by K. C. Hamby
“I have an assignment for you,” Cosma’s voice tears at my ears through the speaker. “It should only take two days. Come to my office for more information after Nathan’s training today.”
“Will do, Alpha.” I hang up the phone.
“Job?” Ash asks.
“Job,” I confirm, purposely avoiding Nina’s gaze. She glances between Ash and I and makes a small, uncomfortable sound when understanding hits her.
“Wait, that was your boss?” She points at my phone I’ve placed back on the table. “And she called you to tell you she has someone for you to……” she trails off, not wanting to finish. I wish I could read her thoughts; to know exactly what she’s feeling because she looks equal parts nervous, scared, and angry.
“Yeah, that was her.”
“Wow, it’s that easy, huh?” I fight to keep my head from jerking back in surprise at the sharpness in her voice. “To kill someone, I mean.” The sharp smell of anger taints her captivating scent, making it harsh and strong in my nostrils.
I open my mouth to somehow explain she doesn’t have to be afraid and I’m not some cold blooded killer, but I realize it’s exactly what I was before her and when I went without her. I didn’t care about any of the people I killed. Honestly, I still don’t.
I know it’s for the greater good, but sitting here now with Nina’s hard eyes staring a hole into my soul, the thoughts of me being a monster slip back into my mind. Shame washes over me, wanting to do everything but let me breathe.
“Honestly? No.” Ash jumps in with grace and a calm voice. “It’s not that easy. We’re plagued with constant nightmares riddled with death and suffering.”
It’s the first time I realize I’m not the only one with horrific nightmares.
“But, we are born protectors and this,” he gestures to my phone, “is how we protect. It’s business. If emotions play a part in it, we’ll fall apart. Believe me, I know.” His eyes fall to the table with sadness and his own form of shame. “You also need to understand it’s all we know.”
I know what he says rings true for me, but I can’t kick the gnawing thoughts saying I enjoy every bit of it. The hunt and the kill. I’m horrified at myself; at what I have become. At what I am. I know I shouldn’t enjoy it so much, but I’m so damn good at it. I enjoy being the best at the hunt. The kill pumps energized blood through my veins. I know it’s really my wolf who feels this way, but I’m starting to think she’s tainting me and making me just like her. I look up into Ash’s knowing eyes. He knows. He knows I’m a monster inside because he is too.
“You’re right, I’m sorry,” Nina whispers and rests her hand on Ash’s arm lying across the table. The air around me turns static. Ash’s features soften and he sighs.
“I’m so sleepy. I think I could sleep for a week. Maybe it’s time for a nap.”
Well, that was strange.
Ash picks up the bill at his insistence and we walk out to the SUV. “If you’re ever in trouble,” Ash faces Nina, “and Fal the Magnificent can’t be there to help,”—I groan—“you can always call me and I’ll come to the rescue.” He winks at me, showing his approval of Nina. They exchange numbers and we head back to Ash’s house. He actually bobs his head to the music Nina picks this time (it’s nearly impossible not to dance to anything by Fianceé). When we pull up to the house, Nina and I head inside to grab my keys while Ash pulls into the death cave.
I mean, the garage.
Her anxiety hovers over me like a dark cloud. I pocket my keys from the coffee table and pull her to a stop in the foyer in front of the door. I guess she feels weird about the whole assassin thing. Understandable, I suppose. Granted, I’ve had my whole life to get used to it. She’s had less than a day and it seems the previous novel-like glamour is wearing off.
I gently grab her chin and try to ignore her flinch from the touch. I look into her eyes, waiting to see if she wants me to stop. Instead, she presses her lips to mine fiercely and her body relaxes under my palms.
I realize a little too late that I hear footsteps coming down the hall from my bedroom. I break from our kiss and glare into sharp, cognac eyes.
Invidia.
Staring. Wide-eyed staring and hostility come from her. I push Nina behind me immediately, my wolf needing to protect her Mate. I have no idea how Invidia is going to react. I don’t know her well enough to even guess. I clear my throat and breathe in Nina’s fear-tinted scent.
