problem with you calling me every name in the book and campaigning to the county that you and Jessie are perfect for each other. Not one single problem with it at all. Where I draw the line with permanent ink is when you bring my daughter into it. That’s when we have a problem, Shayna.”
She stumbles over some words that come out as mumbles then takes a step back. I give her a good thirty seconds to recover, but when she can’t muster up one word, I continue.
“Say one more word about my daughter and that over-processed hair of yours will be ripped out. She’s a five-year-old innocent girl in this situation. You thinking you’re all badass standing here talking about her only makes you a backward-pissing chicken shit also known as a spineless bitch.”
Shayna’s chin trembles. Her posse remains absolutely still and quiet.
“Is there anything about this you don’t understand?” I jerk my head to the side.
Shayna finds the courage to shake her head from side to side. I lean in so only she can hear because I’m in bitch mode like that.
“And don’t worry your little head. I’ll be sucking Jessie off for the rest of his days.” With that, I spin on my heels and stomp back to the cashier to grab my debit card and groceries. You could hear a pin drop in the store. My heart pumps into overdrive. My ten seconds of badass bitch strides right out of the store and into the parking lot.
Once I’m in the front seat of my car, my hands begin to tremble, tears threaten to attack, and my bravado is long fucking gone. Anger and another old familiar feeling boils up inside of me. She’s pregnant with Jessie’s baby. A neon light reading Game Over flashes behind my eyes. I thought graduation night was the worst night of my life. I was so very wrong. The second time around was sweet. Sweeter than sweet. And now it’s just a bitter memory tantalizing my tongue.
The miles tick by as the tears slide down my face. How dare those bitches shit talk my little girl? The insanity racing through my mind encourages me to turn around and beat the fuck out of Shayna and her whole damn crowd.
The closer I get to the lane that leads to Jessie’s parents' house and mine, the more my anger takes over. Every square inch of my skin prickles with pure rage. Jessie sure did an excellent job of bullshitting the hell out of me about how he wasn’t serious with Shayna. It took me time to digest he did have girlfriends after I left. And he had every right to do so. It was my choice not to. It took a whole lot of maturity to get over that grain of sand. It irritated and rubbed me raw until I chose to let it go. Only for what? To have it thrown back in my face in public.
Just a relationship to appease everyone and pass the time, my ass. He had a fucking ring. I can’t even.
I slow down when I near Carolyn’s house, peering down the short lane only to see Whit waving from the garden. What in the hell? She’s supposed to be at football practice with Jessie. I pull the car in the lane and have my piece of perfection jumping up in my lap the moment I open the door.
“Mommy! We have radishes.” She squeezes my cheeks with dirty garden hands.
“Awesome.” I lean forward and kiss her, relaxing from having her on my lap. “Why aren’t you with Daddy?”
“Grandma and Nana are taking me to dance. He said he’d text you to let you know. We are waiting for Nana to get back from town.”
“Oh, okay.” I do my best to act in mommy mode, concealing all of my emotions. Back in California, it was a routine I had perfected, but over these past few weeks, I’ve lost the talent it takes to pull it off.
“See, Momma?” She reaches over, digging around in the console, and holds my cell phone up to me. “He texted you.”
I shake my head. “Silly mom. I guess I was too distracted.”
“Momma!” she shouts even though she’s sitting right on my lap. Her back hits the horn, blaring it for a few seconds before she sits forward, slaps a hand over mouth, and giggles.
“What, baby girl?”
“Daddy has an awesome fort here. Do you want to see it?” She throws her arms out to her side. “It’s so, so, so big.”
“Sure.” I muster up a smile and set her on the ground. The last thing I want to see is some damn overpriced fort that Jessie built for Whit. I’ll have to hold myself back from burning it down only because Jessie had his hands on it. Once again, I remind myself to go into mommy mode, swallowing down my emotions and feelings.
“Grandma, I’ll be right back. Taking Momma to the fort.” Whit skips in front of me along a dirt path behind the house.
“Oh, Whit, I’m not sure…” Her words die off in her mouth when she sees her granddaughter’s excitement. “Go on.”
I don’t miss the fact the look on her face is resigned. She’s tentative about this, and that makes me nervous as hell. Tingles race up my spine as if I’m about to walk into a hornet’s nest.
“Just over this hill, Momma.” Whit waves me on.
I turn back to see Carolyn in her garden and can barely make out the roof of Nana’s place. The view from the top of this hill takes my breath away. I remember playing back here when I was little but never realized the magic of it. It’s perfection, giving views from every angle of the best pieces of this area.
“Look, Momma!” Whit tugs on my hand and points.
I follow her little finger and gasp. My hand slaps over my mouth and eyes go wide.
“It’s the biggest fort ever. Daddy said I could play in it if Grandma or an adult is with me, and I just have to watch out for nails because if I step on one, I have to get a tennis shot.”
