“Perhaps not, but I must speak up for a friend.” Her fingers stilled. “I understand she has been accused of some sort of moral failing.”
The words of Mrs. Chatsworth’s letter came back to him clearly. Seduced. An ugly word, but one that left no doubt of its intent.
“Let me tell you a story,” Fiona said.
“I didn’t realize you knew Miss Porter before coming here.”
“This story isn’t about her. It’s about a young girl from the tenements who sneaked into the back of a theater and saw the beautiful actresses. She longed to rise above the filth and hopelessness until she had the beautiful clothes and fame of those actresses. She would do a great deal to reach her dream, but she never suspected the price was her soul.”
Garrett shivered. Fiona was talking about herself. He held his tongue and let her continue.
“She wouldn’t give in to the demands that assaulted her daily. She still believed talent and hard work could get her to the top.”
Garrett breathed out heavily. Fiona wasn’t the sort of woman he’d imagined.
“Humph. I see you have the same thoughts as most everyone else. Few would believe anyone could survive the theater world without compromising her morals, but I did.” She leaned forward. “It meant giving up the biggest venues and the most lucrative shows. It meant settling for less. Even so, the rumors still flew.” Her jaw set. “Few would believe I prefer hymns to popular tunes, that I would rather glorify God with the talent He gave me than waste it on the louts who frequent the cheap seats.”
Garrett examined his hands. He’d been just as guilty of assuming the worst.
“Do you believe me?” she asked.
He recognized the sincerity in her voice. “Yes.”
“In spite of what other people say?”
“It doesn’t matter what people say. I can tell you’re speaking the truth.”
“Good.” She rose. “Then you won’t judge anyone else by what others write about her.”
The bullet found its mark. She meant Amanda. But that was different. Or was it?
“I’ll let myself out,” she said. “Thank you for your time, Mr. Decker.”
* * *
Amanda didn’t leave the boardinghouse all week. She avoided most people by cleaning whichever room happened to be empty. By Friday night, Pearl confronted her in the kitchen.
“I need your help at rehearsal tomorrow.”
Amanda continued scrubbing the stove. Garrett would be there, and that was reason enough not to attend.
“I’m not ready,” she hedged, “and Mrs. Calloway might need me.” The first dye wash of the wedding dress hadn’t come out right. They needed to do another and planned to do it while Pearl was at rehearsal. With Christmas on Sunday and the wedding Monday, this was their last chance.
“She can let you go for an hour or so. Besides, don’t you want to see Sadie and Isaac?”
Pearl knew how to tug on her heartstrings. Amanda had missed those two terribly. But their father would be there, since he was narrating the play.
“I’ll see them Sunday at Christmas service.” At least Garrett couldn’t accuse her at church. She hoped.
But she also wouldn’t be able to spend any time with the children then. They would be busy with the play and then leave with their father.
“You can’t hide forever,” Pearl stated bluntly. “Eventually you’ll have to speak with Garrett.” Her mouth slowly curved into a grin. “You could ask him for your old position. I understand no one has applied.”
“Pearl! I couldn’t! Don’t even suggest such a thing. He dismissed me.”
“A big mistake that he’s too bullheaded to admit. He did concede that you’re the best housekeeper in Singapore.”
“He did? Oh, no. You must be making that up. I’m not the best. That’s Mrs. Calloway.”
“The best at what?” The boardinghouse proprietress breezed into the kitchen with empty cookie plates from the parlor. No doubt the men had monopolized every single buttery shortbread wafer she’d set out for them.
Amanda worked the brush into the grooves of the stovetop to get out the cooked-on food and grease.
Pearl answered. “I was just saying how sorry Garrett Decker must be that he let Amanda go. There isn’t a better housekeeper for those children.”
“Indeed not,” Mrs. Calloway confirmed. “Miss Amanda loves those two like her own. Why, Sadie is practically in tears that she doesn’t see her every day.” She turned to Amanda. “You should spend time with them when they’re visiting.”
Amanda didn’t need to point out that Garrett’s children hadn’t visited the boardinghouse since the letter arrived. Though she’d thrown the offensive missive into the fire at Debra Wardman’s house and watched the flames consume it, people treated her differently now. A sideways glance or whisper meant speculation was running rampant. Sunday service was going to be torture.
“...so I told her she should apply for the job,” Pearl was saying. “That’ll force Garrett to swallow his foolish pride.”
Mrs. Calloway burst into laughter and clapped her hands. “Well, I do say that’s about the most audacious thing I’ve ever heard.”
“Too audacious,” Amanda pointed out, in case Pearl decided that was good reason to pursue the ridiculous idea. Knowing her, she would act if Amanda didn’t. “Moreover, I don’t want you or anyone else applying for me.”
“I wouldn’t,” Pearl protested.
Amanda stared down that statement.
“Well, I might,” her friend admitted. “One of you has to see reason. If Garrett won’t budge, then you’ll have to nudge him.”
Amanda didn’t like the sound of that one bit. “Please don’t.” She clutched Pearl’s arm. “You said to give Garrett time.”
