Ex Fumo Gaudiam

by Nobilis Reed

  I couldn’t believe how good it felt. Every part of me became energized and alive. My hands found her soft, light brown curls and stroked them as she continued. I stifled a moan and gasped. “That’s wonderful.”

  She paused long enough to smile up at me proudly. “I’m glad you like it.” One gentle hand stroked me while she took little licks and kisses on the underside. Without removing her hand, she rose and lay back onto the bunk, her legs hanging over the side and her back against the hull. She pulled me gently down to kneel before her, and guided me to rest at her entrance.

  I paused, not willing yet to completely undo my vows. “No,” I said, and shook my head.

  “Don’t worry,” she said. “I won’t bear your child. My former husband tried for three years with no result.”

  “It’s not that.” I pulled back and sat on my haunches. “I can’t do this. It’s wrong. I made a vow.”

  She leaned forward and took my organ in her hand and squeezed. “Please, sir. I need this opportunity. Don’t reject me.”

  Would Livia really dismiss Hilaria from her service if she was not acceptable to me? I doubted it. Livia didn’t have a cruel bone in her body. But at the same time she certainly wouldn’t put the woman in a comfortable position. More likely, Hilaria would be put in some menial role, a scullery or a cook, certainly a lot less comfortable than she could be. She was depending on me for the only chance of a decent life.

  No matter what I did, it seemed, I would be doing evil to someone or other.

  I let her push me onto my back, onto the deck, and let the pleasure push away my objections while her warm, wet flesh enveloped mine as she mounted me. She moved slowly at first, watching my face, rising up on her knees, and then down again, rocking her body over mine. Her dark nipples danced before my eyes, and I found myself reaching up to touch them, squeeze them, wondering at the soft, subtle pleasure of her body.

  My mind flashed to Makki and her marvelous endowments. I groaned and fell back against the deck. Hilaria took this as encouragement and moved faster, riding my body, sending waves of unwelcome pleasure coursing through me. I was helpless and realized what the priests said was true; sex drained something vital from a man, sapped his vigor, drained his will, made him a slave to his desires. This was the punishment for giving in to them.

  My groan of climax was an exclamation of defeat.

  Chapter 3

  MY FATHER took my arm as I moved to climb down into the launch that was secured to the side of the ship. “Do you really think this is a good idea?” he asked.

  “I know what I’m doing,” I said. “We’ll be quite safe. I have a squad of legionnaires with me, all well trained and hearty fellows. If there’s any trouble, we can count on supporting fire from the steam scorpion.”

  The sightseeing expedition had been a success on one front. As soon as we had returned to Nova Lucotecia, Livia had started talking about when we could go back out, this time with supplies for a week on the lake. She wanted to see animals and had asked her father to hire a scribe to record notes and sketches on the new wildlife we were sure to encounter. I delayed for two weeks, knowing that it would only get colder and windier while we waited. I still hoped that the outing would be uncomfortable enough that she would decide she was better off staying in Rome.

  Father looked me in the eye with a frown. “None of that will protect her from the cold and damp, unless you have rather unorthodox uses for your troops in mind.”

  “Again, we’ll be fine. We’ve got gear and blankets, and she’s been out on the deck all day without complaint. A night out in the woods won’t do her any harm.” He gave me a dubious look. I had no doubt he could tell I was lying and suspected that a night in the chill of an autumn night on Lake Ontarius wouldn’t be pleasant for her at all.

  “Besides,” said Livia, coming up behind him, “I can speak for myself.”

  He turned around and crossed his arms over his chest. “Your father won’t be pleased. You really ought to stay on the ship. That was the plan.”

  “Don’t worry about him.” She smiled. “When we get back, just tell him that I asked very, very nicely to go ashore to see the flora and fauna up close, and if he’s still angry, I’ll talk with him.”