My jaw remains slack, and I can’t produce one single word. The gorgeous framework of a two-story ranch house with a wrap-around porch slaps me in the face. He had a ring for Shayna and was building a home until I came back to town. I held the one trump card that put everything on pause permanently. For a few ticks of seconds, my heart hurts for Shayna and everything I ruined for her.
A garden that easily beats out his mom’s lies a few feet away from the house. It’s surrounded by wildflowers spraying up everywhere. A white picket fence borders the entire property. Blood, sweat, and tears have been put into making this place magical even though the house is only a framework.
“Come see it.” Whit tugs my hand again, leading me down the pathway.
Numbness washes over me. I’m unable to digest a damn thing. The anger and hurt that attacked me minutes earlier dissipates. My heart aches and soul longs for what could’ve been if I’d smacked Jessie and told him to think about it instead of running like a scared and hurt teenager. I ruined everything at that moment.
Whit leads me through each room, giving me the grand tour. I miss it all. It’s fuzz that buzzes through my head. Radio static at its best blares in my ears.
“Whit.” Jessie’s voice echoes through the frame of the fresh wood. “Whit.”
She lets go of my hand and races out to the front porch,
waving like a little mad woman. I follow her, not knowing what else to do.
“Daddy, I’m here. I have an adult and don’t need that tennis shot.”
His throaty and deep chuckle echoes in my chest. “Come here. Race up to the top of the hill. Your ride awaits for dance, my little bit.”
“Coming, Daddy.” She pushes off the railing, bumps into me, peering up at me with pursed lips. “Love you, Momma. I’ll be back for dinner.”
She races off, her tutu flowing in the wind along with her dark curls bouncing off of her back. This could all be hers only if I would’ve fought for her. I didn’t. I ran like a coward and gave her the best life I possibly could. Jessie built this for his future, and that was Shayna. He had to be in deeply love with her to dedicate all of this time to a project.
I collapse down on the front step, letting the emotions of the day finally flow free. My palms catch every single tear—bitter, salty reminders of what could’ve been and never will be. I lose track of time. Hell, five or fifty minutes could’ve drifted by when I hear the crunching of footsteps nearing me.
“Jules.”
I glance up to see Jessie in a tight shirt, gym shorts, and his snapback on backward. He reaches up to his neck, massaging out tension. I stare at him, not saying a word.
“I should’ve told you, Jules.”
Chapter 20
Jessie
“Mom.” I hop out of my truck and slam the door. I raced home in hopes of seeing Whit before they left for dance. She was a persistent little shit about wanting her nana and grandma to take her to dance. It sounds ridiculous, but it was like dropping my little girl off on her first day of school.
“Over here, Jessie.” She waves from the garden.
“Where’s Whit? Is she ready for dance?” I glance down at my watch. “You guys have twenty minutes. Did you put snacks in her bag? She likes chocolate pudding.”
“Jessie.” Mom raises her hand and voice at me. “We are leaving as soon as Jane gets here. Whit took Jules up to your house. I’m sorry, but there was no way of stopping her.”
“Fuck.” I kick at a stray rock. “How long have they been up there?”
“Ten minutes or so.”
“Son of a bitch,” I hiss.
“Language, Jessie!” she scolds. “Go get Whit so we can leave for dance. I see the dust coming down the lane. It has to be Jane.”
I take off without thinking, fearing the worst. This is way too big of a damn shock. I know beyond a doubt it will scare Jules off for good. It’s stable and a foundation and something I’ll never be able to explain away.
“Whit,” I holler out. When there’s no response, I call out her name again.
Then there she is calling out, “Daddy.” My entire body relaxes seeing her sweet face in the distance and having her voice singing in my ears.
I call her over for dance. She kisses her momma and races up the hill.
“Daddy, I showed Momma.” Her arms pump as fast as they can as she races up the hill. “I even told her the rules about adults and the tennis shot.”
“Tetanus shot, honey, and good job.” I bring her up to my chest. Her little heart pounds against mine. Her toothy grin brightens my day. No matter how shitty of a day it is, this little girl will always make everything better.
“We have to get you to dance.” I kiss her forehead.
“Daddy, I don’t want to use up all my energies. Can you?” She looks down at my mom in the garden.
“You do know that back in the day I was the fastest in town, right? Hold on!” I bolt down the hill. Not as fast as I used to be but still getting the job done. Whit’s squeals of laughter fuel me on.
I don’t comprehend the rattling coming from my mom. I make sure Whit is dusted off, buckled in, and has her dance bag with her. I shower her with kisses and then wave as the van pulls out. I’m tempted to follow them into town in my truck, not because I don’t trust my mom and Jane but because I don’t want to miss a minute with Whit.
But there’s Jules, who is sitting down at my biggest secret to date. It was the place I could pour my everything into and get lost in the future I wanted. I jog back up the hill and slow to a walk when I see her hunched over on the porch with her face buried in her hands.
“Fuck,” I hiss out.
This is the nail in the coffin that will end us. The push that went a little too far, sending her right over the cliff back to California. My own fuck up that ruined it all. A fantasy that I never thought would turn into reality.
