by Lacey Silks
“Then I guess your fiancée must be very proud of you.”
“We have an open relationship.”
Translation: I do whatever I want.
“Look, I may be blunt saying this, but nothing would make me happier if I never saw you again. Forget about the weekend or any kind of offense you think you may have caused. I’m not interested. Let’s just forget about it and move on.”
Darkness shadowed his eyes. They sparked with anger and disappointment before turning to determined vengeance. Now I really wished that Scar was here.
“You work at Huntington Hospital, don’t you?”
“Yes, how...”
“I found one of your business cards by the booth at the club, but you were already gone.” I remembered dropping my purse that night and spilling its contents onto the floor. Unfortunately his explanation did nothing to relieve the anxiety I was feeling inside. Brad was as creepy as they got.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t accept any patients. It’s on an emergency walk-in basis only.”
Though I was pretty sure Brad would benefit from mental treatment, I didn’t even want to keep in touch with him to recommend one.
“Understandable. So, maybe we could make it up sometimes?”
Couldn’t this guy take no for an answer? “Like I said, I don’t think that’s such a great idea.”
“Oh, come on. A friendly dinner wouldn’t hurt. I’m sure we can find some time when Scar is working and get together.”
I don’t think so. Was he actually asking me to cheat on my boyfriend who wasn’t even my boyfriend?
“I think I’d better leave before I say or do something we both will regret.”
“Listen, bitch.” He grasped me by my wrist tightly enough that I felt its burn. “I’m just trying to be nice, and you’re making it very difficult. What will it take for you to agree to a coffee at least?”
Definitely not this. If I were smart, I’d have taken the self-defense class my sister joined a year ago and squished Brad’s balls into an omelet. Or maybe I should have re-watched that episode of CSI where the kick-ass agent flipped the suspect onto his back.
“Go to hell.” I bared my teeth, hoping to somehow scare him off, but from the look in his eyes, I doubted there was much in this world Brad was afraid of.
“Only if you join me there,” he winked.
I ripped my hand away from his and set off running. Looking back once in a while like that girl in Scream everyone knew would eventually be killed, I made sure he didn’t follow me. There was no way I would run in this park again; at least not on my own. I had a bad feeling about Brad, and most of all, I was afraid that this wouldn’t be the last time I saw him.
CHAPTER 10
My legs were already aching so much that I knew I’d have a difficult time walking the next day. When I got home, Zoey was sitting on the couch, eating a tub of ice cream. It was way too early for her to be up. I looked over my sister’s somber face. Her shoulders slouched and lip curled. Whoever had pissed in her morning cereal, they put her in such a mood that it would take a tug boat to pull her out. In the afternoons Zoey usually disappeared to do whatever it was Zoey did, which probably included another guy. I was beginning to worry about her, and promised myself to have the chat with her that my mother should have had a long time ago. I grabbed a spoon from the kitchen drawer and plopped down at her side, digging into the partially melted cookie dough ice cream.
“How are you?” I asked.
“What? Fine.” She shrugged. “You stink of sweat.”
“I was out on a run. Maybe you should join me sometime.”
She shrugged again. Yup, actually, it would take at least ten trucks to drag out whatever was bothering her.
“Zoey, I know I’ve been busy, but I’m here for you. For whatever you need. I can ask around the hospital for a job...”
“I’m not going to work at the hospital.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Did Mom put you up to this?” She held her body more defensively when all I wanted to do was hug her..
Zoey hadn’t been getting along with Mom for the past month or so. Whatever was happening between them, it wasn’t good. I for one was happy that Sid, Mom’s husband, had gotten a job in New York around the same time I did, and they moved to Long Island with us. It gave us a chance to be closer. After nearly causing their break up six years ago, when I’d asked Scar to tempt Mom to cheat on Sid, I felt guilty and was now her current husband’s biggest supporter. While they had no clue that I was the one who had put Scar up to the task (he’d paid his brother Ace to kiss Mom when Sid walked in on them), I would never forgive myself. It was selfish and silly. I should have let them be, and now nothing made me happier than knowing she’d finally found the one man who was worthy of her.
