If looks could kill I’d have been a dead man. She pulled the shirt completely over her head and then unhooked her bra and let it slide down her arms.
My mouth fell open and I was pretty sure I felt drool drip down my chin. She did it. She actually did it.
The first thing I noticed was that they were au natural. I had no issue with women who chose to enhance their breast size, but there was nothing like the look and feel of the real things, and Cam’s were lovely. Perfect dark chocolate areolas led to nice, big, fluffy nipples. But that wasn’t the best part. Adorning those tasty looking nipples were silver bars with tiny chains on them and a small starfish hanging from each one. “I knew you were a freak.”
“Typical. A woman chooses to wear body jewelry and she’s automatically labeled, freak, hoe, or slut.”
I spoke without taking my eyes off her breasts. “I didn’t call you a hoe or a slut, and what’s wrong with being a freak?”
“Nothing, when you’re a man. But let a woman show the slightest inkling that she enjoys sex just as much or even more than men and watch how quickly she’s labeled. Men sexualize women, treat us like their play things. But let me date more than one guy at once. I’m called a whore so fast it’ll make your head spin. Never mind the fact that I’m not giving it up to any of them.” She spoke vehemently, using her hands to emphasize her point. The action made her breasts jiggle, which was good for me, so I wouldn’t stop her…yet. “And that’s another thing. There’s always something wanted in return. Why can’t a man ever just buy me something nice without wanting me to spread my legs or get on my knees in return? I’m not dry goods. You can’t buy me. I’m not a gold digger, and I damn sure ain’t my mother.”
I blew out a heavy breath and crossed my arms. Her mouth was seriously ruining my moment. “You can miss me with all that, Cam.”
Her face twisted into a half sneer, half scowl. “Excuse me?”
“You got a lot of nerve talking about women being objectified or sexualized by men when you’re standing in front a man who isn’t your boyfriend, husband, or sexual partner for that matter, topless. I didn’t force you to take off your clothes, you chose to.”
She covered her breasts and snatched up her shirt. “You’re an ass.”
I chuckled as she turned away from me to fix her bra. “Why are you pretending like you don’t already know me, Cammie?” I stood and went over to help her with the clasp she was clearly too flustered to fasten. When my fingers brushed her skin she jumped and whipped around to face me.
“Why are you always pretending like you’re a heartless bastard when we both know the truth?”
I reached around her, slid my hands up her smooth back and clasped her bra while staring into her eyes. “Because I am, Cammie. Or I may as well be. My heart is simply an organ used to pump blood. I fucked over the one person who ever loved me because I don’t possess the ability to return such an emotion.”
She broke our eye contact and removed my hands which rested on her hips. “You honestly believe that?”
“The proof is in the pudding.” I hopped up on the pool table and watched her pull her shirt on.
Crossing her arms, she stared at me for a long moment before turning away without another word and marching up the steps.
It took me all of five seconds after she’d left to realize I’d gone too far this time. I’d been pushing her bit by bit since she’d agreed to a friendship, seeing how much I could get away with. When I’d made the wager I hadn’t thought she’d actually go through with it. She’d denied my advances from day one. So why had she?
I jumped down and raced up the steps, taking two at a time. When I reached the kitchen, my heart dropped.
She stood against the counter with tears streaming down her face.
I inched over to her, unclear on how to handle the situation. I’d soothed Cam’s tears once before, but not ones I’d caused. My hand lifted to her face and caressed the wetness away. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” She turned away from me and finished wiping her face. “I’m the idiot.”
“What? Why would you say that?”
“Because I’m Camryn and Camryn does stupid things. Always have.”
“You’re not stupid, Cam. Though I am kinda curious as to why you did that. I honestly didn’t think you would.”
She turned her body toward me but kept her head down. “You called me a coward. And stupid me did a stupid thing to prove I wasn’t.”
“Stop that!” I lifted her chin so she’d look at me. “You’re not stupid and you’re not a coward. I’m an ass and I abused our friendship. I’m sorry.”
She moved my hand and dropped her gaze again. “This isn’t new for me, Benji. Are we forgetting you saving me a few weeks ago? I’m the queen of bad decisions. All through high school I made bad choices, earning myself many reputations. Whore, slut, and backstabber just to name a few.”
When the tears started to flow again I wrapped her in my arms and pulled her close. “You ain’t any of those things, Cammie. You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever known.” I ran my hand up and down her back as she sobbed into my shirt. “People like to believe sex and virginity are the things that should be held dearly to a woman. They keep it under lock and key but turn around and give their hearts to any man that smiles at them. If you ask me that’s the thing that’s sacred. Sex is sex.”
She pulled out of my embrace and looked up at me. “You don’t get it. You don’t have to. I bet you can’t even count how many women you’ve slept with, yet no one would ever label you as anything but maybe a player.”
“Player isn’t my label. I’m the fuck up, didn’t you know.” I chuckled to lighten the mood. “I’ve been labeled since the day I was born. No one’s ever expected anything of me and all I’ve done is proven them right.”
“Um, aren’t you majoring in pre-med?”
