by Megan Green
His wide green eyes—James’s eyes—stare up at me, unshed tears glistening in them.
I bring my hand to his chin, running my thumb across his cheek once more. “What’s wrong, baby? You can tell me.”
“I saw Dad today. At the park. It scared me so bad, Mom. I saw you sitting there with him, and I didn’t know what to do. Zach got mad at me ’cause I just stopped playing and watched. I was so afraid, Mom. I don’t want him to hurt you anymore.” His tears spill over, and he throws himself against me again, tightly hugging me.
At hearing the anguish in his voice, my chest aching, I rest my cheek against his head. I hold him until he cries himself out, his loud sobs eventually turning to soft whimpers. All the while, I whisper to him that we’re safe. That I’m safe.
When he stills, his body feeling limp and relaxed in my arms, I assume he’s fallen asleep. I gently lean him back, placing his head on the pillow, before withdrawing my arms. To my surprise, I find his eyes open, his expression puzzled.
“How do you know Joey?” he asks, his voice letting on to just how tired he is.
His question startles me—until I remember how the two of them seemed to know each other prior to meeting at the park.
“I have a better question,” I say, playfully poking him in the stomach. “How do you know Joey, young man?”
He giggles as he tries to avoid my tickles, twisting in the sheets. He tries to retaliate, all traces of his earlier tears now vanished. I pin his arms down at his sides, noticing his pajama shirt has ridden up in his wiggling. I smile hugely, already anticipating the eruption of laughter I’m sure to incite. Before he can catch wind of what I’m up to, I dive, my lips going to his bare skin, and I blow, giving him the loudest raspberry I can manage. And, sure enough, maniacal laughter fills the room as he squirms, his breath coming out in strangled gasps.
He tries to catch his breath between laughs. “Stop, stop!” he shrieks.
I’m sure, downstairs, Mario can hear the commotion. Lucky for me, it’s clear that Cade’s cries are happy cries. Otherwise, I’d be self-conscious about the fact that people might hear us. Not that Mario would ever think I’d harm my child. But, still, others in the kitchen don’t know me as well. I don’t need them getting the wrong idea.
It makes me smile to think that Cade is able to be a kid here, that I’m able to play and laugh with him like a normal mother would. At James’s house—I refused to think of it as my house anymore, it hadn’t been mine since my parents died and James took it over – Cade was expected to be silent. He wasn’t allowed to have friends over. He wasn’t allowed to laugh and play like normal boys his age. Even when he was outside in the backyard, he was expected to keep his voice down. James never hit him, but I made sure Cade followed all his rules just the same. I didn’t take any chances as far as my son was concerned.
When Cade settles down, I flop back on the pillow next to him. He turns to face me, so I follow his direction and turn on my side. Once we’re face-to-face, he smiles.
“I like Joey. He’s nice.”
I smile back at him. “He is nice. But you still haven’t answered my question, mister. How’d you meet him?”
“He came to my school on Career Day. He is so cool, Mom. Did you know he has a robot leg?”
I laugh softly.
When Joey was injured, it was national news. Okay, maybe not national. But it sure felt like it in the small town of Superior. It was all anybody talked about for weeks. And though I wasn’t around people much back then, I still couldn’t avoid the discussions. So, of course, I knew about Joey losing a leg.
But thinking back on the few times I’ve seen him recently, I realize it didn’t really occur to me to notice. I all but forgot he’d been injured. He moves with such ease, without the slightest hitch in his gait. I wonder what type of prosthesis they gave him, thinking maybe Cade isn’t too far off in the robot thing. I mean, it has to be something special if he’s still so agile, right?
I make a mental note to ask Joey about it the next time I see him. Then, it hits me. I can’t ask him these things anymore. I can’t ask him about his bionic leg or his experiences in the war. It isn’t my place. It would be weird, with the possibility of making him uncomfortable. And that’s the last thing I want to do. Not after his help this afternoon.
Cade’s voice interrupts my thoughts. “Now, you answer my question. How do you know Joey?”
