by B. M. Hardin
I desperately tried to hide my smile.
~~~
Devon and I were back on good terms at the moment but I wasn’t sure how long it would last…since I had no intentions of going home that night. It had only been a week since I helped get Kareem out of jail and off on all charges. Judge Fitch had done a few things for me and it was as if that night had never happened. So, Kareem was problem free. But I on the other hand, I had a big problem…he had me turned out.
I found a way to get some of his wicked, long, black pipe every single day. He and Devon were neck and neck in the sex game…if he wasn’t better. Kareem was more of a love maker; Devon was more of a back breaker. I loved them both, but Kareem was causing me to get too emotionally attached, a little too soon. If I was careful I was going to be whipped and that wouldn’t be a good thing.
“I plan on spending the night tonight, is that okay?” I asked walking into his studio apartment carrying my overnight bag.
“That’s fine,” he said.
“Your girlfriend isn’t going to come and beat me up is she,” I joked yet I was fairly serious. I didn’t know much about him at all and he never really said much either.
“I don’t have a girlfriend,” Kareem said and took my bags.
He walked ahead of me and then looked back with a smile.
“Come on,” he said.
Once inside the bedroom, Kareem undressed me slowly. He was always so quiet which made me nervous. He led me to the bathroom where the shower was running. I entered the shower and then watched him as he undressed and got in behind me. He placed his hands on my waist and waited for me to back up against his Johnson. The water stung my face as I held my head back to focus on the kisses that Kareem was planting on my neck and back. He was still quiet. Hadn’t said a word…that’s how I knew I was in trouble.
I had just had the best hour of my life. Kareem had pleased me on so many different levels that I almost found the nerve to ask him to marry me.
That’s how good it was. His sex was mind blowing and had sent me on such a natural high that I simply just did not want to come down from it.
We both laid exhausted on his king sized bed. I guessed now was as good a time as any for us to finally get to know each other a little better.
After all, we still had over five months to go.
“So, tell me a little something about yourself. What do you do? Where are you from?”
He was unsettling quiet for a moment too long.
Finally, he took a deep breath and suddenly he spoke.
“Trina, I have to tell you something,” he said.
I turned to face him, so I could see his face. I waited patiently for him to continue.
“Trina, I am the man that your husband…Carter….left you for,” he said.
I stared at Kareem in disbelief.
What the hell did he just say? I know he didn’t just say what I thought he said.
Lord…please don’t tell me I signed a on the low-down---or better yet, on the down-low dirty bond.
Maybe I was silent for a second too long because Kareem began to talk again.
“I didn’t know that you were his wife…well his ex-wife, not at first. Even when you slipped up and introduced yourself with your married last name, instead of your maiden name, it still didn’t register like it should have. It wasn’t until we were outside and I saw your BMW; the one identical to his, that’s when things started to click. You see, I was sitting in his car that day---the day that he left you. I had been sitting in the car for a while. It was raining and I remember checking out the cars as well as the details of the mansion and landscaping of the yard. After some time, I watched him come out with a few of his bags. I still had no idea of what was truly going on. Now that I think about it, I even looked back and caught a glimpse of you in the window,” Kareem exhaled.
I was in a daze of rage. I sat still; quiet. I was trying to take it all in. I had heard every single word that he had said and little did he know…he was in danger. My head remained stiff but my eyes roamed from side to side. I was looking around the room for something to knock his damn head off with.
Why wouldn’t he have said something before?
What the hell was he thinking?
I was so confused. I was so furious. All I could manage to see was the color red. At some point or another I had even become somewhat nauseous as I mentally replayed the naughty, nasty things we had engaged in only moments earlier.
Kareem was---is gay?
And was he stole my husband?
Ain’t that a bitch!
My mind was racing. I opened my mouth to speak but I just couldn’t seem to find the right words. I took a deep breath and just as I opened my mouth again to call him every harsh thing that I could have possibly think of, Kareem started apologizing and even had the nerve to touch my arm…and that’s when I lost it.
“Don’t fucking touch me!” I yelled.
I was swinging my fists for what seemed like eternity. My arms were hysterical, as my hands made contact with his face and any other part of his body time and time again. Somewhere during all of the fighting and cursing, I began to cry.
I felt betrayed; betrayed that he would go as far as having sex with me, knowing the dirty truth. He was gay…and he had stolen Carter from me. He had taken away the only thing in my life that had made sense. He had stolen my joy and taken the best part of me in the blink of an eye. And I hadn’t been able to do a damn thing to stop him. As I stated, I had nothing against those who liked the same sex; but I did have an issue with those that tried to hide it or be on the down low. It just made no sense.
Assuming that he had grown tired of the constant blows, finally Kareem grabbed a hold of me.
“Trina…wait…it’s not what you think, I swear,” he said softly.
I struggled to get away from him but to no avail. My skin began to crawl and my ass started to itch.
If he knew like I knew, he would get his god damn hands off of me…like right now!
