She waited to hear if Therek would say anything in response to her inquiry. It came as no surprise when he didn’t, the words having been spoken so softly, she wasn’t entirely convinced she had said them out loud at all. Her thoughts remained clouded from sleep and shock. Combined, the two things prevented her from forming intelligible sentences in conversation, let alone her mind. Adrenaline wasn’t enough to bypass the effects. It was already starting to wane, leaving her fatigued. Although she had escaped, she couldn’t help the feeling of defeat that crept over her to think that Deliao had succeeded in chasing her from her home.
Mentally broken, she let her head fall backward to rest against Therek’s chest. For so long she’d been able to pretend that she knew exactly what she was doing. That she had everything planned out. The truth was that she didn’t have a clue. Who was she to think that she could handle the responsibilities of leading a rebellion against the government? It was too corrupt. Too violent. In many ways she wondered if things would have reached this level of terror if she had not rallied the others against the Emperor.
The simple answer was yes. Her kin would have been murdered in Whitelyn. Tarnai. Voiene. Rothdara. Even Amalo would have seen the blood of their people shed. She couldn’t discount the number of lives that had been saved because of her. But when compared to the number of friends and relatives who had been lost, it was difficult to feel proud of her accomplishments. Was it worth the life of her brother? The lives of the brothers and sisters, parents and grandparents, children and friends of so many others? She couldn’t be sure. At the moment, no. They had yet to make a difference in the lives of their people. If they could find a way to bring the Emperor down – prove him unfit to rule – then she might be able to soothe her conscience by saying it was worth it all in the end. For now it seemed best to sleep before she convinced herself to just give up. No one had claimed this path in life would be easy. And from what she could see, it was only going to get worse from here.
It felt strange to be back in Avishul. Her first visit seemed so long ago now, the memory vague. More like a dream. The last time she saw Therek’s home was the day her parents were arrested. Had she been in better spirits now, she might have taken some joy in seeing the beauty of the massive castle-like structure. The most prominent residence in Siundel. Perhaps all of Carpaen. In Kaori’s opinion, its country design and wooded landscape made it more beautiful than the Imperial Palace in Eykanua.
Throughout the trip from Rothdara she spent most of the time drifting in and out of sleep. When her eyes found strength enough to open she tried to take in their surroundings, aware that their route was less direct than that which she remembered from her previous visit. Therek kept off the main route to Avishul, guiding the horse at a slower pace through the many wooded areas along the way, only taking to the road when absolutely necessary. Bridges over rivers or points where the woods cut away to become towns and villages. It added time to their journey. Not that Kaori cared. Her frame of mind was hazy at best. Shock remained constant, her thoughts unable to wrap around the truth of what happened. If her cause was truly for the greater good, why would the gods make her suffer now? Something must have gone wrong. Sarid had abandoned the Levadis family and now it was only a matter of time before Sytlea came for her. To punish her for whatever misdeeds she had done to bring this fate upon her family and friends.
They paused only once for Therek to stretch his legs and let the horse drink from a small stream while in the cover of a thick forest. Kaori wasn’t familiar enough with the land to know where they were, but she could only assume they were a significant distance from Rothdara. Beyond Tialore. While in her stupor she heard Therek say something about Escovul. Somewhere called Aranor. It mattered little. Wherever they were, Sivar was still gone. She couldn’t go home. All she had left were the clothes on her back, and even that wasn’t saying much. A simple nightgown and a thin robe which did nothing to keep her warm from the chill of the night air.
As the sunlight dimmed through the trees Therek built a fire, carrying Kaori toward the warmth of the dancing flames. Her eyes were locked on the brilliant oranges and reds, listening to the gentle crackle and pop while Therek set her in the soft soil, lowering himself to sit at her side. She could feel his eyes on her. Filled with concern at her silence. Since leaving Rothdara she hadn’t been able to bring herself to speak. What was there to say at a time like this? It was humiliating enough that she had been chased from her home in the middle of the night. For Therek to have been the one to witness everything was embarrassing. She hated being made to look weak in his presence. If she gave in to his attempts at conversation, it would force her to face the reality of her predicament and she couldn’t guarantee she wouldn’t break down completely.
Watching the hypnotic motion of the fire she let herself slip into her slumber once again. The last thing she remembered before sleep overcame her was the feeling of Therek’s hands helping to guide her body down onto her back so she wouldn’t fall forward into the flames. It felt so good to let go of everything. To give in to the deep sleep which settled over her. When morning came, she barely felt Therek pick her up to place her back on the horse to continue their journey. Through the sluggishness of her thoughts she hoped Therek had been able to sleep as well. She wasn’t much help to him along the way. At times she wished he would just leave her behind and let the gods do with her what they wished. She couldn’t hide from the soldiers forever. If he left her now, he could save himself, and she could die without adding Therek’s death to the list of lives she was responsible for ending.
