“Headache.”
“Can I get you anything?”
She moved and then her delicate fingers were on his head. She rubbed his temples and along the side of his head. “That feels wonderful.”
“I’m leaving for the bank in a little bit, is there anything I can get you?”
“No. Go.”
Liza came around, helped him to lay on the couch, put a throw pillow under his head, and then covered him with a blanket. The warmth of her hug relaxed him. The kiss she pressed to his brow was the release he needed, as his world went black.
*****
When Julian awoke an hour later, Liza was gone. His headache subsided enough he made it to the basement to take his pills. So far they weren’t helping. Half an hour later, Liza still wasn’t back.
He paced the floor. His thoughts were racing. Where was she? What was she doing? Who was she doing? He gnashed his teeth at the last thought. ”Stop it.” He grabbed his head, to stop the racing images of Liza fucking his ex-wives men. It wasn’t Liza’s fault. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he forced himself to sit down. His headache dissipated, but his thoughts continued to haunt him.
He heard the door to the garage open. He stormed through the kitchen and turned the corner to see her coming through the doorway, grocery bags in hand. “Where the hell have you been?” He cringed at his comment, but it was out before he could stop it.
Liza rushed into the room, arms full, and out of breath. She unpacked the first bag. “You missed me huh . . . good. I always heard it’s good to keep’em guessing.” She pulled the eggs out of the bag and put them away, along with the rest of the perishables.
Her flippant response set him off. “Where the fuck were you?”
“I told you this morning. It’s payday. I went to the bank then to picked up a few groceries. You were running low on food.” When the second bag was empty, she folded the bag, looked around, and tweaked her eyebrow at him. Opening the cupboard under the sink she put the bags there. She turned around a radiant smile on her face as if she’d finished a race and came in first.
“I think I’d remember.” Damn it. He needed to get control of his tongue or he was going to say something he didn’t mean. He racked his brain . . . couldn’t remember a word from this morning, but with his headache as bad as it was he couldn’t be sure what he missed. He rubbed the back of his neck.
“Why don’t you go sit down? Let me get you something to drink. Afterwards, I’ll massage your neck and shoulders see if it helps any?” She opened the refrigerator, grabbed a carton of orange juice and set it on the counter. She turned to face him.
“Who else have you been massaging today?” He slammed his fist into the wall. God, he hated these days, when his mouth ran amok and he couldn’t contain it.
Liza’s eyes widened and she took a step back holding onto the counter. “Excuse me.” She stood there, her hands fisted in front of her.
“Liza, I’m—”
She held her hand up. “Don’t.”
He clamped his lips together, turned on his heels, and left the room not wanting to say anything else out of line. Heading into the living room, he flopped onto the couch, dropped his head, and closed his eyes. “Fuck me.”
It was a short time later when Liza’s hands massaged his shoulders. She started out gentle at first, but rubbed a little harder when she found his tension spots.
“Woman, you’re too good to me.”
“Woman?” She continued her massage up his neck and he groaned.
“Well you are and I’ve kind of grown fond of thinking of you as my woman.”
She laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his ear. “A little possessive aren’t we? I could let you get away with that, occasionally.”
He held onto her hands and rested his head against her arms. “I’m sorry.”
“Do you still have a headache? Is that why you’re such a grump?”
He could feel her breath on his ear. He smiled. I love you. The words echoed through his brain. Funny, before his thoughts came out without hesitation, but that one just kept bouncing around in his head. He turned his head to say something, when he caught a whiff of cologne. Not his. “Who have you been with?” Thoughts rushed through his head faster than he knew possible. He was on a downward spiral.
“No one, why?”
“I smell men’s cologne.”
Liza released him as she came around the couch and plopped down next to him. “I ran into an old friend at the grocery store. He hugged me on the way out.” She lifted her shirt to her nose and smelled.
Her tone was so casual. To her it was no big deal. “And when were you going to tell me about this old friend?” He folded his hands in his lap, interlocking his fingers.
She shrugged. “I don’t get the big deal, it wasn’t anything important.”
The shrug set him off. He shoved himself off the couch and began pacing in front of her. “It was important enough for you to hug him. What the hell, Liza?”
“Calm down.” She held her hands up. “It was just a hug.”
“Just a hug . . . just a fucking hug?” As his pacing increased so did his heartbeat. An image of her kissing someone flashed in his mind. He ended up behind the couch. His fists came down on the back of it.
Liza flinched, but she didn’t move and she didn’t say anything. She didn’t even look at him.
“What’s next?” Another flash, her naked. Liza in the arms of another man, faceless. His hands touched her body, much the way he had the night before. The fire built inside until it was out of control. He came around the couch so he was looking at her again.
Her jaw tightened and her eyes narrowed.
“What’s next? Just a kiss? Or just fucking sex? Is that what took so long?” He rested his hand against his head and closed his eyes. Every image, every vision, every thought revolved around her and some other guy. Images so vile and explicit he forced his eyes open so, not to see them. His hands trembled. He fought for control over his mind.
