The bathroom was more extravagant than she had been able to see in the pictures too. It held a makeup vanity and a huge walk-in closet. Garrett, in turn, loved the theater room and was already making plans on what he would change. When they made their way over to the mother-in-law suite, both of them were talking about making it their own studio. When the tour was over, they stood in the driveway with Jacob.
“Thank you for taking us through it today,” Garrett told him, holding out his hand for him to shake.
“My pleasure, and to let you both know, there is some wiggle room in the price. If you want to make an offer, please contact the office. This is a very motivated seller who wants people who will enjoy this house, and the two of you have had smiles on your faces since you got here.”
“We’ll be in touch, as soon as possible,” Hannah told him.
When they got into the Land Rover, they looked at each other and at the same time said, “We’re making an offer.”
* * *
“How long do you think we’ll have to wait to hear back on our offer?” Hannah asked later on that night as the two of them lay on her couch.
Shell had decided not to fly in for the day with her, so they were alone, and enjoying the peace and quiet.
“I would say at least a few days. I know you’re excited, babe, but try not to get your hopes up until we hear back. There may have been another couple after us that he showed it to.”
“I hope not.” She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. “I love that house, and I feel at home there. You know when you walk in somewhere and you instantly know that’s where you should live? I got that vibe there.”
“I did too,” he admitted. “That’s a lot of bedrooms though,” he laughed.
“I’m sure at some point we’ll talk about having children, and we’ll need that space,” she mentioned, quietly. It wasn’t necessarily something that she had given much thought to before, but since they had brought up the topic, she felt like she needed to throw that out there.
“With your break coming up, it might be the perfect time to talk about it.” His green eyes bore into hers.
Hannah’s stomach did a tumble when she thought about having his child. That was something she had always thought was so far off, but obviously if he had mentioned it, he was thinking about it. “Do you think it’s too early to be talking about it?”
“No, do you?” He pushed her hair back from her neck, burying his face there.
“I feel like we should have a little time to ourselves first.”
“I’m not saying let’s get busy the first night that you get off tour. I’m saying sometime in the next year and a half,” he chuckled.
That sounded better, something that she could deal with easier. Everything was so fast in their relationship that she was half afraid that it would be over as quickly as it had begun.
“You tensed, what’s wrong?”
“There are moments,” she sighed, “when I wonder if we’ve done this way too fast. I wonder if we’re setting ourselves up for an epic crash and burn. I know that I shouldn’t think that—no one wants to think that about any relationship they’re in—but those thoughts sneak up on me sometime.”
He swallowed hard against the lump that rose in his throat every time she questioned what they had. “You can’t let that insecurity get into your head, babe. Things aren’t easy for us, they never will be. Even if you decide to not go back to performing, I still will be. This is our reality, and we have to find a way to be okay with it. I think spending more time together will help us become more comfortable in what we have, but you can’t let that shit get to you.”
“I know.” She ran her hand through her hair. “I don’t know why I do this to myself.”
“You’re stressed, you’re tired, and you want to be a normal person for a while, I get it, okay. You don’t have to ever worry that I’m going to not get it, because I do. I have these moments too, I just don’t voice them. I feel like if I voice them, then I give them power to make me question things, and that is never what I want to do with our relationship. We are different, though. You do what you need to do. I’m going to be right here with you every time you feel overwhelmed or have doubts.”
“Because together we are stronger than we ever were apart.” She clasped their hands, loving the feel of the strength he gave her with such a simple touch.
“Exactly. Nobody can break this as long as we don’t let go.” He tightened the grip. “And I’m damn strong, not to mention stubborn as fuck. We’re going to figure this out.”
“I know.” She burrowed closer to him, glad to feel the warmth of his body, the beat of his heart. They would figure it out, she knew that, but the getting there was going to be a bumpy ride.
Chapter Sixteen
* * *
Hannah was tired, beyond tired. Glancing at the clock, she saw that it read five a.m., but she couldn’t sleep. Her mind was traveling at a hundred miles a minute, and she could not get it to be quiet. She had even done the calming exercises that she’d found online. There were so many things she wanted to do, so many things that needed to get done, and she couldn’t turn it off. Her and Garrett’s offer on the house had been accepted, and they were looking to close on it in the next two weeks. Decorating ideas and Pinterest were now her best friends. Pulling her phone off her bedside table, she opened the calendar and counted. Five more weeks on this tour, she could do it. If she said it enough times, then it would be true. But God, she was so tired. Hannah quickly calculated the time in California and decided that Garrett was probably still awake. Pressing the button to FaceTime, she held her breath, waiting to see if he would answer.
“Babe, what the fuck are you doing awake? Not that I’m not excited to see you, but it’s late.”
His face came onto the screen, and she wanted to cry. “I can’t sleep,” she told him, swallowing hard against the lump that had appeared in her throat.
“Are you okay?” he asked, his green eyes softening as he took in her face. There were huge dark circles under her eyes, and she looked on the verge of tears.
“I really need a hug.” She smiled, but it was shaky.
