“Alright.” Garrett shrugged. “Let me learn the words. Jared, you got your guitar?”
“Don’t go anywhere without it. Let me go back to our room and get it.”
“You don’t know the words yet?” Hannah glared over at her husband. She’d sent him the song a few weeks ago.
Garrett’s face blushed a deep red. “I’ve been busy.”
“Hmmm.” She shot him another look.
“Do not judge me.” He pointed a finger at her. “I love your stuff, but I have been very busy.”
She finally let the smile break over her face, wiping the tears away. “You’re cute when you’re trying to get in my good graces.”
“Woman, I just got there, I don’t need to go back to the dog house.” He got up. “I’m gonna go with Jared. If he’s got another guitar, I might be able to play with him.”
Hannah glanced over at Shell; she was already setting up her computer, pulling up the video editors she had on there. “Do you think this is a good idea?”
Shell looked up and shrugged. “You have to stand up for yourself, no matter what that means, no matter how. If you keep letting them walk all over you, then they will. I have to admit that I think this is a super low blow. You were very adamant in the fact that you absolutely did not want to do this with Bryson, and they went behind your back anyway. As bad as it sounds, they deserve whatever they get.”
“You think I’ll get in trouble?”
“I think you’re a songwriter who should be able to perform her song in any way she sees fit. If that’s in a hotel room with her husband and a guitarist, then you should be allowed to do that,” Shell sighed. “They’re used to jerking you around because they can. If you do this, then they know they can’t anymore, and you’ve taken a huge step in your desire to be free of all the chains. I’m proud of you for this.”
“Thank you.” Hannah reached over, hugging her friend.
“Now do I think we’ll both get a stern talking to? Yes, so we might as well go ahead and be prepared for it.”
The guys came back then, both carrying guitars. Hannah busied herself with getting the original lyrics and sheet music out of her bag, setting it down in front of them. She had never been a part of the actual music process and was excited to see Jared look at the music and begin to play it. Garrett took a little while longer to catch up on it.
“You got it,” Jared told him as Garrett struggled with a chord progression. “Put your middle finger here.” He indicated by moving his own fingers. “It’ll make it easier on you to switch.”
Garrett did what Jared told him and they continue to play. The first couple of times it was sloppy, and Garrett had more than a few mistakes. He glanced up at Hannah, his face red with embarrassment. “It takes me a few times, usually.” He gave her lopsided grin.
“You’re still better than me, I can’t even play chord progressions,” she told him. “The question is can you play and sing at the same time.”
Jared laughed from where he sat. “She called you on that one. Can you sing and play at the same time?”
“Yes, fucker.” He threw one of the papers at Jared.
“Shell, you should sing some harmony for us,” Hannah told her.
“Wait a second.” Jared glanced over at her, surprise on his face. “She can sing?”
“Not well,” Shell laughed. “But I can harmonize. I do it with her all the time. I’m on most of the singles. I tend not to ask for a lot of publicity for it because I’m not great at it.”
“She’s a very good harmonizer, but she’s very shy about it,” Hannah was saying. “That’s why I’m trying to get her to do it.”
“If it’ll get you to shut up, then I’ll gladly do it.”
“Great!” Hannah beamed.
The group of them got ready, situated themselves, and then Shell hit record. It took them a few takes—Garrett messed up the chords once, Hannah messed up the lyrics twice, trying to keep from laughing, and then Shell erased what they had considered their best performance. Finally, they got it all together, and by the end of the song, Hannah had tears in her eyes. There was something that she loved about singing with Garrett, and when he looked at her like she was the only person in the world, it solidified that she was exactly where she needed to be.
“Let’s get this uploaded,” Shell clapped. “I can’t wait to see how many views it has by the end of the night. I can almost guarantee it will out-view Bryson’s version.”
“I hate to do that to him, but sometimes I gotta do what I gotta do.” Hannah folded her arms over her chest.
“He’ll get it. Hell, I think everybody will get it once they see this. If you could see it from my point of view.” Shell shook her head. “It’s beautiful.”
Hannah couldn’t wait, and she was excited to see what the fans would think of it. As far as the record company went, she could care less; they hadn’t cared about her wishes. It was time for her to do what she wanted to and what she knew would be best for her family. Screw anyone who stood in her way.
Chapter Twenty-One
* * *
“Well, it took seven days, but I finally got my nasty gram,” Hannah told Shell as the two of them sat on the tour bus making their way back towards the Midwest.
“About uploading that video?”
“Yeah, I was waiting on it.” She shifted in her seat and pulled the laptop closer to her. “Figured it would have been before now.”
Shell stood up and came to stand behind her, reading over her shoulder. “They are so damn condescending,” Shell laughed.
“I know, but I checked with legal, there’s nothing they can do to me. I own the song, I wrote it, and it’s published under my company. They can only express their displeasure.” She clapped her hands. “This not-doing-what-I’m-supposed-to thing is getting to be fun.”
“Wonder what took them so long?”