“Invidia, I didn’t know you were here,” I push out through tight lips. A growl rumbles in my chest I clamp down on, refusing to let it fall from my mouth as a challenge.
“Clearly.” Invidia is still staring at Nina with her piercing gaze I’m about to slap from her face. Ash flies in in a blur from the garage, I guess realizing Invidia is here. He jerks his head between me and her, assessing the situation.
“Uh, hey babe,” Ash tries in a ‘it’s no big deal’ type of tone. “This is Nina. She is…uh…she, well..she’s..” he stutters when she turns her sharp eyes to him.
“She’s my Mate.” The growl falls from my lips, begging her to challenge me. A gasp comes from her and Nina, followed by a look of disbelief flashing across Invidia’s face. Nina tries peering around me to get a look at the situation, but I push her back behind me, refusing to let her move until I know Invidia isn’t a threat. Female Lupi are unpredictable when hostile.
“Does anyone else know about this?” Invidia asks Ash.
“No, Vi.”
“And it needs to stay that way,” I finish, pushing the full force of my Alpha power into my words. Invidia’s knees buckle and she coughs harshly. Her eyes nearly fall out of her head they are so wide. Ash whips his head over to me in astonishment. Invidia holds up her hands and exposes her neck to me in surrender. She takes a step toward us and I push Nina farther behind me and step up to Invidia, needing to unleash my pent-up aggression on her if she decides to be an idiot and challenge me again. She stops and drops her gaze to the floor. She takes a small step toward me and I don’t move. Sensing I’m not going rip her throat out, she slowly wraps her arms around my shoulders in a hug. I glare at Ash over her shoulder and he shrugs.
Not helpful.
She releases me and holds her arms out to give Nina a hug. I snarl at Invidia. I don’t want her touching my Mate. At all.
“Fal, stop it. I can take care of myself,” Nina demands. I scoff inwardly as Ash laughs at her trying to boss me around. I step back only a little and Nina rolls her shoulders back, masking her fear, and hugs Invidia tightly.
“It’s nice to meet you, Nina,” Invidia purrs with her silky voice smiling at both of us when she pulls back. She turns her sharp eyes on me. “I’m happy for you, Fal. Your secret is safe with me.” She tilts her head at me respectfully and I nod back in gratitude. I have got to get a handle on my wolf.
I wave goodbye to Ash and he nods with tight lips, probably upset about my outburst and use of Alpha power at Invidia. He smiles and waves to Nina. Her soft smile tilts her lips and she nods in his direction.
Goddess, this is awkward.
Nina and I step out the front door and close it firmly behind us. We walk in silence to the car, get in, and drive away.
Chapter 26
Stepping back into Nina’s apartment, I’m immediately embraced with warmth and her scent floating in the air. My nerves calm. Nina didn’t talk the whole way back, making my mind kick into overdrive with ‘what ifs.’
What if she thinks I’m a monster now?
What if she doesn’t want to be around me?
What if I’m making everything worse by overthinking?
Finally, I can’t take it anymore. I turn around and face her head-on. “Nina, what’s wrong?” She sighs deeply.
“A lot, actually.” My heart plummets. “I’m trying to wrap my head around everything, Fal. The killing thing is messing with my head. I guess the gravity of what you told me has finally fallen on me. That, and how you almost just ripped Invidia’s throat out for breathing wro
ng.” I open my mouth to protest, but I’m cut off by a wave of Nina’s hand. “I can take care of myself. I don’t need you fighting all my battles for me. I’m a grown up, too you know.”
I bristle. She cannot hold her own against a Lupi, and this is not just my overprotectiveness talking. She is a human. Invidia could have killed her with a slap if she wanted to.
“I get the killing thing, really I do, but you have to understand it’s all I’ve ever known. It’s my job. It’s what I was made for. I don’t expect you to be okay with it, but I do expect for you to try and understand.” I breathe a lungful of air, attempting to slow my racing heartbeat. “And Invidia, she is a Lupi, Nina. She is stronger than a human. She could have taken you out with a flick of her wrist if I weren’t there.”
She scoffs making it harder for me to pull in my temper.
