Theo
It was late when we checked in, and we all decided to reconvene in the morning over breakfast. I can hear Eden in the background admiring the suite, which is all done in yellows and golds. There’s also crisp white sheets and a telescope sitting in the bay window. It’s as if she is distant, or a faded, faraway noise as I make my way over to the window. The twinkling lights reflect off tall buildings, and a bird’s-eye view of eight hundred and forty-three acres of Central Park gently light the darkness.
I move to the couch and sit, staring at the gas fireplace. I start to a click on the remote, taking a moment to calm my thoughts. Shock still seems to ripple through my body with the reality of what’s to come. It isn’t hard to conjure up the worst-case scenario, yet I’m trying hard not to show it.
“If you need someone to talk to, I’m here.”
I tilt my face up, acknowledging her presence.
She’s holding a glass with amber swirling in it, and hands it to me.
I take it without question.
“I’m used to holding my emotions inside,” I say, then slam the drink down.
“I know.”
“I don’t even know what I’m feeling.”
“That’s understandable.”
The tension hanging between us now is only a preview of what’s to come.
I can still easily summon the memory of when I was seven, and Madison was five. I had just taught her the card game Uno, and we were playing it in the back seat. Her blonde hair was in a Pebbles-style ponytail, sitting right on top her head. I teased her about it mercilessly.
That was the day my heart was cut right out of me, leaving an empty hole in its place. I clearly remember missing my parents so much, and Maddie lost forever, too. It was cruelly unfair. Her face continued to haunt me as I grew older. My life went on in foster home after foster home, but things were never the same. Growing up in those godforsaken places was agonizing. I had to build walls of protection, and as the years went on, a darkness also grew in me.
“I feel like this is the calm before the storm,” I say to Eden, pulling myself back to the present. “I thought I had survived the grief.”
Eden’s hand tightens in mine. “You did survive it. This is you coming out the other side.”
Our empty stares connect like two trains colliding.
“What do you need?” she asks in a tone similar to someone trying to calm a skittish animal.
Do I appear that fragile? Fuck, maybe I do.
“Sleep?” she asks.
I nod, but my mind is already slowly shutting down. The comforting thought of wrapping myself up with this woman is my only solace.
***
I wake to the morning rain, wet and foggy. The skyline appears above the murky white mist. I originally had grand gestures planned while we were here, such as shopping on Fifth Avenue, or taking a romantic horse-and-buggy ride through Central Park, but now they all seem too frivolous. And besides, today is the day I’ll be reintroduced to my baby sister.
Eden rolls over to see me standing by the window. “You’re up early. Can’t sleep?”
I make my way back to bed and sit down by her side.
“It was a restless night.”
She nods in understanding, the devotion in her eyes lifting my spirits, and I’m reminded why I asked Eden to be by my side in the first place. This way, I know I won’t be alone in my suffering.
“I have to find out the truth. I thought I had mentally prepared myself for the miracle unfolding today, but I was wrong.”
She rests on her elbow watching me, the white sheet dropping off her full breasts, exposing her nakedness. I have an unexpected flash of need. The sight is glorious, but my head is elsewhere—focused on the upcoming meeting with my sister, where it needs to be.
“You’re still trying to put the pieces together, Theo, but you won’t accomplish that until after you meet her and finally realize that this is all real.”
She’s right. We’re practically cut from the same cloth. I feel an almost immediate comfort from her words.
“We have a lot in common after all,” I say.
“Very much so.”
As she edges closer to me, she offers more comfort, yet she’s also seeking security in return.
My arms curl around her waist, tugging her next to me, possessively pressing her body into mine, pleading for some kind of sanctuary. Somehow, the heat between our bodies reconciles my panic.
“We should shower. Join me?” she offers.
I accept without question and leave to turn on the shower. Upon my return I find her stripping the sheets from her body. Before she can make it to her feet, I scoop her up. I’m rewarded with a smile and a sweet giggle.
I lift her, wrapping her legs around me. My mouth crashes down on hers, but her tongue finds mine first, performing a dance that she alone has mastered.
God, I love her so much. But the time isn’t right for that kind of declaration. I make it to the shower, and warm water spills all over our joined bodies as I press her against the wall. My mouth feasts on her neck, nipping and licking. My fingers dig deep in her ass, supporting her as my cock nudges at her entrance.
“I love watching your face when I fuck you.”
Her eyes shoot to mine as she bites her lip, holding back the words I long to hear.
I’m losing my mind, but my body knows exactly what to do. As I bury myself in one sweet thrust, I’m lodged deep within her folds. My breath stills as I gain some remnant of control.
With a steady grind of my body against hers, I push into her mindlessly as the pleasure spreads to my belly. Her dark wet curls are snaking down her body and mine. Our lips fuse and hold as the loving attack builds. Her moans and incoherent mews tell me I’m hitting her magic spot. I want to prolong the pleasure, but I need to completely lose myself in her.
“So fucking good,” I say as she grabs a fistful of my hair.
The savage sounds that fill the air cause me to shatter, spilling into her, just as her perfect body comes against mine.