“We met through mutual friends. I had no idea about his sexuality; hell or about any of theirs for that matter. I didn’t know that he was actually into men until that very day…the day that he left you. We had become pretty decent friends. We had been to a few bars and strip clubs and shit. Female strip clubs, of course. He knew that I had been pondering the idea of branching out on my own and going into business for myself---I’m an engineer. That day Carter told me that he was going to introduce me to some new perspective clients, so I hopped in the car with him. All of a sudden we pulled up in front of the mansion. He said he was running in to change and next thing I know he was loading his shit into the car, telling me what had just happened between y’all, and then approaching me with the unthinkable. Whatever he told you happened between “us” was a lie. It was all lies. He confessed his so-called interest in me that day as we drove away. I started to punch his ass straight in the mouth, no lie. I wanted to beat the fuck out of him, but he swore that he didn’t know that I wasn’t down. He told me that he thought I was a part of the Boys Club too, which he informed me that our mutual friends were a part of as well. Basically, they were all married with kids…but secretly preferred men. Fuck that, I love pussy, and pussy has always loved me. I was straight up with him but obviously, he didn’t appreciate my honesty. I ain’t seen him since that day but that sure as hell hadn't made one bit of a fucking difference. I don’t know if it was out of rejection or fear of exposure but let’s just say he set out to destroy me…and he had done just that. I lost my job, my wife, pretty much everything I had. Carter had told everyone so many lies. My wife left me and took the kids; and sooner than expected, I had to start my own business from the bottom up being that no one in town would even hire me. Carter seemed to know a little bit of everybody…who knew everybody else. Trust me, the way it all went down was some bullshit, but what was I to do, except start over,” Kareem breathed as if it was his first time ever telling anyone that story. After all, it was prett
y embarrassing.
Strangely, I believed him. He had no real reason to lie to me about the situation. I had only known him a week. He could have never said anything about the entire situation and I would have never known the truth.
My rage and anger slowly faded away as Kareem’s grip loosened. It was hard to believe that Carter had done those things---hell but then again, it had been hard to believe that he had interest in men since the day he told me that he was leaving me.
I mean, so what the fuck was I all of these years…his cover up?
I replayed Kareem’s entire explanation over and over again in my head. My mind was in a whirl wind, my blood was boiling, and for a few reasons unknown, I couldn’t seem to stop my heart from breaking. I had a history of fainting. The room started to spin and I felt as though I was going to pass out…and I did.
I woke up the next morning with a headache from hell. The biggest part of me had hoped that the memories from the night before were all a part of some kind of dream, or maybe a nightmare was a better comparison. But looking around the room at all of the mess that I had made from trying to fight Kareem, I knew right away that I hadn’t been dreaming. It was all real.
Kareem was the man that Carter left me for, technically---I guess, only Kareem wasn’t aware of nor did he share Carter’s feelings. So basically, Carter had been gay, bi-sexual, or whatever our entire marriage; which meant no matter how on top of it I thought I was…I had been so far away all along. I tell you, this was just too much bad news for a sista’ to digest all at once. The only good news was that Kareem wasn’t into men and he hadn’t actually slept with Carter; therefore it didn’t make the situation as bad as it could have been. He had definitely been putting it down and luckily I didn’t have to give him up just yet. Still, that was only a glimpse of sunshine in a world full of rain and pain.
I headed out of the bedroom and discovered Kareem in the kitchen. He looked at me, almost shyly. I hadn’t said much at all, hell basically I had said nothing, other than threats and curse words, so I waited for him to say the first words.
“Good morning,” was all he said.
I studied his face. He seemed very sincere, very genuine. He looked as if he wanted to hug me but he was unsure if it was appropriate. He also looked extremely embarrassed.
“I don’t know what to say. I mean, in a way you stole my husband,” the words tasted like shit as they rolled off of my tongue. This should not even be a topic of conversation. Initially, I had just wanted the dick. Granted I had gotten it, and was even somewhat whipped off of it, but I didn’t sign up for this. I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
Kareem opened his mouth to speak but just as he did my phone began to ring. I retrieved my hot pink Prada bag from the kitchen counter, which I noticed he had placed all of the rest of my things.
I stared at the phone; simply waiting for it to stop ringing.
It was Devon calling…of course. He had called all of fifty times and I won’t even mention the number of text messages that he had sent.
Devon---my sweet Devon. He was the only thing in my life that was consistent and true.
At that very moment, I decided that it was best that I just go. I got up and gathered my things, while Kareem simply watched me in silence.
Just as I headed for the door, Kareem called out to me but his phone began to ring.
Yes! Saved by the bell!
Chapter Nine (Continuing from Part One)
I laid quietly on my back as I listened to all of the mysterious noises around me. I could hear Devon softly snoring behind me, which caused me to smile. Staying out all night at Kareem’s a few weeks ago had put us in one hell of a rough patch. Devon wouldn’t even speak to me for a week nor did he bother to come home for a few nights. In the back of my mind I knew that he was getting tired of my bullshit and I knew that if I didn’t get my act together soon, he was going to leave me. After all, finally, I could truly and boldly admit that I had fallen in love with him. In a way, I think I loved him because I knew that he truly loved me. Whatever the reason was, I didn’t want to lose him.
