by Claire Adams
“Do you remember that little cave we found?”
“Yeah,” I said, softly. “We carved our names into the wall.” She was purposely trying to take me back to the feelings I had for her. I wondered why.
“It was where you first told me you loved me.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I was so nervous about that. I wanted to tell you for weeks, but I was scared to death you would think that I was rushing things and I’d scare you away.”
As I recalled those times, the feelings I had for her seemed to be rushing back. Was that what she was looking for? Obviously, I didn’t still love her, but I could remember the feel and the taste of her lips the first time we kissed…and how badly I wanted to make love to her, even though it went against everything I believed in at that time.
I couldn’t help but wonder how I went from an idealistic young man that was so strong in his faith that he could turn down temptation to the point of losing his girlfriend who also happened to be his best friend…to a priest who had sex with a stranger. And now, looking at Lily, I was wondering what it might be like to have sex with her. Jesus, I’m a mess.
“It didn’t scare me,” she said. “I wanted to hear it, so bad. I already knew I loved you. You were hard to get over, Jace.”
She looked sad, and I got that old familiar rush of feelings I used to get each time I told her that I wouldn’t compromise my beliefs and have sex with her. “I’m sorry, Lily. I truly am. I’m sorry that I hurt you. I was so confused back then. I felt the calling, but I also felt so much for you. It was a daily struggle, trust me.”
She sucked in a deep breath and said, “You know what? Let’s not talk about that today. It’s so pretty out here. Let’s stick to remembering the good times…like that time we went swimming at midnight in the Charles River?”
That one was like a zinger, straight to the libido that was already stretched almost to its limits. I really thought she was doing it on purpose. “Yeah, that was another unforgettable trip. If I recall, one of us went skinny dipping that night.”
“It would have been two of us, if one of us hadn’t been so stubborn.”
I grinned. “It was damned tempting…which was exactly what you were going for.”
She stopped paddling and leaned in close to my face. For a second, I thought she might kiss me. I had to wonder why I was just sitting there, waiting for it. She didn’t kiss me, but she was definitely flirting as she said,
“You’re right; I was like Eve trying to tempt Adam into taking a bite of the apple. I wanted you so badly… I would have done just about anything to get you to make love to me.”
My blood felt like it had been heated to the boiling point. My heart was hammering against the inside wall of my chest. I could feel sweat accumulating across my brow, and things that shouldn’t be rising, were nearing half-mast. I could barely breathe until she finally sat back in her seat and began paddling again.
I wanted to close my eyes and pray. I needed some kind of guidance here, and I needed so much more strength if I was going to keep resisting temptation. I wondered if this was a test. Is the Lord testing my faith? Have I already failed in my carnal thoughts alone?
I had repented over sleeping with Daphne, but my thoughts had remained impure since that night and God knows what those are, even if no one else does. I’d dreamt of Daphne every night, and I thought about her at least twenty times a day. Not even Lily ever had that kind of effect on me.
I glanced around at the people who had come out for the trip. They all looked up to me, they respected me, and they expected me to be who I was supposed to be. They expected me to be pure enough to lead them, but instead, I was leading at least one of them, astray.
Ryan was right about one thing: I always tried to be what others wanted me to be. I always felt like I was failing miserably, too.
My eyes found Daphne. She and her friend were talking and laughing as they paddled. Something about her tugged at me deep in my soul. It wasn’t sex…or at least it wasn’t “just” sex. There was something in her eyes that reminded me of myself. That lost part of my soul that was aching to belong, but suspecting that I never would.
“Hey! Did you hear me?” Lily was looking at me strangely.
“No, I’m sorry. I was going over next Sunday’s sermon in my head.” I’d have to do one about fidelity so that I wasn’t both lying and having sex. Oh hell, I’d already been lying…about having sex. What a freaking mess. “What did you say?” Focus, Jace!
“Just that I missed those times we used to have. I miss my best friend. I haven’t had one since that I was able to talk to and had so much fun with.”