He closed his eyes against the image on his phone. “God, Hannah, you’re fucking killing me. I can’t stand to see that look on your face and know that there’s nothing that I can do about it.”
Melancholy had taken over as soon as she’d seen him, the want to be near him and the need to have him with her. “I don’t know that I can handle five more weeks,” her voice broke against the words she said.
“Tell me what’s wrong, and I swear to you, I will do whatever I can to fix it. It’s killing me to see you like this and know that I’m across the country.”
She blew out a deep breath, letting the tears fall from her eyes. “I’m tired, I’m PMS-ing, and I’m sad,” she bit out, her voice thin. “I need a chocolate bar and some Midol, stat. A good cry would help too.”
This was so out of his element. He’d never dealt with a hormonal wife before, and he wondered why that was. “You’re never this hormonal, are you sure this is all that’s wrong?”
She propped herself up on the pillows and ran her hand through her hair. “I’m so tired and I miss you. My brain will not shut the fuck up, and I want your arms around me in the worst way.”
His eyebrows were to his hair line as he heard the f-word fly from her mouth. “I’m shocked at the word that came out of your mouth right now.”
“I know, I am too.” She blew out a frustrated breath. “I want to be normal. I’m sick of the separation and everything that goes with it. I feel like I’m a pawn in someone’s game. They want me to do an eight-week tour in order for me to get time off, and then they pack everything they possibly can into that those eight weeks. It’s so frustrating.”
He glanced at the calendar. “Are you sure this isn’t because you have that new song coming out tomorrow. The one you wanted me to duet on and the record companies both said no? Are you feeling pis
sed about it?”
“A little,” she admitted. “I mean, it’s like they don’t want us to be married. I get these stupid messages from the record company—be careful how much of your husband you put on social media, we don’t want to offend the fans. What the crap? I am an almost twenty-five-year-old newlywed. I am sick to death of being told what I can and what I cannot do. I’m ready to go AWOL on this tour.” She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. “I am done with it, Garrett. I need a break.”
“Five weeks is not that long in the grand scheme of things,” he played devil’s advocate. The reality of it was, he heard the same things too. Probably not to the extent that she did, but every once in a while, there were grumblings about a rocker being married to a country star, and he had to defend his decisions. It was stupid because they were human beings like everyone else on the planet. No one batted an eye when normal people got married. “Your day off is tomorrow, right?”
“Yeah.” But she wasn’t excited about it. It was just another day that she was away from him.
“Maybe you need to do something for yourself, go shopping or see a movie. Spend the day in bed watching chick flicks until you’re non-hormonal,” he suggested.
Nothing sounded good to her except spending the day watching chick flicks wrapped up in his arms. No one seemed to understand. “Maybe,” her voice was non-committal, and she fought not to roll her eyes. He was supposed to understand.
“I can’t change our circumstances, Han. I see the disappointment in your face.”
“I know you can’t.” She was beginning to get angry, and that was the last thing she wanted to do. “Whatever’s meant to happen will happen, right?” Her tone was flippant and she smacked her hand against the mattress.
“Don’t get pissed at me, don’t you think I miss you too?”
Faced with that question and as moody as she was, she was feeling mean. “No, I don’t. I think you have a good time in the studio with your friends every night and then go home and play video games or work out. Plus you have Havock there to keep you company, what do you need me for?”
That wasn’t fair. That was how he wound down. How he dealt with the loneliness of the house without her being there. “You’re being a dumbass right now.” His temper was starting to get hot.
“What?” she breathed.
Her brown eyes flashed with anger as he stared into the phone, but she wasn’t the only one who could get angry. “I said you’re being a dumbass right now.”
“I can’t believe you would say those words to me.”
“Well they’re damn well true, and I’m fucking pissed. Don’t you dare sit there and tell me that I don’t miss you, that I don’t have the same sense of loneliness that you do. I’m willing to cut you a break ’cause you’re on the rag, but kiss my ass.”
That was crude. “Really?” she questioned him. “You’re really gonna talk to me like that.”
“Baby doll, you started it, so you damn well better be able to take it.”
She opened her mouth, ready to lay into him, when he cut her off.
“You sit here, in this house every night, every motherfucking night, and tell me that I’m not lonely. I re-live everything we did here. When I go to bed, your pillow still smells like you. I barely get any sleep because all I do is think about what we did there. I can’t look out at my balcony without imagining you spread over that table; gets me hard every time. You aren’t here, so I do what I gotta do. Downstairs? Can’t sit on the couch, we laid there watching movies for days, those motherfucking pillows smell like you too. Kitchen? We cooked breakfast there, and I can’t sit at the fucking table without thinking of you sitting across from me. Beach? We walked there for hours playing with Havock. Bathroom? We had the biggest heart-to-heart of all there. Not to mention Havock. My fucking dog looks for you everywhere and sleeps on a shirt you left. I tried to pick it up off the floor to wash it for you, he nipped at me. Tried to bite me. There is absolutely no fucking way you can sit here and tell me that I don’t understand what you’re going through. I am surrounded by memories that you and I made, and I can’t get away from them.”
