Such is love

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Such is love Page 10

by Burchell, Mary


  It was Van who held out his hand.

  "Come along, then."

  Toby trotted across the room then and stood by the bed staring at her afresh.

  "Van, he can't reach me there."

  Van lifted the child on to the bed beside her.

  "Careful, now."

  But the warning was jiot really necessary. Toby was very careful not to touch her bandaged arm as he put his arms round her neck and hugged her.

  Van looked down at them both with a very odd expression. He still had one arm round Gwyneth, so that, in a way, he was holding them both now.

  "Are you all right, Toby?" She patted his cheek and looked at him with anxious, loving eyes.

  "Yes, thank you, I'm all right," Toby said in his gruff little voice. "Are you all right?"

  She nodded with a smile. And Toby looked up then at Van and repeated benevolently: "Are you all right, too?"

  "Oh yes, thank you."

  "Don't your hands hurt any more?"

  "Van!" Gwyneth caught hold of one of his hands in a startled way. "Were your hands hurt?" -

  "It was nothing. Only a little scorching. See, it's almost all right, even now."

  "Oh, my dear, that was when you caught hold of me and tried to put the flames out?"

  "Yes."

  She turned over the hand she was holding and lightly kissed the palm. Toby watched with great interest.

  "Why do you do that?" he wanted to know.

  "To make it all right again," Van said.

  "Because I love him," Gwyneth said at the same moment, and she felt Van's arm tighten almost convulsively.

  Toby examined the hand in his turn.

  "And did that make it all right again?"

  "Perfectly, thank you," Van assured him gravely.

  "I'm glad," Toby said kindly, and lying back on the bed he began to sing, with an air of elaborate unconcern.

  When he sang, the deep pitch of his voice was even funnier than when he spoke, and both Gwyneth and Van smilfed irresistibly.

  "That's a very nice song, Toby," Gwyneth observed when he had finished.

  "Yes," Toby sat up again and with great eagerness. "It's my 'gician's song. There wasn't time to sing it yesterday," he added in a slightly aggrieved tone, and Gwyneth saw, to her relief, that the child had no very deep impression of his terrible experience. His chief rcgret was that he not been able to sing his carefully prejHred song.

  "I'm so sorry about that," Gwyneth told him.

  "Shall I sing it again now?" Toby offered, with thinly veiled determination, and Van said: "If you must," while she said: "Yes, please do."

  So he sang it again, to his own complete satisfaction. ' Just at that moment there was a knock at the door and the matron looked in.

  "Mrs. Onslie, have you seen Oh, there he is. Toby,

  you must come along with me now. And you mustn't bother Mrs. Onslie like this, you-know. You must ask first if you may come.

  "He doesn't bother me," Gwyneth said with a faint smile. "Can't he stay a little longer?"

  But it was Van who said:

  "I think the matron is right, Gwyneth." And reluctantly she realized that perhaps she was too tired to want to talk any more.

  When Toby had gone she and Van were silent agam.

  She glanced up at him, and again was struck by the stem pallor of his face and the slight lines round his eyes which made him look very much his age. Poor Van! He must have thought for those dreadful minutes yesterday that he had lost her. As she had said, he looked now like a man who had received a very bad shock.

  He was not looking at her just then. He was gazing away out of the window, and the way his dark eyes narrowed and his nostrils distended slightly gave the impression that he was living over again a veiy unpleasant experience.

  "Van dear " She pressed against him in that way he

  loved, and his eyes came back to her face, unsmiling at first, even when they lighted on her. "You mustn't worry '^^^ny more. You have me here safe in your arms. Nothing else matters."

  She was half startled at the effect that had. He bit his lips so hard that there was a thin line of scarlet where his teeth had clamped down on it. And he held her close and said in a queerly roughened voice: "I know, I know. You're quite right. Nothing else really matters. Nothing, nothing, nothing!"

  ^. During the next few days Gwyneth began to regain her strength again. The doctor repeated what Van had said— that the shock had been more serious than the bums, and she was kept very quiet. For a great part of the time Van was with her, and there wfere fairly frequent visits from Toby, which made her very happy.