“He’s had enough. Sometimes a person just needs a little push.” Pearl turned to Mrs. Calloway. “You don’t need Amanda tomorrow morning, do you? Say from nine o’clock to noon? I could use her help on the nativity play.”
“Of course not. Go! Go!” Mrs. Calloway urged.
“But...” Amanda jerked her head toward where the wedding dress was stored. “I thought we had a special project to do.”
“Never you mind about that. I can take care of it myself.” Mrs. Calloway breezed out of the kitchen, doubtless in search of stray teacups or misplaced napkins.
The kitchen quieted considerably.
Pearl could now direct all her attention to Amanda. “See? You’ve been given permission to take the morning off. We’ll leave at nine o’clock sharp.”
Without giving her a chance to protest, Pearl rushed off, leaving Amanda with a dirty scrub brush and the niggling worry that her arrival would bring play practice to a screeching halt.
* * *
At nine o’clock the following morning, Pearl made Amanda step outside for the first time since her ill-advised adventure.
Amanda let a wry laugh escape as she closed the door. Instead of freeing her from the pain, that escapade had imprisoned her. She dreaded any encounter with people in the community. Mrs. Calloway had been kind, but what of the rest? Speculation must be running wild. Had Garrett spilled the contents of Mrs. Calloway’s letter? Pearl said Roland didn’t appear to know, but the men staying at the boardinghouse seemed to look at her differently.
Even if the community had no idea why she’d run off, Garrett knew, and he would be at the rehearsal this morning. Her heart pounded in her rib cage. Her breath grew short, and her head began to spin.
“I can’t,” she whispered, turning around.
Pearl guided her back in the direction of the school. “You can and you must.”
“But Garrett—”
“That man needs a good comeuppance, if you ask me.”
“Pearl! He’s a pillar of
the church.”
“He’s behaving like a self-righteous fool.”
“He has children to consider.”
“Children who adore you and whom you adore.”
Amanda blinked back a tear. “That’s not enough.”
“It is in my estimation.” Pearl threaded her arm around Amanda’s.
The gesture surprised Amanda until she noticed the curious looks of the parents walking their children to rehearsal.
“Miss Lawson.” A tall, gruff man tipped a finger to his hat. He ignored Amanda.
“Mr. Bailey. We are glad to see you here,” Pearl said emphatically. “Amanda put so much work into the costumes. Your boys will look wonderful in the kings’ robes.”
“I’m sure they will,” he said stiffly, hurrying ahead. “Better catch up with my boys.”
Amanda kept her gaze fixed on the boardwalk. This was exactly what she’d feared. Mrs. Chatsworth’s accusation had somehow gotten out into the community. Only two others knew the contents of that letter. Pearl wouldn’t have spread it. Garrett must have.
Now Amanda must face him.
The trembling intensified when they reached the building that served as temporary school and church. Garrett would be inside. What would he say when he saw her? Would he demand she leave? Would he turn away and refuse to even greet her? Whatever happened, it couldn’t be the happy resolution that Pearl envisioned. Even if he did treat Amanda with civility, she would have great difficulty forgetting that he’d read her private letter and spread Mrs. Chatsworth’s accusation to the whole of Singapore.
“You can’t stand out here all day,” Pearl said to her with a touch of laughter.
Amanda dreaded this moment, but there was no escaping it. She stomped the light snow off her shoes and entered the building. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the lower light. When they did, she saw that a great many children had already arrived.
“Miss Mana!” Sadie hit her with the force of an affectionate dog. “Where were you? Were you sick, like Miss Pearl was? Are you better now? When are you going to come home?”
The questions tumbled out too rapidly for Amanda to answer, but slowly enough for her heart to ache. Last month, Sadie had worried about Pearl, who had suffered burns in the fire. Garrett had told his daughter that Pearl was sick. Amanda’s disappearance the last few days must have drawn the same explanation.
“I am better,” she said simply, when Sadie finally paused.
“Then you’ll come back?”
The little girl looked up at her with such innocent trust that the tears rose to Amanda’s eyes.
She knelt. “Not just yet.”
Sadie looked puzzled. “Why? Don’t you like us?”
“I like you and your brother very much.” She had to stop before telling the children she loved them. With the rift between Garrett and her, that revelation would only bring sorrow. She hugged the girl a brief moment. “Now, go with Miss Lawson so you can practice your part.”
“I know my part. I practiced, but Isaac won’t.”
Amanda spotted the boy at a distance, arms crossed and shoulders hunched just like his father. He even had the same scowl.
“Sadie. Do what Miss Porter told you to do.” Garrett had come close while she was distracted by the children. “Go along with Miss Lawson now.”
Sadie obeyed, and that left Amanda alone with Garrett. He extended a hand to help her to her feet. At least he wasn’t afraid to touch her. His hand was strong, warm, and sent the same shivers down her spine that it had the very first time she’d met him. Oh, dear. This could not be. Not now when all bonds between them were surely broken.
“You are well?” His voice was raw, rough.
She nodded, unable to look him in the eye.
“You had everyone worried.”
