“Or maybe she was raised by a good father. Mm-hmm.”
The cat could read his emotions. He’d no doubt discerned Subaru’s thoughts to work out the context of the soliloquy from a moment before.
“Well, to a large extent she was just born that way. Not to harp on it, but that girl had a much, much harder time than you can imagine. It’s adorable how she’s like this in spite of it all, though.”
As Puck squinted, the thought of contradicting him never crossed Subaru’s mind.
The plain fact was that Subaru didn’t know anything about Emilia, while Puck had spent an enormity of time with her. Subaru’s knowledge of how hard it’d been for her barely scratched the surface.
Puck was driving home that Subaru had no right to act like he knew.
Men were helpless in the hands of Fate. Subaru knew that powerlessness all too well.
“Hey, Puck, do you know about the Witch of Jealousy?”
“There is little that I do not know.”
“Okay, I wanted to ask you this… Under what circumstances would you use the Witch of Jealousy’s name as an alias? Wait, alias doesn’t sound very nice; it’s more like…borrowing the Witch of Jealousy’s name temporarily.”
The back of his mind recalled an occurrence in the midst of the loop in the royal capital on the first day of his summons.
In the very, very first loop, Emilia had called herself “Satella” to Subaru, who knew nothing at all at that point.
Subaru had vaguely guessed what she must’ve been thinking, but he wanted a second opinion on the matter. There was no one better than the person who knew Emilia best.
Not knowing Subaru’s intentions, Puck swayed his tail and inclined his head a bit.
“I think that would be a reckless thing to do. There are still many people with undiluted hate toward the witch, with fear and despair still carved into their souls. A person would have to be soft in the head to use the name of the witch as an alias around people like that.”
“I’ll take that as a ‘never.’”
“Meow meow?”
Puck made a skeptical sound as Subaru poked him with a finger. Subaru then snapped his fingers, for Puck’s support for his hypothesis made him put aside his own doubts.
In this world, using the name of the witch as an alias would obviously be insane. It was only Subaru, there by chance without the slightest clue about what passed for common sense, who would think it was normal. So why would Emilia, who certainly knew better, claim the name of the witch as her own?
“So she was trying to creep out a weirdo to keep him out of this royal selection business…”
She had tried to protect him, a boy she had met only in passing.
Emilia’s thoughts behind claiming the alias had already vanished into another dimension. Only Subaru knew she had ever done such a thing. And Subaru would never have the chance to ask her what she truly intended by it.
But he couldn’t help but imagine that that was what it meant. All he could do was believe.
Subaru, struck by the tenderness of that Emilia in another dimension, was caught off guard as the current one sat next to him with a strained smile.
“That’s quite the distant look you have. What’s wrong?”
He could no longer see the flickering lights frolicking around Emilia, so her pleasant conversation with them seemed over. Puck, having waited off to the side with Subaru until then, landed on her narrow shoulder to replace them.
“Back in my proper place. Ahh, this is where I’m most at ease. Home sweet home.”
“Oh, so now you’re Daddy back home from a trip, are you? Poor you, driving home all tired like that.”
“That’s because my eyes were wide open protecting my daughter from a wolf’s poison fangs. Those poison fangs won’t come near her, you see?”
“Hey, don’t stare at me and talk about ‘poison fangs’—twice! You’ll ruin my reputation here.”
Subaru forced a smile as Puck’s big black eyes beheld him. Playing with the little cat like this meant he was kicking down the road a bit one of his opportunities to speak with Emilia, even though she was right there.
It wasn’t that he hated talking to Emilia. He just couldn’t look her in the eye. After all, he’d bawled his eyes out on her lap and spent untold hours with her stroking his head. It’d been only a single night since then; he didn’t know how he could face her.
That he had gone to meet her even so proved only that Subaru had a severe case of Emilia poisoning.
Faced with Subaru’s extreme confusion, Emilia hesitated, too, running an unhurried finger through her long silver hair. After a brief silence, Emilia made a determined breath and smiled.
