“I didn’t say anything.”
“Julian?” Every fiber in her being was screaming at her to tell Julian she loved him, but she couldn’t.
Instead, she snuggled closer to him. Her arms tight around him.
He hugged her close and hung on as if today was his last day.
They fell asleep holding onto each, as if tonight was the last night they had together.
Chapter Nine
April 8th
Julian’s eyes flicked open. He checked the time. Three in the morning. “Damn.”
He slid from Liza’s arms and out of bed, careful not to wake her. He pulled it his robe over his shoulders, made it to the door then stopped in the doorway and to look at her.
She shivered then tucked her hand under her cheek, her red hair splayed over the pillow.
Turning away was hard. He had to leave. There was no other way. If he ended up in bed with her, he’d be leading her on. She’d hate him before the day was out.
Julian’s breath caught in his throat as he walked down the stairs. Grasping the banister with one hand, he clutched at his chest. The pressure was intense. He dropped to the steps where he sat trying to control his breathing. What was wrong with him?
He stood and continued down the stairs. Julian stopped at the bathroom, before heading down to the lab. He wasn’t good enough for her. If he wasn’t careful, he’d drive her away like he did everyone else. Ending it was the only way he knew to let her down easy. His chest clenched again. Was he having a heart attack?
Sitting down at one of the lab tables, he looked around the room. Nothing interested him. He didn’t want to work, he didn’t even want to smoke. He made his way over
to his computer desk and dropped into his chair. The bottle of whiskey he hid in the cabinet upstairs called his name . . . he wanted a drink. Hell, he needed a drink, but instead, he flipped on his monitor. He needed to distract himself or else he’d end up with a bottle in his hand. Showing up at his parent’s house drunk wouldn’t be his smartest move.
*****
Liza shifted from foot to foot as she and Julian went inside Jackie and Everett’s house.
Julian moved away from her, heading toward the back door.
So nice of him to abandon her with his whole family.
Audrey motioned her over to where she sat with Terra.
“What was that about?” Audrey patted the seat on the couch next to her.
“I think it’s over.” Liza sunk onto the couch next to Audrey.
“What? Why?” Audrey pulled the oversized white sweater closer around her.
“Long story short. He was drunk, we fought, then Drew came over.” Liza clenched her purse in her lap. “Drew talked to him and then came to me. He tried to make it sound better, but I think it’s over.”
“Do you want it to be?” Terra said.
Even in jeans, Terra could make Liza feel frumpy. The black blazer she wore, made the outfit professional, even in a casual setting.
“Of course not, I love him.” She moved her heart necklace across her chain and then dropped her hand. Since Julian had pointed it out, she’d tried to stop doing it.
The front door opened and Terra’s eyes grew wide. “Ava!” She squealed and ran across the room.
“What just happened?” Liza turned around to see a striking young woman with a dark bob hair cut. “Oh she’s pretty.”
“That’s Ava Steele, she’s Ethan’s little sister.” Audrey waved at Ava who smiled and waved back. “She’s a bit of a wild child.”
When Ava and Terra turned Liza saw the four inch black spiked heels she was wearing. “I don’t think I could wear those shoes on a regular basis.”
“Terra and Ava are always wearing them. Give me a pair of flats any day over a four inch heel.” Audrey laughed.
Liza dropped her gaze to her lap and folded her hands.
Audrey touched her shoulder. “Jackie always told me, Vitalli men are easy to fall in love with, but hard to forget.”
Liza scoffed. “Then what am I supposed to do if he calls it off?”
“Give him time. You never know what he’s thinking.”
“I hope I’m wrong.”
*****
Julian went out to the back porch. He sat with his head in his hands trying to get a grip on his rapid heartbeat. The door opened and he sensed his twin’s presence. “Hey, Drew.”
“What’s going on?” Drew dropped down beside him and clapped him on the arm.
“Back off, man.” Julian bowed his head and rubbed the back of his neck.
“Fuck you, I was asking you how you were. Which is a perfect reason to bite my head off.”