I smiled. “I feel the same way.” That part was true. She was my friend, and we did have a great time together. “The hardest part about losing you was losing that closeness we always just seemed to have right from the beginning.”
She put her hand on my arm in a “friendly” gesture…and then she stroked my skin with her thumb and said, “I’d really like to have some of those good times again.” That touch crossed the line between friendly and flirty.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
DAPHNE
“Who do you think she is?” I couldn’t stop watching Jace with that woman. It was like rubber-necking a wreck on the freeway.
Carla rolled her eyes. “I thought you were going to forget about him.”
“I will…tomorrow. Who do you think she is? Maybe she’s his sister.” I was actually hoping that wasn’t true. That would just be gross.
Carla laughed at that. “Now you’re just trying to fool yourself. Come on, you know she’s not acting at all ‘sisterly.’”
Right. I knew that.
“No, but he’s not acting ‘fatherly,’ either. Look at them, laughing like two kids. She’s still touching him with every other word, too. Jeez, this is a church trip, get a grip!”
“It’s a good thing you look good in green, girl.”
“I’m not jealous.”
“Yes, you are. Let it go, baby girl. You’re going to get hurt.”
“I’m letting it go. I’m just curious about the company my priest is keeping, that’s all.”
“You’re a terrible liar.”
I looked back at Jace. She’s right. I am lying through my teeth. I’m so jealous of the woman with Jace I can hardly see straight.
God, I have to get over him. If he’s seducing women, it’ll come out and there will be a scandal. I don’t want to be a part of that. That’s the last thing I need. I need to put distance between myself and him before that happens… And before my heart explodes because right now, it feels like it’s going to.
“Oh my God! Daph! We’re going to hit the rocks!” Carla screamed at me, and I looked over my shoulder. There was a clump of big rocks that I hadn’t even seen. I’d been too busy mooning over Jace. Is this my punishment? I’m going to die in the Boston Harbor so God can judge me to my face?
I got a grip at last and said, “Quick! Paddle left, Carla!” She started paddling frantically, and so did I. Our screams had drawn the attention of the rest of the canoers and I saw Jace paddling furiously towards us. He’d taken the paddle away from his girl and looked frantic.
“We’re going to hit them!” Carla yelled.
“Let go of your paddles and hang on,” I told her.
“What about you?”
“Just do it!” Carla put her paddle down and grabbed onto the seat with two hands. My plan was to use my paddle to push off against the rocks and keep us from hitting them. It was a decent plan…I thought.
My paddle made contact and for just a second I thought it was going to work…right up until the paddle skimmed across the top of the stone and the boat slammed into the rocks anyways. As I was sailing through the air, I was praying that I’d at least miss the rocks.
Luckily, God was listening. I hit the water with a huge splash. My life jacket made it kind of like hitting a wall, though, and I bobbed and weaved along the surface, getting caught up in the current rig
ht away. I heard Carla yelling my name and I heard another splash, but I was too busy trying to find something to grab onto to pay much attention to it. I didn’t know that Jace had jumped in the water after me until I felt his strong arms circle my waist from behind.
“I got you, Daphne. Don’t struggle, okay?” His lips were close to my ear—and believe it or not, even in the midst of the chaos and the chilly water, I was turned on. I had to wonder what kind of spell this man had me under. If he kissed me right there, I wouldn’t protest.
“I’m going to move my legs,” he told me. His breath was warm and it almost felt like he was touching my ear with his lips on purpose. “Move yours with me, okay?”
I couldn’t speak. God, I’m a mess. I want him to kiss me right here…right before we drown. I nodded. He moved his legs, and I moved mine. As they brushed against each other under the water, it reminded me of that night and the way our legs met each time he thrust forward and buried himself inside of me. I shuddered and God help me, I pushed my body back into him a little bit tighter. I loved the way his body felt against mine. I’d been craving it.