“Err, this is a little embarrassing… Are you feeling all right?”
“I was in a tight spot until I heard Emilia-tan’s voice. And, er, also, sorr—”
The apology died on his lips. Subaru swallowed back the word he was about to say and changed his approach.
“…Thank you. For everything. After all that, I think I have my head on straighter.”
“It doesn’t seem you’re completely over it, but I’m glad you think you’re getting there. Mm, if I was able to help a little, that’s just fine. If you feel whittled to the bone again, just tell me. Your sister will gently console you.”
Emilia teasingly put a hand to her chest and winked.
Surely she was acting this way to lighten Subaru’s feelings of guilt. But when he gazed upon her happy, older sister–ish look, the fact that she kind of seemed serious made him tremble a bit.
“The main thing is that you’re feeling better. You have to work hard today, you know? Are you sleepy? You slept at such odd times.”
“No need to worry. A shut-in like me holding down the fort sleeps all day and is up all night to begin with. Well, it got a bit healthier as of late.”
“Just to ask, what is a shut-in anyway?”
“He is the Guardian of the Culture, always immersed in an ocean of information about the state of the world and the global economy to better protect the home day and night… The upper ranks never set a foot outside the house and even commemorate their lovers’ birthdays through their screens.”
To be blunt, the souls of those who did that had long risen to a higher plane of existence.
The oddness of Subaru’s explanation seemed to tug at Emilia a little as she made a lovely smile. Seeing Emilia’s reaction, Subaru suddenly had a thought.
“Hey, Emilia-tan, what kind of magic do you use, anyway?”
“Err, strictly speaking, I’m not a magic user. That’s because I’m a spirit mage, including my pact with Puck here. What I use isn’t magic but spirit arts. The principles are largely the same, though…”
“So how are magic users and spirit mages different?”
Subaru turned his neck and looked at Puck sitting on Emilia’s shoulder. The little cat, realizing the conversation had shifted in his direction, stroked the fur over his belly as he explained.
“Magic users use the mana inside them when they use magic. In contrast, spirit mages use the mana in the air around them. The process is fairly different, even when the effects are the same.”
“So what kind of differences are those, sensei?”
When Subaru raised his hand and asked his question, Puck, sitting in the lecturer’s role, grinned like a cat in a good mood.
“Technically, it’s whether a gate is used or not. The size of a gate depends on the individual magic user, but that doesn’t matter much for spirit mages. That’s because you’re using external mana.”
“I see. So magic users bring in mana from around them through the gate, then send it back out the gate when they use magic, but spirit mages can cut out the middleman.” Subaru was digesting the explanation when he tilted his head halfway. “Mm? But then that makes spirit mages way too powerful. Magic users are limited to the amount of fuel they can store inside them, but spirit mages have a free pass to use as much as they want. There
’s no contest.”
“You understand quickly. But it isn’t quite that convenient. In the first place, the mana in the air isn’t infinite…”
Puck’s words trailed off as he looked up at Emilia. The girl nodded as she took over.
“And the strength of the spells a spirit mage can use is dependent on the spirit you’ve formed a pact with. The predisposition needed to form pacts with spirits is rare to begin with, and powerful spirits are even rarer. It’s difficult to say which is better.”
Subaru replied, “Mm-hmm…but it must feel pretty good to get a pact with a strong spirit, right? You must really be hot stuff, Emilia-tan. Seems like Puck is hot stuff himself, though…”
“Well, I can’t really deny that I’m above average.”
“Man, you just said that with a straight face; no hesitation at all rating yourself like that?”
Subaru thought his self-consciousness outclassed most, but Puck’s bluntness was a level higher.
No doubt it was the age difference. A greenhorn had seen many fewer years than Mr. Great Spirit. Though, judging from the rather merry, blushy smile the Great Spirit was making, maybe he wasn’t as used to flattery as he pretended to be…
“Oh, by the way, what kind of spirit is Puck, anyway? He made ice come out at the loot seller’s place, but…if my memory’s right, there’s no ice affinity to begin with.”
