To Dr. Matthew Leeds and Dr. Martha Sweezy, thank you for teaching me the DBT skills and IFS techniques and providing me and countless others with the tools to rebuild our lives, and to Dr. Marsha Linehan, the founder of DBT, my deepest appreciation and admiration for all that you’ve done in bringing compassion and skillful means to the BPD diagnosis.
To Richard Tabors, Gail Hickey, and the TCA gang, thank you for raising me from a fledgling receptionist into an office goddess, and for formalizing my position as artist-in-residence by providing me with the perfect “office suite with a view” for writing the first half of this book. To the GMA team, who allowed me to be the only receptionist in Boston with a corner office, and who did everything possible to keep me on the path to completion, from disabling my online dating accounts, to sending me cards when I ran off to “write on retreat,” to filling the copy machine paper while I was too busy revising a paragraph for three hours. I could not have asked for more supportive coworkers and employers. Now that this book is done, I promise I’ll make more smoothies.
To Will Turano and the Turano family, thank you for your unconditional love. To Colleen Favier, who still checks the New Yorker looking for my poems, for your unwavering faith in my talent, and to Jan Waldron, my writing teacher and inspiration, for teaching me that a memoir’s power is equal to its honesty.
Thanks to my friends who arrived at the exact perfect moments: Charlene, Lana, and Lola Dickson, with your homemade chai and puppy love; Peter Munoz-Bennet, whose check-ins and car rides kept me on track; and Chris Martiniano, for seeing me through the longest nights with song, poetry, and pixilated presents. And to the Starbucks crew at the Kendall Marriott—Barbara, Cisco, Dragana, Marta, and Sandra—thank you for giving me life and smiles each morning.”
To my dear readers Shannon Lemay-Finn and Zach Larson, my gratitude for lending your talents as writers and editors to this book from beginning to end, and especially to Rosanna Alfaro, who has cheered me on since I was a wee girl at Groton and declared even then that this day would come. To Scott Edelstein, my agent, guide, and reality-checker; without your help I’d surely be sitting in a corner, clutching a handful of papers and babbling to myself. And to Randi Kreger, who reached out, flung open the doors to this book, and advised, cajoled, and comforted me along the way: your support has been invaluable.
To Diane and Jim Hall, thank you for your tireless work and for championing all who suffer from BPD. To Dr. Dixieanne Penney, mentor, friend, and colleague, you have been at my side throughout, even keeping the phone under your pillow, just in case. I am so grateful for my courageous BPD sisters on the front line: A.J. Mahari, Lisa Dietz, Amanda Wang, and Tami Green. It’s been through your friendship and example that I’ve learned to value my own voice and not fear the risk of this exposure. And to Amanda Smith, founder and executive director of the Florida Borderline Personality Disorder Association, you have been my touchstone and companion every step of the way with this book, bringing me back from the edge sometimes on a daily basis. Without your brilliant mind and unwavering love, this book and I would not have survived.
To Shyalpa Rinpoche and the Nyingma Longchen Nyinthig Lineage and to Lama Konchok Sonam Rinpoche, Khenpho Choephel Rinpoche, and the Drikung Kagyu Lineage, my endless gratitude for opening me to the true nature of my mind, and to the Drikung Meditation Center and all those in my Sangha, especially Mary Burke, Tia Harrison, Barbara Creamer, and Dotty Spoor, you have given me a community and a home, and have cradled me in your wisdom and compassion. My deepest thanks to my family, who instilled in me the supreme value of kindness, for your love, care, and courage to grow with me. And to Alexis Tsapatsaris, President of the Drikung Meditation Center, nemesis, Bodhisattva, and heart sister, your talent for opening up a can of whoop ass is only exceeded by your immense compassion.
To Raymond Hartman and Renee Rushnawitz, your generosity and love have provided the means to making this book, and my own recovery, a reality. Even in my dreams, you wait for me with outstretched arms. And finally, to Dr. Saul Rosenthal (who will never take credit for anything but has been with me through this entire journey), I can only repay you by living what you have taught me.
Completed on Losar, Year of the Iron Tiger, 2137. May this book benefit all beings!
Resources
Advocacy and Education Organizations
Behavioral Tech
(dialectical behavior therapy training, referrals, and resources)
2133 Third Ave., Suite 205, Seattle, WA
www.behavioraltech.com; email: [email protected]
206-675-8588
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)
3803 N. Fairfax Dr., Suite 100, Arlington, VA
www.nami.org; email: [email protected]
Helpline: 1-800-950-6264
National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder (NEABPD)
P.O. Box 974, Rye, NY
www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.com; email: [email protected]
914-835-9011
For a comprehensive list of BPD organizations and resources, go to: www.BuddhaAndTheBorderline.com
Books on Borderline Personality Disorder
Aguirre, B. 2007. Borderline Personality Disorder in Adolescents: A Complete Guide to Understanding and Coping When Your Adolescent Has BPD. Beverly, MA: Fair Winds Press.
Chapman, A. L., and K. L. Gratz. 2007. The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide: Everything You Need to Know About Living with BPD. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.
Friedel, R. O. 2004. Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified: An Essential Guide for Understanding and Living with BPD. New York: Marlowe & Company.
Krawitz, R., and W. Jackson. 2008. Borderline Personality Disorder: The Facts. Oxford, UK: Oxford University Press.
Kreger, R. 2009. The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells. Center City, MN: Hazelden.
Porr, V. 2010. Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder: A Family Guide for Healing and Change. Oxford, UK: Oxford University Press.