  After the first two days Van went up to town for a few hours each day, but he would not leave her altogether, and every evening he came back again to her—though, as Mrs. Kellaby said with a smile: "Not many husbands would come all the way down to Hampshire each evening, just to say good night."

  It was Mrs. Kellaby who gave Gwyneth some details of what had happened on the day of the disastrous entertainment.

  "We can only think that someone must have been careless with cigarette ash when they were strolling about beforehand," she said. "A lot of people did go to examine the stage and the decorations, you know."

  "Yes, I remember. We did ourselves."

  "No doubt. It must have been that a spark dropped on some of the muslin which was trailing on the grass. It would smoulder slowly most likely because, if you remember, there had been some rain.overnight and the grass was damp. Then, of course, as soon as the fire reached the dry part of the muslin, the whole thing blazed up."

  "Yes." Gwyneth shivered. "It all seemed to happen so terribly quickly."

  what was the matter. I can't tell you how much we are indebted to you ourselves, Mrs. Onslie, apart from any other consideration."

  "It did happen quickly. You realised, before anyone else,

  "Oh, that's all right," Gwyneth smiled faintly. It was rather funny, being thanked for having saved her own little boy.

  "You are quite a heroine among the younger children, I can assure you. And as for Toby, of course—he really talks of very Httle else."

  "He's such a dear little boy," Gwyneth said softly. "I— I could quite wish he belonged to me. I suppose it wouldn't be possible for—for me to have him home for a while— a sort of holiday for him?"

  "It's odd you should ask that." Mrs. Kellaby looked thoughtful. "Your husband had the same idea."

  ''Did he?"

  "Yes. I suppose it was because he saw how taken you were with Toby, and he thought, while you were ill, it might be nice to think of something you would like very much. He spoke to my husband about it."

  Oh, dear, dear Van! How good and unselfish he was, for all his autocratic ways. He wanted her to have something that would give her great pleasure, because he was so sorry and worried that she was ill.

  "What—did Dr. Kellaby think about it? In her eagerness Gwyneth could not quite keep her voice from trembling.

  "Well, of coure, you know, it would be quite outside any of our rules. To be quite candid, we don't think it's at all a good idea to let the children see much of ordinary private home life. It is calculated to make them fret rather when they have to come back to institutional life."

  "Yes, I—do see—that." She thought of Toby, fretting

  because he had been in the home which should be his and then had to come back here. It made her throat ^che.

  "Of course," Mrs. Kellaby went on reflectively, "there have been cases of adoption from Greystones "

  "Yes?"

  "Naturally you wouldn't want to do anything in a hurry, but perhaps it is in your mind that the visit might develop into something permanent?"

  "Mrs. Kellaby"—Gwyneth sat up eagerly—"I'll be quite frank with you. That is the idea at the back of my mind. But of course, my husband hasn't got as far as that yet. He—^well, he's less impulsive than I am, and I suppose a man doesn't get so carried away by an idea. Only I did hope that if Toby were with us in our own home, it woul
dn't take Van long to get so fond of him that he wouldn't want the child to go back either. That's—^that's why it's so important that we should be allowed to have him for a visit."

  "I see. I thought perhaps there was something like that behind it."

  Gwyneth gazed at the Superintendent's wife with painful eagerness.

  "Do you think Dr. Kellaby would consider it? I mean, if my husband does really entertain the idea."

  "He probably would in those circumstances."

  "But of course, it wouldn't do to suggest ultimate adoption just yet."

  "No, I see that. Shall I speak to him about it?"

  "Oh, I wish you would." Gwyneth clasped Mrs. Kella-by's hand with nervous gratitude. "So that when—// Van does ask him some more about it, he will be in a favourable mood."

  Mrs. Kellaby smiled rather at this idea of practising strategy on her husband. Then her expression changed again and she looked at Gwyneth with kindly seriousness.

  "There is one other thing, you know, my dear. You're very young and very near the beginning of your marriage to think of adopting a child. An adopted child can be quite a serious problem if you have children of your own later."