“Sorry, I’m fine.” Julian glared at his brother.
“Yeah . . . fine as a frog hair, I can see that.” Drew cocked his head to the side. “Things didn’t go well with Liza after I left?”
“Leave me alone.” Julian stood, his fists clenched at his sides. Heat rising through his body.
”Sit down, man.” Drew shook his head. “You need to get your anger under control.”
Julian slammed his fist into the door, behind Drew’s head.
Drew didn’t flinch. “Feel better?”
Julian sneered at Drew, but sank into the chair. The rage he’d felt seconds ago, gone, replaced by the pain in his chest which, permeated all morning. He pressed a clenched fist into his chest and rocked.
“So this is it, then . . . you’re going to go through with it.” Drew looked down at the floor. “You’re breaking up with her.”
“I’m not breaking up with her, per se.” He swallowed hard and pressed his lips together.
“Telling her you need space, right? Let me guess the ‘L’ word came into play?” Drew blew out a breath.
“Hell no. I’m going to ruin her Drew. It’s not going to work out.” The constriction intensified.
“She’s perfect for you. It’s only been a few weeks, but we can see the change in you already. You’ve been more relaxed whenever you’re with her. And when you’re not you’re spending time with her you’ve been in the lab, doing actual work. It’s like you’re heading into a positive direction, but now you’re throwing yourself into a panic attack by trying to control the outcome.”
“I’m not trying to control anything.”
“Because recognizing how much she means to you scares the crap out of you. She’s not Lauren, she’s not Whitney. She loves you for you . . . not your money, not your name, nothing but you.” Drew jabbed his finger into Julian’s chest. “And if you’re smart, you’ll hang on to her.”
“I’ve never been accused of being smart.” Julian shrugged.
“Bullshit. She’s stayed at your house for almost two weeks, right?” When Julian nodded, Drew continued. “And you’re sleeping with her?”
“The sex is fantastic, but she’s a little clingy.” He sighed.
“Clingy? Liza? Are you sure we’re talking about the same girl?” Drew thumped him in the head. “Come on, I remember being at your house when you called and told her to bring clothes to stay with you. She’s doing what you asked her to do. You’d be a damn fool if you do break it off.”
“I don’t know if I’m going to tell her yet. I may wait until tomorrow.”
“Sometime after you have sex with her again?”
“I wasn’t saying—”
“But you’re not denying it either,” Drew interrupted. “You’re using her. You have issues and are worried about things, but all the same you’re using her. She has feelings for you.”
Julian rounded on him and yelled, “I’m not using her.”
Drew held up his hands. “The hell you’re not. The only thing you’re going to do by ending this is to break both your hearts.”
“We haven’t talked about love yet, we’ve known each other for two weeks,” Julian told him.
“You’re being—” Drew stopped speaking when the door opened and their father came through.
“Liza’s out there talking
to Audrey. She’s looking a little rough. Are you two fighting?” Everett’s gaze fell on Julian.
“Having a bit of a rough time.” His breath caught again and he gasped.
Everett’s eyebrows drew together and he moved over to Julian. “Are you having chest pains?”
“It’s anxiety, it’ll pass.”
“When was the last time you took your pills?” Everett sat on the other side of Julian.
“Yesterday morning, I think.” He’d looked at his pills this morning. Picked up the container to take them and then set them down and went to work.
“Why don’t I go get Liza? You two can go home if you need too.”
“Ha, Liza. Funny you should mention her, Dad,” Drew said.
Julian shot him a glare and Everett raked his hand through his hair. “You’re not breaking up with her are you?” He rubbed his forehead.
“No, I’m telling her I need a little time.”
“You’re an idiot, boy. You’re not going to find another one like her.” Everett walked away, muttering to himself.
“Dad’s right.” Drew took the seat vacated by their father.
“I don’t care, if I’m not ready for a serious relationship then don’t you think it is better if I tell her now?”