The tears that Hannah had tried to hold at bay spilled over her eyes and down her cheeks. She wanted to say so many things, but he had gotten on a roll and she couldn’t interrupt.
“You are a crazy fucking woman if you don’t think I’m not affected by you not being here, and to be perfectly honest with you, that pisses me off, hurts my feelings, and pisses me off.”
“You already said that pisses you off,” she whispered, taken back by the way his green eyes flashed at her.
“Don’t you dare be a smartass with me. I’m mad now, furious, that you discounted my feelings, and you think you have the monopoly on being sad, lonely, and depressed. I may not have the lady parts to have PMS, but I guarantee you my mood now matches yours. Congratulations, love of my life.”
She couldn’t get a word in edgewise.
He growled in frustration. “This is not the type of shit I need from you. What I need is for you to be the understanding wife who can’t wait to see me. Not give me a fucking guilt trip because we can’t be in the same time zone.”
“I can’t wait to see you,” she whispered.
Reaper was on, and Garrett had taken a backseat. “You’re a spoiled little brat if you want to act like you’re the only one hurting here, and I don’t want to hear about it anymore. Have a good fucking day, sweetheart.” He disconnected the call.
She was left holding the phone, her mouth hanging open in shock. There was a knock at the door and Shell opened it without hesitation.
“Was that Garrett I heard yelling in here?”
For a moment Hannah didn’t say anything, still looking at the phone, thinking she would see him try to reconnect their FaceTime. When it became apparent that he wasn’t going to do that, she lowered the phone to her lap and looked at her friend. “Yeah,” she nodded before bursting into tears.
“Did you two have a fight?” Shell asked, climbing onto the bed next to her and hugging her close.
“I’m not sure what that was.” She shook her head. Once she had her emotions somewhat under control, she explained to Shell what had happened.
“I can’t believe I’m defending him, but you’re both very stressed, and sometimes we snap at the people we love the most. You know he’s got a hair trigger sometimes. Did you deserve it? Probably not, but we both knew it was coming.”
“No.” Hannah shook her head. “I didn’t know it was coming.”
“Well, I did. Jared told me that Garrett’s been an ass to be around the past few days. He misses you, and he’s having a hard time dealing with it.”
“This is stupid.” Hannah ran her hand through her hair. “Why can’t we be normal? Why do we have to go through this separation, and then why in the world do we have to get annoyed with and yell at each other?”
“You’re newlyweds, Han. Most newlyweds fight just to make up. I have a feeling that’s what you two are doing. The only bad thing for you? He’s too far away for makeup sex,” she giggled.
Hannah groaned. “Five more weeks. I can handle five more weeks, right?”
In her own head, Shell wondered if she could handle five more weeks with her friend. Hannah and Garrett were going to drive her insane before this was all over. Instead of voicing that, she nodded her head. “You got this.”
“I got this,” Hannah repeated, but knew she didn’t have it at all.
Chapter Seventeen
* * *
“Fucking crazy-ass females.” Garrett slammed his phone against his thigh.
“What’s wrong?” Jared asked. They were still in the studio, trying to finish up the song they were working on. Everyone else had left for the night. Out of the entire group, he and Jared were the most dedicated and they all knew it.
“Did you catch the end of that?”
“Kind of, I tried to give you your privacy, but I couldn’t help but hear. You did have her on Face
Time.”
“Was I harsh?” he asked, needing to feel justification for his feelings, and if anyone could give it to him straight, it was Jared.
“You’re always harsh when you care. That’s the thing, you have no filter, and sometimes that’s hard for people to take. Especially when people aren’t used to that side of you. Even though she’s your wife, she’s not used to that side of you. With her, you still have to watch yourself.”
There were some things he couldn’t let go, and he knew that about himself. Her seriously questioning whether he missed her or not was one of those things. It wasn’t like they were in a contest over who missed each other the most, but his feelings still mattered. “I’m sick of her acting like I don’t give a shit.”
“Do you wonder if that’s a mechanism? Ever?” Jared asked quietly.
“No, and I really don’t give a fuck. If she can’t figure out that I give a shit after everything we’ve been through, then what am I fighting so hard for?”
“I want you to hear me out.”
Garrett wasn’t sure that he wanted to do that. Jared was the king at making excuses, and Garrett was more than sure he could do it for Hannah too. What he wanted to do more than anything in this moment was to shut down and not give a fuck. It didn’t hurt when he didn’t give a fuck.
“I’m going to take you not saying anything as it being okay for me to speak. As someone who has a lot of the same personality traits as she does, I can tell you that acting like someone doesn’t care is an easy way of making it not hurt so much. If you believe that someone doesn’t care, then it doesn’t mean anything. Remember all those times I told you that I didn’t have your perfect life, so there was no way you’d understand what I was going through? It made it easier to pretend you didn’t understand.”
“But I’m so damn sick of proving I do understand, that I do miss her.”
The Price of Love (Rockin' Country Book 2) Page 10