by Anne Hampson
Feeling more dejected than she would ever have thought possible, Kim turned to the door and opened it.
‘She’ll tell you herself what she wants,’ Kim murmured in low and husky tones. ‘I merely came to inform you of her arrival.’
‘I just can’t believe it,’ said Margery, shocked. ‘Something’s happened to Julian, for he never used to be like this!’ She and Kim were together in the great lounge of the hotel, standing by the window, gazing out over the pastures adjoining the grounds of Strata Cadilla. ‘Just look at her - and he seems to like it!’ Margery turned, her face flushed with anger and indignation. ‘I’d do something if I were in your place. You’re so calm about it all, Kim. Don’t you care?’
Kim’s eyes were still following the couple out there on the hillside; Vicky had tucked her arm in Julian’s, and even from this distance it could be seen that she pressed close to him. It was this obvious intimacy which had brought the angry exclamations from Margery, but Kim merely regarded the couple in silence, trying desperately to convince herself that she didn’t care.
‘You forget the circumstances of the marriage between Julian and me,’ she said flatly, and, after a slight pause, ‘Julian’s still in love with Vicky; he told me so.’
Margery’s eyes opened wide.
‘He told you - really, this is outrageous. What can have come over Julian?’ She shook her head sadly. ‘How strange - that I never suspected he had a side like this. Both Neil and I have looked up to him, admired him — and Mum, well, she adores him. Neil firmly believes she thinks more about Julian than she does about him.’
‘I think I’ll go up.’ Kim turned away from the window. ‘I’ve several jobs to do - bits of mending - so I might as well make a start on them.’
‘No, don’t go up there, sitting about on your own.’ Margery’s face held an expression of deep concern. ‘Stay down here with us.’
‘Neil will wonder where Julian is.’ Kim shook her head. ‘I’ll go up; don’t worry about me, Margery; I’ll be all right.’
‘As you wish, Kim,’ returned Margery on an anxious note. ‘But if you’re lonely come down, won’t you?’
‘Yes, I promise.’
Margery went into the little private sitting-room where Neil was relaxing with a book, and Kim came out of the lounge with the intention of going upstairs. But just as she emerged she almost collided with one of the guests, a young man who had arrived on the same day as Vicky. He had been here a week and for the whole time he had been walking and climbing on his own. The friend who should have accompanied him had been taken ill at the last minute and so he had been forced to come away alone.
‘Good evening, Mr. Ferris.’ Kim smiled and would have passed on, but he invited her to have a drink at the bar.
‘I’ve had about enough of my own company,’ he added ruefully. ‘I’d be grateful for yours, if only for a few minutes or so.’
The merest hesitation on Kim’s part, and then she said,
‘Thank you, Mr. Ferris; I’d like to have a drink with you.’
‘Good.’ He seemed delighted, and at the same time faintly surprised that she should have accepted his offer.
Tom, the waiter, brought their drinks to a small table set in an alcove just by the bar, and although Kim had meant to stay for one drink only, she was still sitting there when Julian and Vicky came in half an hour later. Julian’s eyes glittered as they met hers; Kim’s chin came up in a gesture of defiance. Julian led Vicky over to the bar and bought her a drink. Tom stood behind the bar, glancing from the couple standing there to the couple in the alcove. There would be some gossip among the staff tomorrow morning, Kim concluded, vaguely wondering if the idea had also occurred to her husband and, if so, whether it troubled him at all.
Later, when they were both having supper in their own sitting-room, Julian mentioned Kim’s young companion, asking his name.
‘Brian - Brian Ferris. His friend was ill and couldn’t accompany him, so he’s on his own.’ She spoke stiffly, not even glancing at Julian. But she felt his dark eyes on her, subjecting her to a most intense scrutiny.
‘So you’re keeping him company.’ Julian reached for the biscuits. Mechanically, Kim passed him the butter.
‘I did so this evening. He invited me to have a drink and I accepted.’ ‘Don’t make a practice of it,’ came the cool, imperative warning, and Kim’s eyes flashed fire.
‘I’ll please myself,’ she snapped. ‘As a matter of fact, I’m going on a ramble with him tomorrow.’ Brian had asked her to accompany him, but she had politely refused. Now she was quite determined to go. ‘We’ll be out for the whole day.’