“I guarantee you they were looking for a way to screw me over. I’m not letting them do it again. The holidays are coming up; I want to spend time with my husband and my family. I’m not letting them put a damper on it. We end this tour the week before Thanksgiving. I am going to spend my first married Thanksgiving with my husband, and then hopefully I’ll spend Christmas in my brand new house.” She ran her hand through her hair.
“How’s that going by the way?”
“We close next week. I’m faxing the paperwork in because I can’t be there and neither can Garrett. It’s kind of sad. Dad’s going to go over and make sure everything’s okay and oversee the changing of the locks and stuff. Then we’ll transfer my house into your name.” She grinned.
Things were moving ahead on all fronts, and for that she was excited. She couldn’t handle anything else going wrong.
“You still holding up okay? Physically and mentally?” Shell asked. She tried to make it a point to ask now, just because of what their friendship had gone through over the years. If Hannah got overwhelmed, it wasn’t good for either of them.
“I am. I weigh in with Garrett tonight, actually.” She checked the calendar. “I think I might be running on the skinny side, but it’s not from lack of effort, we’re just freakin’ busy.”
“Don’t I know that. If he gives you shit, tell him to call me. I got your back on this one.”
Hannah giggled, and then settled deeper into the seat. November was coming in cold in the Midwest, and she could see frost on the window. She hugged the hoodie that she wore closer to her body; they still had a few hours before they would reach their destination for the night. “I haven’t asked in a long time, because I don’t want to make you feel like you have to talk to me about it. I have to admit though, I’m curious. How are things going with Jared?”
“It’s much different than your relationship with Garrett.” Shell played with a string on the PJ pants she wore. “Sometimes I don’t necessarily know where I stand with him, other times I think he loves me.”
“Has he told you that yet?” With anyone else, Hannah wouldn’t h
ave asked, but this was her best friend. They shared everything that they could.
Shell shook her head, biting her bottom lip. “No.”
“Aww, honey, I’m sorry.”
“I’ve told him.” Shell shrugged. “But he’s never said it back. It sucks putting yourself out there like that and your feelings not being returned.”
“How do you know they aren’t returned? Maybe Jared has a hard time expressing them. Not every guy is like Garrett. I lucked out in a big way. I’m very lucky.” As she said the words, she realized how true they were.
“You deserve it.”
Hannah shook her head. “Not any more than you do. You deserve it too.”
“It’s not that he’s mean to me or that I doubt his feelings, not really. I know I mean a lot to him. He calls me every day, no matter if he’s having a good day or a bad day. He still has bad days, although they are few and farther between now. That means everything to me, that I’m the person who he wants to talk to, to bring him back from that ledge. I don’t get the feeling that he’s had much love in his life from anyone besides Garrett, the guys, and Garrett’s family.” Shell worried that she was overstepping her boundaries, but she had to talk to someone about this, and Hannah was her best friend in the whole world.
“Why do you think that?” Hearing what her friend said made Hannah’s heart hurt. No matter where she was in the world—in her addiction, in her attitude—she always knew she was loved. Her parents had made sure of that. To know that there was someone she was close to who didn’t have that hurt.
“Some of the things he’s said. He doesn’t come right out and say his parents were assholes to him, but there have been little hints here and there. I’ve also heard a few things that Garrett’s parents have said when they think no one is listening. I get the feeling that Jared was a hard child for his parents to love.” She was delicate in how she worded it.
“That’s BS we both know it.” Hannah thumped her finger on the table. “Children are not hard to love.”
“For us, no, but we don’t know the circumstances. I’m trying so hard to not be judgy.”
“Have you met them yet?” Hannah tried to rack her brain. Come to think of it, no one had ever mentioned Jared’s parents other than in passing.
“When would I meet them?”
“You think they would care since their son cares.”
Shell sighed. “That’s the root of it—I wonder if he does.”
“I thought you said that he does, he just hasn’t expressed it.”
“I don’t know what I mean!” Shell ran her hand through her hair. This obviously bothered her a lot more than she let on.
“Why don’t you cut the crap and tell me what’s really going on here?” Hannah raised her eyebrows at her friend, sick of talking in circles. “We both know if you didn’t want to talk about it, you would have told me to mind my own.”
“Fine. Why do you have to be so fucking observant?”
“I know you and I love you. You listen to me gripe and complain about everything all the time. It’s only fair that I listen to you. I’m here for you just like you’re here for me. Tell me what’s going on.”
Tears came to Shell’s eyes, and it was as uncharacteristic for Shell as cursing was for Hannah. It scared Hannah; obviously her friend had been going through some things and kept them quiet.
“I don’t know how much longer I can do this,” she whispered.
Do what? As far as Hannah knew things were going great with the other couple. There never seemed to be any tension when they all hung out as a group. “What are you doing?”
“Coming second to what he really wants. Every day is a serious struggle for him, and I don’t know that I’m enough to keep him from wanting to go back to the drugs. I don’t know that I’m strong enough to handle it, and I don’t know if I’m strong enough to pull him back.” She breathed a sigh of relief, almost like that had been weighing her down for a long time.
