by Anne Hampson
Could it be that for some reason Julian had to be married? If that were true it wouldn’t matter whom he married. And, having lost Vicky, he had seized upon Kim. Yes, she could see it all now! Those threats were merely empty threats, calculated to force her into marriage. Another quivering sigh left Kim’s lips. If only she had held out! She would now be safely back home - never had she been so sure of anything in her life. If only she had held out.... Her whole life ruined because she had allowed fear to take possession of her ... a fear which she now knew had no real foundation.
‘Had I known you were so curious I’d have opened the door for you.’ Julian’s suave and unhurried tones brought her upright with a jerk, and her cheeks coloured to a bright pink. But she soon recovered, and turned
on him, her eyes blazing.
‘You tricked me into marriage! I see it now! I was right when I said you wouldn’t carry it out, that you never intended me any rear harm. Oh, what a fool I’ve been! What a stupid little fool! If I’d stood out against your threat you’d have let me go—’
‘Not so fast - or so furious, either, or I might lose my temper.’ Julian’s voice was maddeningly unruffled and soft; Kim’s fists clenched and nothing would have afforded her greater satisfaction than to strike him. ‘First of all, what makes you so sure that I meant you no harm?’
‘This room! You had it furnished and made ready; you hadn’t the slightest intention of - of staying with me that first night.’
‘I had every intention.’
‘I don’t believe you - I’ll never believe you.’ And then, inconsistently, ‘Why then did you have that room made ready?’
‘To accommodate a friend of mine,’ he replied imperturbably.
‘A — friend?’ She blinked at him. ‘You’re bringing a friend here, to stay with us?’
‘That’s right.’ He had Kim’s coat over his arm and he
began to open it out ‘I naturally used the room - after I’d decided to marry you. But I had it prepared for this friend of mine. Make no mistake, my dear,’ he went on, holding out her coat for her to put on. ‘As I said, my original intentions were completely without honour.’ Suspiciously, Kim glanced up at him before, turning, she allowed him to help her on with her coat. It would seem, on the surface, that she was back where she started from and that Julian had not furnished that room for himself ... but Julian had deliberately avoided her gaze as he spoke — and that was not like him. No, there was some mystery here, of that she was sure. It would be interesting to see this man who was coming to live with them - this friend for whom he had furnished the other bedroom.
CHAPTER SIX
Leaving Cader Idris to the south, they followed the road into the beautiful Ganllywd valley; then they dropped sharply into the Vale of Festiniog, passed the quaint little villages of Rhyd and Llanfrothen, continued across the marshy ground of the estuary and entered the narrow defile of the Aberglaslyn Pass. For the first few miles there was complete silence in the car, but eventually Julian tried to open a conversation. Kim answered in monosyllables and, with a sigh of exasperation, Julian abandoned the effort and they drove on once again in silence. But after entering the pass Kim found herself exclaiming, despite her resolution not to open a conversation with her husband,
‘Oh ... it’s beautiful!’
‘This pass is one of the most spectacular in Wales,’ Julian said, slowing down so that she could have a little more time to take in her surroundings. They were passing through precipitous cliffs, with the torrent of the Glaslyn running alongside the road. ‘We’re coming into the very heart of Snowdonia now, and you’ll find the scenery really breathtaking.’ Presently they reached Beddgelert, set among the mountains at the confluence of the rivers Conway and Glaslyn. To their left rose Moel Hebog, while ahead towered the snow-covered summit of Snowdon itself. Their way took them through the glaciated valley of Nant Gwyant, the road skirting the lovely lakes of Dinas and Gwynant. To their left was a sheer drop and beyond that three massive peaks soared away into the clouds. The road ran through another glaciated valley, the beautiful Llanberis Pass and, crossing the Afon Nant Peris, it came alongside the two ribbon lakes of Peris and Padam.
At last they were crossing the Menai Straits and when they were actually on the island Julian reminded Kim of the role he expected her to
play. Kim said nothing and he turned fleetingly to note her expression.
‘You’ll do it?’ He seemed anxious, she thought, despite the half threat in his tone.