‘I think not.’ Julian spoke quietly, but there was danger in his tone, and in spite of herself Kim’s nerves fluttered and she lowered her head, avoiding his steely gaze.
‘I’ve just said I’ll please myself.’ This time her voice was quieter and more controlled, but it held a note of defiance for all that.
‘You’ll do as I say.’
Flushing with anger, Kim glanced up. The arrogance of him! To order her - and he himself spending so much time with Vicky. Well, she would not be ordered.
‘I’m determined to go,’ she said coldly, ‘and there’s no way you can stop me.’
‘Perhaps not,’ he admitted, much to her surprise. And then he added warningly, ‘Don’t try my patience too far, Kim, or you’ll wish with all your heart you hadn’t.’
What did he mean? Was he threatening to ill-treat her? Dejection flooded over her as she recalled the comradeship that had so recently sprung up between them. There had been no time for it to grow strong before Vicky appeared on the scene, and now there had come between Kim and her husband the old antagonism, Julian was entirely to blame for this, for he had given his full attention to Vicky from the moment they had met down in the hall only an hour after Vicky’s arrival.
‘What exactly are you threatening to do?’ she asked stiffly, her head thrown back in defiance even though her nerves continued fluttering in the most alarming way.
‘I’m not threatening, I’m warning - warning you to take care. You’ve seen the worst of me once, and I shouldn’t have thought you’d risk seeing it again.’
‘And that’s not a threat, you say?’ she flashed, trembling with fury. ‘Well, you can call it what you like, but it doesn’t frighten me. I’m going out with Brian tomorrow and you can do your worst!’ Without giving him time to snap out another warning she left the supper table and went into the bedroom. The colour had left her face and she was now white with anger as she paced the floor for a while before realizing the stupidity of her action. To be ordered! Told what to do and what not to do after vowing that no man would ever dominate her.
She sat down on the bed, her anger dying slowly. And as the seething chaos of her mind was replaced by rational thought she had to face the truth. No use pretending that her anger had stemmed solely from her husband’s dictatorial attitude. No, it was his constant attention to Vicky, his unconcealed preference for her company, his open admiration for her that Kim resented, that aroused this fury within her. Impatiently she stood up and walked about again.
‘I’m not jealous of Vicky - I’m not!’ No conviction at all in her softly spoken words and Kim began to fume again. ‘I’ll prove I’m not jealous -yes, I’ll prove it by letting him have a divorce!’ And she herself would be free - free to do exactly as she pleased. To be able to come and go as she liked, to answer to no one — it would be wonderful. Yes, a divorce would solve all their problems. Her resolution brought with it a feeling of lightheartedness which remained with her until, having taken a bath and returned to the bedroom in her dressing-gown, she sat down to brush her hair. Then, for some reason, she felt utterly deflated. A divorce — unsavoury even in these enlightened times. Besides, it was an admission of failure — proof that one or the other had not tried hard enough. ‘But it’s not my fault,’ she murmured vehemently. ‘Julian’s to blame for everything - and in any case, this marriage is differ
ent. It could never have succeeded.’ No, there was no possible chance of the marriage succeeding, so they might as well end it as soon as possible.
Putting down the brush, Kim rose from the stool with the intention of getting into bed. She glanced down at the bed and frowned. To have to sleep with Julian, with such ill-feeling between them - to lie together side by side, each so angry with the other - it seemed all wrong somehow. If only Julian cared, they could soon make it up— Astonished, Kim put a check on her thoughts. There was no question of a making up. Julian loved Vicky and she, Kim, was quite willing to give him his freedom.
She heard Julian in the bathroom and, swiftly collecting some clothes to put on in the morning, she quietly left the room and crossed the landing to Julian’s study. Her intention frightened her, but she remained resolute. To sleep together now that they were having a divorce would be more than wrong, it would be immoral.