“That’s not your job, Shell. You’ve gotta get it through your head that you aren’t his reason for not using; you are his reason for living his life. He’s got to want to not use, and that’s no reflection on you. That’s all on him. Has he blamed this on you?” she asked, her temper flaring.
“No, but I see him struggle and I blame it on myself. What if I was around more? What if I was able to answer the phone every time he called? What if I was available at all hours of the day? Would I be able to stop it?”
“Listen to me,” Hannah’s voice was sharp and clear, probably clearer than she’d ever heard it before. “You can’t take his struggle on. You won’t do him any good if you do. If you are available all the time and at his beck and call, guess what? He’s going to become addicted to you. He’s an addict, Shell. That’s what he does. Don’t become another addiction. You’re his salvation by showing him that there is something else out there, that if he works hard enough at it, he can have a normal life. He needs that; he needs to know what normal is.”
“I feel like I’m a stepping stone to something better. That once he feels like he’s clean enough, he’s going to move on.”
Hannah had never known Shell to suffer from low self-esteem in her life; this was all new to her. “Stop that nonsense right now. Jared loves you. He might not be able to put those feelings into words, but I see the way he looks at you, and he loves you. Give him time.”
“How much fucking time does he need?”
Hannah winced. “Have you talked to him about this?”
“No, hell no. That’s awesome, tell your boyfriend, ‘I’m not sure whether you love me or not, because I’ve said it and you haven’t.’ How well is that going to go over?”
“It’s life. We ask questions because we want to know answers,” Hannah laughed.
“I’m not there yet. Maybe with a few beers in me over the holidays, I’ll do it,” she sighed. “Thanks for listening. I miss our gab sessions.”
“I do too. We’ll have to make it point to have a few more of them.”
Shell opened her mouth but was cut off by the ringing of Hannah’s phone. “That’s Garrett, go have fun talking to your hubby.”
“I can tell him I’ll call him back later. You were here before Garrett.”
“Take the call, I’ll be good. It helped that you listened.”
Hannah answered, asking Garrett to hang on. She got up, hugging her friend. “No matter what, I love you.” She didn’t wait for Shell to answer, but instead made her way back to her bedroom.
Shell sat there, battling tears and the feeling that arose whenever she allowed herself to think about how far they had come and how far they had to go. She wouldn’t give up on Jared, but she also hoped she wouldn’t give up on herself.
Chapter Twenty-Two
* * *
Hannah had a seat on her bed, holding the phone in front of her.
“You ready to weigh-in, babe?” Garrett asked her.
She tilted her head and smiled. His hair was getting even longer than when she’d seen him a week ago. It was obvious he hadn’t shaved in a few days, and he wore a tank top over his body. She could see that he was sweating and red; he’d probably just got done working out. Good grief, she missed him in a bad way.
“I guess so, but I’m warning you now, the pace we’re keeping is exhausting. Shell told me that if I’d lost and you give me crap, to let her know, she can vouch for me.”
Garrett glanced at her. “I can tell you’re tired. I’m sorry, babe, so damn sorry that you’re wearing yourself out like this. I wish there was some way I could change it or make it better.”
“I have a couple more weeks. When I see you after performing that last show, I want to sleep for two days straight. Do not bother me.”
He was amused at the way she said it. “I can’t help but bother you a little. I have to show my love somehow.”
“You know what I mean, Garrett,” she sighed.
“You’re done, aren’t you?”
She nodded. �
�I am, and I hate to say that because I have never wanted to be off a tour this much in my life. I feel like I’m not giving my all to these fans that have come out and seen me.”
“No, babe, I’ve read the reviews. They are killer. You’re giving it everything you’ve got, and I think that’s why you’re so tired. You’re overcompensating.”
Was he right? Was she purposely tiring herself out so that no one could say that she wasn’t giving it her all? The thought held weight, but honestly she was too tired to even think about it at this point. The only thing she could be focused on was the fact that she had a few more weeks to go. Wanting to take her mind off of it, she forged ahead. “Did you get the info from the real estate attorney about our closing next week?”
“Yes, and I am very excited. I really appreciate your dad going over and taking care of all the stuff we can’t. I sent him a message.”
“You sent my dad a message?” The surprise was evident in her voice.
“What? You act like we don’t talk. He and I text regularly. We’re not up each other’s asses like you are with my mom,” he fired back. “Telling secrets on me and finding out about all the shit I did when I was younger.”
She laughed. “Stop being bitter.”
“God, I miss you,” he sighed.
She smiled softly at the face across the screen from her. “I miss you too, but we can’t let this get us down. Before I weigh, I wanna talk to you about something, though.”
He tilted his head to the side. “Is this gonna be a good conversation or a bad conversation? I can’t tell by the way you presented it. I’m thinking it can be either-or.”
“Stop. I don’t set you up for bad ones, no matter what you think.”
He chuckled and a smile spread across his face. “Alright, alright, what do we need to conversate about?”
“Jared and Shell.”
“Oh, hell no.” He held his hand up. “I am not talking to you about our best friends’ relationship.”
The Price of Love (Rockin' Country Book 2) Page 13