He puts such an emphasis on you that I can’t help but smile.
My eyes flick back up to his face, and he grins at me. I’m sure he has all kinds of crazy little-boy thoughts running through his head, and I don’t want to do anything to perpetuate those, but I also don’t want to see the happiness on his face wash away. I decide a half-truth will suffice.
“Growing up, he was my best friend. I’ve known him forever,” I say the word like the little boy with glasses in the movie he loves so much, The Sandlot.
He giggles for a moment until I can practically see a lightbulb going off in his head.
“Wait! That day at school, Joey told me that he had a best friend named Nichole. Was it you?”
This time, the word you is filled with such shock that I have to laugh.
“Yes, it was me. Why is that so surprising?”
Cade shrugs. “Joey said Nichole was the coolest girl ever. That doesn’t sound like you, Mom.” His tone serious, he keeps a straight face through the entire sentence.
My mouth falls open, and I’m unsure of how to respond. I snap my jaw closed, my mind trying to come up with some apology as to why I wasn’t able to be a cool mom before and how I’m going to try my damnedest to change that from here on out.
I’m just about to speak when he dissolves into a fit of laughter.
“You should’ve seen your face, Mom! That was so funny! Wait until I tell Zach about that one.”
I pounce on him, both hands tickling him as he screams in laughter. “You little stinker! You take it back. I’m the coolest mom ever. Admit it! Admit it!”
His face flushes red as he tries to breathe, and soon, I feel my own skin overheating from lack of oxygen.
“Okay,” he gasps. “Okay. You’re the coolest mom ever. I’m sorry.”
I triumphantly pump my fist in the air. “Woohoo! Coolest mom ever!”
I roll over onto my back again, my arm spread out across the pillow beside me. Cade burrows into the pocket I’ve created, his head resting on my shoulder.
“I love you, Mommy. It’s so nice to see you smile.”
I swallow against the lump forming in my throat. Cade’s breathing evens out in record time, even for him. Within seconds, he’s fast asleep, his soft snores comforting me in the darkness. I grab the remote from the bedside table, switching off the TV, so the room is completely black now. I pull Cade further into me, smelling the sweet scent of his shampoo mixed with the slightest hint of little-boy sweat.
I’m smiling as I drift off to sleep.
Fourteen Years Ago
I fidget with my sweater as I wait, perched on the edge of the couch as I stare out the window. With every car that turns down our street, my heart leaps into my throat. And, as each one drives past without turning into my driveway, I exhale loudly, admonishing myself for my overreaction.
“What is your problem? It’s only Joey, for crying out loud,” I whisper to myself, hoping my mother can’t overhear me while she’s in the kitchen.
She was hovering all afternoon, flitting around as I got dressed and did my hair. I swear, a couple of times, when I looked at her, she had tears in her eyes.
I’ll never understand adults.
I’ll admit, when Joey asked me to the movies—just the two of us—I was a little shocked. We’d gone to the movies before, most of the time by ourselves. But the way he asked made it seem like this time would be different. He said we could go to dinner first and not to worry about bringing any money because he would pay.
When I came home that day and told my mom, I could practically see
the hearts and flowers radiating off of her.
“Oh, sweetie,” she said, enveloping me in a hug before I could protest, “your first date!”
I wanted to argue, saying that going out with Joey was hardly a date. But then I remembered the shy way he’d asked me. And the way my palms had started to sweat as we stood there, him waiting for an answer and me waiting to see if he was serious.
When he hadn’t laughed in my face for actually appearing to consider it, I’d finally spoken, “Oh, um…sure. What do you want to see?”
“You pick,” he’d said, his voice sounding relieved that I’d said yes.
He’d told me he’d pick me up the next day at six. He’d just gotten his license the week before, and I was excited to get to ride in a car with someone other than my parents. None of my friends were driving yet, and I wasn’t even going to start driver’s ed for another few months—the downside to having a late birthday, I guess. I’ve always been younger than everyone in my class, and Joey had eight months on me.