  I climbed down into the launch, sure that she’d be able to talk her father out of the bad temper the news would put him in. The craft was a large one, with plenty of room for the six of us, plus two tents, two large crates of camping gear, another crate of food and supplies, and all of our arms and armor. We even had cages for bringing back specimens. I held up my hand and Livia bent down to take it, hopping down into my arms. I made sure she was steady and seated in the center of the boat, and then nodded to the men holding the lines that secured us in place next to the larger ship. They let go, tossing their ropes down into the launch, and we were away.

  The little craft moved slowly, the paddle-wheel at its stern flipping quietly in the water as its powerful springs slowly unwound. Livia had no interest in the device. Instead she scanned the multicolored trees before us, alert for any sign of wildlife. After only a few minutes, the bottom of the little boat ground against the sandy bottom, and the two legionnaires at the front leapt out to pull it hard up out of the lake and tie the ropes off to a convenient boulder.

  I splashed over the side and took Livia in my arms to carry her to dry ground. While the legionnaires set up the tents and got a fire going, I slung a pressure bow over my shoulder and escorted Livia along the hard sand between the water and the trees.

  As soon as we were a modest distance away she looked up at me with a mischievous look in her eye. “So. Nothing to say?”

  I blinked. “What?”

  “About Hilaria. It has been two weeks since then and you haven't said anything.”

  I stuttered, trying to collect my thoughts, and when I finally managed to scrape up a few of them I said, “You have an amazing way of catching me by surprise.”

  “Don’t change the subject. I went to a lot of trouble to get her properly trained, and I want to make sure my investment was well placed.”

  “I can’t believe I’m having this conversation.”

  Livia’s head turned suddenly. “Look!” she said, in an exaggerated whisper. She was pointing a long way ahead of us where a great bird stood watch from a platform high in the trees, silhouetted against the sky. “Is that an eagle?” She walked forward slowly, as if any sound she made would spook it.

  “Yes, I believe it is.” I shaded my eyes with my hand and peered up. “We call it the silver eagle, for its white head.”

  “How marvelous! Have you caught one to send back to Rome? Surely it’s a good omen.”

  “I haven’t really tried, to be honest. It’s not like catching a moose or a bear.”

  As we watched, the bird launched itself from its nest and glided out over the lake where it swooped down, skimmed the water, and flew back up to its nest with a fat fish clutched in its talons. Livia hopped excitedly on her toes, hands over her mouth.

  I couldn’t help letting out a sigh. What kind of monster was I turning into? How could I even contemplate bringing even the smallest mote of pain into Livia’s life? She was, in the eyes of the law, fully a woman, but at moments like this I could see how much of the girl remained.

  “I’m sure we can hire a native hunter to bring one in alive,” I said. “Maybe we can even have it in time to take back with us.” The words tasted bitter in my mouth, but I swallowed and tried to pretend it didn’t matter.

  “So is Hilaria acceptable to you? If not, we can look for a replacement over the winter.”

  “I can’t say we really connected as friends.”

  “Well, that’s not important. I mean did you enjoy taking her?”

  I clamped my hand over my eyes. “By the risen God, Livia! Yes, I enjoyed it! Forgive me for not having more to say, but I have little experience for comparison. Can we drop the subject?”

  “I really don’t understand why you’re getting so upset.
” She pouted, and then shrugged. “Well, I’ll make sure she’s available to you up until we get back to Rome. You can make the decision when we get there. When we are married, your well-being will be very important to my own welfare, and that of our children. That’s why I want to make sure you’re getting everything you need, including sex.” She found a twig of driftwood and pushed it down into the wet sand. There were little holes all around, smaller around than my little finger. “Do you think there are clams here?”

  I grunted in frustration and glanced over my shoulder. “Looks like they’ve got the fire lit. Perhaps you’d like to get back and warm up?”

  She kept walking. “No, I’m fine. All those legionnaires banging around will just scare away the animals. Do you think we’ll see a beaver?”

  “Those mainly live on the rivers, I think. I don’t see them out here on the lake.”

  “Pity. The fur is very fine. Did you know that Empress Faustina had a cloak made of it for her when she went on campaign with the emperor in Germania? I’m told she found it quite warm and resistant to the weather.”