“Yeah, and I failed every last one of my classes. See. Fuck up.”
She stared off into space for a minute before a small smile claimed her face. “I guess we do have something in common then, because I’m pretty sure I am too.”
I brushed my fingers against hers to gain her attention. “Wanna play who’s the bigger fuck up?”
Laughter bubbled out of her and she nodded. “Sure, why not?”
“Ever done anything illegal?”
“No...” Her brow rose slightly. “Have you?”
“Shoplifted a lot when I was younger and once got talked into a home invasion. Shook the whole time, almost pissed myself, and when we were done I ran home and threw up.”
“Well, I guess you win that round. Have you ever cheated on a girl?”
“Nope. Only ever been in one relationship. It lasted for two weeks and she broke up with me.”
“Why?”
I shrugged. “Said I sucked as a boyfriend. What about you? Are you an adulteress?
She shook her head. “But I did steal a girl’s boyfriend before.”
“Why’d you do that?”
“Because I could.”
“Round two for Cam. How old were you when you lost your virginity?”
“Fifteen.”
“Twelve.”
Her eyes widened as well as her mouth.
I reached out and closed it for her.
She slapped my hand away. “Twelve?”
I shrugged and leaned against the fridge. “Twelve. The woman it was with–”
“Woman! Wait, wait, wait, you lost your virginity at twelve…with a woman? How old was she?”
“Like thirty or something. She used to watch me when my mom disappeared for days.”
Cam’s shoulders dropped and wetness pooled in her eyes. She stepped closer to me and wrapped her small arms around my waist.
“Why am I being hugged? I mean, it’s nice but–”
Her small hand ran up and down my back. “You poor thing.”
“Um…”
She looked up at me with a frown on her face. “Do you even rea
lize–”
“That I was raped? Yes, Cam, I’m aware.” She tried to move away but I wouldn’t let her go, instead squeezing her tighter. “Viv did what she did, but she also took care of me. Fed me, helped me with my homework, made sure I was clean and clothed. I didn’t want to do the things she asked of me, but I needed her.”
Chapter Fourteen
~ Camryn ~
“So, how’s your…um…Benji?” Gabi leaned on the clothing rack and smiled at me.
I put the blouse back I was looking at and picked out another. “First of all, he’s not my Benji. Second, why is everything in this store so ugly?”
She giggled and handed me a pink frilly top which I handed right back. “It’s a thrift store, Cam. You have to hunt for the good stuff. That’s what makes it fun.”
“When does the fun part start? Because I’m bored.”
She sighed and hung the top back up. “The market place is opening down near the lake. We could try there.”
“Market place?”
“Yeah, during the summer a bunch of little indie shops open. They sell clothes, jewelry, accessories, even food. Usually pretty cheap. You’ve never been?”
“You’re talking to the queen of labels here. If it wasn’t designer, I didn’t buy it.”
She shook her head at me then led the way out of the store and to Jay’s car. I’d done pretty well at the yard sale the prior weekend and now it was time for me start my new wardrobe. Only I couldn’t find anything I liked. There were some nice things at the thrift shop but nothing that really stood out to me.
On the drive to the lake Gabi continued to grill me about my friendship with Benji. I shook my head and laughed at my nosy friend. “Benji is fine, at least I think he is.”
“Oooooh you think he’s fine?”
I turned in my seat to glare at her. “You know that’s not what I meant.”
She giggled as she stopped at a light. “So you don’t think he’s at all attractive? I mean he is sort of your type.”
“I don’t have a ‘type.’”
“Yeah you do. I’ve seen you date all kinds, but whenever we look at magazines or watch movies you always drool over the same guys.” She pulled into to traffic while listing off aesthetics. “Their skin tones range from a light honey tone like me to caramel…like Benji. They usually have light eyes–”
“But never blue.”
She ignored me and continued. “They’re always muscular and I can almost guarantee they have good hair, like–”
“I hate you right now.”
Her laughter filled the car. “Just admit it, you like him.”
“I don’t! I may find him the slightest bit attractive, but I don’t like him. Not like that.”
She cut her eyes at me and twisted her lips to the side. “I’m here when you’re ready to confess.” She stopped at another light and stared me down.
“Okay fine! He’s more than attractive. He’s a caramel dipped Adonis, but that still doesn’t mean I like him.”
“Now we’re getting somewhere.” She pulled off while giggling. “But all jokes aside, how is he really?”
I faced forward in my seat and pulled out my new phone. My mom had my old one cut off, likely as punishment for me hanging up in her face. “He’s doing okay...better I think. I haven’t seen him drink, so there’s that. And he’s actually been really helpful and supportive of me finding myself. He thinks I should major in photography next semester.”
“Really? Is that what you want to do?”
“I hadn’t really thought about majoring in it. I do enjoy taking pictures though. It’s really fun searching around River Crest for cool things to photograph.” I sighed and put my phone away. “Even if I did want to, it’s not like I can. I still haven’t found a job and even if I do, I still won’t be able to save enough for tuition before next semester. Not even if I make payments.”
“What about the community college? And have you looked into financial aid?”
