“Did you only pass?”
“I was an honors student.”
“Then you shouldn’t doubt yourself.”
“Barden, I’m telling you this because I know myself. I will have to work at it. You can’t tell me that if it came down to it, you would rather go into battle with someone who struggled to perform spells.”
“Dr. Stone, I would prefer to be with someone who has worked at it to ensure they understand the foundations of magic. Even if their magical strength did not equal or exceed my own, the fact they wanted and took the time to learn magic in such a way would make them equally or more powerful than someone who has it naturally.”
I looked at the bottle of paint and picked it up. When I did, I began to trace a circle, and Barden reached for my wrist, hesitating before he touched me. “Not like that. I would have you draw it around yourself.”
I paused, before scooting over and starting my circle again. This time, I traced it entirely around myself, dragging the paint in a wide circle, trying to ensure I made it as symmetric as I could. I didn’t want a weird oblong oval that wouldn’t be of any use to me.
When I was done, I sat in the middle of the circle, looking at it. “Now what?”
“Now you must focus on everything around you. You must focus on that which flows within you. Pull up on it, drawing it outward.”
“And if it doesn’t work?”
“Remember what you felt when you used the wand.”
“I used the wand without knowing anything about it. All I knew was I wanted to try to keep myself—and my friend—safe.”
“If that’s what compelled you, then use it. It’s likely to be effective for you now.”
I focused, thinking about what Barden suggested, wanting to draw that power out, and trying to find a way to do it. As I sat there, I couldn’t help but feel foolish. What was I thinking, trying to draw upon magic? Even if it was there, how would I find it?
“I’m not able to do anything,” I said.
“Keep trying, Dr. Stone,” he urged. “Please, keep trying.”
As I sat in the middle of the circle, focusing on the power he apparently believed I could reach, I wondered if my connection to magic was just too tenuous for me to do anything at all. Maybe I wouldn’t be able to reach anything. After all, if I had access to magic, surely it would have come out before now.
“Would my parents have had magic?” I asked.
“Probably, though it is possible they didn’t know. Many people go through their lives without ever knowing they have the potential to use at least some form of magic. Others do know it and hide from it. It’s easier that way.”
“What about those who know about it and are not trying to hide from it?”
“There are magical academies where one can go to learn.”
“Is that where you went?”
“Dr. Stone, unfortunately, those with my sort of magic, dark mages, have never been welcome.”
I felt a warm flush. “I’m sorry, Barden. I knew that, and I don’t know why I—”
He was shaking his head. “You don’t need to apologize. I wouldn’t expect you to know everything about the magical world. When I realized I had a connection to magic, I had to search for someone to help me. I was lucky. At the time I developed magic, the Mage Council was distracted by other things, and I managed to come across someone able to work with me, to help me understand all of my abilities.”
“Even though your type of magic was forbidden?”
“At the time, when I first started developing it, I didn’t actually know. It was a different time then, and many would say a simpler time. As that power progressed, there was no denying I had something different about me; it didn’t take long to learn my kind of magic was considered forbidden, and that’s what prompted me to go in search of someone who could teach me.”
“What about your parents?”
“My parents were hedge mages. Neither of them would have been able to provide me with much of an education.”
“Which means I might have a child with more magical potential?”
“It’s always possible. Magic flows among our kind, Dr. Stone.”
“And what kind is that?”
“Humankind, of course. While some people have access to it more strongly than others, there’s always the possibility it will spring forth anew.”
I continued to try to reach for magic, and the longer I worked at it, the less certain I was I’d be able to do so. Why was it? Why couldn’t I draw that magic out? If what he said was true, I ought to have been able to access it. And I had used magic before. I remembered how that felt, the sense of satisfaction when I’d held onto the magical wand, the power I had been able to draw. It had felt as if I was meant to do it—and I couldn’t deny I had felt like a badass.
If only Kate had allowed me to keep the wand, but I understood why she hadn’t. She had fought so hard to ensure those who were used by the wand wouldn’t suffer.
Something Matt Gillespie had said to me the other night came back. “Are there people who willingly allow others to draw magic from them?”
“You are referring to the wand?”
I thought about how it had felt when I’d used the wand, trying to draw that sensation back to me. “I am. The paramilitary man said he had something where the power was given willingly.”
“That is the key. In order for power like that to be fair, it can’t just be taken. It must be given willingly but doing so weakens the person who grants that power.”
“How so?”
Barden traced a pattern on his chest. “If I had a rune upon me, and you drew magic from it, you would be drawing my magic. You might be the focus, and you might be the one determining its intent, but it’s my power. Anytime you draw power from a mage, there is a cost. Most of the time, that cost is fatigue. It’s no different from using any other muscle, and the magical user must recover after they have performed their spell.”
“I’ve seen you perform quite a few spells without having to rest.”