“Jesus, Theo.” Her boneless limbs tremble in my arms.
“Don’t move,” I plead as the heartbeat in my entire body pulsates down to my cock. Finally the tremors slow to a tolerable pace.
“Let me help you.”
I slowly lower her until she finds her balance. I can’t control the faint smile on my face. Conquering her and satisfying her sexually is such a masculine triumph, but it’s one I can’t resist. Yeah, call me a fucking guy, but it’s true: I’m all male.
***
I watch as Steel, who is seated across from me, drinks his coffee, skimming through the file. Madison’s file. The four of us are sitting at a table looking over menus, but none of us has an appetite.
“I have some questions.”
Everyone looks at me. and I immediately feel uncomfortable. I clear my gravelly voice.
“What did Madison say when she found out about the situation?”
I notice Alex’s gaze searching mine. He smiles when he sees me looking at him, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.
Steel speaks up confidently, totally in his element.
“Theo, I only spoke to the colonel, her father. This may be difficult to hear, but according to him, she has no memory of her former life, or the accident.”
“Or me,” I add softly. “So this walk down memory lane is mostly for my benefit.”
I shake my head in disbelief.
“Stop thinking of it like that,” Alex says.
“Well, there’s not much point to it if it’s just two strangers meeting under uncomfortable circumstances. I want to be reunited with my sister, the sister I remember.”
I shrug, attempting to pull off agitated when I am clearly just panicked.
“I know you better than anyone, Theo.” A frown creases Alex’s forehead. “You don’t give up. You always try to see beyond the obstacles. You have your sister back now. Whether she remembers is not the point. The point is, she found her way back to you
.”
“I wanted it to be different, but I’m haunted by the memories. But they’re my memories, because apparently, she has none. She’ll just be meeting a stranger.”
I can only guard myself so much emotionally, and the risk of my heart breaking is high. I’m practically paralyzed with fear.
“Theo.”
Eden’s hands find mine and I study her serious face.
“Let’s just hear what Steel has to say. Maybe knowing more about her will help you through the process.”
Steel turns back to page one of his file and starts to read as if this is just any report, or a magazine article, or maybe something from the sports page, but no—this is my life being turned upside down.
“All indications show she has had a normal and loving family life. It says she attended a private school on the upper west side. Her father, Colonel James Perry, is in the Marine Corps. Her mother, Michelle Perry, is a writer born and raised in New York. She has stayed in New York along with Madison whenever her husband was deployed or stationed in other areas of the world. I’m assuming she did this to give Madison the stability of growing up in one general vicinity versus uprooting her every year or two.”
All eyes are on him, and he stops to ask if we have any questions, but no one does.
“We know she graduated in apparel design degree and that she’s worked with Badgley Mischka, but that’s where our leads end. We will certainly get an opportunity today to fill in any blanks and get us more up to date.”
He closes the file and rests his folded hands on top.
Even knowing all this information from the investigation, I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that it’s concerning the little girl I once knew.
“What the fuck happens next?” I ask, a bit more rudely than I intended.
“You’ll be meeting Madison and her father in the grand lobby here at the hotel in an hour.”
The vice around my chest tightens. As we leave the restaurant and make our way through the hallways, the rich burgundy carpet with the paisley print continues as if I’m walking to the guillotine, noticing life’s last details before everything goes black.
***
Steel is here as a buffer, I suppose. This has been all his doing, after all. His expression is unreadable, and his Bruce Willis action packed approach and Yippee-Ki Yay motherfucker vibe gave me pause.
“I can see the toll it’s taking on him,” Alex says to Eden, as if I’m not even in the room.
Maybe I’m not? It feels like everything is about to shatter. The adrenaline is flooding through my veins at a high velocity.
“It is.” I shove my hands in my pocket. “Taking a toll.”
I was confused as I approached this room initially. I felt numb as Eden led me to the round table toward the back. I straightened my yellow tie as I unbuttoned my suit jacket and sat. I know it was too damn early for a drink.
“Here, drink this,” Alex says now, winking and setting a tall orange juice in front of me.
I take a large mouthful, tasting the vodka.
“Get your head out of your ass,” Alex leans over to whisper. “You’re going to need it very soon.”
I let out an anxious grumble in protest. “Shut up, Alex. You’re like a clown on meth.”
He smiles. “Made ya laugh!”
“Grow up, will ya?”
I know what he is trying to do. I’ll give him credit for that, but no amount of humor or distraction will settle my nerves now. I just can’t suppress the fear of the unknown. It’s as if I’m watching it all play out in sickening slow motion.
I notice Steel greeting a large man in the distance. Of course he doesn’t show one iota of tension. No, he’s just smooth and collected, the consummate professional. For him it’s just another day at the office.
As Eden reaches over and places a kiss on my cheek, I suddenly realize that this is all about to go down.
“I’m right here,” she says, but my eyes don’t waver. I can’t bring myself to care about anything except the trio approaching us.
And before I can move or think, I’m frozen in place, as if sucker punched. It’s almost too much to take in all at once.