“No, she didn’t. What’s going on with you? Are you and Mom still fighting?”
“Yes. I feel like she’s constantly breathing down my neck about getting a new job.” She twisted uncomfortably in her seat.
Well, there goes my conversation about Zoey finding a new job.
But I had to at least try.
“How is the job hunt going? You have a unique career as a dancer. I know it can’t be easy,” I asked.
She jabbed her spoon into the ice cream as if it were some sort of a hatchet, set the tub aside, and lowered her head into her hands, “Please, Jules. I don’t need another lecture. And I don’t want Mom’s money to pay for a studio.”
“Then let me help. I owe you.”
I’d used a good chunk of my inheritance to pay for med school, and Zoey had used hers to pay off a debt that I couldn’t, thereby saving my life.
“You owe me nothing, Jules. I would do it all over again if I had to.”
I loved her so much. If it wasn’t for Zoey, my body would have been used and abused until this day, and even if I wanted to change my lifestyle, I wouldn’t be able to. The kind of men I worked for should have only existed in nightmares. Zoey had paid them off. So yeah, I did owe her, way more than I’d ever be able to repay.
“Besides, I want to prove that I can survive on my own. At least until Mom admits that she’s wrong.”
“Wrong about what?”
“About the guy I’m seeing.”
“You’re seeing someone? How long has that been going on?”
Had I really been that lost in my own work and life that I hadn’t noticed my sister dating someone seriously?
“Four weeks, and I really don’t want to tell you who because I can’t lose you too.”
Four weeks? All this time I’d thought Zoey was meeting different guys, she’d stayed with one? I felt pride bubble up inside me. This had to be the longest relationship Zoey had ever had. I wasn’t sure whether I should be more excited by the fact that she wasn’t sleeping around and switching boyfriends, or the fact that my flesh and blood had been able to sustain a relationship this long. At least one of us could.
“Zoey, I’m so happy for you. And I can’t believe you haven’t told me before!” I threw my arms around her, hoping to squeeze a bit of that misery out.
“Oh, please. You’re forgetting that I know you better than anyone else, Jules. You don’t do relationships. This is not something I could share with you. I know how hard you’ve worked to overcome your... issues.”
I was grateful she mentioned my sex addiction so discreetly.
“Yeah, but it doesn’t mean that I can’t be happy for you. Are you really not going to tell me who it is?”
“No.”
“Which means that I know him.” My eyes grew wider. “Oh, my God! You’ve got to tell me now.”
I reached for her midriff and began tickling her. During the past year, when it came to men, I felt like I was the older and wiser of the two of us simply because I chose to stay away from them; but at times like this, it didn’t matter. I wanted her happy, and this was one of the ways to make my older sister laugh and smile.
“Stop, please!”
“Not until you tell me.”
“Look, I know you’re smart and all, but please. Let this one go. You wouldn’t like the answer.”
I stopped. “Okay, I will. For now.”
She seemed to be lost in thought for a moment, and out of nowhere spurted, “Let’s go out this weekend. Just you and me and a lot of alcohol.”
“Zoey, you know I’m working.”
“You’re working during the day. The party is at night. There’s this dance club, Kissed, I’ve been dying to go to.”
I sighed. Maybe it was a good idea. It would let me reconnect with her, and then maybe she’d trust me enough to tell me who she was dating. And it could possibly make time pass quicker until I could see Scar again on Monday. I hadn’t seen him in two days, and it felt like months. This time away from each other to think about “us” sucked.
“Okay, I’ll go. But we can’t stay past midnight. Otherwise I’ll need to hook my body up to an intravenous machine filled with coffee.”
“I love it when you talk doctor.” She rolled her eyes. “Jules, the party doesn’t even start until then,” she whined.
“Zoey, I need to be conscious the next day.”
“Fine. Wear something sexy. We’ll dance until you drop. By the way, a package came for you this afternoon. It’s in your bedroom.”