“No. Gabi, I have no idea what the heck I’m doing or how to do handle any of this.”
She reached over and patted my hand. “Don’t worry, sweetie. I’ll help you. We can start looking into things today if you want.”
I squeezed her hand and smiled. “Thanks. You’re like the best person ever.”
“I know right?”
I stuck my tongue out at her and she giggled.
~ ♥ ~
Gabi and I walked through the outdoor shops with our arms linked together. It had started to drizzle a bit but luckily everything was tucked safely beneath a large tent.
I stopped at an area where a man was selling dresses. They were styled with different tribal and Kente designs, each one unique and in a variety of colors.
The man behind the counter smiled at me.
I offered a small smile back while browsing through the rack. “How much are these?”
“Ten dollars each, Miss.”
“Ten dollars? Really?” I’d never bought or worn a dress for less than two hundred.
He nodded and smiled.
They were really nice to be so cheap. I pulled several from the rack in varying designs and colors.
When I turned, Gabi was standing behind me with her arms folded.
“What?”
“Do you need that many?”
“They’re only ten dollars.”
“Each. And you have like twenty. You have to be more mindful of spending now. You need other things too. Like pants and shoes.”
I poked out my bottom lip and hugged my bundle of beloved dresses to my chest. “But they’re so pretty.”
“You can have three.”
“Three? How am I supposed to decide which three?”
“Pick the ones you like most.”
“What if I like them all?”
“Cam…”
I grumbled while hanging the dresses back up. The shop owner didn’t seem too happy with Gabi either. After twenty minutes I finally decided on a purple one with a cool African design, a brown one with a Kente type print, and a plain red one.
We shopped around a while longer and I picked out some beautiful handmade wooden jewelry, a few pairs of pants and shirts, some shoes, and even a few bohemian style skirts. Everything was so different from what I’d usually wear, but I was satisfied with my purchases because they were all things I really liked. I couldn’t wait to try them all on.
When I got back to my dorm Benji was in the same spot I’d left him, lounging on my bed in a pair of basketball shorts and nothing else. The only difference was when I’d left he was awake.
I sat my shopping bags by my dresser then stood over him with my arms folded. “Benji, get your lazy butt up. I swear all you do is sleep.”
Since the time he’d stayed with me he hadn’t been to any of his classes. His reasoning was he’d failed already so why bother. For the past week he’d been lazing around my dorm either sleeping or watching TV.
Each time I left whether for class or job hunting, when I got back he was knocked out cold with the remote still in his hand.
When he didn’t even stir I stepped forward to shake him. My foot hit something hard near the bed and I bent and lifted my duvet. What I saw made my eyes water.
I snatched the half full bottle of liquor up along with two empty ones. Sitting the empties down, I unscrewed the top from the other and poured it over his stupid face.
His eyes popped open then he immediately shut them again and shot straight up. “What the fuck? That shit burns.”
“You’re lucky I didn’t crack you over the head with it. What the hell is wrong with you?”
He continued to rub at his eyes then growled. “Can I at least have a fucking towel before the lecture?”
I grabbed one from the clean laundry basket and tossed it at him.
After drying his face, he looked up at me with pitiful eyes. “Can I explain?”
I shook my head and looked away from him. “What happened to not wanting to be like this
anymore? What happened to wanting help? Was all that just talk?”
He stood and came over to me. “No, Cammie. I do want help. I wanna stop.”
“Coulda fooled me.” I kept trying to avoid looking at him but he kept moving so he was in my line of vision.
“I’m trying.”
“How the hell is drinking three bottles of alcohol and hiding them, trying?”
“I was sober for a day before the shaking started, the sweating. I couldn’t take it. I didn’t drink all three at once. Just enough to make the pain stop.”
I dropped my arms to my sides and looked up into his eyes. They searched mine as if looking for understanding. “Why didn’t you say anything? If you’re going through withdrawal, then you need real help.”
He shook his head and sat on the bed with his face in his hands. “I don’t wanna go to rehab.”
“Why not? They can help you.”
He reached for me and when I stepped within range he pulled me to him and looked up at me. “You can help me.”
“Benji, I’m not a doctor. Withdrawal is dangerous.”
He pressed his face against my stomach and let out a hard breath. “Rehab makes it real. I don’t want it to be real.”
“Makes what real?”
“That I ended up like her. That I’m an addict. Just like her.”
I took his face in my hands and lifted his head so he’d look at me. “You aren’t her, but if you wait too long you might be. Get help now, before it’s too late.”
He rested his head on me again and wrapped his arms around my waist. His breath came out shaky as he whispered into my shirt. “I’m scared.”
I tangled my fingers in the curls at the nape of his neck and massaged gently. “It’s okay. Cammie’s here.”
I moved my hands to his shoulders and rubbed them while he held onto me. I don’t know why I thought simply taking the gun from his hand was enough. He was broken beyond what I was capable of repairing. As much as I wanted to, saving him wasn’t a one-woman job. If he was going to get better, he needed a strong support system. It was time for him to make amends, even if I had to drag him.
If things didn’t change now he’d end up right back on that path of self-destruction. I couldn’t let that happen.
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