“Tell me what?” Liza came out onto porch and closed the door behind her. “I was hoping we could talk.”
Julian stood and headed for the door. “Can’t I have time to myself?” He opened the door and stalked into the yard. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and kicked the grass. What the fuck was he doing? He knew there was nothing wrong with his relationship, but he couldn’t get over what his ex-wives had done to him. Why.
“Julian.” Liza called from the porch.
He let out a deep breath and headed to the house.
She stood on the steps. “What’s going on?”
“Bad day.” He leaned against the house.
“You were gone when I got up this morning. You’ve barely said two words to me and now you disappear then yell at me.” Liza held her hands out palm up. “What now?”
The tightening in his chest returned as he met her eyes. “When we get to my place, I think we need to talk.”
Liza dropped to the steps and peered at her hands. “Why can’t you tell me you’re breaking up with me now?”
“I’m not breaking up with you. I think we need space.” Julian’s breaths came in rapid succession.
Liza stared at him, her head cocked to one side, her eyebrow raised. “What did I do wrong this time?”
He closed his eyes long enough to get control over his heart rate and then met Liza’s gaze again. “I’m having issues and I think we need a break.”
“A break?” Liza bit her lip and averted her gaze. “How long?”
“I don’t know.”
“Is there even a chance for us?” She stood.
“I need time to figure things out, Liza. I’ve had two ex-wives, there’s not going to be a third one.”
“Was that a proposal? Because if it was, it sucked and the answer is no.” Liza folded her arms across her chest. “I want honesty, Julian. What’s going on? Is this going somewhere or are you handing me a line of bullshit.”
“I don’t know if it’s going anywhere.” He shrugged and then shoved his hands in his pocket.
“If all you want to give me are excuses fine, but I thought we were serious.” Liza held her hands out to the side. “But of course, I’m wrong again. My friends were right.”
She turned away from him, but then spun around and advanced on him. “First you tell me about your stupid two-date rule and then you decide you want to try. When you figure out I matter to you, what do you do? You run. Which is it, Julian?”
Julian moved his attention to his feet. He opened his mouth, but then snapped it closed.
Liza pivoted on her heels, and yanked the door open. “And to think I fell in love with you.” She slammed the door behind her.
Julian cringed. He sank to the ground as the constriction got tighter to the point he thought his chest would implode. What had he done?
*****
Liza strode through the house, her head held high. No way she’d let his family know how much he’d hurt her. No reason for anyone to know his callous attitude had left her heart in shreds. Nope, she’d fall apart in private. She yanked open the main door and slammed it behind her.
She came to a halt as she reached the first car. Great, now was a great time to remember she didn’t have her car. She pulled out her phone to call a taxi. No way would she go ask someone for a ride.
She dialed 411. “Bryton—” Her phone was ripped out of her hands. She whirled around and put her hands on her hips, glaring at Julian.
“You don’t need to call anyone, I’ll take you to your car.” Julian held her phone to her.
“Excuse me?” Liza snatched her phone from him. “Even if we were dating, it doesn’t give you a right to make my decisions for me.” She stalked down the driveway. One way or another she was leaving and it wasn’t going to be with him.
“Liza, wait.” Julian captured her hand.
“No.” She shoved him away. “Don’t touch me.” Liza continued down the drive and wiped at a stray tear. “There’s nothing left to say.”
“What if—”
She spun around.
He put on the brakes just short of running into her.
She jabbed her finger into his chest. “What if nothing. You had your chance. Now, I’m not sure there is one.”
Julian opened his mouth to say something.
Liza continued toward the end of the driveway.
“Hey.” Drew jogged up beside her. “Let me drive you to your car.”
“Nope, I’ll call a cab.”
“Get in the house, both of you.” A woman’s voice rang down the drive.
Liza circled around to see who was speaking. She recognized Ava. Why couldn’t it be Audrey or Terra? At least she knew them. She glared at Julian. “You had to make this a spectacle, didn’t you?”
“Because I invited everyone out here.” Julian threw his arms open wide.