  “That would explain all the goods coming in for trade with the locals. I’m sure we'll see one sooner or later. You can hardly walk a mile on these rivers without coming to one of their dams. Maybe we can take the launch up one of the rivers on another expedition.” I shifted the pressure bow from my shoulder and checked the charge.

  “I thought you said there wasn’t any fighting worth mentioning,” said Livia. “You seem a bit nervous.”

  “The tribes near Nova Lucotecia are friendly. We’re a long way from there, though.”

  “Alright, you’re the expert.”

  As we turned back toward the camp, there was a sudden shout from the trees, and then we were surrounded by leaping, whooping men clad in buckskins, their faces painted red and white. I called the alarm and drew my gladius, intending to make them buy my life with as much blood as possible, but before I could take down more than a couple of them, my helmet rang with a heavy impact and I was knocked from my feet. Several bodies landed atop mine, pinning me to the sand. The gladius was yanked from my hand. Strong cords bound my hands and feet. I shouted until a gag was stuffed in my mouth. Livia’s screams were likewise quickly silenced. A crack split the air as the first shot from the legionnaires struck home, felling one of the warriors. I prayed for more, but without question they were holding back, fearing to injure Livia or me. Two of the natives took hold of my bonds and dragged me bodily into the forest. When my assailants achieved the cover of the trees, they slid a pole under my bindings and lifted me on it. The men shouldering the load were large and strong, and soon the shouts of pursuit faded in the distance.

  OUR CAPTORS were swift and efficient. A mile or so into the woods, the poles were discarded, and we were made to march. Though we traveled for more than two days, there was no opportunity for escape or even to learn the nature of our detention. When Livia’s strength flagged, we rested, or I carried her on my back. The warriors did not speak to me or Livia, except to give orders. I translated for Livia. I was her only means of understanding what was happening, and I tried to mitigate her panic as much as I could, but they paid no attention to any offer of wealth or threats of retribution I could muster.

  So I examined them. Their leader carried a knife that caught my eye. It was steel, the kind that we used for trade with the natives at Nova Lucotecia. We had given out hundreds of them, perhaps even thousands; a single blade could trade for a whole pile of pelts. I looked to his neck; a copper pendant in the shape of an eagle hung from a leather thong, exactly like thousands that had been pounded out in a small factory in Hispania and brought as cargo on the ship that had brought me across the ocean some two years before.

  These men had traded with Nova Lucotecia! But how could that be? We were hundreds of stadia from the city. Natives never went that far from their home settlements. We rarely saw strangers at the market. It was always the same people, coming in with bundles of furs day after day. As soon as I thought it, however, I knew the answer. The goods we traded for the furs didn’t stay with those local settlements. They spread out from there, and along with them, word of our presence. Likely, stories had filtered across much of the land we were surveying around Lake Ontarius. That was how Makki had heard of the “stone canoe”; from traders who carried the stories along with their goods.

  After several days, we arrived at a large settlement on the bank of a river surrounded by a steep earthen wall. Dozens of huts filled the enclosed space, each on their own earthen mound, each of them alive with activity. Our escort was met by a warrior running out from a lookout position who spoke for several minutes in the trade language. I listened closely, and while I wasn’t able to make out the whole conversation, I distinctly heard Wotanake’s name mentioned several times. Immediately, my fears for Livia and myself were overshadowed by a fear for Makki.

  “Wotanake is here?” I asked the man from the village.

  “No,” he said. “But he comes soon. He promises many pelts to the one who captures a man from the stone canoe.”

  Livia was exhausted, too tired to care what happened. She was, indeed, a dainty creature, and this hardship was crushing her like a boot heel does a flower. The new information made sense of the situation. Wotanake wanted revenge, and he was willing to pay to achieve it.

  “How many pelts?” I asked. “If you bring me and this woman back to my home, I can give you more.”

  He laughed. “Stone Canoe Man, Wotanake marked by bear. He put knife in bear and live. Wotanake has much favor with spirits. Come.”