“Jules.” I reach back, gripping my neck.
She doesn’t look up. Her palms absorb her sobs.
“Talk to me.” I take a step closer. This gets her attention. Her wild brown hair flies up; her body lurches towards me with her finger pointing right in my direction.
“You motherfucker,” she screams. “Why? Why lie? Do you think I’m that shallow of a person to rip your daughter away from you? Or do you just like playing games, Jessie? I mean, you can’t play on the prestigious turf anymore, so why not play with my fucking heart?”
I take a step back, holding up both hands. “Jules.”
“Don’t even. Don’t! You bring our daughter here? The fucking place you built for Shayna and your baby? How fucking cute. Were you just planning to play house with your children and keep me a secret over the hill?” She advances on me, jabbing her finger in my chest. “I mean, do tell, Jessie, how was that all going to play out?”
“Jules, I have no idea what you are talking about,” I say slowly. “I’m lost here, baby.”
Her eyes flare with raw anger. “Baby? How fucking dare you call me that when you have a ring for her, built a house for her, and have a fucking baby on the way with her?”
My head jerks back in shock. What in the fuck is she talking about? I’m lost and drowning in my own personal sinkhole. I open my mouth to speak when my cell phone rings.
I grab it out of my pocket to silence it only to see Cody’s name on the screen. I send him straight to voice mail. Elvis could be calling right now, and I’d do the same thing. Nothing matters in this moment, but this woman standing before me. Not one single damn thing.
“Let me guess, Shayna?” Jules stabs my chest with her finger again. I relish the touch because it’s coming from her even though it’s stemming from genuine anger.
“No,” I growl.
My phone rings again, fueling the situation.
“Let me.” She grabs the phone from my hand before I can deny her.
“Shayna, yeah, that’s right, it’s me, Jules. Talk to me, bitch. You’ve won so go on and celebrate. You got the ring, the house, and the most important thing, Jessie.”
There’s silence. A masculine voice streams from the phone speaker. My heart sinks for Jules. She’s reached a sinking point, and I can only guess that Shayna had something to do with it. After all, she is the queen of fucking mind games. I should know this better than anyone. She pulled me in with her voodoo magic. I’m not innocent at all. I can think on my own and still drown in her.
“Cody?” Jules clutches the phone between her cheek and shoulder, wiping away the tears streaming down her face. “Are you sure? Say it again.”
The silence once again drowns us.
“You have a video?” she asks, stepping back to the front steps to collapse on them.
More silence. I’m left kicking myself in the ass for not answering. I’d do anything to reach through that phone and rip Cody’s head off even though he has nothing to do with this situation. He’s the one comforting my woman. It’s enough to send me right over the edge.
The gleam streaming off the metal head of the hammer entices me to grip my palm around the smooth wood and beat the shit out of something. I’m in the mood to tear anything or something to shreds in a split second. Every single muscle in my body screams and cheers me on to release this building tension.
“Okay, yeah. I don’t even care anymore.” Jules drops her head once again. “Whatever, if you want.”
; She ends the call and lets my phone crash to the ground. My patience has done worn thin. I don’t move slow but with precision like a man on a damn mission to save his fucking future.
“Jules,” I bark.
Her head snaps up.
“What in the fuck is going on?” I demand.
She stands, doing her best to dip to the side.
“I don’t fucking think so.” I match her movement, keeping my hands tucked in my gym shorts. “What in the hell is going on?”
“Nothing.”
“Bullshit.” The veins in my neck pulse to life. “We can play this little sidestep all night long. I’m not moving until you talk.”
“Jessie, let me go.” She ducks her head, taking another step, doing her best to get past me.
“Let you go?” I roar, regretting the strength of my voice for a few seconds when she shudders. “How in the hell do you expect me to let you go when I’ve been holding onto your memory for years?”
This gets her attention. Those anger-fueled eyes glare daggers my way. Her cheeks are hot and flushed with anger. This time she doesn’t sidestep me, waltzing right up into my personal space. That scent of hers attacks me, dulling the rage that had built up inside of me the last few seconds.
She flies up off the stairs, aiming that damn finger at me once again, ready to attack. Before she has the chance to open her mouth, I wrap my arms around her and tug her to my chest. Her fists do their best to pound against me. She fights for a few seconds before she gives in.
“I have no fucking clue what you’re talking about, Jules. Listen to me. You can hate me, but all I ask is that you listen to me.” I rest my chin on the top of her head. “I thought you’d flip when you saw this because it would scare you away, but I’m guessing that’s not the case. I have no idea what happened today. But I’ll tell you my side of the story. This house is yours. I poured the foundation the first year I returned to Boone. Little by little, I kept working on it. The manual labor of building, farming, and coaching became too much, so I focused on the landscaping then I’d go back to framing it. It’s the house we picked out of a magazine our junior year. Remember the one we’d build after we both graduated college? It’s that same floor plan. I never gave up hope. I may not have made the best decisions along the path of life, but the one thing I never gave up believing on was you and us.”