Audra glanced to her left and knew before Detective Ronson had a chance to introduce them that the woman sitting closest to the front was Gina’s mother. Although she was well into her seventies, the resemblance was remarkable; same bone structure, long, thick hair that had once been blonde but was now a brilliant bright white, green eyes that had once been vividly sharp like her daughters, now clouded over with age, and dainty hands folded on her lap as she sat stoically, staring at the large cross behind the altar as a haunting hymn played softly through the speakers above them.
All the nervousness that Audra had felt earlier suddenly left as she neared Mrs. Milligan. Detective Ronson sensed that she could handle this on her own and just gave her a slight smile as he discreetly stepped away and walked back out to the foyer. Audra slowly made her way over to Mrs. Milligan, but before she could announce her presence, Mrs. Milligan turned her head, her face a clouded mixture of sorrow and relief.
“You must be Audra,” Mrs. Milligan said, her voice taut with emotion.
“Yes, ma’am, I am. May I join you?” Audra said, motioning to the empty spot next to her.
“That is an odd question coming from the woman that avenged my baby girl,” Mrs. Milligan said, her brittle voice barely a whisper. “I would think you would know that you always have the place of honor next to me after what you have done for me and my family.”
Audra held back the tears that had been pooling around her heart for so long. She managed a weak smile and sat down next to the brave woman and followed her gaze to the cross. She finally was able to muster the words, “Thank you.”
“You are thanking me? Oh, honey, for what?” Mrs. Milligan said as she reached over with her gnarled fingers and grasped Audra’s tightly, her green eyes alert and full of questions. “You are the one that deserves thanks for all you have done. After thirty-three years, I finally can truly say goodbye to my daughter, rather than spending my nights staring out the window, wondering.” Her eyes were beginning to mist over as her voice crackled under the sadness that enveloped her. She cleared her throat and took a deep breath before she continued.
“I prayed every single night for God to bring her back to me, even though I knew she was dead, for I felt a part of me die in the wee hours of the morning as her light was forever extinguished. A mother knows these things in her heart, even though she may fight them with all her might. For years, I was bitterly angry at God for taking my only baby girl, cursing Him for allowing me to love so deeply, then yanking my reason for living from my life and leaving so many questions unanswered. But,” she said, looking back up at the cross, the pain behind her eyes softening slightly, “one night about ten years ago, He allowed her to come to me in a dream. She told me to stop being angry, that God didn’t kill her, someone else did. She said was safe and loved in Heaven, and one day, another damaged soul would avenge hers. I remember waking up rested for the first time in over twenty years, and I was at peace, knowing that my precious girl was truly safer in His arms than in mine, and I held onto the hope that her avenging angel would come,” Mrs. Milligan said, her voice finally breaking as tears slowly made their way down her soft, wrinkled cheek. “And here you are.”
The tide of emotions that she had held at bay for over five years came crashing through Audra’s soul at that moment, and she was overwhelmed with an enormous pain that she could no longer contain inside her fragile body. With the soft, delicate hands of the woman who had suffered unbelievable sorrow in hers, the tears flowed freely from their shackled reservoir.
Audra mourned her unborn son, whose death she had blamed on God when in reality, it was her own frantic pace at work that had taken its toll on her body as she ignored the signs of fatigue and sickness until it was too late. She wept for the pain and sadness her devotion to work rather than her husband had cost her as the image of James walking out floated by, intense sorrow lining his face as he shut the door. As the memories kept surfacing, the tears kept falling as she was reminded of how she had been so caught up in her own grief, she had never once reached out to James to offer comfort, even though he had suffered just as much as she had. She wept for being so naïve that she had never seen the true colors of the people she worked with and had given all of her time, effort, and trust to until it was too late. Tears fell once again as she remembered her brutal rape, and she released the pain and humiliation she had suffered that night by Olin’s uncaring and violent hands. She wept for the last five years of her life as she had turned into a repressed hobbit whose only reason for living was to exact revenge on those who had hurt her, shutting everyone and everything else out of her life. She mourned the loss of the person she had been and cried tears of pain for the person she had changed into—one that didn’t cry or show emotion and had never truly dealt with what had happened to her in a healthy way. Her heart broke every time she considered the intense suffering that Mrs. Milligan and her family had endured for so very long, never knowing what really happened to their precious Gina, their lives filled with daily desperation and hope that she would somehow magically reappear.
But mostly, she wept for Gina. As much pain as Audra had experienced, she realized that it paled in comparison to the trauma that lovely young woman had experienced on that hot summer’s night so long ago, all because she had tried to help someone home after a night out drinking. She wept for the unfathomable fear that this kind, gentle soul must have felt in her last moments on earth. She wept for the injustice of it all, the twisted workings of the psychotic mind that decided she needed to be punished for rejecting him.
As the tears streaked down her face and began to soak her clothes, Mrs. Milligan pulled her closer, gently stroking her hair, as mothers do, and whispering softly in Audra’s ear, “Let the tears cleanse your soul, child. Drain the pain away.”
