“You have been asleep for nearly four days, Your Majesty,” Enslye stepped forward to relieve Pehrona at Kaori’s bedside, her hand cool against Kaori’s skin where she gently felt the surface to make sure there was no fever. “One of your ladies came to wake you for breakfast and found you unresponsive. Word has already been sent to General Losuva so he can return to handle affairs until you are well.”
Four days. The thought alone brought a wave of fear to consider what might have caused her illness. She sustained significant injury during the war. Could it be that she had acquired another infection? Such an ailment was the only thing she’d ever experienced which caused her to lapse into unconsciousness for so long. “Have you examined my wounds? Is it possible one has become infected?”
“It is not an infection,” Enslye shook her head, the gentle glow of her olive-colored eyes intensifying briefly to see the confusion written on Kaori’s face.
“How do you know? It is the only thing which makes sense…”
“I know it is not an infection because I am aware of what has caused your illness,” Enslye motioned for Pehrona to come closer, their hands working together to draw the blankets further up over Kaori’s chest. Perplexed by the response, Kaori stared up at the two women in disbelief, uncertain what to make of their strange behavior. They knew what was wrong with her? If they had the answer, why did they play such games?
“I do not understand,” she frowned. “Can you not tell me what is wrong?”
Enslye’s chin lifted, staring down at Kaori with mild amusement. “It is peculiar, if I do say. Such a condition is… unusual for a woman of your young age and – how should I say this – lack of attachment.”
The pit in Kaori’s stomach grew, unsettled by what she was hearing. Her worst fears raced through her head, considering all the possibilities which could be inferred by Enslye’s vague words. Lack of attachment. Did she refer to men? There was only one condition Kaori could think of which might relate to her relationship with a man. “Oh, gods…” This couldn’t be happening. She didn’t want to believe it possible. Was she with child? Was this woman incapable of giving a direct answer? “Am I… please tell me I am not…”
“Pregnant?” Enslye’s brow rose inquisitively. “I daresay, you very much are. Had I known, I might have kept a closer eye on you.”
Kaori felt the familiar bile rising in the back of her throat. There had to be some mistake. Therek was the only man she involved herself with. A single night of passion didn’t seem enough to leave her in this state. And so long ago! Nearly two months past. Long enough for the condition to be detectable… “Did you… does anyone else know?” she stammered. It was the only question she could put into words. If what Enslye said was true, it was imperative no one else find out. Not yet. She wasn’t ready to face Therek with the news. What if he was upset, or worse – angry? He’d been so hesitant to let her in. Afraid of loving her because of what that wretched Lady Orith had done. Not only did a child have the potential to ruin the relationship they’d only just begun to build, it had the potential to destroy everything Therek hoped to accomplish by making her Queen.
Reaching for a glass of water on the bedside table, Enslye offered it to Kaori with a faint shake of her head. “We thought it best not to tell anyone until we were able to speak with you. It is sure to create a stir. Do you know who is the father?”
“I… yes. But I – I do not wish to speak of it.” Kaori waved the water glass away. She couldn’t tell anyone. Rumors spread too quickly among society, and as Queen, news of her personal affairs would sweep like wildfire across the country. People would frown upon her for the impropriety she showed in her affair. They would never understand the reasons, nor would they accept that it had been only once, with only one man. The story would become more grandiose with each telling until she was known as the biggest whore to ever walk Myatheira. And Therek – he couldn’t be allowed to hear the news from anyone other than her. She just wasn’t sure how to tell him.
At Kaori’s hesitance, a look of understanding flashed in Pehrona’s eyes, though Kaori couldn’t be sure if her friend knew the truth or if she’d come to some other conclusion. Her hope was for the latter. It would be easier to keep her secret if Pehrona believed the father someone other than Therek. “I cannot blame you,” Pehrona gave a sympathetic smile, her hand lightly patting the blanket over Kaori’s leg in her attempts to console her, though for what, Kaori couldn’t be sure. Curious, Enslye glanced over to Pehrona, the questioning look in her eye met by an uncomfortable grimace, revealing Pehrona’s hesitance to say anything in front of Kaori. “Enslye, I… I believe the father may have… been lost to the war.”
Rolling her eyes heavenward, Kaori exhaled a long, exasperated breath. This was getting worse by the second. Pehrona believed Liurn was the father. And why not? She had every reason to think there was a tryst between them. Pehrona was present with Ramis and Therek when Liurn was discovered with his lips upon hers. Kaori’s relationship with Liurn may have been strained, but to those around them, it appeared quite intimate. The kiss on the cheek on the journey to Eykanua. Her frenzy at Liurn’s death during battle. It was no wonder Pehrona suspected. But Kaori couldn’t argue, nor could she confirm it. Argument would immediately shift suspicion to Therek. He was the only other man Kaori was known to have spent time with other than Ramis prior to the war. Yet confirmation for the sake of secrecy felt wrong. She couldn’t use Liurn in that way. Not after everything he had done for her. All he had sacrificed. He deserved better than to be utilized as a scapegoat in his death.