‘I’ll do what?’ They were driving through Beaumaris and her attention appeared to be on the castle.
Julian’s teeth gritted. He drew to one side of the street and stopped the car.
‘I'm warning you, Kim, you’ll be sorry if you let me down.’
That phrase again. She turned her head.
She refused to speak and he repeated his warning. Then he started up the car and drove on. He was worried.... Well, that would do him good. They left Beaumaris and travelled the last four miles to Penmon on an almost deserted road.
The climb to the cottage was steep, and the road stony and narrow. But Kim was enchanted with the little gabled cottage when at last Julian pulled up in the driveway.
‘It’s very old,’ Julian informed her as they got out of the car, ‘and very tiny.’
He pushed open the front door and they were in the living-room. Kim stood by the closed door, looking over to where a thin wisp of a woman sat on a chair, one leg stretched out on a long stool and one arm lying helplessly on her knee. Her face was drawn and her skin white and lined.
‘Julian!’ Her dark eyes became animated. ‘You’re here earlier than I expected. You said after lunch.’ She tried to ease herself up in the chair, her eyes travelling past Julian to Kim. Julian was beside her chair instantly and helping her to rise. ‘You’re as gentle as an angel.’ She was gasping for breath and Kim suddenly swallowed a little lump in her throat. The woman couldn’t be so very old, she thought, wondering how she came to be in this condition.
‘Aunt Sophy—’ Julian took hold of Kim’s hand and led her over to the chair. ‘This is Kim. Kim darling, meet Aunt Sophy.’
Kim extended a hand, glancing swiftly up at her husband’s face before giving all her attention to the woman in the chair.
‘How do you do.’ Kim felt suddenly shy and a faint flush rose to enhance the fair beauty of her skin. ‘I’m very pleased to meet you.’
‘As I am to meet you, dear. I was delighted when Julian wrote to tell me he was engaged. He’s been happy in his bachelorhood, and I must say I began to think he wouldn’t ever get married, and I was resigned. But here you are, and it was all done in such a hurry.’ She paused a moment in order to get her breath, and then went on, the smile of pleasure still curving her pale lips, ‘I can see now why he’s waited so long. Julian, I congratulate you - she’s absolutely sweet.’ She paused again and Kim looked down at the floor, aware of her husband’s gaze upon her and hoping this woman would not continue her flattery. But Aunt Sophy went on, ‘No wonder you fell in love with her, Julian. She’s so beautiful
- and so cuddly in this red, with the white fur.’ And then, resting back in her chair again, ‘Kim dear, there’s plenty to eat in the larder out in the kitchen. Perhaps you’ll get yourselves something—’ She broke off and Kim looked up at Julian, her eyes wide and anxious.
‘Don’t worry, darling,’ he said reassuringly. ‘Aunt Sophy will be all right in a moment. Give me your coat.’ She took off her outdoor things and gave them to him, then she stood uncertainly by the chair. Aunt Sophy again told her to get something to eat for herself and Julian, apologizing for not having a meal ready.
‘I’ve a woman comes in - but of course Julian must have told you, dear.’ Nevertheless she went on to inform Kim that this woman from the village came in every morning and afternoon. She had a family, so she went home at lunch time to give them a meal. Another woman from the village, a widow, came in the evenings and slept at the cottage. ‘I
t works very well — and dear Julian pays for it all, but he must have told you,’ she said again, and stopped once more for breath.
‘Shall I make the meal?’ Kim asked, looking at Julian. He nodded, and something in his expression made her say, ‘Are you very hungry, darling?’
He gave her a smile of thanks before he said,
‘I could eat something substantial. How about you?’
‘I’ll get what I want.’ She wasn’t in the least hungry, but she didn’t know why. She’d known pangs of hunger coming along, but now she felt she couldn’t eat a thing.
Julian came into the kitchen after her, and showed her where everything was.
‘I can manage,’ she said. ‘Go and sit with your aunt, Julian.’
He went out; Kim placed the tray on the table and began to put the crockery on to it.