Liza stood. “Okay, I get it. I know what’s going on here. I refuse to talk to you like this. I’m going home.” When she turned away, she wiped a tear from her eye before heading to the door.
The tear did it, the fire was gone. God he was an idiot. “Liza.”
He heard the door shut. “Shit.” What had he done? Had his jealousy and insecurity cost him the best relationship he’d ever had? He wasn’t used to people walking out on him. Both his ex-wives fought with him when he was like this. It was a yelling and screaming match until he calmed down or walked away. Liza was so calm. Nothing thrown, nothing broken. A simple tear and out the door she went.
He grabbed the joint from the ashtray and lit up. It would help take the edge off his mood. He closed his eyes as he took the first hit. The images were still there. If he went after her now, he’d only prove what an ass he was. His headache was back. Time to take a break-through anxiety pill and see if he could get a least a little control of his rapid cycling highs and lows.
*****
Liza called Audrey on the way to her apartment. She’d thought about calling Kaitlyn or Shana, but didn’t want to have to deal with Monica’s shit.
“Hey, Liza.”
“Are you busy?”
“Jackie’s trying to drag me to a planning meeting for a charity event and I would love to get out of.” Audrey said.
“Good, come see me.”
“Gladly, be there in ten.”
Liza hung up the phone and checked the time. Ten minutes. That would have them arriving about the same time. She made a quick stop at the grocery store to pick up snacks and drinks.
*****
Sure enough, Audrey pulled into the parking lot after Liza did. Liza waited for her to get out of the car and then they both headed toward the building.
“Thank you. You’re a lifesaver.” Audrey shook her head as they were getting in the elevator. “I love Jackie, but whenever she thinks I’m bored or lonely, she drags me
to her charity meetings.”
“That doesn’t sound fun at all.” Liza pressed the button for the third floor.
“I don’t mind helping out with the actual events or even planning meetings aren’t bad at times, but most of the time, it’s a bunch of catty shit I can’t deal with.” Audrey stepped out of the elevator followed by Liza. “So how come you’re not working?”
“Wednesdays and Sundays are my days off.” She unlocked her apartment door and let Audrey head in first.
Audrey smiled then headed over to the couch. “I’m going to take a wild guess and say, Julian’s being an ass today?”
“You could say that.” Liza sunk onto the other end of the couch. “I realize it has to do with his bipolar, but damn he can flip the switch so fast I can’t keep up. I’ve been staying with him for about a week and a half. Everything was fine until this morning. Do his headaches always affect him like that?”
“I’ve seen him have some rough episodes. He blew up at his ex once. It was pretty tough to watch, but I get it. Jake can be like that as well.” Audrey chuckled. “And before today? Was everything all right?”
“He’s been attentive and sweet. Some nights, I don’t get home until nine or nine-thirty and he always has a meal waiting for me. He sends me text messages throughout the day. I call him on my lunch break. And there’s even been a couple times he’s met me in Madison for lunch. I’ve never had a man pay this much attention to me.”
Audrey smiled. “Jake was like that. I think I got flowers every day for the first year we were married. It was only the month before he left he stopped being attentive. I mean we had our problems, but I always knew he loved me.”
“See and I don’t know if Julian’s even thought about telling me he loves me. I think it every day, but I’ve been holding off afraid it will scare him away.”
“I’ve seen you two together, there’s no doubt in my mind the two of you are in love.” Audrey touched Liza’s arm. “What happened today?”
“He had this horrific headache this morning. He snapped at me when I flipped on the lights in the living room. I told him I needed to go the bank, he said fine.” Liza shook her head.
“Let me guess, by the time you got back he didn’t remember?” Audrey nodded, as if she’d been through this all before.
“Yeah, he was all pissed off and it’s ‘where the hell have you been.’ It didn’t take him long to calm down, but not before accusing me of cheating on him.”
“I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but his brother Donovan was married for twenty years and he still had moments like that.”
“That doesn’t sound promising.” Liza let out a heavy breath. Would she make it for the next thirty years having her loyalty questioned? “He did it again later. Because an old friend of mine hugged me at the grocery store and he could smell his cologne on me. It was a hug.”
“Jake used to get jealous, oh my God would he get jealous.” Audrey looked down at her hands, she twirled the wedding ring still on her finger. “There was one time before Jake left. My car had broken down, I needed a ride and couldn’t get a hold of Jake. Julian works at home and has the most freedom in his job, so I called him and he came to pick me up.”
“I can imagine how Julian would react if I did something like that? He’d accuse me of screwing someone as payment.” Liza rubbed a hand over her face. She loved him, she was sure of it, but she needed to make sure she could handle all the ups and downs before she said anything to him.
“Yeah, Jake got home and was all pissed. He accused me of having sex with his brother, to the point of calling me a slut. I left the room. I always knew when he got in one of his moods it was best to give him his space.” Audrey patted Liza’s shoulder. “Maybe Julian needs space to help him through this?”
“Is Jake bipolar?” Liza cocked her head to the side. Everything Audrey said matched up with the symptoms Julian had.
“Nope.”
“Are you sure? How long did it take him to come out of his rage?”
