by Jane, Eliza
She inches even closer until she’s lying against my side. Her bare arm and leg press against mine in her barely there pajamas. I move my arm out of the way and she snuggles in against my chest. Her perfume is a little overwhelming, not like Taylor’s subtle but sweet scent, but her body is soft and curvy where I’m hard. It’s nice. This is who Taylor thinks I am. So why should I fight it?
***
Last night shouldn’t have happened. Bria’s gone from my bed when I wake, thank God. I never should’ve let her stay. I should have called Taylor back and made her listen to me. I can already feel a headache forming. I stagger out of bed. First on the agenda is a shower. I soap up then let the rough spray of water beat down on me for several long minutes. I throw on jeans and a T-shirt and head into the living room. Bria’s gone, but she’s ordered coffee that’s been left for me in a warming carafe on the table. I pour myself a cup and sit down in front of my laptop. There’s an email from Geoffrey, one about a new possible case, another from Bria thanking me for last night, and nothing from Taylor.
The hot coffee works to ease some of the tension in my shoulders, enough to ward off the impending headache, but not enough to keep me from thinking about Taylor. She was the one girl I wanted to change for. Wanted to protect, and make happy. And now I’ve fucked things up.
I remember back to last night, and Bria climbing in my bed. Since I’d lost Taylor, part of me wondered if I should distract myself with the release that Bria’s body would bring me. I push the thought away. I pour myself another cup of coffee and settle into work.
Chapter 25
Taylor
I tell myself that I won’t hack into Colt’s emails anymore, that I’m done worrying over him. But that lasted about three hours. By lunch, I’ve hacked into his account and read all his emails. There was only one from Bria, thanking him for last night and accusing him of being a cover hog. My stomach turns and I think I may actually be sick. But deep breathing and squeezing my eyes closed help to keep my lunch where it belongs. After the, I promise myself again that I won’t look at his emails again, unable to stomach what I might find.
The next two weeks pass without a word from Colt. Well, other than one late night text that just said U there? I hadn’t responded. I kept busy with school, my friends and of course Reis.
This morning when I log in, there’s an email from Colt. No subject line. When I open it I’m both relived and disappointed to see it’s a new case for me. His note is professional, all business detailing the case. It seems a woman has an internet stalker who’s sending threatening emails and the police won’t do anything. My job is to find out who’s behind the emails. Seems simple enough. There’s one line at the end that I fixate on, the one personal thing he’s added to the email. He’ll be home tomorrow.
Having him back will be strange. He’s been gone for six weeks, practically a lifetime. We’d only been dating for four months, and he was gone for a month of that time. His persona in this school is larger than life. There will be no avoiding him, no going unnoticed. If I thought dealing with my ex-boyfriend, Wes in a sea of hundreds of students, confronting Colt on a daily basis was sure to be much worse. Not to mention, I’d grown closer to Colt than I ever had to Wes. After learning about his mother’s death and the way it affected him, being part of his Dad’s departure from the company, I felt sort of responsible for Colt’s growth. It would crush me to see him revert back to his old ways with a steady stream of girls to fill his time and take his mind off of his pain. I couldn’t imagine dealing with that.
I set to work on my newest case with the internet stalker and tuned everything else out. It was Friday afternoon, which meant Reis would be here in a little while to stay the weekend. With Colt coming back, I imagine he’ll have to start camping out in a couch in the common room, but it’ll be nice to have him as a sort of buffer from having to deal with Colt. I should feel guilty using Reis as a buffer, but I don’t, we’re like peanut butter and jelly. It’s just a combination that works.
School is starting to feel almost secondary to all the crap I have going on in my personal life. I go through the motions each day, sure I’m not learning, or retaining any of it, feeling more distanced from MJ and Logan each day. I hate that feeling, but I do nothing to try and change it. At our shared lunch table, I listen to the conversation, but rarely contributing. I no longer debate with MJ and Logan over her latest crazy idea.
