Can't Leave It Alone

by Nicole Jackson

  “Wow.” Paris stressed. “Shit, I feel you. Yall know I went through it with Jay Rock’s bitch ass baby mama, so I feel your pain. At least Jahrein tried to make it right.”

  “Girl, please. Raven’s ass wasn’t going nowhere, no way.” Raquel added. “Shit, we all know what would have happened if she had tried to really leave.”

  “Whatever.” Raven rolled her eyes as she waved her off. She knew that Raquel didn’t hold back, and she was usually right. Everybody knew how jealous Jahrein was, and the entire time they were separated she was too scared to even speak to another man. He wasn’t abusive, but she knew that her seeing someone else was a recipe for murder. And Jahrein wouldn’t think twice about it.

  “All you bitches yacking, but we all know that all you hoes got some jealous ass men. You kept bitches disgust me.” Dina scrounged.

  “Aw, you shut your ass up.” They all told her collectively.

  “Dina, your man be on that ass too, so quit it. Besides, what man don’t want to wear the pants? Shit, I know that Amir is jealous and I can be at times too. Still, we aren’t insecure people. I know that he aint going nowhere and vice versa.” Zyrie offered.

  “Huh! You better let her know.” Trinity co-signed.

  “You bitches is crazy.” Raquel laughed, obviously on her way to being drunk.

  Raven cut her eyes at her. “Quel, your ass don had one too many.”

  “Whatever.” Raquel rolled her eyes. “Kevin likes for me to get a little tipsy. He says that it helps me drop it on him.” she hopped to her feet, and dropped it like it’s hot.

  “Ewe.” Raven scrounged. “TMI, sweetie. TMI.”

  “Ay, let me ask yall something.” Ryan spoke up.

  “What’s up?” everybody asked.

  “Does anybody think that Desmond left Jada for me just for the kids?”

  Raven sucked her teeth. “Bitch please. You know damn well that a baby aint never been the way to keep a nigga. If the man is with you, then that’s where he wants to be. If he wanted Jada then he’d be with her.”

  Trinity shook her head. “What I’m trying to understand is why are you second guessing yourself, Ryan?”

  Ryan hunched her shoulders. “It’s not really that…everything just happened so fast, which makes me feel like he never stopped to think about what he’s doing. Maybe after the euphoria of having kids fades out, he’ll rethink some things.”

  “Girl, stop being silly.” Dina interjected. “How long did Desmond look for you after you left him?”

  “I don’t know, about two or three years.”

  “Yeah, in that case you are really tripping with yourself.” Paris laughed. “And like Raven said, a baby aint never been a recipe for keeping a man.”

  “Wait, wait. I know what this is. You letting what that girl said get to you. You think that her claiming to be pregnant has leveled the playing field?” Raquel asked.

  “Yeah, that’s what this is.” Dina agreed. “But Ryan just needs to get out of her feelings. The reason Desmond is so connected to the twins is because he’d always wanted her to have his baby. This Jada broad is just jealous. And think about it. She’d been with him for a minute and now all of a sudden she’s pregnant. It seems like a weak attempt for attention if I ever seen one.”

  “True, true.” Both Trinity and Zyrie nodded.

  “But yall know what, this shit happens to the best of us.” Raven concluded.

  “What’s that?” Raquel inquired.

  “Letting circumstances cause insecurities. I would be lying if shit like that hadn’t ran through my mind. Like all these hating ass bitches would claim that Jahrein stayed with me because I kept dropping all these babies. Of course, we all know that he wanted me to have all those kids. But on the outside looking in, it could seem that I’d just tied him down with so much responsibility.”

  Raquel laughed. “Yeah, well those bitches are just stupid. Shit, I’ve known muthafuckas to have ten kids with a man, and he still ups and leaves. That muthafucka will start a whole new family with no hesitation. Like you said, kids can’t keep a man. What hoes fail to realize is that babies should be made from the love you and your man have. Not to make him love you. The shit will never work.”

