by K. C. Hamby
I stare at her beautiful face while she carefully wipes away all the blood and paint covering my skin. She cleans the cuts and gives me a tight smile when she’s finished. Her freckles dot her nose and cheeks and I want to kiss every single one of them. I rub my face with the palms of my hands, hiding my blush and possible tears. Nina gasps.
Ah. I forgot about my hands.
“Fal! What the hell did you do to yourself?” She grabs my hands and begins cleaning the cuts as I try to explain.
“You know, just being superhero and jumping from building to building,” I joke and she huffs.
“Funny.” I arch my eyebrow at her disbelief. “Wait, seriously?”
“Seriously.” Her eyebrows shoot up and I can’t tell if it’s because she’s impressed or concerned. Maybe both.
Nina pulls me up from the floor with no problem and I’m surprised by her strength. “I’ll grab you some clothes.” She gives me a once over, letting her eyes linger on my damp body a little longer than necessary. A blush races up my neck and covers my face. She gives me a devious smile and leaves me to put out the fire on my cheeks alone.
I gaze at my reflection in the mirror while Nina fumbles around trying to find something I can wear. My eyes are red, making it look like I’ve smoked way too much pot, and my scar is covered with little cuts. The cuts on my lip and the rest of my face are minimal and should be healed by the morning and be nothing but scarred memories. My hair hangs around my face in damp waves. It clings to my stomach and wet sports bra. My cheeks heat again when I realize my clothes are clinging to me and leaving little to the imagination. No wonder Nina was staring. Thank goddess I don’t wear white.
I lean closer to the mirror and look into my eyes. There are lingering traces of glowing amber in my left and craziness in my right. I shudder at the memory of my massive slip of control.
Nina peaks her head around the corner of the door and tosses a colorful mound of clothing toward me. I turn and catch it with my face because I wasn’t prepared and her scent surrounds my everything. It’s in my nose, my eyes, and it’s seeping into my skin. I almost moan with the pleasure of my Mate’s scent and cry because I probably won’t be around it much longer.
I look down at the pile of clothes in my arms and groan. Not one thing in this stack is black. She did this on purpose. I begrudgingly shrug on the blue t-shirt that says, ‘Save the whales and shower with a friend!’ after yanking off my wet sports bra and underwear. I hang them on the lip of the tub as a shiver races across my cold skin. Goosebumps cover my legs and, well, everything else as I struggle to tug on the purple boxers covered in dinosaur bones that also has the lovely saying ‘I dig for bones’ all over them. I want to simultaneously punch the moron who made these and laugh because whoever “I” is, they most definitely are not an archeologist.
I give myself one last look in the mirror and my face flushes dramatically. Since I’m cold and Nina forgot to give me a bra, I’m basically poking two holes in this shirt. Sigh. Nothing to do about it now. I pull the door open to find Nina lovingly stroking Luna’s fur on the couch. Luna wags her tail once at me and hops down to head toward her bed. Nina smirks.
“Well well well. So, that’s what you look like in color,” she jokes, and I pretend pout as I make my way over to her. I sit down and look up to find her bright blue eyes staring at me intently. “What did you mean when you said someone threatened me?” she asks without hesitation. I growl from deep within my chest, but Nina doesn’t flinch.
“I think Damien,” I point to my eye to remind her who I’m talking about, “has been following us.” Her face pales substantially. “A Poacher…came across my travels tonight and he told me Damien sends his regards to me and you. He even said your name,” I croak and watch Nina’s face. Her body quivers, the fear taking over. I place my hands firmly on each side of her face and make her meet my hard gaze. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you, okay? Until my last breath, I will protect you with everything I have. I don’t care what happens between us. I will still protect you.” My voice cracks, betraying my fear. She nods, her skin soft in my hands.
“Fal…”
Well, here it goes.
“Yeah? I know what’s coming. It’s okay.” I drop my hands from her face in defeat.
“Fal, shut up and listen.” I promptly close my mouth. “Fal, I’m so sorry.”
The hell?