I head into the bathroom and see MJ getting ready in front of the mirror. She meets my eyes. “Logan and I are meeting up with some guys from St. Johns tonight at Taste. Come with us.”
Taste is a dance club MJ likes, I’ve been there once before, but it’s really not my scene. “Sorry. I’m hanging out with Reis tonight.”
She shakes her head. “Do you have some sort of addiction to those brothers or what?” She holds up a hand, stopping me from saying anything further. “Never mind. Have fun.”
I knew I was letting Reis come before my friendship with MJ, but why couldn’t MJ understand that there was something about his company that I needed that I needed right now.
***
Reis and I sit in the common room, a deck of cards spread between us. Hanging out in Colt’s room has a strange forbidden feeling to it, like I don’t belong in here, with Colt’s presence looming in every corner. And with him due tomorrow, it’s time we found a new place to hang out.
“You’re not going to want me around anymore, with the brother you really want coming back tomorrow.”
“Hush. I’m done with all his shit. I’m better off on my own.”
The disbelief rolls off Reis in waves. “Riiight. You’re pissed right now, but I know you’re both still crazy about each other,” he says, glancing up at me to gauge my reaction.
“Have you been talking to him?” I wonder what Colt’s said to make Reis think he’s still crazy about me.
“Of course. You guys still haven’t talked?”
“Not since the night of the dance.”
He shakes his head. “You’re both so damn stubborn.”
I fold my hand of cards on the table. “Sorry I’m longer speaking to the guy who cheated on me.”
He shakes his head, his eyes full of concern. “Wait a second, what exactly did Colt tell you that night?”
I think back to our conversation, his words felt like a confession. “We had a bad connection, but he said something about him and Bria and how sorry he was.”
Reis frowns. “He was trying to tell you about him and Bria having their trip extended another two weeks. He was worried about how you’d react, since you weren’t happy about him being there with her.”
“You mean he and Bria never…”
“He didn’t cheat,” Reis says with certainty.
His words should flood me with relief, but that sensation is strangely lacking. Something nags at me that there’s been several times now where Colt hid the truth from me. “Doesn’t matter. It was only a matter of time.”
“Taylor, it matters. It changes everything.”
I’m not sure if Reis is right. I don’t know if this changes anything. I’m also not sure based on the emails I’ve seen that I even believe they weren’t together in London. I don’t tell Reis about the email where Bria thanked Colt for a good night and accused him of being a cover hog since I don’t want to admit to hacking into his account like a psycho. Right now Reis still thinks the best of me, and I want to keep it that way.
He’s still looking at me, studying my expression, waiting for a reaction. His hair is in need of a trim, but somehow the unkempt look suits him. “Shrimp, are you okay?”
The memory of my kiss with Reis replays in my head. His lips placed over mine, the firm pressure yet tentative movement of his tongue.
As worried as I’d been about Colt being unfaithful, how was it that I was the one who cracked first? Sure Reis might have been tempting, but I trusted myself not to act on it. Colt trusted me too. I was the one who’d blown it. “But what about that ki
ss?” I know Reis likes me, and I need to stop toying with his emotions. “Nothing like that can happen again,” I add quickly.
“I could explain it to him. He’d forgive you. I’d tell him it was my fault, which it was. Trust me, he’ll be pissed at me, not you.”
Would that even be fair to let Reis take the blame? I might not have initiated it, but I’d been a willing participant in that kiss. “Well considering I’m not speaking to him, I doubt we’ll even talk about it. Unless you were planning to tell him?”
“I’d rather not get my face pounded in.” He smiles and I can’t tell if he’s serious or not.
My phone rings, interrupting the silence of this heavy moment. The caller ID says it’s Logan and when I answer, a blast of music invades my ear drum.
“Logan?”
“Taylor! We’re at the club, and MJs puking in the girl’s bathroom. Can you come get us?”
I roll my eyes. Was this MJ acting out because I haven’t been around? “Yeah and Reis and I will be right there. Go in there and help her.”
“I tried and I got thrown out of there, just hurry, okay?”