  “But my best advice to you Ryan,” Paris said. “Don’t let this girl come between yall. You can’t really control how Desmond treats the situation, but you can for yourself. You stay in control. If this girl is pregnant, don’t shut down the situation, hoping that it will go away. You be right there, making sure that everything is what it’s supposed to be. Then don’t let her antics get under your skin, either. There is no reason for you to fight. You got what she wants, so she’s the only person that should be hostile. Now, I’m not saying to let her disrespect you, but just let the bullshit go. It really aint worth it. You aint supposed to let no bitch fuck with your home front.”

  Ryan simply nodded as she became lost within her thoughts. Everything had changed so quickly, and she was now outside of her comfort zone. Since she and Desmond had been a part she’d learned to rely solely on herself. It was very frightening, knowing that she now needed him again. Everything she’d worked for while they were a part was now gone. So, the thoughts of him changing his mind drove her crazy.

  She so desperately wanted to believe him when he said that he and Jada were done, but the issue was tugging at her heart’s strings. So much time had passed since she’d been with Desmond. And now Jada had been dealing with him for just about as long as she had. Their connection now seemed tainted, since in so many ways he belonged partially to another girl. She didn’t care what he said; there was no way that he could’ve spent that much time with Jada without feeling something for her.

  ******

  Everybody was coupled up as the group entered Benehannah’s. The restaurant was a very popular hang-out spot where Chinese cuisine was cooked and prepped at the table.

  All the chicks that received a massage at Raven’s had dragged their men out to accompany them for dinner.

  “Damn, a nigga hungry.” Desmond rubbed his abs as they sat at a table.

  “You didn’t eat today?” Ryan asked.

  He shook his head as he pulled her chair closer to him. “Naw. I was waiting on you to feed me.”

  “Whatever.” She playfully rolled her eyes.

  He leaned in, talking into her ear. “For real. I didn’t expect for you to be gone so long.”

  “Boy, I told you that this was pampering day. It’s a whole day thing.”

  “I guess. You must gone pamper me tonight.”

  She turned to look directly in his eyes. “Do you deserve it?”

  “Of course.” He leaned in, kissing her soft lips.

  “You better stop.” She smiled as she sneakily placed her hand in his lap.

  “Uh-uh.” He shook his head as he kissed her again. “What did they put on your skin? It smells good.”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. I was too busy drinking.”

  “I should’ve known.” He laughed.

  “Uh, there are other people at the table.” Dina interrupted their conversation. “Yall acting like we don’t exist.” She teased.

  “Fuck you.” Ryan gave her cousin the finger as she leaned back into Desmond’s arm, which was hanging on the top of her chair.

  “Aw, aint they so cute.” Raven cooed.

  Jahrein nudged her. “Leave them people alone.”

  “Why you hating?” she giggled.

  “I’m just saying…” he sipped his drink, as his hand rested on her thigh. “Why you gotta be in their mix?”

  “Shut up.” She waved him off as she relaxed in her seat. The dress she wore was short, and she could feel him easing his hand up her thigh.

  “What are you doing?” she whispered.

  “Nothing.” He gave her a devilish grin as he found his way into her panties. “You shouldn’t have worn this little ass dress.”

  Everyone at the table was mingling and flirting with their spouses. Soon, the
chef was standing in front of them, preparing their meals.

  Ryan sat as the chef tossed the beef she ordered around in a pan. “Damn that smells good.” She licked her lips.

  “I know.” Desmond nodded as his cell began vibrating on his thigh. He and Ryan were sitting so close that she could feel the vibrations.

  She stayed focused on the cooking taking place in front of her, waiting to see what he’d do.

  After the caller had hung up, and called three additional times he decided to at least see who was calling. So, he leaned over and pulled his cell from his pocket. He checked the screen.

  As he looked up he realized that Ryan was looking at the screen as well. “She’s still blowing your phone up, huh?”

  He shook his head as he placed the phone back in his pocket. “Man, that chick is crazy.”