That’s the part that had stuck in her throat since the morning she’d awoken and realized she was still alive. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking clearly.”
“Understandable.”
Was he trying to make amends or at least treat her with cordiality? She hazarded a glance, only to find his brow furrowed and his lips pressed together.
No, he had not forgiven her.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered again. She couldn’t think of another thing to say, except... “It’s not true.”
Startled, he jerked his head back. “What’s not true?”
This time she was puzzled. Hadn’t he read the opening of Mrs. Chatsworth’s letter? Had Amanda misread the situation entirely?
“What Mrs. Chatsworth wrote,” she whispered, hoping beyond all hope that he would say he hadn’t seen one word of the woman’s letter.
“I see.”
Her hopes crashed. He did know, and that meant he must be the one who’d spread the rumors about her.
She licked her suddenly parched lips. “It’s not what everyone thinks.”
“Everyone?” He shook his head, brow even more furrowed.
Oh, dear. What had he read or not read? Pearl would say she ought to ask bluntly and get it all out in the open. That had never been Amanda’s way, but she was tired of running and hiding and keeping everything secret. She hadn’t lost the love of God or of friends by telling them the truth. Silence had driven Garrett away.
She took a deep breath. “Did you read the letter?”
His neck flushed, and he looked down at the floor while shuffling his feet uncomfortably. “The envelope fell apart in my hands.” He paused. “I happened to see the beginning of the note.”
The incriminating sentence.
“I should have looked away,” he continued, “but I didn’t read any further. I pasted the envelope back together and gave it to you.”
He must be speaking the truth, but it didn’t make her feel one bit better. That sentence had changed his attitude toward her, had caused him to dismiss her from her position and seek someone else to look after his children. He didn’t trust her.
“I see,” she said. “It’s too late then.”
“I, uh...” His voice trailed off. “Maybe it is.”
She thought of the way Mr. Bailey had treated her, all because Garrett had told people about that letter. Because Garrett believed someone else rather than her. That wasn’t love. It wasn’t even friendship.
She lifted her chin. “Yes, it is.”
Without a second glance, she left to help Pearl. Though Amanda held her head high, her heart was breaking.
Chapter Twenty-Three
What had just happened? After two long days of prayer and thinking and repentance, Garrett had decided to make amends with Amanda. He would tell her the truth and grant her the benefit of the doubt. It was the right thing to do.
He hadn’t expected her to grill him or to stand tall and secure in the face of his admission of guilt. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected. Anger. Tears. Certainly a full confession of her role. He’d been prepared to forgive and begin anew. He had even dared to hope that she would let bygones be bygones and return to her position as his housekeeper.
That had definitely not happened.
The Amanda who walked away from him did not cower under the weight of guilt and shame. She looked...well, blameless, as light on her feet as a young girl. She greeted each of the children, laughed and embraced them. They surrounded her, oblivious to the accusations in the letter.
“Best be done with that one,” a man murmured at his elbow.
Garrett glanced over to see Ben Bailey standing near. The merchant from Saugatuck liked to create social distinction where there wasn’t any.
“What one?”
“Miss Porter. I heard some mighty raw stuff about her.”
Garrett clenched his fists. That man deserved a blow to the jaw. “Falsehoods and lies.”
“You don’t say.” Ben shrugged. “Never can tell, though.”
Garrett narrowed his gaze. “Where’d you hear those rumors?”
“From Lloyd Stevens on the mail boat. Apparently he happened to run across some proof that Miss Porter isn’t what she seems to be.”
The envelope. It hadn’t been poorly made, but had been taken apart by someone intent on spreading gossip.
“Personal mail is private,” Garrett snapped. “Reading something not addressed to you is wrong and ought to be against the law, if it isn’t already.” Even as he said the words he was aware of his own guilt in that matter.
Ben held up his hands. “I didn’t read it.”
“Then you got this secondhand. I wouldn’t put any stock in malicious gossip. Amanda Porter is a loving, kind and giving woman. I’d trust her any day with my children.”
“You don’t say. I thought you’d dismissed her.”
“I was wrong.” Garrett glared at the man, daring him to fight it out, with his fists if necessary. “Something I intend to correct at the first opportunity.”
Ben backed down. “Didn’t mean any harm. Well now, I’d best be heading back to the store.”
He practically flew out of the church, leaving Garrett steaming mad. Amanda had been wronged, but deep down Garrett knew it wasn’t all Ben Bailey’s fault. Garrett had been the worst offender. He’d readily believed the word of someone he didn’t know over a woman he did. Roland was right. He’d acted as judge and jury when he had no right to do either.
Righting this wrong would take more than words. It would take action. He eyed Amanda as she worked with the children, and the last of the bitterness slipped away. She was so beautiful, so strong, so caring. She’d asked him for just one thing, and he’d denied her because he’d been afraid. He’d gripped onto the past so tightly that there was no room for the future.
“What was that all about?” His brother drew near.
Garrett would not repeat Ben Bailey’s words. He had work to do and little time to do it. “Was the Donnie Belle still at the dock when you came here?”
“Yes. Why?”
“I need to go upriver. Today.”
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