Audra wasn’t entirely sure how long she remained in the arms of Gina’s mother, crying like a newborn child, but eventually the tears began to dry up, and Audra heard Mrs. Milligan say, “It’s time to let her go in peace. Come, walk with me to her final resting place. I believe that she would want you there.”
Audra reached into her purse and grabbed the tissues she’d brought and wiped her face as she fumbled for words to say to Mrs. Milligan. She wanted to thank her for bearing the onslaught of her tears, but she was still too shaky to really form a complete sentence. Audra just nodded her head and stood when Mrs. Milligan did, quickly putting her sunglasses on to hide her swollen eyes.
The pastor, who apparently had conducted the entire service while Audra selfishly wept in the arms of a grieving mother, walked somberly over to Mrs. Milligan and placed the delicate, small urn in her hands, whispering, “God bless you and yours, Mrs. Milligan.” The white hair that flowed behind her shimmered as she smiled and shook her head in agreement and thanked the pastor for a lovely service. Audra was overwhelmed with shock and disgust at herself, realizing that her tears had overshadowed not only the service, but Mrs. Milligan’s last chance to truly mourn her daughter. She hung her head in shame as that knowledge sunk in, and she had to force herself to stand still and not flee the sanctuary as her internal flight response kicked into overdrive.
Mrs. Milligan turned around and held out the urn to Audra, her voice stronger than it had been earlier as she said, “Please, help me release my baby’s ashes in the place she loved the most, rather than cruelly trapped underground as she has been for so long.”
Audra nodded in silence, marveling at the strength and love that the elderly woman displayed, such grace and kindness in the face of tremendous adversity. She walked forward and looped her arm inside Mrs. Milligan’s as they walked Gina down the aisle together and out the back door. Audra noticed that most of the mourners, as well as Detective Ronson, were already outside, standing at the edge of the courtyard. She felt the detective’s eyes gazing at her, so she looked away quickly, hoping that he hadn’t seen her unbelievably insensitive crying jag earlier.
As Mrs. Milligan and Audra made their way slowly over t
o the edge of the courtyard, Audra looked out into the open expanse of field behind the church and realized it was the same field where Gina had sat atop her black horse in the photo displayed on the altar. The sunlight streamed down and showcased the green hue of the grass that was almost to Audra’s thigh and gently caressed the tips of the blades. A vast array of colorful wildflowers dotted the landscape like a colorful blanket, and they were backlit by the sun through the forest of trees encircling the perimeter. The space had an almost magical feel to it, like something out of another world, almost as though Audra had stepped into the picture with Gina.
As they walked about midway through the field, Mrs. Milligan stopped by the large dogwood tree that stood proudly alone, its twisted branches seemingly reaching out to them. Mrs. Milligan closed her eyes and whispered something to the sky, too faint for Audra to make out, then kissed the top of the urn, handing it to Audra.
“Had it not been for you, my baby girl’s killer would never have been brought to justice. For that, we both will eternally be grateful to you. My daughter has been gone for over thirty years, but you, my dear, still remain a part of this world. My prayer for you is that as you scatter her ashes here in this place of rest, that you release your anger and pain along with them into the wind and begin your life anew, free of the sorrow that has ensnared your soul. Gina’s killer had the power over her life, and he snatched it from her; don’t give him the same power over yours.”
Audra was so overcome with emotion that she just nodded her head in agreement, reaching out to take the urn from Mrs. Milligan. She couldn’t believe that this woman who had mourned for her daughter for so long would give her the honor of releasing her daughter into the air after being hidden away for so long. She locked eyes with Mrs. Milligan for several seconds, searching for the source of the strength this woman seemed to possess and hoping that her own eyes reflected the tremendous gratitude and honor that she felt toward her, for she knew that mere words would never be able to aptly convey her thoughts and feelings.
Mrs. Milligan smiled and nodded her head and gently said, “It is time, Audra. Let it go.”
And with that, Audra gently opened the lid of the urn and immediately felt a light breeze that had not been there before softly pass through her hair. As she tilted the urn to slowly release Gina’s remains, she felt a shift in her soul, just as she had the night Olin had raped her, but this time, instead of being full of rage and anger, she felt the strangest sense of peace come over her. It was almost like the opening of the urn and the releasing of Gina’s ashes had trigged her own internal pressure valve as all the hurt, pain, sorrow, anger, shame, humiliation and hate, and most importantly, anger, were carried away on the breeze with the ashes of a girl who had suffered more than she could ever imagine.
When the urn was empty, Audra noticed that the part of her soul that Olin and the firm had held such a large area of was empty as well. She replaced the lid and handed the urn back to Mrs. Milligan, who was silently crying now. Mrs. Milligan shook her head and said to Audra, “Please, keep her urn as a daily reminder of the incredible journey your pain and suffering took you through, and when you begin to doubt your self-worth, recall this moment and how much you mean to me and my family.” And with that, Mrs. Milligan turned and took the arm of a male relative that Audra had noticed earlier, and began to slowly walk back to the church.