I remember back to the time Colt came into that same public restroom to talk me out of the stall where I’d been crying. No one had questioned his presence in there. Colt just gave off that vibe of authority and confidence that meant he usually got his way.
Reis and I shuffle into shoes and head out into the night. I give him directions and a few minutes later, we’re pulling up in front of the club. The guy at the door won’t let us in without paying the cover charge, not believing that we just need to go in quickly to get my friend. When I tell him that Reis will wait outside for me, he agrees, letting me go inside. Reis isn’t happy about the idea, but I promise him I’ll just get MJ and Logan and we’ll be right out. Reis gives a tight nod and I disappear into the club.
Logan is easy to spot, waiting near the front entrance. He helps me to the back restrooms, parting the crowd to guide me through. I find MJ sitting alone against the wall in the corner on the grungy tile floor. She’s barely coherent, her eyes rolling in her head. “MJ!” I shake her awake.
“Taylor?”
“Come on, we’re gonna get you out of here.” I help her stand and support her weight as we head to the door.
I sit in the back of the Jeep with MJ’s head resting in my lap while Logan takes the front seat. It’s a silent drive back, Reis doesn’t even turn on the stereo. I cradle MJ’s head across my knees and rub her hair back from her forehead. I hate that I haven’t been a good friend to her lately, too wrapped up in Reis and Colt and my own shit that I hardly had time for her. I’m glad Logan called me tonight. Maybe by being here for her tonight, I’m making up for the past month in some small way.
When we pull into the school, MJ’s just a bit more coherent. She actually walks up the gravel drive on her own. I figured Reis would have to carry her. When we reach the lobby, she gives Reis and I a hug, thanking us for picking her up. I make Logan promise to give her a big glass of water before she goes to bed, when the lights in the foyer suddenly flip on.
Shit. I know we’re busted. It’s way past curfew. I expect to see Vera looming at the top of the stairs, and that’s why it takes me a minute to realize it’s Colt standing there. He pads softly down the stairs in bare feet, pajama pants and a T-shirt. It’s the first time I’ve seen him since he’s been back and my heart rate spikes. Even in his sleepy state, he’s incredibly gorgeous. It’s hard to look straight at him.
He surveys us, clearly noting MJs wobbling stance. “I’m not even going to ask. Everyone go get in bed.” His voice is quiet, yet domineering. It sends a silent shudder through me.
MJ steps toward him and pats his cheek with her hand. “You’ve been replaced,” she says as she passes.
I duck my head as I pass by Colt, not wanting to meet his eyes, especially with the implication that Reis has replaced him hanging in the air.
Chapter 26
Colt
The text from Reis says to meet him in the rec room. But when I pull the door open, Taylor sits alone on the couch. She looks up, confusion shadowing her face. Crap. This is a set up. Reis told us both to be here so we could work things out. She stands up. I raise my hands. “Don’t leave.”
She sighs, but sits back down.
“Reis did this to get us to talk, didn’t he?”
She nods.
“I didn’t put him up to it, just so you know.”
“I know,” she says.
I sit down on the other end of the sofa. “He’s a good kid.”
“He’s the best,” she says with a touch of defensiveness in her voice. What the fuck does that mean?
“You guys got pretty close, huh?”
“You weren’t here,” she says. Her voice is harsh. An accusation.
“I didn’t want to be away.”
She huffs. “But that didn’t stop you from enjoying yourself with Bria.”
I turn to her suddenly, my expression serious. “Enough with Bria. Nothing happened. I never cheated on you. I told you I’ve changed.”
Her eyes question mine, she bits into her lip, trying to decide if she should believe me.
“I need a girl who trusts me, not someone who’s always suspicious, who’s just waiting for me to fail.”
She hangs her head, looking down at the floor.
I lower my voice, trying to keep under control. Even if she doesn’t trust me, she doesn’t deserve to be yelled at. I take a deep breath, getting myself under control. “I may have kept things from you concerning Bria, and that was stupid – but it was only to protect you.”
Her eyes lift to mine, but they’re still shadow with doubt and suspicion.