  "I should love Toby just as though—just as though he were my own," Gwyneth protested quickly.

  "No, it isn't quite the same thing. Much better realize

  that from the beginning. And your husband certainly wouldn't feel it was the same thing."

  Gwyneth was silent. She didn't want to hear the reasons against Toby's coming to her. She wanted reassuring, if anything. She wanted to be told that it was a wonderful, safe, splendid idea.

  Perhaps her wistful expression touched Mrs. Kellaby. At any rate, she patted Gwyneth's hand and said:

  "Don't think I am trying to dissuade you, but anything as serious as the possibility of adopting a child must be looked at from every angle. Anyway, talk it over with your husband and see how he feels about it."

  "I will," Gwyneth said, and she managed to smile quite calmly in reply.

  When Van came in that evening it was already getting late. He had been delayed in town and had had dinner on the way down, when he found he could not arrive at a reasonable hour.

  "Oh, Van dear, it's really much too tiring for you to do this double journey every day." She hugged him with some of her old energy as she returned his kiss. But he shook his head and said:

  "It's worth it when I get here. Had a good day, darling?"

  "Yes, lovely. I'm lots stronger now and I can soon be moved back home."

  "That wiU be good."

  "Yes, I shall be thankful too. Though they're very, very kind here. And—and I shall miss having Toby coming in and out to see me."

  Van didn't say anything for a moment and she saw that rather strained look return. It tugged at her heartstrings and made her feel wretchedly remorseful. Was he really trying to screw himself to do something he disliked intensely because he knew it would give her pleasure? Oh, she didn't want him to have to do that! And yet how else was she to have Toby?

  "He'll grow to love him," Gwyneth told herself agitatedly. "He'd have to. He couldn't help it. It's only a question of getting used to the idea at first.'*

  She looked up at him.

  "What is it. Van?" Her heart beat quickly, but she managed to smile carelessly.

  He sat down slowly on the side of the bed, in his favourite position with his arm round her,

  "You're terribly anxious to have Toby home, really, aren't you?"

  "Well, I " And then, to her horror, she suddenly

  began to cry, so desperately and wildly that she thought he must surely know exactly what was the matter.

  "Don't, child! Don't, don't cry like that." He held her close and kissed her hair and her neck, because she would not look up and let him kiss her face. "I didn't know you wanted him so badly. You shall have him. You shall have whatever you want, but for God's sake, don't distress yourself like this."

  "Oh, I'm so sorry If s so absurd—I didn't mean—"

  "Hush, darling." His voice was exceedingly tender. "You don't have to explain. You're nervous and upset still. And saving the child from danger made him even dearer to you."

  "Yes, yes^that's it. I've been wondering and wondering how I could make you understand—make you want him, too. I thought and thought, and all the time I got more nervous, and then when there wasn't any need after all, I—oh, it's so stupid!"

  "It's not stupid, my dear. It's perfectly natural." (Oh, if he-knew how natural!) "Only there wasn't any real need to be nervous. I'm very sorry now that I ever refused you at first."

  "No, that was natural, too," she whispered as she put her arms up round his neck and hugged him with almost childlike fervour. "It was odd to—to want to have Toby to stay with us from the first moment I saw him. It must have seemed unkind and unreasonable to you. It's difficult to account for these impulses." She glanced at him nervously, but he was accepting what she had said quite calmly. "It wasn't only a simple impulse. Van."

  "I know, dear. He is a very lovable child, and he seems to have the same instinctive affection for you that you have for him. As you say, one can't always account for these things."

  "N-no, one can't."

  Oh, blessed, blessed relief that it seemed a fairly natural

  thing to Van! He even sounded already as though he might not necessarily consider the visit a purely temporary affair. She glanced at him timidly again.

  "Van, you do like him, too, don't you?"

  "Of course, child. No one could help it."

  "And you won't mind having him for this visit?"

  "No, certainly not. Particularly if it's going to make you so happy."

  Her smile assured him of that.