It took a while, but we made it to the boats finally. Carla was practically hysterical. “Jeez, you just about gave me a heart attack! What if you had hit those rocks when you flew out? You could have been killed!”
She had tears in her eyes. It took a lot to get Carla that upset. I felt bad. “I’m okay, Carla. I’m sorry I scared you.”
“You’re damned right you scared me!” She realized she’d just cussed in front of a priest and looked at Jace. “Sorry, Father.”
He smiled. “It’s okay; you’re entitled to be worried about your friend.”
“Are you okay, Jace?” the woman in his boat spoke up. I’d almost forgotten about her.
“I’m good, Lily.”
“Can I help you in?” She just wanted to touch him again. I don’t like her.
“You know what? Since Daphne and I are both soaking wet, we should just take the same boat. The water will pool up in the bottom and there’s no sense in the two of you getting all wet, too. I’m not certain how many sets of extra clothes the volunteers collected to bring.”
I looked at Carla. She was trying to suppress a smile. I gave her a warning look. Then, I looked at the woman in Jace’s boat. She wasn’t smiling. That made me smile. I’m a terrible person. She was thinking Jace wanted to be with me. I was hoping for the same.
“That sounds like a smart idea,” Carla said. She stood up and while Jace held onto the other boat, she stepped into it.
He looked at his “friend” then and said, “We’ll see you ladies on the other side.”
She smiled, but it looked forced. Carla started paddling. She was still grinning. For a girl who told me I should give up on the priest, she sure was happy to give us room to be together. Jace helped me up into the canoe and then I grabbed his arm and helped pull him in, as well.
For a few seconds, we just sat there looking at each other. Finally I said, “Thank you for saving me.” My teeth were chattering together. I was cold, but I was also nervous.
Jace grinned. “You’re welcome. I’m sure you would have been okay. It’s hard to move around in these life jackets sometimes, but they’ll keep you bobbing down the harbor all day.”
“I appreciate it anyways,” I said, picking up the oars. “I didn’t really want to bob down the harbor all day.” He was giving me a strange look. I realized he was looking at the oars in my hands.
“I don’t think so.” He was grinning.
“You don’t think so, what?” He didn’t want me to row the boat. Man, you make one mistake...
“I’ll row, thanks. Not that I don’t trust you…”
I laughed. “Seriously?” He didn’t answer me with words. Instead, he reached over and plucked the oars out of my hands with a grin and began to row.
After a bit, just to break the awkward silence I said, “I’m sorry you got all soaking wet.”
“It’s really okay, Daphne. The church has a big wicker basket full of donated clothes that they told me we take to all of our functions, just in case. We can grab some of those and hang these up to dry while we have lunch. It’ll be fine.”
I was right on the verge of asking him about his friend. Thankfully, I caught myself. That would have been way too familiar. We had a one-night stand that really, really, never should have happened. I have to stop this and get him out of my head.
I shivered again as I watched him rowing the boat in his wet t-shirt and jeans. The t-shirt clung to his chest and abs, and his biceps flexed and tensed as he rowed us to shore and I was reminded of the way they’d tensed and flexed when he held himself up over me and…
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
JACE
“Jace!” Lily was waving at me from shore as we rowed in. Daphne’s friend Carla was standing next to her and looking at Lily like she was crazy. Lily was waving like she hadn’t seen me in weeks. It had literally only been minutes. I guessed that’s why she was getting the look from Carla.
I waved back as I waded out of the boat into the water and started to pull it the rest of the way up to shore. Suddenly, Daphne was beside me.
“You should have stayed in the boat. I would have done this.”
She smiled. She has a beautiful smile. I’d made myself keep my eyes trained on her face the whole time. They really wanted to go to her chest. That tight, little t-shirt was soaked and clinging to her body. The water was cold, so her nipples were hard and pressing hard against her bra and t-shirt so that if I looked right at them, I could almost visualize the entire outline.
