by SR Jones
“We’ve updated the security,” Reece says. “Now, we can’t all stay and help full-time, much as we’d like to. Liam and Ethan start a job tomorrow, and Luka has to get back home, but I’m going to stay. We’ll all help as much as we can though.”
His words hit hard. So not the four Brits then. They are on our side, but they have jobs to do.
“The good news,” Reece carries on, “is your security is fucking top notch now. No one is hacking you, and no one is getting in or out of here without your say-so. Once we arm everything, you’re going to need a bio-marker to get in and out of the property. Michael and his fiancée will need to come here tomorrow so I can scan them and input a thumbprint. We have three levels of security a person needs to pass to enter once this is turned on. The code, which can be changed regularly if you wish. Thumbprint, and then facial recognition. The alarm will sound and lock everything down if the gates or fences are breached. We haven’t had time to do it yet, but there’s a company that we regularly use for our clients, who can fit shutters, bulletproof, heavy duty, which will also lock down if the alarm is triggered. I’ll go over that with you, Konstantin, later, and you can decide.”
I consider where I stand. I have Andrius, Reece, Alexei, Kasper, and Bohdan on his way. Plus, the guards I pay. With this kind of security, it’s enough. There’ll always be someone keeping watch now, always someone awake, and we are ready for a hit. Unless they come at us with tanks, the fact that Liam and company have to get back to their lives isn’t as worrying as I first thought.
In many ways, the fact the Greeks are now likely to get dragged into this is good news for me. They won’t want the Armenians pushing into their territory. I wonder why the fuck the Armenians have overplayed their hand in such a way? It’s a bold move, and I wonder if they’ve got someone behind them? Backing them? They had Popov and yes, he held a lot of territory here in London, but his handling was shoddy and amateur. He’s lost territory and influence since Kyrylo Voloshin died. Maybe Aram, the Armenian leader, didn’t know this, but it would surprise me if he hadn’t done his homework.
People smuggling, too, that takes a lot of firepower. A lot of connections. People paid to look the other way at borders, and to ignore boats in the wrong place. Yeah, Aram must have someone big onside, or he wouldn’t be making such risky moves. The question is, who?
The next hour is spent with us all going over the security system with Reece. Alexei is the last to get his thumbprint scanned. He tests the system before he scans in and tries to enter the property. Everything works as it should. The alarms blare out. The fences have a nice flow of voltage running through them, and the security cameras will pick up any movement and track it.
As we stand in the kitchen, once more, going over how well that went, Liam speaks, “Any breach won’t only trigger an alarm here but also at our headquarters. We have over twenty employees now in the London region, all highly trained and armed. For a monthly fee, I can promise you that at least two of those employees will be on their way here asap if the alarm is triggered.”
I bet it’s a hefty fee, but I don’t give a fuck; I’ll take the extra help. I nod at him. “Let’s go to the study, and we can finalize everything.”
Liam and I will never be friends, but I’m happy to pay for his services as back-up, no matter the cost. When we’re done, he, Ethan, and Luka take their leave, and Reece talks to me once more about the security system.
By the time we’ve finished going over it all, I’m bone-deep exhausted. I hunt out Cassie and find her, fast asleep on the sofa, the wine glass still half full and on the floor next to her. I pick it up, drink the wine, and then place the glass on the table. I pick her up, and cradling her in my arms, I climb the stairs with a call to Alexei, who is on first shift, to get me if any issues occur no matter how small.
At the landing, I pause. I should take her to her room and put her bed. I ought to, but I don’t. I go to my room and close the door behind us. She still hasn’t woken, and I think she must be in the mother of all adrenaline crashes.
Gently, I place her on the bed as I get undressed. I head into my bathroom, turn the shower on, and step under the hot, punishing spray. I let it wash me clean, or as clean as it can. It can’t wash away the grime my life is coated in.
Cassie doesn’t fit this life. She’s a shiny, golden, gorgeous jewel amongst rotten lumps of coal, but I can’t let her go. I need that shine she gives out. It’s as if she warms me deep inside where there’s only dead cold.