What had happened to Aunt Sophy? she wondered. And where was her son? Why wasn’t he doing something to help? And Julian’s marriage? On first entering the house and seeing the pleasure on Aunt Sophy’s face, Kim had instantly jumped to the conclusion that Julian had married merely to make his aunt happy. But although his aunt had obviously been delighted at the idea of Julian’s being married, she had displayed no overwhelming relief; in fact, she had said she was resigned to the idea of his remaining a bachelor. No, that was not the reason for his hasty marriage. He had obviously not done it to please his aunt.
There were several kinds of meat in the little wire-fronted meat safe and Kim put them all out on a plate, along with some tomatoes she found and celery and other greens. This was the first meal she had prepared for Julian; he had made the meals himself, although on one occasion when Kim had been particularly defiant he had threatened to make her do all the household chores. She had filled the tray and was just about to push the door open wider when she heard Julian’s aunt say, ‘Does Kim not know how all this happened? She didn’t seem to, and yet I can’t think why you haven’t told her.’
‘I meant to, but she’s so very tender-hearted, so easily hurt, that I’m afraid I postponed telling her.’ Kim’s eyes opened wide at that and she almost dropped the tray. Tender-hearted! Julian was speaking again and Kim could almost see the rueful smile flickering on his face as he added, ‘I’m a shirker, if you like, but I didn’t want anything to spoil our honeymoon, and I’m sure it would have been spoiled if she had had this on her mind.’
‘Of course. How stupid of me. It was very sensible of you, Julian. After all, she’s only just come into the family; we must give her time before we bother her with our troubles.’ She paused for breath and Kim frowned. ‘I can well believe she’s soft-hearted, and I’m sure she’ll be terribly distressed when she knows. Perhaps, dear, you’d better not tell her yet awhile?’
‘I’ll see. And now-about Neil.’
‘You’re doing all you said for him?’
‘He’ll have a comfortable income, without actually having to do any work himself — any manual work, that is. Now don’t you trouble your head about anything, do you hear?’
‘Don’t bully me, Julian.’ In spite of the difficulty of breathing there was a hint of laughter in Aunt Sophy’s voice and Julian laughed in response.
‘I’ll do more than bully you if you persist in worrying about Neil.
His future’s being taken care of.’
‘Yes, dear Julian, I do understand - and I praise the day I took you, for you’ve been a blessing to me all your life. But naturally I worry about Neil. It was so dreadful, and he’s so young.’
A deep sigh from Julian before he said, rather gently,
‘It was a dreadful thing to happen, dear, but we’ve to be grateful that you’re both alive. Neil will walk again, though not very well, but he will be able to get about. As for his livelihood, as I’ve said, that’s taken care of. Now,’ he added briskly, ‘do you stop worrying or do I put you across my knee?’
‘You can threaten me, now you’re bigger than I. No, save that for your wife. She might enjoy it.’
Kim coloured up, and waited with some curiosity to see how her husband would respond to that.
‘Enjoy it? You think so!’ No doubt about his thoughts, mused Kim with a grimace.
‘Women do, you know — oh, they pretend they don’t but they do really.’
‘Do they now?’ said Julian with interest. ‘I’m learning. Tell me, why do they enjoy it?’
‘It gives them a feeling of helplessness - and it’s natural for a woman to be helpless. By that I mean, according to the laws of nature.’
‘Aren’t we becoming a bit involved?’ laughed Julian, and Kim thought it was time she made her entry. Her eyes met Julian’s, and he actually grinned. Did he know she’d heard those last few sentences? It seemed very much like it.
However, he hadn’t realized that all the conversation had been overheard by Kim, for he made no mention of it on the way home. But when they had been driving in silence for a while, along the steep and winding mountain pass, he said softly,
‘Thank you, Kim, for making my aunt happy. As you must have gathered, I owe her a great deal. You see, she was only twenty-seven when she was widowed, and after she took me she could have made an extremely good second marriage. But although the man was willing to take Aunt Sophy’s own child, he wasn’t willing to take me. He suggested she put me in a home. She refused; the man wouldn’t marry her, and consequently she had to work all her life - until we were grown up and able to fend for ourselves. I wouldn’t have hurt her for anything, and that’s why I insisted that you act as if you cared for me. She’s very ill indeed, but astute for all that. Had either of us been careless she’d have suspected right away that something was wrong.’