Days passed before they reached the densely forested landscape of Avishul. Once in the familiar territory of his home, Therek picked up speed, hastening their pace toward Siundel. In a daze Kaori remained perfectly still as Therek pulled back on the reins to stop the horse in front of the stone steps leading into his house. He dismounted carefully, his hands never leaving their position around Kaori to make sure she didn’t slip off the animal before he could help her down. She went to him willingly as he tightened his hold to lift her from the saddle, her arms wrapping around his neck to lessen the strain on Therek’s muscles. Seeming relieved by her effort, he gave a half-smile. Somehow she managed to smile back. A brief, mindless expression, but more than she had shown at any other point during their trip. To Therek, it was an improvement. A sign that she might be starting to regain her senses.
Excited at the prospect, he quickened his strides toward the door. One of the servants met him at the entrance, saying nothing as they helped him inside and up the stairs to the room where Kaori had been placed after she sustained her injury on their ride those months ago. They had come so far from that day! Such silly games they played then, only to find themselves with a losing hand now.
It felt good to feel the welcome warmth of the plush blankets. The feathery softness of the pillow that now cushioned her head. Being back in that bed, she tried to convince herself that everything that happened since she left this room last had been a dream. A horrible nightmare she’d been unable to wake from. Instead, the familiar walls only made it more obvious that it was real. Sivar wasn’t seated beside her at the bed. The wound on her leg gave no pain, having long since healed. The tips of her fingers could trace the scar left behind on her abdomen from Deliao’s dagger, tender and raised. It was all very much real. And she accomplished nothing by trying to convince herself things were any different.
She laid there for hours, the desire for sleep no longer weighing so heavily over her mind. Now that she was safely tucked into bed she couldn’t get her eyes closed, thoughts running rampant, unable to slow them enough to relax into the slumber she had been lost to since leaving Rothdara. There were too many things left unknown for her to lie down and give up. No matter how tempted she was to let go of everything, curiosity sparked her determination, reminding her of the opportunities she would miss out on if she didn’t pull herself together and climb out of that bed. Sivar may be gone, but that didn’t mean he
was dead. The rebels had their work cut out for them if they intended to conduct a rescue mission at the Emperor’s prison, but she had to at least try. She owed her brother that much.
Still shaky from the long trip Kaori slowly sat up in bed. Gradually she let reality come into focus, letting go of the final hope she clung to that it was all a dream. The bed was real. When the blankets fell away from her shoulders she caught a chill, reminding her that she could still feel. She was awake. And she was in Avishul.
It was convenient, really. The man she had hoped to speak with since leaving Amalo now wandered the halls of the very home she currently found herself in. Therek was her best chance at finding out what happened to Sivar and the others. So what was she waiting for? She needed to find him and beg for his cooperation in helping stage a rescue. He knew the layout of the palace. The different passages in and out of the deepest prison cells. His knowledge was imperative to the success of any mission she attempted at the Imperial Palace and she wasn’t going to accept no for an answer.
Mind made up, she swung her legs over the side of the bed, the blankets discarded without a second thought. Their warmth was no longer enough to entice her to stay. Work was left undone and if she didn’t do it, no one else would. The world wouldn’t stop just because she was sad. Depression was something every Vor’shai knew well these days and they counted on her to lift the dark cloud that had descended upon them. In getting to her feet, she helped more than just herself.
She wobbled slightly as she came to stand, the thin fabric of her nightgown falling from the bed to drape lightly around her bare feet. The chill in the air remained constant, adding to the discomfort she already felt at the lack of clothing she wore. In the rush of the escape she was able to ignore her state of undress in Therek’s presence but now there was no excuse for it. She couldn’t let him see her like this. It was beyond improper, regardless of who he was. Before she found him, she would need to seek out a means to cover herself more completely. A bath would be nice as well, to make her look more presentable. Therek was a duke after all. His station required a certain appearance from those who came to call on him. She just didn’t know how to achieve such a fashion given her limited resources. There hadn’t been enough time to grab clothing to take with her and it seemed rude to request that he provide anything more for her than he already did. She would have to think of some other way.
The servants. Numerous women worked within the Losuva residence. One of them had to have an extra dress she could borrow. Perhaps even a pair of shoes. Tattered or not, she would rather look like a pauper than show herself in his presence while practically naked. Uncomfortable at the thought she drew the soft fabric of her robe tighter around her chest, feeling her fingers catch on several rips and tears across the surface incurred during their unexpected romp through the woods. Yes, this would never do. Skin was visible through a few of the openings, making her wardrobe nothing more than a rag wrapped over the most sensitive areas of her body.
Snatching one of the blankets off the bed she held it around her, the edges clutched nervously in her hands. She didn’t want to take any chances of bumping into Therek before she could secure a more appropriate wardrobe. If he saw her in this manner, she wasn’t sure she would ever be able to look him in the eye again.
With hesitant steps she slid her feet across the cool tile until she reached the door, pulling it open slowly, her head peering around the frame to glance up and down the hallway, afraid to move without first assuring herself that Therek was nowhere in sight. Content that she was alone, she stepped into the hall, leaving the door slightly ajar in case someone came in search of her. It seemed polite to provide some indication that she was no longer inside though it would do nothing to let them know where she had gone. But it was a big house. She couldn’t be sure where she would end up.