Reaching the door, she softly turned the handle. Earlier she had noticed that the key was on the inside of the door and to her relief it was still there. Closing the door noiselessly, she turned the key in the lock. She still had palpitation but her dominant emotion was one of triumph -for at last she had him defeated. Had they been alone she had no doubt that, had he felt so inclined, he would have lost no time in putting his shoulder to the door and bursting the lock. As it was, he would have to accept defeat graciously, for any noise up here would be heard by almost everyone in the hotel.
On hearing the bathroom door open and close she knew that within a matter of seconds Julian would be wondering where she was. She stood by the door, and soon realized he’d gone to the kitchen. Then he was on the landing again, quietly calling her name. While she stood there irresolutely trying to decide whether or not she should answer, Kim heard him go downstairs. Obviously he would go in to Margery and Neil, to ask if she were there, and then he might begin to search the grounds -and Margery and Neil would also go out looking for her. Kim put a trembling hand to her cheek. Julian would be furious if he went to all that trouble and then discovered she was only in the spare room. Perhaps she should have left him a note ... but that was ridiculous. You only wrote a note when you left your husband properly, not when you merely moved into another bedroom. Straining her ears, Kim heard voices, they became clearer and she knew the worst had happened.
‘She must have gone for a walk.’ It was Neil; he had come out into the hall and his voice was unperturbed.
‘It’s an odd time for her to go for a walk.’ Margery now, and her voice held an unmistakable note of concern. But she knew more than Neil, so she would be anxious, Kim thought.
‘I’ll take a look round.’ There was a certain calm composure in Julian’s tones, but Kim sensed it was assumed — for the benefit of Neil and Margery. ‘It’s a pleasant sort of evening and she could have decided to go for a stroll in the grounds.’
‘Surely she would have mentioned it, though,’ said Margery. ‘Are you sure she’s not up there? She’s not having a bath, or anything?’
‘She’s just had one—’ Julian stopped, obviously aware of his mistake.
‘Just had one ... and gone straight out? Then there must be something wrong, for it isn’t the normal thing to do, Julian, not at this time of the night.’ Margery sounded most distressed and Kim bit her lip, fervently wishing she hadn’t been so impulsive as to rush in here without stopping to think of Julian’s possible reaction to her absence. It was quite clear that Margery was troubled by the suspicion that Kim might have made an impulsive decision to leave her husband.
‘I’ll have a look outside, all the same,’ Julian returned lightly. ‘She can’t be very far away.’ His effort at reassurance didn’t appear to pacify Margery, for although her words were now indistinct there was no mistaking the perturbation in her voice.
Kim waited, undecided, hoping Julian would change his mind and come back upstairs. However, she heard Neil say something about letting them know when he found Kim and then there was silence.
For a while she remained by the door, and then, with a shrug of resignation, she went back to their bedroom.
‘What—?’ Kim stopped in the doorway, almost unable to believe her eyes, for Margery was standing by the open wardrobe, frantically examining its contents. She turned swiftly, a blush spreading as she saw Kim standing there in her dressing-gown, staring at her in blank bewilderment.
‘Kim! Oh, you’re there. Where have you been? Julian’s looking for you — I thought you’d left him. She seemed quite weak and, after closing the wardrobe door, she sat down on the stool in front of the dressing-table.
‘But my wardrobe....” Kim tailed off, off, her eyes dark with sudden perception.
‘Julian went to look for you outside, and I just had to find out, to see if some of your clothes had gone - I knew you’d take your blue knitted dress, because you’re so fond of it, and your red coat. I’m sorry, Kim, but I just had to look.’ Her blush had faded and her cheeks were almost white. Kim swallowed, feeling ashamed of herself and furious with Julian. Why couldn’t he have gone to bed quietly instead of disturbing Margery like this? ‘Where have you been?’ Margery repeated, puzzled.
‘In the spare room,’ Kim replied, sitting down on the bed. ‘I’ve decided to let Julian have a divorce and marry Vicky, so it didn’t seem decent to stay here.’
A little silence followed this statement, and then,
‘I can understand how you feel.’ Margery’s eyes were bright and her lip quivered. ‘I thought it was so wonderful — having you for a friend. I haven’t ever had one special friend and — and I thought it was going to be marvellous. I’ve already begun to look on you as my sister.’ She stopped, shaking her head. ‘It seems impossible that you could go away and we’d never see you again. Neil likes you too; he said only this morning that Julian’s ever so lucky—’
‘You haven’t told him anything?’ put in Kim hastily. ‘About how we came to be married?’