  "Shall I speak to Kellaby about it?"

  "Oh, Van, I wish you would."

  "Then I'll go and have a word with him now. I had mentioned the possibility already."

  "And he didn't absolutely refuse?"

  "Oh no." Van's smile was slightly grim. "He didn't absolutely refuse." And Gwyneth thought that perhaps there were not many people with sufficient courage to refuse Van anythmg absolutely.

  She watched him go out of the room, and then lay there alone in the soft lamp-light, a great quiet stealing over her, so that she felt tranquil in a way she had not known since childhood.

  In spite of everything—the anxiety, the fear, the nerve-strain—^she dozed contentedly, and when he came back to her much later, she was already drifting in the borderland between sleeping and waking. ^

  Something in her sleepy content must.have amused as well as touched him, because she heard him laugh softly.

  "All right, darling. Go to sleep now." He bent down and kissed her—but too lightly to wake her entirely. "We can have Toby for a month. I'll take you both back home as soon as the doctor will let you travel."

  "Oh, Van, I do love you," she whispered, and fell asleep, still smiling.

  The next morning it seemed there was no need for Van to go to London early. He came in and had breakfast with her, and he was still there when Toby came to pay his usual morning call.

  Gwyneth was up and in an armchair that morning, and the change interested Toby immensely.

  "Are you better?" He came and planted his small hands on the blanket which covered her knees.

  "Oh yes, thank you, Toby. Lots better.**

  "Can you walk again?"

  "I expect so."

  "Let me see."

  "No, no, not just now." Van spoke for the first time and rather sternly.

  Toby leant against Gwyneth's chair and said in a loud whisper:

  "Do you have to do what that man tells you?"

  Gwyneth laughed.

  "No, I don't have to. But I like to. He's my husband, you know."

  "Oh."

  She glanced at Van and said in an undertone: "Do you suppose he knows yet?"

  "I shouldn't think so."

  "Shall I tell him?"

  "I see no harm in it."

>   "Tell what?" Toby looked interestedly from one to the other. "Tell me, tell me!" And he began to get on to Gwyneth's knee.

  She hugged the little figure up against her and laughed.

  "Did anyone tell you that you were going to have a holiday?"

  He shook his head.

  "And be a 'gician and sing my song?" he asked eagerly.

  "No, not that sort of holiday. Not just a day, but a whole month—^with me. Would you like to come and live with me for a month?"

  "Yes, please."

  He couldn't quite take it in, she saw.-

  "And Freddie and Kevin and Gordon, too?" he wanted to know.

  "No, just you."

  He began to smile slowly.

  "Can I take Toby Two?"

  "Oh yes. You can take anything you like."

  "And live with you?"

  "Yes. And with my husband, too."

  "In a little house?"

  "Well, in a flat."

  "Why is it flat? I never saw a flat house."

  "No. It's part of a very big house."

  "Like ttds one?"

  *'Oh no—I can't explain." She laughed and hugged him, and then he laughed, too, because she did. "We'll take you in a big motor-car all the way to London. And I'll take you to see the parks and the shops and we'll go to the Zoo and see all the animals, and you shall choose what we shall have for tea every day, and have a little room all to yourself—and we'll be perfectly happy "

  As she spoke his cheeks grew pinker and pinker and his eyes rounder and rounder.

  "Chocolate biscuits!" he cried as she paused.

  "Do you want chocolate biscuits?"

  "Yes, please. For tea. That's what I'll choose."

  "What?—every day?"

  "Yes, please. Every day."

  She laughed again. It was so easy to laugh when Toby was there. "Are you happy, Toby?" She kissed his pink cheek.

  "Yes, thank you, I'm happy." He kissed her in return. And then suddenly his eye fell on Van who was standing watching this scene with a slight smile.

  "Did he say I could come, too?" Toby indicated Van with an unmistakable finger.

  "Oh yes, of course."

  Toby and Van looked at each other, both with a faintly doubtful expression. Then the little boy slid slowly off Gwyneth's knee and went over to him.

 

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