The halls in this section of the home were somewhat narrower than those near the foyer where she had been before. It was obvious that fewer people traversed this part of the house. Her fingers reached for every door she passed, finding them locked, perfectly secured, disallowing her entrance to search for something to wear. Even if she could find an old pair of Therek’s pants lying in some forgotten dresser she would be able to approach him with greater confidence than she possessed now. It was too much to hope for that she would find any form of clothing designed for wear by a woman. Therek was a bachelor, his mother long deceased before Kaori was even born. No sisters or aunts who might share the home. Not that she minded. A nice pair of trousers would be most suitable, all things considered. There was no telling when the soldiers might show up in search of her. If she had to make another hasty escape, it would be easier to accomplish while not draped in yards of fabric.
Near the end of the hall she gave a half-hearted attempt to open the final door before the corridor came to an abrupt stop, an intricate design carved into the wood, making it stand out from the others. It was larger, the top rounded into an elegant arch, the handle made of a heavier metal than those of the doors she tried before. When it twisted under the urging of her hand she felt her breath catch, a soft click ringing through Kaori’s ears as it shifted forward, her heart practically leaping into her throat in fear that someone in the home might have heard the sound. Or worse – what if someone was inside? This room could belong to anyone. What if it is Therek’s chambers…
Immediately she took a step back, swallowing hard, her eyes sweeping the hall, ears strained to hear if any movement came from inside. The suspense did nothing to ease her already trembling knees, stumbling over her feet to get away from the door. She jumped to feel the touch of the far wall against her back, the weight of her body sinking against it, grateful for the support, her hand rested upon her chest to try and slow the rapid beat of her heart. She couldn’t hear anything over the heavy breaths she took, eyes locked on the door in wait of someone appearing there, angered by the intrusion.
Minutes passed without incident, her lungs slowly starting to soften their quickened breaths. No one was there. Or at least no one who had taken notice of the door opening. It did little to quell her concern. Their journey from Rothdara would have been far more taxing on Therek than it had been for her. If this door led to his sleeping quarters, it was possible Therek was too deep in his slumber to have heard such a small noise. She wasn’t in the clear yet. The only way to know for sure was to look. She just couldn’t gather enough courage to bring herself to do it.
Inhaling a deep breath she cast another uneasy glance down the hall. She shouldn’t be doing this. It was rude to assume that Therek would have no qualms about her wandering about the rooms of his home unsupervised. Without permission. That was the worst part. He believed her asleep. The other doors had been locked for a reason. The simple fact that this one happened to be unlatched didn’t give her the right to let herself in. But you need clothes. She couldn’t seek Therek’s approval without him seeing her. He would have to forgive her forwardness, but her predicament wasn’t enough to throw all modesty out the window.
Heart racing, she let her eyes shift to the floor, watching her feet as she placed one in front of the other, nervously covering the remaining distance to the room. Gritting her teeth she prepared for the worst, pushing the door open quickly before she could change her mind. It remained quiet inside. No terrified scream from some poor unsuspecting servant. Above all, there was no shout of anger from an indisposed Therek. From what Kaori could see and hear, the room was devoid of occupants. Exactly what she hoped for.
With renewed confidence she made her way inside, mouth agape at the sight of the furniture within. A large window allowed in enough light to illuminate an elegant canopy bed near the center of the far wall, a sheer white drape hanging down to the floor from the height of the frame which nearly touched the high domed ceiling. A wardrobe made from the finest mahogany was situated a few feet to the right. Kaori’s eyes were drawn to it briefly, distracted by the painted image of a woman hanging over a stone fireplace across from the
bed. It was adorned by the most exquisite frame Kaori had ever seen, the carved surface twisting in silver and gold, polished to a perfect sheen to reflect the light of the sun which shone on it from the window. Every line of the woman’s face was flawless, painstakingly drawn onto the thick canvas. Her hair was long, decorated by tiny strands of pearls across each natural wave of the ebon locks. The paleness of her skin reminded Kaori of porcelain, almost white in stark contrast to the rich color of her hair. High cheekbones gave the woman a regal appearance, her chin slightly upturned. It was the brilliant azure color of her gaze which caught Kaori’s attention, instantly bringing another image to mind of a pair of eyes almost identical to those which stared out at her from the frame. Therek. His eyes were the only ones she had ever seen which possessed that beautiful, unnatural shade of blue, the same solemnity visible in their depths that she saw now on this woman. Could it be the Duchess of Avishul? The Lady Losuva. Her beauty was unparalleled, seeming impossible for anyone to truly look the way she did. The artist must have taken many liberties in adding to the effect of the painting. To flatter the memory of her for anyone who looked upon this work.
“Are you lost, Milady?”
Startled by the sound of Therek’s voice, Kaori cried out, her hand returning to rest upon her chest as the uncomfortable rhythm began to beat through her body once again, faster than before, temples throbbing from the sudden increase in speed of the blood which flowed through her veins. Embarrassed to think of how she must look, her free hand clutched harder around the edges of the blanket wrapped around her as if it would somehow make her invisible and shield her from Therek’s watchful eyes, staring at her with the same steely gaze as the woman in the painting. “I… I am sorry, Your Grace.”
The Myatheira Chronicles: Volume Four: In the Beginning Page 46