Audra stood in the warm sunlight and held the urn in her trembling hands as she replayed Mrs. Milligan’s words in her mind…“Let it go.” She realized she was crying now as well, and this time, it wasn’t from sadness but from joy. The joy of finally being rid of such anger and intense hatred; the joy of being able to appreciate the warmth of the sun on her delicate skin; the joy of seeing a future that wasn’t filled with retribution and blood lust but with hope and the excitement of the unknown.
The joy of being alive.
Audra looked back at the church and watched as the family and friends of Gina Milligan all gathered around each other, offering their collective strength to one another, as families tend to do in times of great sorrow. The way they all came together as a unit and hovered around Mrs. Milligan reminded Audra of how much she missed her own family. It had been years since she had been in contact with her parents, for her entire being had been so immersed in her plans that she never found the time to return phone calls from them. She didn’t even answer the door when her mom or dad would randomly show up at her house, terrified that they would come inside and find her revenge headquarters and then have her instantaneously shipped off to the funny farm in a straitjacket. Every few months she would send a quick email to everyone, including her few remaining friends, letting them know she was still alive but extremely busy, promising to visit soon—a promise she never fulfilled.
That was all going to change, starting today.
She clutched Gina’s urn tighter in her hands and decided to head back to her car and leave the family to their personal time. God knew she had intruded enough, topped off with her theatrical crying jag during the service. She felt the heat rising into her cheeks at that thought, and she was utterly mortified at her complete loss of self-control in front of total strangers. She veered off to the left to head to her car in the opposite direction of Gina’s family, and as she rounded the corner of the building, she came face to face with Detective Ronson.
“Mrs. Milligan is an amazing woman, isn’t she?” he said, and a slight smile danced around the edges of his lips as he glanced at the empty urn. “Looks like you didn’t need any help with an introduction, not that I thought you would. You must be the first person in history to attend a memorial service for a complete stranger and then leave with a present.”
Her cheeks completely aflame now, Audra smiled sheepishly and kept walking, wishing she could just cover the last hundred yards to her car in a full out sprint. She didn’t even turn around as she said, “Yes, she is amazing, and I’m grateful for her entrusting me with this gift. Thank you for walking me in, but I’m afraid I have some rather pressing personal business to attend to.” Her breath heavy now, Audra finally arrived at her car and then dropped her head to her chest as she realized she didn’t have her purse. Before she could even turn around to say anything else, it magically appeared in front of her, dangling from Detective Ronson’s buff arm.
“I thought you might need this,” he said, his voice softer than it had been before. “Knowing you, there must be some explosive secrets hidden in here just waiting for the opportune time to blow.”
Audra released her breath silently and slowly turned around and found Detective Ronson, who was now directly behind her, his eyes twinkling with good-natured humor and the playfulness that she had sensed the first day she had met him. She couldn’t help but smile as she took her purse from his arm and said, “Thank you. I must admit, I’m not used to having someone look out for my well-being. It is an odd sensation.” The truth of the matter was that Audra had wrapped her damaged body and soul in a cloak of self-imposed exile for the last five years, and other than the few dreams she’d had about James, she hadn’t felt any emotional connection with a male, save for anger and hatred. She looked deeply into Detective Ronson’s eyes and realized that he was looking at her not as a victim of a crime, but as a woman. She realized, too, that she had a strong attraction to his presence, which frightened her, for she knew she wasn’t ready to deal with that.
She cleared her throat and said, “Detective Ronson, I’m…”
“Please, call me Steve.” Sensing her apprehension, he slowly backed up.
“Steve, please, I’m just not ready,” she finally said, her voice barely above a whisper.
Steve’s voice took on a soothing tone as he said, “I’m sorry if I upset you, Audra. I just find you the most intriguing woman I’ve ever met. I’m sure we will be seeing a lot of each other in the coming months and during Olin’s trial. If we only become great friends, then let the friendship begin now. I will let you lead the direction we head in, okay?”
“Friends it is, Steve.” Audra smiled as she unlocked the door to her car. Detective Ronson’s warm eyes and impressive stature made her feel both protected and panicked at the same time. The fragile part of her wanted to just be enveloped by his muscular arms where she just knew she would finally be able to find a remote sense of security. There was something that exuded from him, something unseen though surely felt, that made her feel safe, which was the one sensation she hadn’t felt in years. Her stoic side, which had become her alter ego for so long, was just unwilling to liberate that part of her life yet, and the two sides internally struggled to retain control.
Finally, a compromise was reached as she realized she needed to mesh the two personalities together, and she couldn’t believe it when she heard herself say, “I noticed a small café about two miles from here on my way in. Do you think we should stop by and discuss the case over a cup of coffee?”
Detective Ronson smiled and said, “Yes, ma’am, I think that is a wonderful plan. I’ll meet you there.” And he turned and walked away toward his car, grinning from ear to ear, his enormous belt buckle leading the way.
Eviscerating the Snake - The Complete Trilogy Page 14