Stepping out of the shower, I towel myself off and pad into the bedroom where I pull on a clean pair of boxer-briefs.
My phone beeps with a message. I pick it up. It’s from Damen.
We need to talk. I’d suggest you come here, but I doubt you want to right now, and I get that. I can’t come to you. Not safe.
Maya’s been at me to take her back to Paris for ages.
The Armenians don’t have much of a presence in Paris. They aren’t going to be a threat to us there if we meet at a hotel. Busy, city center location. Is as safe as it gets.
Neutral territory, too, for us to talk? What do you say?
I fire back a response.
Agree re Paris. Good location. Come to my house though. Armed development, very central, high police and security presence. Will be safe. I insist on hosting. Maya will love it, and we can get to talk.
Three dots appear, disappear and then, deal, pops up on my screen.
I stare down at Cassie for a long moment. I’d love to show her my home in Paris. I imagine how impressed she’ll be with it, and smile to myself. I could also do with Damen looking at the security there for me and making sure it’s top notch the way the Brits have here for me.
I brush Cassie’s hair back from her face.
She needs a shower. They cleaned her in the hospital, and washed and dried her hair for her, but she needs a shower. She won’t feel clean until she does, but I can’t bear to wake her. Instead, I leave her clothed and on top of the sheets. I pull her to the top of the bed where I wrap my arms around her, curling around her slight body as if I can protect her from the horror and the hurt she’s going to feel when she wakes.
After a day like today, I should only be feeling sorrow, dread, and terror of what’s to come, but with Cassie in my arms, I feel something else. Something I’m entirely unused to. I feel content.
I close my eyes and hold her tight.
Chapter Six
Cassie
My eyes blink two or three times before I fully open them. My head hurts, my mouth is dry, and my body aches as if I’ve run a marathon.
Then it hits me. Yesterday. Oh God, yesterday.
It’s like a lead balloon inflating in my stomach, filling me with heavy dread. The sounds Liza made, the image of her face… I struggle for air and need to move, but there’s something heavy around me. I struggle for real then, kicking with my legs and pushing with my arms.
The heavy cage moves, and I’m free. I bolt out of bed and run, but where? I stop, still trying to catch my breath and rush to the window. There’s a dresser in front of it, and I put my palm on the wood as my other hand presses to my chest. I look out at the green grass of the garden and tell myself I’m safe. I’m not in that room anymore.
Breathe, Cassie. Breathe. You can do it.
And I do. I suck in air, and it’s such a blessed relief.
“Hey, you okay?” A deep, throaty voice comes to me. It’s a voice I both love and dread. A voice I crave and want to run away from. A voice I want to hear every day for the rest of my life, and never have to hear again.
I turn to see Konstantin climb out of bed. He’s wearing only briefs, and his body is so big and awe-inspiring that for a moment it takes away my panic. He’s more like a mountain than a man. He offers the illusion of shelter with all that muscle and power, and right now, I’ll take that illusion. I go to him and place my head on his chest. His arms immediately come around me, and he holds me to him.
“You’re safe n
ow,” he says. “I failed you, but I won’t fail you again. I swear on my life, no one is getting to you again, Cassie.”
I don’t answer him because he means if I am here, with him.
“You want a shower?” he asks.
“Can I have a bath?” I ask.
“Of course,” he says. “I’ll run it for you.”
He heads into the bathroom, and I stare at myself in the mirror. I’m different now. I’ve seen things no one should, and I don’t know if I can ever go back to normal again. Damn, I think Andrius was right. There is no going back to my life after this.
As the images and sounds from yesterday assail me once more, I firmly push them away and start to undress. I slept in the clothes I was taken in, and I’m a hot, sweaty, dirty mess. Thank God the hospital washed all that gunk out of my hair, two kind nurses doing it for me over a sink, but they never offered me a shower. Probably don’t have one in the emergency room; probably only have them on the wards.
I pull my top over my head and freeze. There’s something stuck to my side. It’s blood, but I peer closer in horror to see skin and … hair. Oh God. I scream and start brushing the stuff from me.