  They led us up over the embankment and into one of the huts. We were given food and blankets and escorted trips to the latrine. When the sun set and the sounds of the town began to die down, Livia found where I lay and sat down next to me. “What did you learn from them?” she asked, quietly.

  I glanced up at our guards. For the first time, they did not hush us from speaking together. “We are being brought to a man named Wotanake.”

  “What does he have against us?”

  “Wotanake considers himself to be Makkitotosimew’s husband.”

  She knitted her brows. “She’s that native woman you pulled from the river a few months ago.” Her voice was hard-edged and cold. “The one you wanted to make your concubine.”

  “Yes.”

  “I see.” Those two short words were laden with meaning and emotion, none of it good. They were accusation and frustration, anger and shame. “What will he do with us?” she asked.

  “I suspect that he wants hostages to use to trade for Makkitotosimew. He might also want to get revenge on me for taking her away.”

  “Hm.”

  “I’m sorry, Livia. It’s my fault that you’re involved in this.”

  She glared at me, and then curled up in the corner to sleep.

  THERE WAS LITTLE TO DO BUT WAIT. Livia’s temper, rather than cooling with time, only grew hotter. Every day that passed fueled her rage.

  I didn’t blame her. I was just as angry with myself. Getting out of the predicament seemed impossible; I couldn’t negotiate with our captors, and while it didn’t seem too unlikely that I would be able to overpower one of them, I had no idea how to get back to civilization, and even if I did, it was too far for Livia to walk.

  It seemed that our only hope was to be ransomed, but that offered no solace to me either. The ransom would likely be Makki, and she would fall back into the hands of the man who had abused her so terribly, and that would be my fault as well.

  Wotanake arrived after four days, leading a score of warriors, each of whom carried a bundle of furs over his shoulder. I recognized him from the riverbank all those months before.

  When I had seen him the first time, Wotanake had been dressed similarly to any of their warriors, in a breechcloth, trousers, and a vest of buckskins with a few feathers tied in his hair. Now he presented himself in full regalia, with an impressive headdress and beads adorning every garment. A gladius hung fro
m his belt, of the sort our diplomats presented to their chiefs. He was thin, but had that sinewy look that spoke of an active life. His sleeveless vest also allowed the prominent display of the jagged white scar his arm. That wound could not belong to any other man. I had spotted that from all the way at the other end of the lake, a daunting distance to take on foot for such a purpose, and yet there he was.

  He strode up to the hut where we were being kept, took a good look at me, and smiled. “Mara-koosa!” he shouted his pronunciation of my name. “My ancestors are with me. This is a good day.”

  The men piled pelts and other trade goods next to the hut, higher and higher, until the stack of pelts was as tall as Wotanake and as broad as a living-hut, ringed all around with knives, strings of beads, stone carvings of animals, and sheets of mica cut into hands and claws and shapes like ocean waves. It was an impressive treasure, even to me.

  The whole time Wotanake and the men who had brought me talked in the trade language. He was told how they had found me, how they had remembered his offer, and how they had sent canoes to summon him. Our guards made much of their own participation in the battle, though I couldn’t be certain either of them had actually been there. When the pile was complete the men looked at each other, nodded, and pronounced the deal complete.

  Wotanake barked a short laugh that turned into a whooping shout. He pointed at Livia and me and gave an order, and we were immediately taken and hauled away by the triumphant chieftain’s warriors.

  The men around me looked over their shoulders at the huge mound of treasure, and then at me. I could see in their eyes what they were thinking. Who was I that I should be worth such effort? How much labor had gone into catching those furs? What goods could they have gained by trading for something more useful than a couple of strangers? They were angry with Wotanake. Not angry enough to disobey him, but angry enough to betray him with their eyes.

  Wotanake led us to the river where a dozen large canoes lay beached. The men readied to launch them while Livia was put into one canoe, and I another. Wotanake gave me a satisfied look as he climbed into the boat where Livia sat and directed two of his biggest warriors to accompany me. The look he gave her bothered me, and from her reaction, I could see she wasn’t too happy with it, either. When all was ready, they shoved off into the gentle current and began paddling downstream.