  “Humph.” She smirked, trying her best to remain calm.

  He checked her out for a few seconds. He was surprised that she hadn’t gone off. He smiled. “Shit…I’m trying to eat.” He wrapped his arm back around her.

  She leaned into his embrace as the chef plated her food. “Umm, it looks delicious.” She moaned as she took a fork-full into her mouth.

  “It is? Let me taste.”

  She turned and grabbed his chin as she slid some mouthwatering beef into his mouth. He nodded.

  “Good, huh?” she asked with a smile.

  “Yeah. Now all I need is my shrimp.” He said after swallowing the meat.

  “I know, right.” Ryan nodded, knowing that she was going to eat half of that too. “I need another drink.”

  He lifted a brow. “You might wanna slow it down. You gotta drive home tonight.”

  “Why I gotta drive?” she pouted.

  “Cause it’s my turn to get tipsy. You had your fun earlier.”

  “Anyways…” she let out as she took another bite of food. Once again she could feel his phone vibrating.

  He sucked his teeth as he ignored the call.

  She shook her head as she eyed him. She slowly chewed her food and swallowed, before speaking. “Maybe you should just turn it off for the night.”

  He nodded as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. “You right. That’s exactly what I’m doing.” He powered his phone off.

  She tilted her head to the side. “Now…back to us.” She grinned.

  He gave her a smile, but deep down he was wondering what had come over her. She was just as poised as she wanted to be. He knew that this was out of character for her, but he definitely appreciated her efforts of being understanding.

  Just then Ryan’s cell phone vibrated in her shorts’ pocket. She huffed. “This better not be them damn twins.” She pulled her phone out of her pocket, and realized the number calling wasn’t programmed. “I wonder who this is?” she thought aloud before picking up. “Hello.”

  “Hey.” A voice said on the other end.

  She squinted. “Who is this?”

  “Jacob.”

  “Hey…What can I help you with?”

  Desmond ate his food as he listened intently.

  “Look, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. We need to talk.”

  “Okay.” She urged for him to continue.

  “I mean not over the phone. I want to talk to you in person.”

  “Umm…” she glanced at Desmond. “I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

  “Really, Ryan? I know that you’re with your kids’ daddy, but this is how you treat me? I’ve always been good to you.”

  “And I’m not denying that...” She spoke into her phone as she realized Desmond was giving her a look that could kill. “Look, I really have to go.” She hung up.

  He slid his tongue across his teeth. “Who was that?”

  She took a deep breath. “That was Jacob.”

  He raised a brow. “Jacob, huh?”

  “Yeah.” She nodded.

  “And how did he get your number?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “So, why didn’t you tell him to stop calling?”

  “Desmond, come on. The call caught me off guard. I didn’t intentionally try to sit here and hold a conversation.”

  “Okay.” He nodded calmly as he picked his teeth with a toothpick. “Tomorrow we gon change that number again.”

  She sucked her teeth. “Whatever.” Then she thought about it. “Why is that you still got the same number where Jada can call you anytime she wants?”

  “Cause a lot of my business associates got the number.”

  “Well, what about the second phone? I thought that was for business?”

  “Yeah, but a lot of people still hit me on the first phone. I’ve been having the second line for only a couple of months.”

  “So in other words, she’s still going to be able to contact you?”

  He shook his head and grimaced. “Don’t make it seem like that, because that’s not how it is. If I wouldn’t risk losing so much money, then I’d gladly change the number, Ryan. I mean, think about what you’re saying. If I was on some funny shit, then changing my number wouldn’t mean a thing.”

  She had to admit that what he said made sense. If he wanted to speak to Jada he could simply call her. “I guess.” She rolled her eyes.

  He stared at her a few before planting a kiss on her cheek. “Trust me, baby. I wouldn’t hurt you.”

  She gazed into his eyes, feeling butterflies in her stomach. “I hear you.”