Look at her face, Jace. That didn’t help a lot. Her pretty blonde hair was wet and stuck to her face in places. I was incredibly tempted to reach over and tuck one of those long strands behind her ear.
Temptation was killing me. I wished the Lord would tell me what He expected me to do already, so we could move on.
We got the canoe up out of the water and suddenly, Lily was also by my side. “Are you okay?” she asked me.
She was touching my arm again, rubbing her hand up and down. I took a step away. What part of “You’re hitting on a priest in front of the entire congregation” was hard for her?
I smiled as I stepped away to ease it a bit and I said, “I’m fine, Lily. I really am. Daphne and I need to go find some dry things and change. Can you do me a favor?”
“Of course.” She glanced at Daphne with a smug look. Can women sense competition or am I that obvious when I look at Daphne?
“The rest of the boats will be coming in one after the other here. Can you ask a few of the guys to stand by and help whoever needs it get their boats up to the shore and maybe two or three of the ladies to start lunch?”
“I can do that,” Lily said with a smile. Now I noticed that Daphne was looking at her with curiosity; I was willing to bet that she thought I was sleeping with her. Once a fallen priest…
I supposed I deserved whatever it was that she was thinking of me. I was still praying that she would choose to keep it between us. I knew that one day I’d have to answer for my sins, but I’d like for that to be in the face of God and Jesus Christ and not the faces of my entire congregation.
“Come on, Daphne, I’ll show you where the clothes are.” I tried calling myself a sick pervert and remembering my vows of chastity that I had taken, but God, she looked so hot in that wet t-shirt.
How am I not supposed to look at her? Yes, I’m a priest, but I’m also a man. If she was in a club right now and they were having a contest, she’d win it hands down.
The cut-off jeans already looked hot. Her legs were long and lean and tanned…too much good stuff to look at and I shouldn’t have been looking at any of it. I especially shouldn’t have been sporting the erection that I was desperately trying to hide. But I was still a man, right?
“This wicker trunk has the ladies clothes in it. The men’s are on the other side. We can change in the bathroom and hang ours out somewhere to dry while
we have lunch,” I told her.
She smiled. She was so pretty. “Okay, thank you,” she said. She lifted the lid on the basket. When she looked back up at me nervously a few seconds later, I realized that I was still standing there, staring at her beautiful backside. I felt my face go hot. She blushed, too.
“Okay, I’ll leave you to it,” I said. Shaking my head at myself internally, I went around to the other side of the little wooden building. I opened the men’s trunk and pulled out a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. I took them into the little building where the bathroom was. I stripped off my wet clothes with Daphne still on my mind.
My erection got larger and I felt guiltier. I wondered if God would hold my thoughts against me, as well as my actions. I wanted to touch myself, but at least I resisted that. I wanted to picture her in that wet t-shirt while I masturbated, but that in itself was another sin.
I physically shook myself and went over to the sink and grabbed a few paper towels to dry myself off. As I was dabbing under my arms, I heard a creaking sound. I turned around and me and my erection were staring at Daphne’s shocked face. Jesus, I’m glad I wasn’t touching myself. Her eyes automatically fell to my throbbing organ and seemed to stick there. That didn’t help the state I was in at all.
The whole thing only took seconds, but it seemed like hours before my brain kicked in and I grabbed the shirt and held it in front of me and Daphne’s wide eyes found my face.
“I’m so sorry! The door was unlocked…” Her face was bright red as she turned and raced out the door.
Jesus, could this mess get any worse? Cursing my luck, or wondering if it was luck or another test by God, I hurried and got dressed. This was only going to make things more uncomfortable between Daphne and me. The poor girl already acted like she didn’t know what to say to me and she was a nervous wreck any time we were alone together. I need to talk to her.
When I got out to the picnic area, I saw that a lot of the boats were coming in and a few people were already walking over. Daphne was sitting alone at one of the tables. I took a deep breath and started towards her.