Headlights turning into the driveway bring my attention back to the present.
I leap to my feet. “Bye, Mom!” I shout as I fling open the door.
Joey is walking up the front steps, but I shoo him in the other direction. The last thing I want is for my mom to make this weird.
“Let’s get out of here.” I smile at him as I race past him and then climb into the passenger seat.
A chill is in the air tonight, making it impossible to deny that winter is right around the corner. The cool fall days are already turning on us. Each day, the temperatures have been dropping even faster than the leaves from the trees. I wouldn’t be surprised if we got our first snowfall of the season soon.
Joey climbs into the driver’s seat and smiles at me. He seems awkward, as if he isn’t sure how to act.
I slink down in my seat, slipping off my boots and putting my feet up on the dash. “Well, are we just going to sit here all night?” I tease, hoping to clear some of the tension between us.
I decide it doesn’t matter if this night is different. It is still Joey, my best friend, the only person in the world who might actually know me better than I know myself.
It works. Joey laughs under his breath, murmuring something about my impatience as he throws the car into reverse.
We chat idly as we drive to the restaurant, the drama at school making for good conversation. Alex and his girlfriend, Keri, broke up the other day—very publicly, might I add, as half of the school fell witness to their theatrics. And, even though it happens about every other week, it’s still entertaining as hell, and it always gets everybody talking.
“What’s she mad about this time?” Joey asks, his eyes on the road as we speed along the highway.
I shrug. “Who knows? He probably smiled at her wrong. Or laughed at something she didn’t think was funny. You know her. She gets so easily upset.”
Keri is a tad overly dramatic. I’m not exactly sure why Alex puts up with her, but sometimes, I wish he’d just get over it. Keri is nice enough and all. Most of the time. But having to deal with her day after day gets exhausting. I don’t know how Alex does it. I’m not even the one dating her, and I’m not sure how much more I can take.
Joey laughs. “Those two are crazy.”
I scoff. “That’s putting it mildly.”
We chatter for a few more minutes until Joey pulls the car into the parking lot at Olive Garden. Dinner passes quickly, the food tasting amazing as always. After we finish, Joey pays the check, and we head back to the car.
A soft snow started falling while we were in there, coating everything in a thin layer of white. I grin like a five-year-old. I don’t care how old you get; there’s nothing quite like the first snow.
I run a few steps ahead of Joey, skidding across the slush in my flat-soled boots. I turn to find him grinning at me, laughing at my excitement.
“C’mon!” I shout, gesturing for him to join me.
Before he can, I take off again—this time, sliding several feet through the snow before falling promptly on my ass. Unable to help myself, I throw my head back in laughter, my butt throbbing. Joey is next to me in seconds, helping me to my feet. Once he realizes I’m okay, his own face splits into a smile. I throw my arms around him.
“Hold me up.” I giggle. “I can’t be trusted in these shoes.”
His arms circle around my waist, and I realize just how close we are standing. If I move an inch, my body will be flush against his. And, judging by the look in his eyes, Joey is just as aware of that fact as I am.
Neither of us is laughing anymore. Joey’s dark eyes scan my face, briefly resting on my lips before returning to my gaze. My lips part, my tongue running over my lower lip before I pull it between my teeth. Joey’s eyes flash as they follow the path of my tongue, his own lip coming to rest between his teeth, mirroring my own actions.
I study his face. The scruff there has only recently started to show up. The mole under his right eye that I’ve always known was there, for some reason, has suddenly become fascinating to me.
Has it always been so perfectly round? Has it always added that extra sparkle to his eye?
I realize he’s grinning at me as he watches me watching him. My eyes flash to the corner of his full mouth where just the tiniest hint of a dimple forms whenever he smiles. It’s something nobody notices unless they’re standing right next to him, really looking at him. I’ve always thought it was adorable. But I suddenly have the overwhelming urge to lick it.
Dropping my chin, I hastily break our gaze, suddenly fearing Joey might be able to somehow read my thoughts if I keep staring at him.