“From who?”
“I don’t know. No return address. It’s in your room.”
“Okay.” I dropped my ice cream spoon into the sink and yelled over my shoulder “I’ll meet you for dinner.”
“Sure.”
Curious about the delivery, I went upstairs. Once I sat down on my bed, I ripped open the attached envelope. My fingers weren’t moving fast enough, and a paper cut sliced into my thumb. On the inside of the card I read the inscription:
Jules,
You asked how we keep satisfied before we decide if it’s the right time to be together. Let’s start with this. Hopefully I can replace it with my tongue soon enough.
Scar
Now he really had me intrigued. I pulled on the purple bow and opened the box.
“Holy shit!”
Snuggled in a plush compartment was a rectangular vibrator that reminded me too much of a pad. The silicone felt light and fit in the palm of my hand. Its exterior was soft to the touch, like velvety rubber, and very expensive. Other than my pocket rocket, I had never used vibrators before. My body heated as the first sign of lust swirled inside me.
My phone buzzed and I almost dropped the new toy.
Scar: Did you get it?
Julia: Yes *blushing*
Scar: Wish I was there to see it. Put it between your legs.
Julia: Now?
Scar: Yes
Captivated, I sat back on my bed, lowered my pants, and inserted the contraption into my panties, where it started buzzing.
Oh, my God!
I fumbled with the phone trying to type back as the vibrations pulsed against my flesh. But concentrating on anything other than the shattering earthquake between my legs wasn’t easy.
“Holy crap!” My thighs clenched and heat spread through me. I was willing to bet that this was the king of all vibrators.
Julia: I thoinkl is briokenm. It tutrned on it ownn.
I couldn’t even type on my phone.
Scar: No, that was me
What?
Scar: I’m controlling it. Put the phone down and relax, Jules. Think of my fingers on you.
Oh, my!
I leaned back against the headboard and felt a change in the rhythm. The pulses were soft at first, teasing my tender flesh, but intensifying at an arousing pace. I grasped the sheets in my fists as my body slid lower on the bed, forcing me to lie back flat. Waves of heat consumed me. I crossed my legs, locking the vibrator between them. A beautiful ache built in my lower half, forcing my body to writhe on the bed. There was no longer a pattern to the pulses, only a vibration that reminded me of Scar, when he’d had his fingers on me and inside me in that cave six years ago. If only he were here, ready to fill me, I’d spread my legs open and accept him. Feeling the silicone slide out of position, I clasped it with my hand to hold it steady. My heart beat drummed in my chest and my ears, blending with the vibrating sound from down below. My legs began to quiver. I pulled my knees up and lowered them again, twisting in my sheets, unable to find that perfect place. Sweat beads ran down my forehead and down the valley between my boobs.
Somehow my body flipped over onto its stomach, securing the vibrator between me and the bed.
That’s better.
With my mouth open and short spurts of inhalations, I concentrated on the first delicate tremor that turned into a seizure-like contraction.
No, not yet.
I couldn’t get enough. I wanted this to last longer. I needed this feeling to stay with me forever. Scar was taking me to the point of no return too quickly. But my body denied me the time to enjoy this, and I convulsed in spasm. The ripple tore through me, and I screamed into the pillow, semi-consciously hoping my sister wouldn’t hear me. The jitters continued, flying out my limbs, electrifying me all over again, and then finally stopped. It was as if Scar knew I had just climaxed. I panted, waiting to catch a lungful of air. My heart was trying to burst out from underneath my rib-cage. Barely able to lift myself on the bed, I reached for my phone.
Julia: Unbelievable
Scar: Glad to be of service. Keep the toy close to you. I’ll be in touch before you turn in for the night. I want you dreaming about me.
What? There would be more? Yes!
I had no doubt Scar would be the only one on my mind every second of every minute and every hour, and I was already looking forward to the evening. Honestly, as my body was beginning to calm, I wanted to ask him to do it again, right away, but I refrained. If there was one thing I was thankful for, it was Scar’s imagination. Even when we were apart, he made me feel like he was with me the entire time.