“If we stick with the muscle analogy, Dr. Stone, you would understand. Some have gained experience over time in using their power in such a way they don’t exhaust themselves as they do it. They are able to pace themselves. Others don’t have that control, and for them, it’s more like a sprint. A powerful burst of magic with nothing left in the tank afterward. Running on empty. You see?”
“So, there’s endurance and strength.”
“Exactly.”
“And since I don’t have any strength—” I said.
“We don’t know that. It’s possible you have far more than you realize.”
“Just as it’s possible I don’t.”
“Keep attempting to draw your power, Dr. Stone. The more you practice, the more likely it is to come. Maybe it won’t come today, but in time, the more you work at it, the more likely it will be reachable.”
“Maybe we need to be focusing more on what the vampires want.”
“We know what they want, but we don’t know why they want it.”
“We also don’t know who’s responsible for attempting to kill the elder.” That is, if Mr. Rorsch was the elder.
“Yes. I suppose that’s as important. If we can determine who is responsible, then we can send the vampires at each other.”
“I’m not exactly interested in having the vampires fighting each other.”
“Better fighting each other than fighting you, and if there is a battle for succession, we want to be as far removed from it as we can be.”
“I thought you said each city had one family more predominant than the others.”
“That is what I said.”
“What happens if one of the family wants to take over a city they don’t already possess?” I asked.
“Something we are experiencing now, I fear.”
“Why?”
“They are still territorial creatures, Dr. Stone. As refined as they would like you to believe they are, they share the inst
incts of animals.”
“So do people,” I said.
“Yes, so do people.”
“Why now?” I didn’t understand. He was explaining so much and trying so hard for me, but my doubts were always in control.
“I’m not sure. It may have something to do with the events over the last few months, but may be entirely unrelated.”
“What if it does have something to do with that?”
“Then we need to ensure we are not caught in the middle. Don’t we?”
I didn’t know what to say to that and continued to practice focusing on the circle, trying to reach for magic, but still, nothing changed. As I focused on it, as I reached for that power, I felt no different from how I had before. For a while, I thought about what that power had felt like when I’d held onto the wand, but even that wasn’t helpful to me. There might be some sense of it, but whatever it was, seemed so distant I could not draw it out.
“I don’t think this is going to work,” I finally said, standing and looking around the warehouse.
“Take a break, Dr. Stone. We can return to this another time.”
“And what happens if I still can’t reach it?”
“If you can’t, then so be it. We will find other ways of protecting you.”
“And what if there is no way of protecting me? What if the vampires continue to come at me?”
“There are others who can offer you protection.”
“Others within the Council?”
Barden nodded.
“That involves me giving up everything I have now.”
Barden watched me, a look on his face telling me all I needed to know. “Unfortunately, it might. At least for a little while until all of this settles down.”
“I don’t want to give it up.” I’d seen what Kate had been willing to sacrifice, all her years of medical training, and while it suited her and the fighting spirit I’d always seen from her, medicine was something I’d always wanted.
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why do you fear the magical world?”
“Because I’m not convinced it’s meant for me.”
“Even if it doesn’t give you a choice?”
“That’s why I’m not convinced. I’m not letting something take away my choice,” I said, putting more force into it than I had intended.
Barden watched me, and after a moment, he nodded. “Of course, Dr. Stone. I should not have implied otherwise.”
He got to his feet and headed toward the car parked off to the side. He waited for me to get in, and when I did, he started the car, driving us away. Neither of us spoke, and when we reach the condo, he smiled, though there was a hint of sadness within it. “Dr. Stone, I am happy to walk you upstairs.”
“That’s not necessary.”
“I have my people looking into the vampires. I will continue to keep a watch out for you as well,” he said.
“Thank you.”
“Know that we will do everything in our power to ensure no harm befalls you.”
“I know you will,” I said.
When I headed up to the room, I paused for a moment at the door before going inside. Once inside, I considered lying down, trying to get some rest; but what purpose would there be in that? I was tired, but not tired enough to sleep.
A nervous energy was working through me. More than anything, I wanted to know what I’d need to do, but it also came from another sense, of nervousness and fear, a sense I knew all too well. I didn’t want to feel that way, and in order to get away from it, somehow, I would need to find strength, but where?
I took a seat, lying down on the sofa, staying there a long time; I lost track of how long it was. When a knock came to the door, I looked up, curious about the time. How long had I been lying there?
When I open the door, Barden stood on the other side. “Practice with this, Dr. Stone.” He handed me something, and it took me a moment to realize what it was.
A wand.
“Barden?”
“I don’t want any harm to come to you. I would advise you to use this cautiously.”
“Why?”
“Because I understand your fear.”
Holding the wand in my hand, I studied the patterns worked around it. The wand was all of a slick, silver metal, and the runes worked into the surface created a sense of urgency, almost a flowing sense forcing my gaze around it.