Luckily, the last few days between us had been better. No, that still didn’t mean that I was going to put all of my eggs in one basket; it just simply meant that I would do a better at job of making sure that he had nothing to complain about. Though I was in love with him for the most part, and trusted him as much as I could, overall, after all that had happened to me, I just couldn’t trust any man completely. And sadly, I probably never would.
I had realized long ago that I wasn’t just doing the whole dirty bonds deal to satisfy my sexual cravings. For awhile, I thought it was just about sex…but it’s much bigger than that. It was about having power. Yes, it was about having the power to use a man for what I wanted; just like men used us women whenever they felt like it; and then disposed of us like we were nothing more than an old, dirty rag. Just like Carter had done to me. That’s exactly what I was doing to the men that I was putting under contract; except Devon, of course. And that explanation wasn’t even the half of it.
I listened to the rain as it fell noisily and soon after, my tears mimicked the motion of the rain drops and fell swiftly from my eyes. Truthfully, I didn’t know why I was crying. But weeping was surely overdue. I hadn’t really had time to process or really dwell on everything that I had learned from Kareem about Carter. I would be lying if I said I felt nothing at all because I did. I felt used, ashamed, humiliated, unworthy and the list goes on. I had given that man my all; everything, the best part of me and in return he had given up everything we had as if I was nothing. It was hard for me to believe that our entire marriage had been one big fat lie. The way that man had loved me just had to have been real. A part of me refused to believe the truth, though what we had was long gone. It just didn’t feel or seem right. It just didn’t make sense. Carter had to have loved me. I just know he had to. I felt it every time he made love to me and every single time he kissed me.
But somewhere…somehow…something went wrong.
The thunder startled me and caused me to lose my train of thought. I thought about Kareem for only a second longer. I wondered about his wife and kids, and what Carter had done to destroy them. Carter had always been such a helpful soul; I couldn’t imagine him going to great lengths to make Kareem’s life a living Hell. But then again…what I thought I knew about him had been all wrong. Truth be told; I didn’t have a clue as to who Carter really was. Thinking back to Kareem, I couldn’t help but feel sympathy for him. Though he wasn’t completely honest with me at first, I was glad that he had told me the truth. In a way he had given me more closure than Carter ever had; and for that alone, I owed him my gratitude. I wasn’t exactly sure if I wanted to see him again or if I just wanted to be entirely done with him and the whole contract that I had him under. Honestly, I wanted to simply erase the past few weeks and forget all about him and the news he had given me but that just wasn’t going to happen. Despite everything else, Kareem had definitely made one hell of an impression. That dick of his was definitely a gift from above and it definitely should be shared…especially with me. It simply just wouldn’t be right for him to keep something so damn good all to himself. I just couldn’t help but become moist when I thought about how good Kareem made me feel on a sexual level. Frankly, amongst everything else, I was almost devastated by the thought that I was going to have to give him---well it, up but the more and more I thought about it, he was innocent and straight from the horse’s mouth---he loved him some pussy.
So, with that in mind---maybe I would keep him under contract just a little while longer.
That was if I could keep Devon off of my back.
Devon always had his doubts but I was always a step…or two, ahead of him. He just could never quite put his hands on what I was doing. I was surprised that he had stayed around so long. He was still one of the sexiest men to grace this side of heaven. Now, he had his own business and his own money so the reality was---he didn’t need me
. But he wanted me. And yes, I wanted him too---after all he had officially been my man for quite some time now. I even went out on a limb and introduced him to my sisters. Unfortunately, he didn’t have many living relatives. His parents were dead and he had a brother and sister but they didn’t live in Georgia. Granted, Devon was a little rough around the edges, for the most part he was as sweet as pumpkin pie. He was such a good guy that it made me wonder why he had even bothered to sign the dirty bond contract in the first place. After getting to know him, he definitely wasn’t the cheater type. I guess when you need money, and when your future and freedom were on the line…you would do just about anything to keep it. I did feel responsible for his divorce, in a way, but I never told him to put me first; technically. Basically I had only told him to be available.
I turned over to face Devon. He was still as handsome as he had been the very first time I’d saw him. I actually liked him a lot more when he was asleep; hell that’s the only time he was quiet. I had enjoyed watching him grow and transform. He was a nobody when I met him and now, every single day, he was getting closer and closer to becoming a somebody.
You would think that Devon would be enough, but he just wasn’t. Carter had messed it up for every man that would come after him. The way I saw it was that I had spent the last ten years being faithful to Carter’s old nasty ass and look where it had gotten me; nowhere. Men just didn’t seem to appreciate a faithful, good, loyal woman these days. So, why not beat them at their own game. With effort, one day, I was sure that I could and hopefully would be faithful to Devon one of these days; but it wouldn’t be anytime soon.
Clearing my head, I quickly positioned myself on my knees. Devon was on his back and I peeked under the covers at his resting manhood and then studied his face. He seemed to be sleeping so peacefully that I almost didn’t want to wake him…almost.