I get to my feet and extend a hand.
“Colonel James Perry,” the man opposite me says in return. His handshake is firm and commanding.
What hits me first is his stature. He’s a pillar of the community, I’m sure.
“Dr. Theodore Grant, sir,” I answer, finally releasing my grip.
“Look at her.”
I hear Alex’s inappropriate voice in the background and glance over my shoulder to see Eden’s hand gripping his bicep. She’s whispering furiously in his ear. A scolding, I assume. Leave it to her.
And here, just a couple steps behind the colonel, is my sister, Madison. Instantly my head fills with memories. I have a moment of fear, real fear. She is very beautiful and graceful. Her long blonde hair is straight, as if every strand had to be perfectly groomed.
But once I meet her eyes, I blink, struggling to contain my emotions as my own eyes mirror hers. She’s dressed in a plum-colored dress that’s fluttering around her ankles. It looks expensive and feminine. She’s obviously mature, and sophisticated. She isn’t a child any longer. She’s a woman.
“You survived,” I whisper, but I can’t even hear my own voice.
“Yes, I survived.”
Her bow-shaped lips attempt to force a smile, and I instantly feel foolish.
“I can’t believe it’s really you.”
I offer her a smile that’s much calmer than I feel. I have to force myself to breathe.
“It is me, Theo.”
I can’t help the warmth flooding through me when I hear her say my name. In the middle of the awkward tension, that single remark astounds me. Theo. The thousands of times that annoyed me at seven years old when she used to say it repeatedly… Now it’s causing me to soar at the memory.
“Please sit.” I remember my manors. “Alex, would you be so kind as to have the staff come and take our drink orders?”
But he just stands there in a trance, as if memorized with Madison.
“Humph.”
And abruptly Alex adjusts his “on” switch.
“Alex, this is Madison, and her father, Colonel Perry.”
“So nice to meet you both.”
And with that, he heads to the bar.
“This is Eden. She’s with me.”
A quick jolt rushes through me at this introduction. We’ve never labeled our relationship before, so girlfriend didn’t feel quite right. I make a mental note to clarify that later.
“How do you do?” Standing, Eden is the epitome of charm. “Madison, please sit by me.”
I watch her pull out the chair, and Madison warmly accepts. I look around the table and its occupants, and it all feels like a strange out-of-body experience. Eventually I take my seat next to Eden, and Alex soon follows.
I can hear Eden’s friendly conversation and sincere interest in Madison. Her questions are clever and current.
Madison seems taken with her. too. She gracefully includes me in the conversation, but it is very lighthearted, and I need more. I’m only seeing her for the first time as an adult. Maybe the answers I so desperately want and need will have to wait.
I dig deep inside for answers, and that’s when the years of training kick in.
Establish trust first, and foremost. Get to know her now. Go through the motions, and the past will come up organically. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
Alex, who is sitting across the table, nonchalantly attempts to get my attention.
I shoo him away as the drinks come. Steel and the colonel’s conversation is going smooth as glass. That man knows how to charm anyone, I think to myself. And the military connection most certainly helps.
“You started your own line?” I overhear Eden ask Madison.
“Yes, once I left Badgley Mischka, they were crucial in my startup of ‘Perry.�
�� It’s been a dream of mine since I was a little girl.” Her eyes falter in her choice of words, but she regroups quickly. “All in all, its release will be in several months. It’ll be my very first show.”
I feel a pride I never knew existed. My little sister is succeeding in life. Then why is there still this empty hole inside of me? She hasn’t needed me to get where she is today. What I really want is for her to need me again.
The colonel stands. “I have a meeting to attend to. Maddie, will you be alright if I leave?”
I can see her eyes circle the table.
“Yes, dad.”
Her smile hasn’t changed at all, and the past suddenly surfaces again. I have to accept I will not be able to keep all the darkness at bay.
“I’ll walk you out, sir.”
Steel stands and says his goodbyes, leaving the four of us alone.
***
We have lunch as if this is any other day. My inability to move forward surfaces in the form of silence, but I am anything but inside. We stay out until dark and make promises of future visits and calls. Numbers are exchanged, but my mind is racing with unanswered questions and the lifetime of memories I’ve already missed out on.
Inside the elevator, all the walls I’ve carefully constructed begin tumbling down.
“We never actually spoke of our past.”
I press my forearm against the glass, my head following until it rests on my arm. The reality of the situation has finally overtaken me.
“You can find your way back to each other, Theo.” Eden’s warm palm rests on my shoulder. “It will just take time.”
“Yes, time.”
Logically, I know this. I will claw my way back to sanity somehow. I just need to belong to myself again.
Then the doors open, and with my arm around Eden, we made our way back to the suite. I immediately head for the stocked bar and pour myself a drink.
“No, it was my mistake.” I slam the drink back in one shot. “I expected too much from this one visit, and I should have realized that it would take more time. It stands to reason that this would be just one of many steps. Why didn’t I see that?”
Surviving Eden (Surviving Series Book 1) Page 17