“Whose power is it?” I thought I already knew, but I wanted him to tell me.
“I would trust you with none other than my own, Dr. Stone.”
11
Barden watched me and I didn’t know what to say. I took the wand from him, holding onto it, running my fingers along the slick surface of the metal; I could feel the patterns worked into it. The runes carried power, transferring magic from the mage it was gifted from, and providing it to the wand. The last time I had been around a magic wand, I had managed to use the power and wondered if I could replicate it now.
“I thought you said this weakens the person who allows their power to be used?”
“It does, but considering the situation you find yourself in, I think you have a greater need than I do. If it comes down to it, I will surround myself with others who will protect me, but you aren’t quite able to do that, and I don’t want you to be helpless.”
“How do I use it?”
A better question was whether or not I should use it, but I dismissed that almost immediately. I didn’t need to question whether I would accept the wand. I knew I would. It would keep me safe.
Was it more than that? As much as I had questioned whether I wanted to be a part of the magical world, there was a part of me that thrilled at the idea I could use magic. How could I not? Knowing power like that—power that could protect me—had incredible value. I’d seen how it could be used.
“You focus on the same things as you did before.” He looked around the living room, glancing at the carpet. He tapped his toe, running it in a circle around the open space in the living room, causing a ring to form. “And please don’t tell Dr. Michaels I did this.”
“Did what?”
He grinned and I chuckled softly. “Okay,” he said, nodding. We were aligned.
“I think you need to practice whether you can reach for magic with the wand. With the wand, it’s different from you working spells on your own, and please don’t mistake this for my telling you that you don’t need to continue to work on reaching for magic on your own. You absolutely do. If you are a hedge mage, even if you aren’t able to reach for powerful magic, you can at least understand how to reach your own. There are quite a few hedge mages who have a very specific type of magic.”
“How so?”
“It’s tied to the way they’ve taught themselves. I would rather you learn a more general type than specialized, but if nothing else, don’t abandon your search for the understanding of magic.”
“You’re saying I get to be a specialist now?”
“Actually, I believe I was saying I wanted you to have a general knowledge base.”
“Right, but you’re saying it might be easier for me to be a specialist.”
“For some reason, I think you’re taking the wrong message from this.” He sighed, apparently exasperated. He must have been wondering if I’d ever get it—or how on earth I’d even become a doctor. But I’d already said things never came easily to me.
I shrugged, holding the wand in both hands. It had a weight to it. It had to be four or five pounds, and was solid, the kind of thing that not only would allow me to reach for magic, but it would serve as a good weapon if it came down to it. I smacked it on my open palm for a moment before grinning.
“Thank you, Barden.”
“Perhaps we should ensure you are able to use this before we go about you thanking me.”
“That’s not why am thanking you.”
“And why is that?”
“Because I understand the cost.”
I wasn’t sure how Barde
n was going to react, and he only studied me for long moments. After a while, he took a deep breath and shook his head. “I don’t suppose Dr. Michaels shared with you my impression of you?”
“I didn’t realize the two of you had ever talked about me.”
“Perhaps not so directly. I remember distinctly the first time I met you. You came with her to the headquarters. She was nervous, but as it was Dr. Michaels, she was making every effort to ensure she didn’t appear so. You, on the other hand, seemed uncomfortable. When I realize you had no ability to access magic, I understood that feeling well. You were coming into the proverbial lions’ den and yet did so without blinking. You did it again when you helped Dr. Michaels other times. You have a sense of loyalty. That is something I respect.”
“She’s my friend.”
“And you miss her.”
“I do. I don’t have a lot of friends.”
“Why is that?”
“It’s a long story, Barden.”
“Does it have to do with what you suffered when you were younger?”
I turned away. “How do I use this?”
I worried Barden would try to push. There was something paternal about the way he behaved despite the attempts at flirtation. He had done the same with Kate, and in her case, she’d needed someone like that. I, on the other hand, wanted nothing to do with a father figure. It’d been a bad enough experience with the last one.
“How did you use it the last time?” Barden asked.
“I don’t know. I was sort of trying to stay alive.”
“Some magic seems to react to a desire. Perhaps in the case of you and using a magic wand, there might be a benefit to you focusing on what you wanted to do.”
“What if I wanted to blow you up?” I asked with a hint of a smile.
“If that is what you want, you might find the wand allows a singular attack, but as soon as my magic is gone, so is the power within the wand.”
“Are there wands tied to more than one mage?”
“I would be careful with that line of questioning, Dr. Stone. That is the way the vampires approached things.”
“I’m not saying I—”
Barden chuckled, cutting me off. “I know you aren’t implying you want to do anything quite like the vampires. But it is similar to how they have approached their application of magic.”
Frost Bite Page 11