Ava strode toward her, ignoring the guys. She put her hand up as she stalked past Julian and smacked his head. “Go in the house, you’ve done enough already.”
525“Ava Steele.” She held her hand out to Liza. “Let’s blow this joint and I’ll tell you Vitalli secrets.”
“Not sure I’m interested.” Liza sniffed. She tried to keep the tears at bay.
“Well, I’ll at least give you a ride home. Come on, I’ve been in need of a friend before.” She looped her arm around Liza’s and the two walked toward the red convertible.
“Are you dating one of the guys?” Liza climbed into the car.
“No, I’m a friend of the family.” Ava backed out of the driveway. She hit the accelerator once she was on the road and barked the tires.
Liza clutched the ‘oh shit handle’ above the door. “Are you crazy?”
“A little.” Ava grinned. “Julian’s an assbag.”
“No, he isn’t. I understand he needs time and his disorder makes it hard to trust people, but I—” She paused.
“Ohmygod, you are in love with him.” Ava held her stomach with one hand as she chortled. “Come on, everyone can see. But it doesn’t mean you have to make excuses for him. And his disorder doesn’t give him the right to treat people like shit.”
“He didn’t—”
“Bull shit, breaking up with you the way he did—”
“But if—”
Ava peered over at Liza, then hit the brakes hard, and slid the car into Julian’s drive.
“Remind me never to get in the car with you again.” Liza scrambled out of the car.
Ava threw her head back and cackled. She climbed out, barefoot, and stood in front of the door of Liza’s car. “I like you.”
“I spent my entire childhood making excuses for other people. And for the last year, I’ve found myself making excuses
for my ex-husband.” Ava touched Liza’s shoulder. “Don’t give him power he doesn’t have. The problem with men these days is they still think it’s a man’s world. If you’re in love with him, then you be in control.”
“ How?” Liza shook her head. Who was this crazy woman?
“By letting him remember what he’s lost.” Ava grinned. “I love Julian, he can be a great guy—”
“Then why aren’t you with him!” Liza shouted.
“Not in that way.” Ava cringed. “Eww . . . he’s like a brother to me.”
“There’s nothing?”
“Drew, maybe, but Julian . . . no.” Ava grinned. “Anyway, he’s a great guy, but he has his moments of douchbaggery.”
Liza chuckled. “I don’t want it to be over.”
“Give him time, but don’t let him off the hook easy, either.” Ava moved out of the way of Liza’s car door. “You should get out of here before he comes back.” She hurried to her car and then handed her a card. “My cell’s on the back, give me a call sometime. I’m moving home by end of the month.”
“Huh?”
“I’m in the process of relocating from Los Angeles.” Ava headed to her car. “And don’t worry — he’ll be begging for forgiveness in no time, Liza.” She opened her car door and winked. “They always come back.” She chuckled and snorted before she climbed in her car, leaving Liza alone.
*****
April 11th
Liza was never so happy to have a day off. She woke up Wednesday morning feeling like she was going to throw up. She rolled over and fell asleep until her phone rang around noon.
It was Kate. Could she have picked a worse day to call? “Yes?”
“You sound horrible.” Kate said. “Are you okay?”
“I think I caught the flu. I feel like I’m going to puke.”
“I need you to come make phone calls today. They want Will to take over the Batterers Intervention Program responsibilities today.”
Liza threw off the covers and forced her way to the bathroom. “I can’t promise I’ll be able to stay the whole time, but I can try.” She caught a glimpse of her face in the mirror. Her skin was pale, the skin under her eyes dark.
“I’ll see you in what about an hour?”
“Yeah.” It sucked working was better than lying around the apartment feeling sorry for herself. She sank onto the bed and pressed her hand to her chest. She swore her heart would implode. She never felt this way about someone before. She shivered and then stood up to get dressed. She dropped to the bed as an overwhelming wave of nausea came over her.
If You Only Knew (And Then Came Love Book 1) Page 16