“No one is to know of my condition,” she stated matter-of-factly. It was best not to let the conversation regarding the father continue beyond what had already been spoken. The less said on the matter, the better. “When General Losuva arrives, if the Empress and her son no longer require assistance, have him informed that he will accompany Lord Davian to begin work on the Esai kingdom. Do not tell him anything of what you have learned. Is that clear?”
“Your Majesty,” Enslye blinked, dumbfounded. “The people will find out. You cannot conceal your condition forever.”
“Then let them learn of it when I can no longer hide it. Our country is not ready for news of an heir. I have not yet even established a full court.”
“And how do you expect to do any of this from your bed? The people will ask questions.”
“I will handle business as I have since the war. Remaining in bed is not an option.”
“It is necessary. You are not well.”
“I am with child, not dying.” Inhaling a deep breath she tried to calm herself. This was exactly why she was sick. The strain was too much on her body. If she didn’t find a way to reduce the stress, she wouldn’t have to worry about having the baby. The pain she already suffered was a good sign that she was placing herself at risk of a miscarriage. “Business must continue. I will manage my time more carefully and ensure there is ample time for rest in between meetings and gatherings. No one must know anything is amiss until there is no other choice but to reveal my secret. Do you understand?”
“It is my counsel that the General at least be informed.”
“The General, above all others, must not know. If you have any respect for me as your Queen, you will do as I ask.”
Bowing her head, Enslye took a step back to allow Pehrona room to check the cloth on Kaori’s forehead. Humbled by Kaori’s words, she lowered into a respectful curtsy, her voice soft. More suitable for addressing royalty. “Of course, Your Majesty. Your secret shall not leave this room.”
Kaori’s heart raced. She wasn’t sure how much more she could take. The pressure of being Queen was difficult enough without adding a child to it all. Her demeanor was hardly motherly. And without a king, how was she to handle raising a child and running a country on her own? The state of affairs with the government was too precarious for her to be distracted. But what could she do? She couldn’t undo the past, nor could she let the fate granted her by the god
s stand in the way of the promises already made to her people. She would have to find a way to do the impossible. And she would have to do it soon.
Kaori stared nervously at her bedroom door, blankets pulled tight under her chin as if they would somehow protect her from what she was about to do. Therek was there. She could hear his voice in the hall, the sound of it filling her heart with both joy and dread. He had been away for so long. She yearned to see him again. To hold him in her arms the way she had before the war. But if she let him get too close, he was sure to notice something was wrong. It was ridiculous to think he would miraculously figure out her exact secret but part of her couldn’t help fearing it possible. Therek was an observant man. Letting him near her at all placed her at risk of doing something which might indicate the delicate condition she was in.
You are overreacting; she chided. It was impossible for Therek to determine anything without her giving some reason to suspect. All she had to do was direct the conversation toward other matters. Pretend her illness was nothing more than fatigue from the busy schedule she endured since taking residency at his home in Siundel. Women of status were known for being frail and easily excited. She hadn’t demonstrated a countenance of that nature, but she couldn’t imagine it being difficult to pretend. For all she’d been through in the past year, it seemed only a matter of time before she finally broke down.
A click at the door pulled Kaori from her thoughts. The sight of Therek’s face in the entryway nearly sent her into a panic, questioning her decision instantly. It wasn’t fair to keep this from him. He had a right to know that she carried his child. She just couldn’t bear the thought of what it might do to their relationship. If he walked away from her – no. He would never do something like that. Then what are you afraid of? There were too many answers to that question. It was best to leave it unspoken for now. Therek had too much to worry about with his duties as General. He didn’t need to be worried about her health while away with the Esai.
“Your Majesty –”
“Please, do not call me that,” she brought her hand up in a sharp wave. It pained her to hear him use such formalities. They’d been through too much to revert back to mere titles when in each other’s private company. “If you are concerned about someone overhearing you say my proper name, then close the door. I gave explicit instructions for the servants to leave us to our business without interruption.”
“Are you sure that is wise?” Therek glanced toward the door, clearly uneasy at the thought of closing it. “We should not form a habit of spending time alone in your sleeping quarters.”
“Trust me, any harm which could come from it has already been done…” Kaori bit her tongue to keep from saying anything more. This was going to be more difficult than she thought. The confusion on Therek’s handsome features left her pulse racing faster than before, fully aware of her folly yet unable to take it back. “Please, if you would close the door and come in. If propriety is a concern, then we do not have a great deal of time.”
Doing as he was told, Therek slowly let the door shut behind him, his eyes remaining locked on Kaori, searching her face as if looking for something. She knew exactly what he sought. Her slip of the tongue hadn’t gone unnoticed. If she didn’t find a way to change the direction of his thoughts, he was bound to ask of her intended meaning and she would have no choice but to either lie or admit everything. And lying wasn’t in her character. “Kaori…”
“I am happy to see you, Therek,” she forced a smile, though it was easier to accomplish than she thought it would be. Her pleasure at having his company again was genuine. Were it not for the underlying fear she felt at him discovering her secret, she might have thrown her arms around him in the joyful embrace she’d longed for since he left her tent in Avesian.