  Chapter 14

  “I think about you all day. Dream about you all day. Love aint always compli-ca-ted. Boy, you make me feel so beautiful. And I aint never gonna let you go-oo. People say that this aint the way it’s supposed to go. But I refused to believe…because it happened to me.” Nivea’s harmonic voice crooned through the stereo.

  Desmond lied between Ryan’s thighs, sliding in and out of her. He took his time, making sure that she felt every movement. He gazed at her, marveling at her beauty. Her long hair was sprawled across a pillow. Her eyes were closed tightly as she indulged in their love making.

  “I love you.” He whispered as he kissed her lips. He eased his tongue into her mouth. She grabbed the back of his head, pulling him closer.

  She wrapped her legs around him as she rocked her hips. He picked up the pace, hitting her spot. They found a rhythm, as she arched her back. She wanted to feel every inch of him.

  “Uh. Uh.” She panted as he rotated his hips into her.

  He crawled to his knees and threw her legs over his shoulders. He gripped her hips as he pumped into her. She could feel his balls slapping her ass.

  “Come here.” He mumbled as he leaned in, tongue kissing her.

  They could both hear him sliding through her wetness.

  “That pussy talking.” He laughed as he gave her long strokes.

  She responded by squeezing her walls around him.

  “Damn.” He moaned. “Do that shit again.”

  She did.

  “Shiiiit.” He contorted his face as he began banging her roughly.

  “You cumming, daddy?” she asked.

  “Uh, fuck.” He huffed.

  “You cumming?” she asked as she fucked him back.

  “Hellllllll, yeah.” He got out as he released inside of her.

  The sensation of him climaxing inside of her caused her to do the same. They both lay breathless, sweating. Each could feel the rapid beating of the other’s heart. “Whew.” Ryan let out, with a giggle.

  “I know.” He chuckled.

  She absently rubbed his back as he continued to lie between her legs, still inside of her.

  “I need to get some sleep. I gotta go to the mall tomorrow.” She yawned.

  He sucked his teeth. “You talking like that’s a real task.”

  She nodded. “Trust me, it is. I gotta find some clothes that will look good on an interview.”

  “Interview? Did I miss something?” he asked confused.

  “I don’t know. You know that I need another job.”

 
“Need aint the correct word. You want a job. But I don’t think that it’s the right time.”

  “And why not?”

  “I think you should stay at home and take care of the twins.”

  “I can still do that and work.”

  He shook his head. “Then one area will be lacking. The kids are more important.”

  She became serious. “Desmond, I need a job to have my own security. I don’t want to depend on you.”

  “Why not?” he frowned.

  “Cause…I don’t want to stress myself about the future of this relationship, and what I’ll do if it ends.”

  “So, you banking on our failure?” he asked in disbelief.

  “No. You just have to understand that I have to think about more than just myself. I have to take care of my babies, regardless.”

  “And you don’t think that I would help you?”

  “Yeah but…”

  “Yeah, but what? No matter what happens between me and you I will always be here for you and my sons. I put that on my life.” He stated with conviction. “Yall my family, and I could never turn my back on that. Never.”

  “I hear you.” She nodded as she allowed his words to penetrate her soul. He’d unintentionally made her feel guilty. His loyalty was always unwavering, while she’d left him at a time when he really needed her.

  Tears welled in her eyes, and she prayed the darkness would mask her sadness. “Why you crying?” he asked as he wiped her tears away.

  “Cause.” Her lips quivered.

  “Stop that.” He insisted. “Talk to me, baby. What’s the matter?”

  “I…I just feel so fucked up about leaving you the way that I did.”

  “It’s okay. I understand why you did it. Don’t carry that burden on your shoulders, you hear me?”

  She nodded.

  As if on cue, R. Kelly’s voice boomed through the speakers. “See, I’m your picture, girl. And baby you are my frame. That’s why I know our love will stay the same. So, dry your weeping eyes. Girl, I’m by your side. Just trust me I’m that guy. I’m in it for the long ride. I will never leave no…”