“You know what? Forget it.” I can’t deal with this right now. I have to train with Nathan and meet with Cosma and anything I say right now is going to be said from anger. I’m not a good person when I’m angry, if I can even be considered a good person at all.
I stomp around the apartment grabbing my things and stuff them in my overnight bag. Nina stands by the door watching me. She softly clears her throat, pulling my attention to her. “What’s a Mate?”
I stop walking. Luckily, my back is to her, so she can’t see my terrified face. “It means you’re my soulmate. You’re my other half.” She gasps and I turn around to explain myself before I can be interrupted. “It was an old myth I never believed in. We all grew up on stories of Lupi finding their true Mates and being whole and all that mushy bullshit I never bought into. Once you find your Mate, it’s impossible to be without them. Both Mates could die from being apart. Do you remember feeling like death when we were apart?” She nods slowly. “It’s because we weren’t together. It could have killed us if I didn’t get my head out of my ass and come to you.” I meet her eyes with apologies in mine. Her brows are raised, but she has a ghost of a smile on her lips. “I thought it was completely stupid. I didn’t want to have to rely on someone else for my survival. I’ve been raised to be completely independent and able to take care of myself. However, when I met you, something shifted. Now I understand. I’ve never felt so strongly about som….”
Nina’s lips crash into mine. I was so wrapped up in my explanation I didn’t realize she nearly flew across the room. She kisses me with such desperation, I fall back on the couch with her in my arms. She pushes her body against mine, causing friction to ignite the fire in my veins. I pull her as close as I can manage with my hands on the back of her thighs. My senses are flooded with her; her smell, her taste, her everything envelops me and I become breathless beneath her lips with all thoughts of anger and arguments kissed out of me.
She pulls back, breathing hard and looking red-faced and beautiful. I gingerly run my fingers over the freckles on her face, tracing all her features. I linger on her soft and pouty lips and she nips at me playfully.
“I have to go.”
“I know.” She pushes herself off and stands. I walk to the door with her following close behind. Turning around, I find worry in the tight set of her lips.
“Are you okay?” I know we have unfinished business from earlier and I know she isn’t anywhere near fine with what I am or what I do, but I have to go and I don’t want to leave with either of us angry. I won’t be able to handle it.
“I’m just…trying to figure out how to deal with everything, but that’s a topic for another time. I’m currently worrying about you and all this,” she gestures wildly at nothing in particular, “you know, assassin stuff.” She whispers the word assassin like it’s a sin. I huff.
“I’ll be fine. I’ve been doing this ‘assassin stuff’ for a while now. Besides, Ash doesn’t call me the best for no reason.” I wink and she rolls her eyes.
I don’t think I’m the best. Damien made sure to take away any cockiness with a swipe of his dumbass sickle.
“Oh! Wait, before you go, I have a present for you.” She smiles wickedly and runs to her closet. My eyes follow her every move as I raise my brows at her disappearance into the racks of clothes. She pops out after digging around for a minute and stops right in front of me, hiding something behind her back. I eye her suspiciously as she pulls the object from behind her for me to inspect.
A twine bracelet lies delicately in her palm. The twine is woven intricately from the button clasp all the way to three small stones in the middle. I recognize one as fire agate, but I’m stumped from the other two. My mouth spreads into a wide smile as I pick it up. Energy shoots from my palm, up my arm, and to the rest of my body. I gasp and eye it closely.
“It’s beautiful, Nina. Did you make this?” I ask as I turn the electrified object over in my hand. She nods eagerly.
“The first one is fire agate,” she explains as she points to the smooth red, orange, yellow, and white mixed stone, “and it’s for protection. The dark red and blackish one is mahogany obsidian and it’s for supporting warriors through life’s battles. I guess this one applies more than I realized.” She ducks her head sheepishly. “The smooth, translucent white one is girasol and it’s for peace and tranquility. I figured if you wore it when you slept, it would take away your bad dreams.” My heart skips.