He seemed to melt at the sound of her voice, his legs carrying him swiftly to her bedside in only a few long strides. Gently he swept her hand into his as he knelt to the floor, lifting Kaori’s arm to lightly brush his lips against the skin of her knuckles. “I have been concerned for your health since I heard you were taken ill. It is a relief to see that your condition has improved. The physician tells me you did not awaken for days.”
“Yes, Enslye tells me I must be more cautious. Perhaps I have been trying to do too much and in too short a time. The fatigue has improved, though there remains some mild discomfort. It shall pass soon enough.”
“I should have been here for you.”
“Do not be ridiculous,” Kaori choked back the emotion which threatened to overtake her. He looked positively wretched. Pained at having not been by her side. She couldn’t bear to see him suffer when she knew it wasn’t his fault. “I was the one who requested you remain in Eykanua to aid the Empress. There is much to be done and my health would be a great deal worse if not for your assistance. I do not believe I could have done any of this without you.”
“Then why send me away again? I have been told that you gave orders for me to travel east with Lord Davian.”
“I have been left with no other choice. Someone must help the Esai establish a proper society and I am not at liberty to travel myself. You are the only other person whom I can entrust the task.”
“So it is true you have given the Esai enough land to build their own kingdom?”
“The humans were our enemy and I granted them leadership over the remnants of Carpaen. It would be an insult not to bestow the same upon our allies.”
Bowing his head, Therek drew in a breath, taking in the weight of what Kaori presented. The logic with which she came to her conclusion was sound and indisputable. Giving no argument Therek lifted Kaori’s hand to place another soft kiss upon her knuckles before speaking again. “Have you chosen the lands which shall remain with our people?”
“We shall retain everything north of the Sovehu and west of the Verald Mountains.” Her heart slowly began to ease its rapid rhythm, grateful for the turn in conversation away from her health. It was easier to focus on business. Anything else was sure to drive her mad from the torment.
“Have you considered a name for our country? It is your kingdom, after all.”
“A few names have come to mind, though I have not settled on anything yet. It is my desire to see the native language of our people restored to common practice. Our country should have a name based in our own tongue and my familiarity with such is far from proficient enough to choose too quickly.”
“That is perhaps something I could be of assistance with.”
“You speak the old language?” She realized how foolish the question was before she could stop herself from asking it. A man of his upbringing was likely proficient in many languages. His understanding of the Namiren tongue should have been a good indication. As a Vor’shai, it was only right that his teachers also include the less prominent language of their own people. “I… forgive me. That was a silly thing to ask.”
Rising from the floor Therek positioned himself carefully on the edge of the bed, the smile which crossed his lips filled with understanding. Compassion. “There is no need to beg forgiveness. The Vor’shai language is not commonly taught. Truthfully, it brings me great happiness to hear of your decision to restore its use amongst our people.”
It broke her heart to see him look upon her with such love and adoration. She couldn’t think with him sitting so close. The scent of his cologne gently wafting over her nostrils. Focus, Kaori. Distraction would lead to more mistakes than she’d already made. “Do you have a suggestion for a name, then? Something strong. Significant to our people. I cannot choose something that does not properly represent us.”
He paused for a moment, deep in thought. The lines on his forehead creased in contemplation while his hand remained tightly clasped with hers, pondering the question with careful consideration before giving a response. “What do you think of Tanispa?”
“Tanispa?” It had a nice ring to it. Graceful, the way it rolled off her tongue. “What does it mean?”
“That is more d
ifficult,” Therek chuckled quietly to himself. “It is an old phrase. Possibly more obsolete than the language itself. Human words do not accept the translation quite as well as I like.”
“Do try,” she entreated him. “Something close to the meaning. Anything at all.”
Lips pursed, Therek lifted his chin, clearly struggling to find an answer. “Well, it means mostly what you suggested. Strength. Victory. Not quite in those exact words, but the idea is the same. I cannot think of anything which would be more suitable.”
Hearing the explanation only added to her appreciation of the name. Tanispa. She smiled at the sound of it, pleased by how perfect it fit. “Where would I be without you?” she gazed up at Therek in admiration. No one was there to see them. What harm could it do if she allowed herself to steal a loving glance while in the safety of her room?
The expression on Therek’s face was less favorable, the lines on his forehead deepening, discouraged. Kaori thought to ask him of his troubles but decided against it, afraid to discover that his mind shared the same weight which had burdened her since the war. Although she didn’t like to think of him tortured by the thought of her, she couldn’t help but cling to the hope that in his heart Therek regretted his decision to maintain distance between them. If he loved her to the extent he claimed, it seemed only logical that the time they spent apart over the past weeks would have tortured him the way it did her.
Dejected, he averted his eyes, Kaori’s words lingering on the air between them. He looked miserable. Deeply troubled by something he fought to conceal. The pain was just too great. Kaori could see the suffering in his eyes, their azure glow dim, distracted, staring down at the floor while he struggled to think of something to say. “I am… glad you approve of the name. It is imperative that we solidify every detail of the new Empire before much longer. You should request the Esai choose a name for their lands soon as well.”
The Myatheira Chronicles: Volume Four: In the Beginning Page 89