With the bath serving as a lecture hall, Roswaal had explained to him that the four orthodox magical affinities were fire, water, wind, and earth. The annoying light and dark affinities rounded out the six.
It was not Puck, still making a blushy smile, but Emilia who replied to Subaru’s question.
“My specialty is ice, but it’s actually fire mana. Fire relates mainly to temperature, so cooling that which is hot is classified as part of fire, apparently.”
“Huh, is that so? Magical logic…? Magic…? Magic, huh?”
Upon hearing Emilia’s explanation, Subaru felt a fondness for magic bubble up within him. Having withdrawn momentarily, Puck twitched his ears as he looked at Subaru’s face once again and nodded.
“Hmm. By any chance, do you want to use magic?”
“Can I?! I mean…if I can! Super-powerful stuff, like calling down a meteor shower and—”
“Ah, well, no. Fundamentals are important, both for magic and spirit arts. Magic is not something you can learn in a day.”
Subaru’s hopes suddenly leaped up, only for Puck to smack them back down. Subaru wilted on the spot, then Puck twirled a whisker and added, “But…if you simply want to experience it, we can do that.”
“Meaning…what?”
“Meaning, if you want to use magic, Lia and I just have to support you. We’ll use the mana inside you to use magic through you. The magic we use from the atmosphere is different from the mana inside you, so the magic itself will come out of your gate. How about it?”
Emilia rebuked Puck for his invitation.
“Puck, wait. Don’t make it sound so causal. It might be dangerous.”
However, Subaru’s feelings were set in stone.
“Sorry, Emilia-tan. I’m super happy you’re worried about me…but I’m gonna do it!”
Subaru gave Emilia a congenial smile, complete with a glint of his teeth and a thumbs-up.
Subaru’s action, meant to drive away all unease and anxiety, made Emilia’s eyes go wide.
“Wh-why do you want to do it so much…?”
“That’s obvious—so that I can live as the man I was born to be!”
Subaru clenched a fist as he made the manliest cry he could.
To anyone born a man, ceasing to pursue your dreams was the same as death itself. Since arriving in another world, Subaru had never displayed as much courage as he had then and there.
—Besides, being able to use magic gave him one more option. Perhaps it would increase his chances of protecting Emilia and the others during the current loop.
Faced with Subaru’s strong spirit, Emilia shook her head, abandoning all thoughts of stopping him.
“If you think it’s getting dangerous, you will stop right away, understand?”
And so, with that warning, she resolved to see Subaru’s battle through.
Subaru accepted Emilia’s words of caution with a nice smile before turning back to Puck with bated breath.
“So what should I do first? Draw a magic circle? If you need a sacrifice, can I volunteer Beako?”
“I’m happy you seem to be getting along better with Betty. Yes, first, how about I see what affinity you are, Subaru? That’s the first step to knowing what kind of magic you can use.”
Subaru’s expression, buoyant until that moment, instantly died when he heard Puck’s suggestion. As Puck and Emilia blinked in surprise side by side, Subaru shook his head in robotic fashion.
“My…affinity…is probably…‘fire’…?”
“Why the sudden pauses…?”
When Emilia asked, Subaru simply lowered his eyes. He didn’t want to remember any further.
But Puck leaped off Emilia’s shoulder and hovered in front of Subaru’s face as he stretched his tail.
“All right, let’s check. Myon myon myon myon…”
“I know the weirdo nobleman did the same thing, but isn’t that, like, overkill?!”
The tip of Puck’s long tail swished across Subaru’s forehead as his mouth made the accompanying sound effects. Subaru wallowed in apprehension as he awaited the scan’s verdict.
“Wait, I should think positively about this. Thinking back on it, Roswaal’s behavior was unnatural, wasn’t it? Right, he was jealous of the hidden magical talent within me. Yeah, it was jealousy. That’s why he tried to convince me to just give up—”
“Wow, this is rare. Your affinity’s pure Dark.”