“I’m sorry for how I acted. I know this is who you are and how you were raised. I know this is your calling; your destiny. I’m sorry for being so cruel. I don’t deserve you if I can’t accept the person…or wolf you are.”
I eye her skeptically. She’s…apologizing to me?
She grabs my hands and squeezes them tightly. “I know you were born to be a badass. This is me accepting everything in you. Please, I hope you can accept my apology.”
The lack of air from holding my breath leaves me lightheaded. This can’t be real. I don’t think she understands the severity of who I am. “Nina. I kill people. I enjoy killing people. I’m not a good person. I’m a monster.”
“Okay, let’s get one thing straight. You are not a monster. You are a wolf. It’s in your nature to love hunting. I’ve just been too blind to understand that. And, it’s not like you’re a serial killer or killing random people. You do it to make the world better in Hecate’s own way. I’m okay. Really.” She gives me a smile and the dizziness recedes.
“I’m seriously sorry for how I came in here. I didn’t mean to scare you. I panicked. You weren’t supposed to see me..like that. I never wanted you to see that.” I ramble, looking everywhere but at her in shame.
“No, Fal.” She tilts my chin up with a slender finger and meets my eyes. “I needed to see. I needed to understand how serious this is. You’re not some Power Ranger. You’re you. It’s okay.”
I tilt my head. I don’t know what the hell a Power Ranger is, but okay. She may not be scared, but, for the first time in my life, I’m terrified. What if she changes her mind? My wolf is telling me to stop overthinking and listen to my Mate; believe her. But, I’m not just scared. I’m terrified.
Absolutely terrified.
***
I stare into Nina’s eyes in the darkness as we lie in her bed, nearly ready to put this day behind us. A strange look passes over her features, one that I’ve become all too acquainted with: curiosity.
“What kind of person were you after this time?” The whisper seems conflicted on whether or not she wants to know. I shiver involuntarily, thinking about that vile woman.
“Um, it was a pedophile,” I whisper back. She gasps loudly, making me jump. There is a faraway look in her eyes; the sapphires turning to stormy seas. There’s something she’s not telling me.
“Are you okay?” she whispers, dismissing whatever came over her and focuses on me.
I start to tell her I’m fine, but a heaviness pushes down on me and contradicts those words. A new emotion: dread. I can’t tell her I’m okay because it would be a lie. I can’t speak because I don’t know how to explain how I feel to her. Instead, I solemnly shake my head no. Nina reaches out to grab my face and a slash of white catches my eye, making me stop her with a hand on her wrist.
I flip her arm over to inspect the inside of her forearm and choke on a sob. White slashes cover the inside of her arm. Scars, but not from some blood thirsty enemy like mine. No, these are self-inflicted. One thick scar trails from her wrist to nearly the inside of her elbow. It slashes through freckles and satin skin. I rub my thumb over it; wanting to scream when I feel the deep trench between the puffy ridges. I throw away my problems for now and stare into her sad eyes.
“Nina..”
She gently pulls her arm away and puts it down on the bed between us. Tears stream from my eyes. What could have been so bad that she would do this to herself? She sighs and wipes absentmindedly at her eyes.
“I have a few demons of my own.” I grab her hand and hold it tightly. We stay like this for a while; her warm
hand in mine with the darkest of thunderstorms rolling in her eyes.
She takes a deep breath and moves in closer to me. “When I was younger, there was this guy who lived next door. He was nine years older than me. I was ten at the time.” She gulps and my body stiffens. Goddess, this is going to be bad. Her voice is rugged and full of despair. “One day, he invited me over for some ice cream. I loved ice cream. Like, more than I love pizza.” She giggles halfheartedly, and my grip tightens on her hand. “So, I went right over. I’d never been inside his house before and thought I would be considered cool if I hung out with someone much older and cooler than me. I remember walking inside, I noticed how quiet the house was. It was too quiet. The air was almost stagnant from the lack of disturbance. There was no one home other than him.”
I think I may be sick. I think I may rip apart the balled-up sheets in my other hand.