His cupped hand comes to rest under my chin, lifting my face back to his. The look in his eyes reflects what I imagine my own must look like. A smattering of snowflakes has gathered in his dark hair and on his shoulders. He looks…beautiful.
His fingers trace over my cheek as his eyes scan mine. Neither of us says a word as we stand in the Olive Garden parking lot in the snow. Voices sound all around us, but as far as I’m concerned, there’s nobody left on earth but Joey and me.
“Nichole?” Joey’s voice cracks through the silence, breaking my concentration on his features.
I blink out of my trance, only then realizing I was completely lost in his face.
“Yeah?” I manage to breathe out.
“Can I kiss you?” he whispers, his face only inches from mine.
I can feel the heat of his breath on my lips, but he doesn’t close the distance between us. He hovers, teasing me, while he waits for permission.
I nod slowly.
His lips close over mine, tasting faintly of both mint and garlic. I feel the slight wetness of snowflakes melting against my heated skin.
And I know that this is the start of something amazing.
My first kiss is in the parking lot of an Olive Garden.
And I know it’ll change my life forever.
“All right, on my count. One, two, three…go!”
Cade takes off like a shot, his little legs spinning furiously as he runs across my backyard, chasing a black-and-white soccer ball a few feet in front of him. He barrels toward the edge of the yard where I’m standing in a makeshift net I set up this afternoon. He rapidly pumps his arms, his tongue working between his lips as he focuses all his attention on the ball before him. It’s a look of such intense concentration that I can’t help but smile at his enthusiasm. He said he wanted to learn soccer. I had no idea he’d throw himself into it with such gusto.
I bounce on the balls of my feet, wanting him to think I’m as serious about this as he is. When he’s about ten feet in front of me, he stops, pausing momentarily as he looks up at me to gauge where to best kick the ball. I smile to myself. We’ll have to keep working on that. I told him to always make sure and read the goalie, find out his weak spots. But stopping right in the middle of the game so that he can assess the situation sure won’t bode well when he’s playing with his peers. Those little
shits won’t waste a second in stealing that ball from him.
I see Cade eye the right top corner of the net, determination steeling in his eyes. He swings his leg back and kicks the ball exactly where he was aiming. I jump to the left and beat my fist on the ground in mock frustration when I miss the ball. Cade throws his arms up, pumping his fists in the air as he dashes around my backyard.
“Woo! Mom, did you see me? Did you?” He races over to where Nichole is sitting on my back patio, sipping a glass of lemonade, watching the two of us practice.
I know I’m not doing the kid any favors by intentionally letting him score. But, c’mon, he’s just so damn cute. I can’t help but want to make him smile. Even the hardest heart would be softened by watching that little boy wildly running around from scoring a goal in a fake soccer game. I’m only human. I can’t resist that kind of charm.
I turn and watch him with Nichole, wiping my brow with the back of my hand. Now that June has arrived, the days are getting longer and the sun is getting hotter. Take the heat of the sun, add in the last hour I’ve spent running around with Cade, and my face feels like I’ve been roasting in an oven. If I keep this up much longer, I may end up resembling burnt meatloaf.
Nichole throws her arms out wide as Cade runs to her, her face lit up in the most breathtaking grin. A grin I’ve only seen a few times before. A grin I once thought was reserved solely for me.
A sense of sadness fills me when I realize that isn’t true anymore. I quickly shake it off though. What kind of person gets jealous of a seven-year-old, one who also happens to be her son?
This asshole—that’s who.
I tuck my hands into the front pockets of my jeans, slowly making my way across the lawn as I let them have their moment. When I reach them, Cade turns from his mother’s embrace and launches himself at me. I catch him, completely caught off guard but not wanting to let him fall to the ground. He wraps his arms around my neck, tightly hugging me to him.
“Thank you, Joey! I can’t wait to go to school next year and show everyone how good I am!”
I smile as I gently pat his back. If I’m honest, the feel of him in my arms is more appealing than I’d care to admit, his weight almost reassuring.