Kim said nothing; and it was not cold detachment now which kept her silent; she felt chastened. Julian she had grossly misjudged, but how far had she misjudged him? There was so much she did not understand and she felt she couldn’t ask him. If and when he wanted to confide in her he would do so. Until then she must remain in the dark. The abnormality of their marriage; her own natural fury at his conduct and her aversion to his love-making; his open admission that it was Vicky whom he loved - all these held wide the gulf between them, making confidences impossible and Kim knew just why he had not told her about the tragedy - for it must be a tragedy - which had affected both his aunt and her son. Kim guessed it must have been the result of some sort of accident, but she felt there was much more to it than that.
They drove slowly, for there was now a skittering of snow on the roads and ice beneath that. Kim pulled the rug from the back seat and put it round her legs. Julian asked if she were cold, and he seemed genuinely concerned when she admitted she was. For a sudden shivering had come over her during the latter part of the journey and by the time they were back at Strata Cadilla she was quite unable to keep still.
‘Can you manage the stairs?’ he asked, a gentleness in his voice which he had never before used to her.
‘Of course.’
‘But you’re shivering from head to foot. The journey took much longer owing to the icy roads.’ He wrapped the rug around her, holding it as they went upstairs. ‘Perhaps we should have started out earlier. It’s become dreadfully cold this last hour or so. ’
‘The heater was on - don’t worry about it; I’ll be as right as rain in the morning.’
The flat was beautiful and warm, but Kim still shivered. Julian told her to go to bed while he prepared a hot drink of brandy and lemon. This he took to her, sitting on the edge of the bed anxiously watching her flushed face as she sat up holding the glass to her lips. Their eyes met; Kim looked down into her glass, wondering about this husband of hers who would calmly abduct her, who would stop at nothing in order to own her.
She knew so little of him, but today she had seen him in a new light.
And however much she might hate him - and she would always hate him for robbing her of her freedom and independence - she must respect him too - respect and admire him for the way in which he was repaying his de
bt to the woman who had made so great a sacrifice in order to bring him up.
‘Finished?’ Julian took the glass from her as she held it out to him. ‘Lie down...’ With gentle hands he tucked in the bedclothes around her. ‘If you’re no better in the morning we must have the doctor.’
‘You can’t bring a doctor here!’ she exclaimed. ‘What would he think?’
‘Your health’s far more important to me than any doctor’s opinion of my home,’ he said quietly, and Kim’s eyes fluttered to his. What exactly did that mean? Was he genuinely concerned for her welfare? — or was he worried about the inconvenience to himself were she to be ill? His face above her was grave and anxious; his hand on her brow was cool and strangely comforting. He bent his head and kissed her cheek. ‘I’ll sleep in the other room, he said, gently smoothing the covers. ‘But we’ll leave both doors open and you must call me if you want anything. Good night, Kim.’ He switched off the bed light and turned to the door.
‘Good night.’ By the light from the landing she watched him go, saw him turn at the door and smile faintly at her. She gave a deep sigh of relief. This was what she wanted — to be on her own. A few minutes later she heard him splashing in the bath and later still heard him go to his room. The landing light went out, but she could see the reflection of Julian’s light coming from his open doorway. That went out too and an eerie blackness seemed to fill the room. Kim lay very still, listening. The flat was lovely, but it was only a tiny oasis amid the barren wastes around it. Grime and cobwebs; yawning empty rooms with weird, grotesque shadows ... and ghosts, hooded ghosts— Kim pulled herself together. It must be the fever - but she began to tremble violently. She wasn’t the nervous type - there was no such things as ghosts. Suddenly the most eerie sound shattered the unearthly silence and Kim screamed. She was sitting up, fumbling for the switch when the landing light went on.