CHAPTER 11
“Hi, my name is Julia. I’ve been abstinent for over a year, and there’s a new temptation in my life.”
“Hi, Julia,” the group said in unison. I was the last one in our circle of fifteen to speak. For the first time in over a year, I kept my head lowered – because honestly, I’d reached a new level of embarrassment. A woman of my stature was supposed to keep her urges intact. She was supposed to be a good example for the community, not someone who couldn’t control her needs.
Yeah, I think that ship sailed long ago.
Over the past three days I’d let Scar bring me to a climax six wonderful times, and I’d never felt better. He’d sent me gorgeous bouquets of roses, and I had a difficult time explaining to Zoey they were from a friend. I did want to tell her about Scar, but I wasn’t ready just yet. I couldn’t even think whether we’d actually begin dating because it felt like we already had, and because I lost my mind each time he texted. I thought I’d be satisfied after such strong orgasms, but I only craved more. Was I falling to old habits? Was the need for Scar’s fingers, lips, and body beginning to overtake my life again? I didn’t even know how I’d face him on Monday.
What could I say? Hi, sorry but we can’t be together because I can’t stop thinking about you. I’m afraid what this could lead to? I can’t trust myself around you? All those things didn’t even make sense. They were also good reasons to give the relationship a try. Tonight, I really hoped someone in this group could give me unbiased advice.
The room remained quiet, and the only sound I could hear was the beating of my heart. We were a mix of cheaters, sex addicts, those who were thinking of cheating, and even a couple where one had given their spouse a free pass to revive their marriage. In fact, Sarah and Luke had become one of our biggest supporters. This was the perfect place to find out whether I was heading on the wrong path. I was afraid that with my repeated coming, courtesy of Scar Wagner, I was losing control.
“Julia, it sounds like you had a setback.” Miriam, the group’s counselor, spoke u
p. “Do you want to tell us about it?”
Did I? I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to share the hurricane of emotions that were running through me. I wished I were that strong doctor everyone knew back at the hospital, the one who for the past year had stayed clear of men just to get a high… but I wasn’t. The moment Scar Wagner stepped back into my life, my conviction disappeared. Other than for my job, it seemed like I had no control over my actions. And now he had taken over my daytime orgasms. That morning, on my break, I’d hid out in the staff room and the day before behind the frozen food section at the store, squeezing the side of the fridge door with my hand, hoping no one would walk by and figure out the frenzy below my belt as Scar powered up the vibrator I wore.
“I ran into a high school friend. We had a lot in common back then, including that our parents had had affairs. Except mine divorced, and his stayed together. We made this pact and believed that breaking couples apart before one of them cheats was good for them.”
I took in a deep breath. Someone’s chair squeaked over the floor as they shifted. Everyone’s gaze remained on me, waiting. I lifted my head, scanning the gentleness of their gazes. This was a safe place to talk. I didn’t need to be strong here.
“It was our connection. I was so undeniably attracted to him, I followed his instructions and worked with him, secretly hoping he’d one day change his mind about relationships and maybe give us a try. I don’t know whether it was for the best that I moved away, but I did so with a broken heart, believing that he was right – that we weren’t good for each other. I saw him five years later, at a ski chalet. He was different. Older and more mature. Fate got us buried together in a cave after an avalanche. We fooled around before we were rescued… and he left me.”
I shook my head. The memory of loneliness pinched my heart. Right after Scar flew to New York and I went back to Washington to school, I began seeing other people for only one reason. It started off with the guys in my class. Once I’d slept with a handful and didn’t want them to exchange notes, I branched out to the campus. Afterward I sought out anonymous flings, one-night stands and no-strings-attached nights filled with fucking, climaxing, fucking, climaxing. I couldn’t get enough. Yet I still wasn’t able to reach that perfect wave of bliss with anyone. It was my lifeline. Sometimes I wondered how I’d made it through medical school, but becoming a doctor had been a childhood dream, and not even my addiction could stop me from reaching that goal.