“Farewell, my magic-using life—!”
Subaru wailed at crossing into another dimension only to be blacklisted by someone else.
His glittering future was now closed, with the curtain rising on Subaru’s life as nothing more than a debuffer.
“So all I need to do is practice saying, ‘I’ve turned their defense to paper! Go, NOW!’ Ha-ha-ha…”
“Ah, you have no talent at all, either. Your gate’s small; at least the number is kind of okay…? But there’s barely any opening, so not much is coming through.”
“Shut up, I know that already! Incidentally, what does that talent thing mean, by the numbers?”
“If you spent twenty years in daily training, you might become a high-end second-rate magic user.”
“So I’d devote half my life and still come up short of top tier… I think I’d better give up now…”
Emilia finally wore an exasperated look when she heard Subaru hold back tears as he gave up on his dream. But it couldn’t be helped. Yes, effort and trying your best were words prominently featured in Subaru’s lexicon, but whether to give up on a man’s impossible dream or not was a different subject.
“I just want to try the magic demonstration. What do I have to do?”
“Since it’s Dark affinity, Lia can’t handle it. How about something simple, like Shamak?”
“Ah, a magic smoke screen? I’ve never seen it myself,” Emilia replied.
Apparently, it was something of such a trivial level that she’d never encountered it professionally.
The two continued their magic talk while leaving Subaru aside as he sank into deeper despair about his tiny skill tree.
“It’s not fair you’re in a world all by yourselves. I mean, we’re talking about my magic, right? I mean, can I actually use that Shamak thing? That’s kind of important here.”
“Good point. Unknown magic is a scary thing. All right, this is Shamak.”
“—Eh?”
Puck, nodding in concession that Subaru had a point, made a brief incantation and waved a paw.
The next moment, Subaru’s vision was shrouded in darkness. Instantly, the scene before his eyes was buried in pitch-black.
<
br /> Startled, he abruptly raised his voice, but the sound never reached his ears. The profound darkness had cut off his vision from everything outside him. A shiver went up his spine at being severed from the outside world.
“There, all done.”
When Subaru heard the clap of hands, he realized that he had returned to reality. Seeing Emilia in front of him when his sight returned put him at ease.
“That was just a moment, but he broke out in such a sweat… Subaru, are you all right? Do you want me to hold your hand?”
“I-I’m all right. I just lost my senses for a moment… Ah, I lost my chance to hold your hand.”
While making his typically flippant comment, Subaru touched his own eyelids to make sure nothing had changed there.
“So that’s a Shamak, huh? It’s simple, but it’s pretty strong stuff, isn’t it?”
“Not at all. Anyone but a lower-grade opponent can brush it off with skill, and it can’t be maintained for long. Although I could cast it on the likes of you so that you’d spend your entire life in darkness…”
“That’s a scary thought!! I’d go crazy if I had to live one day like that, let alone the rest of my life!”
Subaru made a strained smile. He quietly hid his trembling fists behind him.
He didn’t want to convey how the feeling of being momentarily cut off from the world had filled his entire body with terror. The instant he thought that he was alone in the world, with no one on his side, the sheer loneliness made Subaru’s heart quake.
I’m pathetic. He bit the thought down and smiled to conceal his inner turmoil.
“Anyway, whether it’s any use or not, I can use that magic, too, right? I wanna try that right away! I want to, but, um!”
“That’s fine. I’ll assist you. Lia, if his mana runs wild, it might blow up, so please move back. I don’t want to get your clothes dirty.”
“It’s not like that’s gonna happen, right?! That’s, like, a super-rare case that basically never happens, right?!”
Puck smiled in silence. Emilia made a slightly sad face, counseling, “Don’t be reckless, okay?” as she really did move away from him. The very outpouring of concern deepened his unease. Left in the lurch, Subaru was in an exceedingly uneasy position as events proceeded.
Re:ZERO -Starting Life in Another World- Vol. 3 Page 6