“This is so thoughtful, Nina. Thank you so much.” It’s the best gift anyone has ever given me, even if it is strangely energized. I take in all her beautiful, freckled features for my memory bank. “I promise I’ll come by as often as I can while I’m working this mission.” She slightly cringes at the word ‘mission’. I clasp the bracelet onto my left wrist, making myself busy so I can keep from being hurt by her slight rejection of what I am. She just entered this world. I have to give her time.
“Please be careful.”
“I’ll do my best,” I joke and smirk when she throws me a face that says it’s definitely not funny. I touch my lips to hers once more and step outside. I glance at her one more time to find her eyes watching me with such softness, it thaws some of my cold heart. Another emotion smacks me across the face: love.
I close the door behind me and lean against its cool surface. I love her. I know it with every bit of my being.
This could get messy.
***
I yank open the door to the training gym after running like my ass was on fire across the Complex, trying to be on time to Nathan’s training session. I fly through the door and skid to a stop in an empty gym.
“What the hell….?” Nathan is never late.
“I’m right here,” Nathan calls from behind me and I whirl around in time to see him pull out of the shadows. Sneaky punk.
“I was going to ask if you’ve been practicing, but I guess I don’t need to.” I fold my arms across my chest in feigned annoyance. I’m actually swelling with pride. He winks at me, knowing full well that he successfully snuck up on me. I huff. “Fine, you get a point.”
His eyebrows scrunch in irritation instead of the glee I expect. “I’m having trouble concentrating today. It took me like…ten minutes to go into the shadows.” He glares at the floor like it’s the culprit for his lack of focus. I recognize the look. I used to get it when Ash was trying to help me shift before Mom died.
“I used to have the same problem, Nathan.” He snaps his eyes to mine, shocked. “Yeah, seriously. I had trouble with…shifting.” I stutter over the word, hoping it doesn’t bring questions I don’t want to answer. I clear my throat. “Ash taught me how to meditate. Every time I would have trouble, I would do what he told me, and I was able to focus more. Mindfulness needs to be achieved for mastery. You just need to find your method.” I give him a small smile as he ponders over the knowledge I just dropped on him.
“I don’t even know how to start meditating.” Irritation floods my senses at the Lupi teachings. They don’t care too much about mental health. If they did, I’d probably be a decently pleasant person to be around.
“Do you want to use today to learn how
to meditate?” He nods eagerly and follows me to the center of the dark gym. We sit crisscross applesauce—Mom’s saying, not mine—on the floor across from each other. “Okay, meditating is a way for you to gain control over your brain.” My voice rings deeply across the room, letting Nathan know this is some serious shit. Meditation is important to me. It’s how I turn off my humanity and do what I have to do.
Then again, maybe this is not such a good idea.
“Have you ever stayed awake at night because you can’t turn off your thoughts?” I ask, ignoring how meditating could be the reason I can flip on the monster switch so easily.
“All the time.”
“Well, meditating will help with that too. Talking to Hecate helps me when I do it.” His eyes grow wide.
“You hear her?”
“It’s more like I pray and tell her that I’m grateful for the path she has put me on. Sometimes, I just tell her about my day. Just doing that seems to calm my mind. Talking to a goddess requires full brainpower.” I smile softly and Nathan’s face falls, confusing me because it looks like he is disappointed.
“Okay, well teach me, oh Great One.” I narrow my eyes in faux annoyance.
“Close your eyes.” As soon as they are closed, I launch into Ash’s meditation lessons. I teach him how to slow his breathing and how to clear his mind. He got a little frustrated when he couldn’t do it for very long, but I assure him it takes practice just like everything else. I told him to imagine his thoughts are written on a chalkboard and to erase them before they are completed.
After about an hour, I breathe in deeply, loving the feeling of calm and focus radiating from my core as I tell Nathan to gradually come out of the meditation.
“Well, how do you feel?” He opens his eyes.
“A lot better. I talked to Hecate, just like you said you do.”
“I’m sure she enjoyed that very much.” I smile and stand up, holding out my hand to help him up. He grabs it and my Chosen mark tingles. After Nathan is firmly planted on his feet, I slyly rub my side, wondering what the hell that was about.