“Cassie?” Konstantin appears in the doorway and frowns.
“Oh my God!” I wail. I want it gone, but it’s stuck to my skin. Part of Liza’s face is stuck to my skin. I’m going to throw up.
“Hey.” Konstantin reaches me in four long strides, and he takes hold of my face gently. “Look at me, now. Right now. Focus on me.”
I do as he says. The command in his tone calms me, just as it has before.
“Come with me.”
He leads me to the bathroom where he uses a small towel to scrub the awful stuff from my body. Once it’s all gone, he takes the rest of my clothes off. I know I ought to protest because we’re not going to be that to one another anymore, or so I’ve promised myself, but I don’t say anything.
He gets me completely naked, and then he takes his clothes off. What’s he doing?
The next moment he’s picked me up and placed me gently in the warm, full bath. There’s something in there, something scented and delicious. Then he climbs in behind me.
My brain, tired as it is, notices that the bath is huge. It easily fits us both, and with Konstantin’s gigantor size that’s no mean feat.
The water is perfect; hot, but not too hot. It laps against me, still moving from us stepping in, like warm, scented waves. The water soothes me, calms me, and I’m embarrassed suddenly at the frequent meltdowns I’m having.
Huge arms come around me, and Konstantin wraps me up in the cocoon of him. His strength gives me strength, and we both stay still, the waves of displaced water slowly decreasing around us.
“You like heavy metal,” I say. My brain gives me this fact for some reason to go with. “You play it during your showers.”
“Yes.” He laughs and holds me a little tighter. “I also listen to it when I exercise, and when I drive.”
“I hate it,” I say.
He laughs again. “You don’t surprise me. I bet you like ABBA or boy bands.”
I swivel my head as far round as I can to eyeball him. “Do not.” I shake my head. “I love classical music, jazz, and I like Latin music. I love salsa dancing, and I do like a bit of nineties rave now and again.”
“Nineties rave, eh? I went to a rave once in a field,” he says, shocking me.
“You?”
“Yes, it was in Russia, so it was a pretty bad rave.” He kisses my neck, and I shiver.
I should tell him to stop this, we can’t be that anymore. I can’t, though, because I crave it. Crave him.
“Did you get arrested?”
“No, there were no police in our village or the nearby town. Nothing functioned properly in those days.”
It’s the first time he’s talked much about his past with me.
“I suppose it must have been hard to be young and everything be falling apart.”
“Worse to be old.” Then he sighs and says, “But yes, it was difficult. I lost all my family too, in the space of a few years, so yes, it wasn’t an easy time. It made me who I am, though.”
He says this as if it’s a good thing, to be who he is. It’s not. And not because of what he does. No, it goes deeper than that because he’s all alone. Oh, he has friends, like Andrius. But other than Andrius, who does he have? Vasily might be his friend, but he’s also his employee. As is Derek. Michael is his son, but soon he’ll be moving out, and Konstantin will be alone in this house. Rich, but lonely and bitter.
It’s not my job to fix him, I tell myself. You can’t fix someone else; they have to do it for themselves.
“We both had issues growing up, though, didn’t we?” He moves slightly, sending the water rippling again.
“Yes, I suppose we did. At least I have my grandparents, though,” I say.
“You must miss them.”
“I do, but if this is the only way to keep them safe.” I take a breath and say what needs to be said. “I’m sorry about Liza,” I say. “I know you two had a volatile relationship, but it can’t be easy, losing her this way.”
There’s no reply for what seems like a minute or longer, but then he speaks. “Shall I tell you the truth, Cassie? Even though I believe it will make you hate me.”
I pause. Do I want the truth, or would I rather keep living in a beautiful lie where I can pretend he does feel things? No, lies always turn ugly in the end. “Truth, always truth,” I say sadly.
“I don’t feel anything much at all. I … compartmentalize … is I think the word, no? Erm … close things off, put them away.”
“Always? With everything?”