“I took Cora to visit Jackie. Julian showed up there hours later and said he was calm when he left and he could see the change in him. I didn’t see him again until later on that night. He disappeared for a few hours after his fight.”
“I’m telling you, Audrey, he sounds like bipolar to me.”
“If he is, he’s never said a word, and we’ve been married for thirteen years.”
“Were there other instances like that?” Liza couldn’t see a logical reason for Jake to act that way.
“Oh yeah – they didn’t happen that often . . . maybe every six or seven months?” Audrey shrugged. “During the beginning of our marriage they were more common, but then they became few and far between. Until that last month that is. He was out of control most of that month.”
“Sounds an awful lot like bipolar.”
“Maybe I’ll ask Jackie,” Audrey said. “Although I don’t know why he’d hide it from me. I know all about Julian and Donovan.”
Liza shrugged. “No clue.”
A knock sounded at the door.
Audrey glanced at her watch. “Wanna bet who that is? I have to pick up Cora in an hour, so why don’t you two talk.”
“No. I invited you over and I hate to have you leave after talking about this.”
“You got me out of a boring as charity meeting. You did me the favor.” Audrey said as she stood up.
Liza headed to the door. She opened it. Julian stood on the other side.
“Can I come in?” His hands shoved in his pockets. He wouldn’t meet her eyes.
Liza blocked his entrance. “Have you calmed down?”
“Yes.”
“Fine.” Liza motioned for him to come inside.
He saw Audrey and gestured toward the door. “I’ll come back later, let you girls have your time.”
“I’m on my way out.” Audrey gave Liza quick hug and headed toward the door. She hugged Julian and whispered something to him.
“I’m trying.” He waved to Audrey. “Bye, sis.”
Liza wasn’t quite sure she wanted to be alone with him but Audrey left no alternative. Julian rubbed the back of his neck. “Still having problems with the headache?”
“It’s gotten better, but it’s still there.” He dropped his hands.
“What did Audrey say to you?” She sat down in the middle of the couch.
“She told me to stop being an asshole.” He gave a quick smile, but faded as fast as it came. “I’m sorry. My thoughts started racing. I had mental images flashing through my mind, I wasn’t anywhere near prepared to face.”
“It’s no excuse for speaking to me like that. What did you see?”
“Images for you with other men. Hugging, kissing, and even further still. I saw the situations I witnessed with my exes.”
“Didn’t you hug, Audrey? You don’t see me flipping out about it. It was a hug.”
Julian opened his mouth, but then closed it.
Liza patted the couch next to her and waited until he plopped down beside her. She turned to face him, folding one leg underneath her. “I have a lot of experience with bipolar people. I used to work at the residential campus at the Yarrow Center. I’d say over half of the kids I dealt with were bipolar to some degree. Their symptoms were so bad they ended up in the system. I saw kids struggle every day fighting with the images and the thoughts racing through their heads.”
Julian looked down at his lap.
Liza placed her hands on his cheeks and he peeked at her. “Did you ever think maybe, with all the research I’ve done over the years for my job, I might be able to recognize the symptoms?”
Julian tugged her into his lap and rested his head against hers. “I don’t deserve you.”
“I know.” Liza laughed. “And even though I have feelings for you, I’m still hurt by what you said. I recognized it for what it was and gave you the space you needed. Next time ask.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He wrapped his arms around her. �
��If you had seen the pictures going through my head—”
She pressed a finger to his lips. “I understand. We’re okay.”
“I don’t want to just be okay.”
Liza chuckled.
He reached in his pocket. “I got you something.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m sorry.” He handed her a rectangular velvet box.
She looked down at the box, handed it to him, and stood up. “You don’t get it, do you?”
“What?” He frowned and held up the box. “I bought you a gift to say I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to spend money on me every time we have a fight or a problem. I knew what was going on when it started this morning.” She paced the living room. “Besides, I can’t be bought.”
“Liza it’s a gift and I want you to have it.”
She was still pacing when he stopped her by resting his hands on her shoulders. She turned around to look at him.
“Would it help if I told you it wasn’t an expensive gift?” He held the box out to her.
“It’s in a jewelry box.” She smiled but took the box shaking her head.
“It didn’t come with one. I may have paid a little extra.”
She laughed. “You’re a goofball.”
“But I’m your goofball. I cares an awful lot about you. I hate the fact I hurt you.”
Liza opened the box to see a silver anklet with a small shamrock hanging from it. “You shouldn’t have. It’s beautiful.”
Julian motioned toward the couch. “Let me put it on for you?”
She kicked her shoes off and sat down.
Julian straddled the edge of the coffee table and brought both feet into his lap. He rubbed her foot and she moaned. “Forgive me?”
“All you had to do was ask. Yes, you’re forgiven.” She leaned her head back against the couch and closed her eyes.
He continued to rub her feet before he put the anklet on her. His fingers moved up her leg under her jeans.
“You’re only going to get so high that way, they get a little tight once you get up passed the calf.” She opened one eye to peek at him.
He moved over to the couch. “Come here?”
She hesitated, but then straddled him.
If You Only Knew (And Then Came Love Book 1) Page 14