“He told me he had it ready in his room, so I skipped on in there, expecting nothing less than sprinkles. He followed me slowly and shut the door behind him. After realizing there was no ice cream, I heard the click of the lock and turned around. He was standing there just…..staring at me with this horrible smile on his face. I remember my tummy telling me I needed to leave and my head insisting something was very wrong. He told me he wanted to play a game and it was only to be played between us. I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone.” She chokes on a sob and I want to take away all of this from her. I want to hold her and make this horrible thing go away. This is the look in her eyes from earlier.
This is her demon.
“Nina..”
“It was a fucked-up version of ‘Simon Says’,” she continues, seemingly on a mission to get it all out. “In order to have the door unlocked and my ice cream reward, I had to win the game. Of course, I never wanted my ice cream after that.” I’m going to puke. “It went on for five years. I was too terrified to tell anyone. I was afraid he would hurt me or my daddy. I had to play the game at least once a week; I guess he needed his fix often. The last time I played, he introduced a friend into the game and they…well,” she pauses. “I had to win the game twice in order to leave. I was so horrified and humiliated when I finally got out, I ran straight to my daddy and told him everything. He went to the police immediately, after I convinced him I needed him not to be put in jail for murder. They were arrested. Both of them. I had to go to trial and tell a whole courtroom everything that happened. Absolutely everything with the guy’s lawyers denying every word from my mouth. Hearing it over and over again and being badgered and told I was exaggerating things and playing victim, I went numb. I didn’t feel anything because if I did, I would destroy myself. But, all of the feelings were bottled up and I couldn’t express them. I needed to feel. I needed to hurt. So, I started cutting. I cut for three years without anyone finding out.” Sobs wrack her body and I pull her in close.
“Nina, you don’t have to tell me anymore. I don’t want you to hurt like this,” I whisper into her wavy hair. She shakes her head.
“No, I need you to know this. You’ve given me so much of you and I want to give you all of me, but I want you to know my baggage. I want you to know what you’re getting into.”
I hesitate. I don’t want her to tell me because it will make it real. I never want her to hurt this badly. I want to tell her I don’t care about all that. I want to say I’ll love her no matter what she has in her past, but I eventually nod because she wants this.
“When the trial finally came to a conclusion, I was devastated. Due to lack of evidence, he only got eight years in prison. Eight. That meant he would be back. I couldn’t handle the thought of him coming after me for ratting him out. I…wanted to die, Fal. I tried to die.” She pulls her wrist out and shows me the thickest scar racing up the inside of her forearm of the other arm too. She did it to both. I cry out, pulling her to me and rocking slowly. “Luckily though,” she says, her voice muffled by my chest, “I didn’t succeed. I spent months in a therapy home and worked on my coping mechanisms. I haven’t cut since. I’m still learning how to deal with negative emotions without resorting to cutting and figuring out I’m not a victim. I’m a survivor. I can get through anything life throws at me.” She pulls back and smiles softly, and I wipe the tears from her eyes.
“You are beautiful. You are strong. You are everything I have ever wanted, and I am so proud to call you mine.” I kiss her wonderful lips and pull her in impossibly closer. “He will never come near you again. I promise.” He won’t even get out of jail because I have connections everywhere. He will never hurt her again. My breathing becomes labored as I think of slitting his throat after torturing him for every time he touched her.
Nina puts her cool hands on my face and calm flows over my skin as I look into her kind face, eyes swimming like ocean waters. I hold on to that calm as my breathing slows.
“That’s right, Faligator. Breathe.” I huff at the name. “Let’s talk about something else. You told me about the kid you mentor. Nathan, right?” I nod. “Do you think I can meet him?”
I ponder this for a few seconds, dragging my thoughts away from killing that Hades sent demon incarnate.
“I want you to, I just don’t want to get him in trouble, you know? I’ll think about it and let you know. How’s that?” I could potentially bring him after one of our practices. It may work.
Nina nods and yawns, making me yawn too. She snuggles in close, wrapping her arms and a leg around me. A few minutes later, I whisper for her to have sweet dreams, but she’s already breathing into unconsciousness with her head on my chest.