“I’ve learned my lesson. One-hundred percent honesty from now on.”
Chapter 27
Taylor
“One hundred percent honesty?” I mutter.
He nods.
“Okay, well how’s this for honesty. I hacked into your emails while you were gone.”
He blinks and looks down at the floor.
But I can’t stop there. “What did it mean when Bria said you were a cover hog?”
He curses under his breath. “That girl is fucking trouble. I swear she just does this shit to bug me. Nothing like what she implied happened. I promise you, Taylor. I never fucking touched her. She came into my room – it was the night we broke up actually. She couldn’t sleep and had been rejected by this guy Liam. She just wanted someone to talk to. She asked if she could sleep in my room and I didn’t turn her away. But that’s all we did – sleep. I was crushed, completely broken over you. I didn’t have it in me to send her away just when she’d been dismissed by that guy too.”
“You’ve kept the truth from me so many times, Colt. I don’t know how can I trust you again. First your Dad, all the girls in your past, Bria, London, everything. It’s too much.”
“I agree. It is too much, and I can’t live in constant fear of screwing up. If you don’t believe in me, this will never work.”
We stand in silence for several minutes, confused emotion radiating between us. I wish there was an easy way to fix this. It scares me that there might truly be no fixing things this time.
“I guess that’s all there is to say then,” he says.
I don’t argue. There’s nothing else I can say. I’m judging him for keeping secrets from me, when the fact that I kissed Reis hangs over my head. And there’s no way I can tell him that.
I watch Colt walk away, my heart contracting painfully with each step that carries him away from me.
I realize for the first time, I’m not worthy of Colt. I head upstairs, intent on hiding in the dorm when I pass Reis coming out of the rec room. His face lights up when he sees me, which makes the ache inside me twist painfully. The guilt clawing at my nerves is more than I can take. I’ll be reminded of that kiss and my lie to Colt each time I see Reis.
“Why do you still look sad? Are you guys back together?”
I shake my head. “It’s not that simple, Reis.”
“Shrimp, come here.” He pulls me inside the rec room. Logan is there, playing video games, but when he sees us, Reis gives him some type of guy-code glare, because he shuts off the game and disappears a few seconds later.
We sit side by side on the couch, alone in the quiet room. “You know how I feel about you. And if you’re not going to get back with him…” He takes my hand, holding it softly in between both of his, stroking his thumb over my wrist.
I swallow and shake my head. “It wouldn’t be fair to you, Reis.” I look down, fumbling with the hem of my shirt. “I’m not over your brother. You deserve to be more than someone’s second choice.”
He releases a deep sigh and nods. “Yeah, alright.”
“Reis. I’m going to tell him.”
“Are you sure you want to do that?”
“I have to.”
Chapter 28
Colt
It’s fight club tonight and though I’m not on the official line up, sometimes I still get talked into competing, so I’m keeping it in the back of my mind and not drinking too much. I nurse a bottle of beer and lean against the far wall, watching everyone come in. I’ve been keeping an eye on the door waiting for a glimpse of Taylor, but she’s not here yet. When MJ and Logan come in my heart constricts, expecting Taylor behind them, but she isn’t. I wonder she’s not coming, or if she’ll be coming with Reis. Bria and Britt talk in the corner, stealing glances my way every few seconds. I know they’re talking about me, but I don’t care. If Bria starts anymore shit with Taylor though, I’ll have to step in.
I hear Reis’ laugh before I see him. That dry chuckle he has whenever Taylor does something cute grates against my nerves. My head swings toward the door and there she is. She’s dressed in a tight pair of jeans that hug her ass, and a little T-shirt that skims all her curves. Damn. She looks good. It was hard enough seeing her last night, when I was hardly awake enough to process everything, but with the dull buzz of the alcohol and the energy of the party tonight, she has all my senses on high alert. I’m completely attuned to her, but she hasn’t noticed me yet. Reis keeps his hand at her waist, guiding her inside. My stomach clenches when I see how damn comfortable he looks touching her.