“No, not with everything, but many things. Most people, they’re stupid, weak, or they’re shallow. I don’t like most people. At first, Liza and I had fun, but from day one, she didn’t hold my interest beyond that. Listen. For me, until you, women were like fast food. Some of them I kept around for a few months because I like to eat, and I love a good burger, and if I can get burgers on tap for a while, then great. So, Liza, I kept her around, but she was like going for a burger. Nothing more. I didn’t feel anything deep for her, and other than lust or annoyance, I never felt much at all.”
“I annoy you a lot too,” I say.
He chuckles, low and deep. “No, Cassie, you don’t annoy me. An annoyance is like a gnat buzzing around, you simply want it gone. You? You infuriate me. And intrigue me. I could watch you doing the simplest of things for days and not get bored. You make me feel. It’s new.”
I can’t turn to face him because suddenly all I want is to kiss him. Instead, I stare at the water as I trail my fingers through it. “You feel things for Michael, for Andrius. For Vasily, even.”
“Yes,” he says. “I do. Not in the same way, though, and I don’t simply mean the sex. You make me … you make me want to be better.”
I stop moving, my fingers stilling as his words sink in.
“The tragedy for both of us is I don’t know if I can.”
“I think you can. Konstantin. You went from nothing to one of the wealthiest men in Britain. You fought for the Spetsnaz. You can do anything you put your mind to.”
“But don’t you see? Those things are part of my nature. Me being a better man isn’t.”
It’s easier talking like this, my back to him. I feel as if I can say more. “You make me feel safe, but you scare me at the same time. It doesn’t make sense because I should hate you, but I don’t. Most of the time I want nothing more than for you to make it right and to hold me. It’s pathetic. I’m pathetic.”
He kisses my shoulder. “You’re not. You’re young, inexperienced in much of the world, and you’re out of your depth. You’re in a house with men who have killed, witnessed awful violence, and you can’t expect to feel comfortable.”
“Andrius told me there’s no going back to normal for me now. That once you’ve been part of something like what happened, you don’t ever go back to being the
same.”
“No, you don’t. You can be normal again, though. You can go back to your life. To your dance classes with your neighbor, and helping your grandparents, and being generally kind and good. You had that walk on the wild side you craved, and you didn’t enjoy it. Lesson learned.”
It’s not a lesson learned, though, because I can’t stop craving him. He’s my walk on the wild side, and I don’t want it to end. I tried to tell myself I did. Tried to convince myself I was done with him, but he pulls me back in each time. Having him so close to me, holding me, is pure torture.
I once thought he couldn’t be my shelter because he was the storm. Now I wonder if he’s really the jagged rocks guarding the bay. I’m in the bay, right in the eye of the storm, and it’s not me he’ll smash to bits, but anyone who gets close or dares to harm me.
I turn in the water until I’m facing him and study his face. He’s not classically handsome. His features are too hard, his body too big, his face too arrogant. He’s beautiful to me, though. Truly, breathtakingly beautiful. From the first moment I saw him, he stopped the clocks for me, and they haven’t started since.
Reaching up, I trace the outline of his jaw with one wet finger. He doesn’t move, but something subtle changes in him; he goes on alert. Like the predator he is, he watches me, eerily still, waiting, seeing if I’ll go ahead and offer myself up to him.
Like the proverbial lamb to the slaughter, I lean in and press my lips to his. Soft to hard. Damp skin to damp skin. He doesn’t react; no, he lets me explore. My fingers trail down his chest as I continue to kiss him. We’re closed mouth to closed mouth, but it’s one of the hottest kisses I’ve ever experienced. He’s nothing but coiled tension below me. This must be what it feels like to have total control over so much power. I’m in charge right now. He’s letting me be the one to guide this. It’s a heady rush.
As my fingers lightly pass over one nipple, he shudders. His eyes close then open slowly, and I see it, the fire in him, the need he’s pushing down. He wants me. He wants me so much; how could I have doubted it? How could I have ever thought he preferred Liza? If I quell the insecure voices in my head, and simply go on what I see and feel when we’re together, it’s clear as day this man is hot for me. He might not love me. He says he’s not capable, but he wants me. Maybe more than he’s wanted any other woman.