I stay awake ruminating. I have this beautiful, strong Mate sleeping on my chest and all I want to do is sneak out and kill the bastard. I don’t even know who he is, but that’s nothing the internet can’t fix for me. I’ll get him one day. He will pay.
My thoughts drift back to my loss of sanity tonight and full dive into a murderous sociopath. I know I have to shift to get myself under control and my body quivers with the thought. My mind is the only thing barely holding me back, and I’m dealing with the consequences of that terrible idea. I still don’t want to shift. I don’t deserve to shift, but I can’t lose control again. I definitely can’t lose control around Nina.
I can’t hurt her. I can’t lose her.
Chapter 29
A knock sounds at the door of Nina’s apartment and I fly out of the bed before Nina can even flinch to get up. Can’t be too safe, you know.
As soon as I step up to the door, I smell Ash’s scent. I open it after making sure Nina is dressed and Ash stands tall and imposing wearing his dark and broody clothes not matching the goofy grin on his face. I step back, and he nearly has to duck to get through the door.
“Hey Fal Pal. Hey Nins,” he chirps, waving at Nina.
“Nins?”
“Uh, yeah! You can’t be the only one with an Ash certified nickname. Don’t be selfish,” he scolds and punches me in the arm in an attempt to make me flinch. I arch an eyebrow at him and he rolls his eyes in exasperation. “Anyway, I brought yours truly to watch the place while you go play teacher and turn this in.” He tosses me something and I catch it gracefully. The Proof.
“Damn, it must have fallen out of my pocket. Nice save, Ash Trash,” I joke and punch him back, catching him off guard and making him flinch. “Ha!”
“Whatever.” He rubs his arm. “And that, dear sister, is not a valid nickname because I most certainly am not trash.”
“Wait, wait, wait,” Nina interrupts, standing up and making her wavy hair fly behind her shoulders. “What do you mean you’re here to watch this place? I can take care of myself! I take kickboxing and ass kicking classes!” she exclaims. Kickboxing classes? Huh. She’s a little badass.
Ash guffaws and I shoot him a glare.
“What? Don’t look at me like that. She can’t be serious. No offense, Fal, but Nina, the Poacher threatening you did that,” he shoots his thumb pointedly at my face, “to Fal’s face.” Nina cringes and I scoff at him.
“I’ll be back soon, Nina,” I assure her, cutting off Ash from saying whatever was going to fall out of his open mouth. “We can go out tonight, just me and you.” I glare daggers at Ash and he crosses his arms over his chest, smirking smugly. “I promise,” I tell her, walking over to caress her soft cheek.
She groans. “Okay, fine.” I kiss her softly and walk to the door, grabbing my now dry and blood-free clothes thanks to Nina. I walk past Ash in the boxers and shirt Nina gave me and he chokes on a laugh.
“Oh, boy. You’re never going to hear the end of this,” he whispers so only I can hear. I trudge past him after ramming into his shoulder with mine and into the bathroom to change. I throw on my clothes and walk to the apartment door, grabbing the door handle. “Oh, Fal. Invidia is sitting in the SUV. She’ll take you to your car.” I duck my head in a cringe and walk out the door. I go down the stairs, stomping my feet a little louder than necessary in defiance like a child.
I pull open the passenger door of the SUV and Invidia’s killer eyes lock onto mine. They don’t match the smile on her face, but I don’t think she can help that. She has a really bad case of resting bitch face and her eyes are always set to kill. I climb in the seat and Invidia’s sickly sweet scent catches my nose. I don’t know how Ash can handle it. Everything about her is so overwhelming.
I buckle in quickly. I don’t know how the hell she drives. We pull off in the direction of Ash’s house in silence. We stay this way for a few awkward minutes. I have the social skills of a dead, mute fish and Invidia probably doesn’t know how to act around me right now, but that doesn’t stop her from trying to make conversation.
“So, how are you holding up? After last night, I mean.” I should have known Ash would tell her. He has a big mouth.