Margery shook her head.
‘I wouldn’t, not when you told me in confidence.’
‘It’s a wonder Neil hasn’t noticed how attentive Julian has been to Vicky,’ commented Kim, wondering where Julian was now and whether he was becoming more and more angry at not being able to find her. Perhaps he’d reached the firm conclusion that she’d left him - though he must be puzzled as to how she had left, because no taxi had called at the hotel.
‘Neil’s not about a lot yet,’ Margery reminded her. ‘He works in our own sitting-room mainly. And when he has been about Julian and Vicky have been somewhere else.’ A pause and then, ‘Don’t have a divorce, Kim, please.’
But Kim shook her head.
‘It’s the best thing we can do. I must let him marry Vicky. It’s what he really wants and—’ Unsteadily Kim rose from the bed, her heart jerking as she met the smouldering gaze of her husband.
‘I’ll be going,’ said Margery hastily, also aware of Julian’s wrath. ‘Good night, Kim. Good night, Julian.’ And, as if concluding that there would be no reply from either of them, Margery left the room, just as speedily as she could.
Kim backed away as Julian came in and closed the door behind him. ‘Where were you when I called you?’ he asked in a very soft voice, his dark eyes flicking over her attire.
‘In - in the spare - in Margery’s old room.’ Why should she be afraid? she asked herself angrily. He couldn’t kill her! ‘I’m going to sleep in there from now on.’
Julian moved further into the room and Kim took another strategic step backwards.
‘Why didn’t you answer me when I called?’ he demanded, ignoring her last sentence, and, when she didn’t immediately respond, ‘Well, why?’ Kim coughed nervously, in spite of her determination not to be afraid, and her legs beneath her began to lack support.
‘I would have - if I’d known you w-were going to look for me. But I didn’t think, I mean - I thought you would just go to bed.’
‘Go to bed? - not knowing where you were?’
It did sou
nd ridiculous now she came to consider it. Naturally Julian would want to know where she was.
‘I’m sorry ... I didn’t stop to think.’ Why apologize? she thought angrily. She had no intention of trying to pacify him.
Julian’s mouth compressed.
‘Why was Margery up here? You haven’t confided in her, I hope?’
Kim cleared her throat. And the hesitation told him all he wanted to know. Swift fury kindled in his eyes, and Kim shook her head vigorously.
‘No — no, Julian, I haven’t told her—’
‘Don’t stand there lying!’ he thundered. ‘Why was she up here?’
‘She came to see if my clothes had gone,’ Kim admitted falteringly. ‘She was afraid I’d - I’d left you.’
A terrifying little silence followed, and then,
‘So you have told her about us! I noticed she was far more perturbed than seemed necessary, and that was why. She was afraid you’d left me. I suppose she thinks I’m a blackguard?’ he added between his teeth.
‘She knows how you treated me - when we first came here,’ she returned, a hint of courage rising above her fear.
‘What about Neil?’ he rasped. ‘Have you told him, too?’
‘No - and Margery promised not to say a word to him either.’
‘My God!’ he exclaimed after another awful silence. ‘To tell Margery! Couldn’t you have kept it to yourself?’
‘It troubles you that she’s been disillusioned?’ The trace of satisfaction in her voice brought the sort of expression, to his eyes that should have warned her to take care, but she saw that he was concerned about Margery’s opinion of him and the opportunity of revenge was too tempting to resist. ‘Yes, after what I told her she does think you a blackguard! And she knows you’re having an affair with Vicky—’
‘An affair!’ Before Kim fully realized what he was about he’d advanced upon her and her shoulders were seized in an agonizing grip. ‘Margery said that? I don’t believe it—’ Unmercifully he shook her until the tears started to her eyes. ‘Did she say that? Did she?’ All Kim could do was shake her head and he went on furiously, ignoring her tears, ‘And now, what’s all this about sleeping in the other room?’ He relaxed his hold on her arms and she moved away. His wrath abated with almost startling suddenness, and a softer light entered his eyes.