Books on Dialectical Behavior Therapy
Linehan, M. M. 1993. Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder. New York: Guilford.
Linehan, M. M. 1993. Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder. New York: Guilford.
McKay, M., J. C. Wood, and J. Brantley. 2007. The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, and Distress Tolerance. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.
Spradlin, S. E. 2003. Don’t Let Your Emotions Run Your Life: How Dialectical Behavior Therapy Can Put You in Control. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.
BPD Memoirs
Cox, V., and L. Robinson (eds.). 2005. Voices Beyond the Border: Living with Borderline Personality Disorder. Brentwood, UK: Chipmunkapublishing.
Johnson, M. L. 2010. Girl in Need of a Tourniquet: Memoir of a Borderline Personality. Berkeley, CA: Seal Press.
Reiland, R. 2004. Get Me Out of Here: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder. Center City, MN: Hazelden.
Walker, A. 2003. Siren’s Dance: My Marriage to a Borderline. Emmaus, PA: Rodale Books.
Books on Mindfulness and Buddhism
Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse Rinpoche. 2007. What Makes You Not a Buddhist. Boston: Shambhala Publications.
Kabat-Zinn, J. 2005. Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life. New York: Hyperion.
Khenchen Konchok Gyaltsen Rinpoche, 2010. A Complete Guide to the Buddhist Path. Ithaca, New York: Snow Lion Publications.
Pema Chödrön. 1991. The Wisdom of No Escape and the Path of Loving-Kindness. Boston: Shambhala Publications.
Thich Nhat Hanh. 1999. The Miracle of Mindfulness. Boston: Beacon Press.
Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche. 2007. The Joy of Living: Unlocking the Secret and Science of Happiness. New York: Three Rivers Press.
&nbs
p; Multimedia
Back from the Edge: Living with and Recovering from Borderline Personality Disorder. 2005. Produced by Lichtenstein Creative Media (www.lcmedia.com) and the Borderline Personality Disorder Resource Center (www.bpdresourcecenter.org).
To view: www.lcmedia.com/BPD
To order DVD: www.bpdresourcecenter.org
RethinkBPD: A Documentary on Borderline Personality Disorder. Release date 2012. Produced by Amanda Wang and Jesse Sweet. For more information: www.rethinkbpd.com.
Living with Borderline Personality Disorder: A Guide for Families. 2010. Produced by Dawkins Productions, Inc. To order: www.dawkins.tv.
From Chaos to Freedom: DBT Crisis Survival Skills. 2008. Produced by Behavioral Tech, LLC featuring Dr. Marsha Linehan.
To order: behavioraltech.org/products
References
American Psychiatric Association. 2000. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. 4th ed., text revision. Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Association.
Bateman, A, and P. Fonagy. 2004. Psychotherapy for Borderline Personality Disorder: Mentalization-Based Treatment. Oxford, UK: Oxford University Press.
Beck, A., D. D. Freeman, D. Davis, and associates. 2004. Cognitive Therapy of Personality Disorders, 2nd edition. New York: Guilford Press.
Cook, J. (compiler). 2007. The Book of Positive Quotations, 2nd edition. Minneapolis, MN: Fairview Press.
Knowlton, L. 1999. Marsha Linehan: Dialectical behavioral therapy. Psychiatric Times 16(7). Available online at www.psychiatrictimes.com/display/article/10168/49651. Accessed February 5, 2008.
Linehan, M. M. 1993a. Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder. New York: Guilford Press.
Linehan, M. M. 1993b. Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder. New York: Guilford Press.
Linehan, M. M., H. E. Armstrong, A. Suarez, D. Allmon, and H. L. Heard. 1991. Cognitive-behavioral treatment of chronically suicidal borderline patients. Archives of General Psychiatry, 48(12):1060-1064.
Linehan, M. M., H. Schmidt, L. A. Dimeff, J. W. Kanter, J. C. Craft, K. A. Comtois, and K. L. Recknor. 1999. Dialectical behavior therapy for patients with borderline personality disorder and drug-dependence. American Journal on Addiction, 8(4):279-292.
Lis, E., B. Greenfield, M. Henry, J. M. Guilé, and G. Dougherty. 2007. Neuroimaging and genetics of borderline personality disorder: A review. Journal of Psychiatry and Neuroscience 32(3):162-173.
Sanderson, C. 2008. DBT at a glance. Handout from Behavioral Tech LLC. Available at http://behavioraltech.org/downloads/DBT_FAQ.pdf. Accessed February 8, 2008.
Schwartz, R. C. 1995. Internal Family Systems Therapy. New York: Guilford.
Zanarini, M. C., F. R. Frankenburg, C. J. DeLuca, J. Hennen, G. S. Khera, and J. G. Gunderson. 1998. The pain of being borderline: Dysphoric states specific to borderline personality disorder. Harvard Review of Psychiatry 6(4):201-207.
Zanarini, M. C., F. R. Frankenburg, J. Hennen, B. Reich, and K. R. Silk. 2006. Prediction of the 10-year course of borderline personality disorder. American Journal of Psychiatry 163(5):827-832.
Kiera Van Gelder, MFA, is an artist, educator, and writer diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. An international speaker and advocate, she is featured in the documentary Back from the Edge: Living With and Recovering From Borderline Personality Disorder. She currently lives in Massachusetts at a Buddhist meditation center. For additional information, please visit www.BuddhaAndTheBorderline.com and www.kieravangelder.com.
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