“Because I told him I needed a drink.” Julian rested his head against hers.
“Talk to me.” She ran her hands through his hair. “What’s going on?”
“I’m on a downward spiral, Liza. I’m happy with you, but every bit of happiness comes with anxiety and fear.” Julian closed his eyes. “Makes it hard to love someone who—”
Liza placed a finger to his lips. “No, it means you’re human. If you’re feeling the need for a drink, come talk to me. We’ll deal with this together.”
Julian captured her lips with a hungry urgency. His erection pressed against her. “Let’s get out of here.”
Liza laughed. “I believe you owe me a shopping trip.”
Julian groaned as she stood and held out her hand to him. “I guess I’ll take you shopping.”
“I guess I’ll think about having sex with you tonight,” she countered.
Julian chuckled as he grasped her hand and they headed for the door. Maybe Drew was right — he needed to rethink his priorities.
July 2nd.
Liza pulled into Julian’s driveway after eight. She wiggled in her seat and closed her eyes. Could she do this? This was the first time she’d ever done anything like this. Was it silly to get the man who had everything a blanket? It was super soft and was perfect to lay on for the sensual massage she planned. Her hands shook and the butterflies floated in her stomach. She bit her lip as she grabbed the box and the bags out of the passenger’s seat, took a deep breath and headed for the door.
Julian met her at the door. He kissed her. “You’re early. I was about to head to your apartment.”
“I thought we’d stay here for the night.” Liza smiled as she moved past him into the house. She wobbled on the four inch heels. Pregnancy and heels did not go together.
Julian caught her before she could fall. He turned her to face him, took the box and bags out of her hands, put them to the side, and then reached for the belt of the trench coat she wore. “Why do I get the feeling, I’m really going to like what’s under this coat?”
She smacked his hand way. “Not yet.” She feathered a kiss across his lips. “Happy Birthday.”
“Thank you. Now can I play?” He winked and reached for her coat again.
She shook her finger at him. “Nope, not yet. She snatched the bags and twisted away. “Open the box and meet me upstairs.” She glanced over her shoulder at him. “I’ll be waiting.”
“I have a feeling this is going to be my best birthday ever.”
*****
July 3rd
Julian pulled the blanket Liza bought him around his shoulders. He cranked the air conditioner in the lab so he could use it. He closed his eyes and rested his head against the wall. A picture flashed in his mind of her lying on the bed in the sexy black negligee she wore under her coat. His dick hardened and he grabbed his phone.
Come home. I want you. He knew she couldn’t. Shit. He hoped she didn’t think he was trying to control her.
As he was typing another message a response came in.
Wish I could. Love you and miss you.
He smiled. I love you more. Julian stood and headed over to the lab table. If he couldn’t have Liza, his research was calling his name. He flipped through his notebook to the page his notes were on. As he scanned through he caught sight of a problem. Shit. He reread the formula. The answer was there all along. He pumped his fist and sent Liza another ‘I love you’ message. He was on the right track.
*****
July 25th
Julian drug his jeans over his hips, yanked a towel off the rack, and walked out of the bathroom drying his hair. “Hey, while you’re at work tomorrow I’m going to the lab. I have a couple of deadlines to meet over the next two weeks, so you may see a little less of me.”
“You can’t tomorrow.” Liza sat up on the bed.
“Why not?”
“I’m not working tomorrow. We have my ultrasound. We’re going shopping with our mothers afterward.”
“Right, guess I won’t be working, although the shopping part I think I can skip.”
“You don’t want to go shopping for the baby once we find out what it is?”
“No. I’ll get stuff for the baby, but you know how I get with crowds. Shopping is torturous.” Julian tossed the towel into the hamper and ran his fingers through his hair.
Liza caught the heart and moved it across the chain.
He took a seat beside her and grasped her hand. “Why are you nervous?”
She paused. “If we get anything for the baby tomorrow where are we going to put it?”
“My place. We’re not going to stay in this apartment. It’s all right, but too small for three of us, don’t you think?”
“Normally, I’d agree.” Liza nodded. “But since you have commitment issues, I’m not sure”
“Once your lease is up, you’ll move in with me. I’d prefer we did it sooner, but I know how you feel about paying for something you’re not using.” Julian shook his head.
Liza hung her head. “Not to bring up a sore subject, but are we ever going to discuss anything more permanent?”
“As in marriage?” He scratched his head.
“I don’t care about the ring, I really don’t, but kids are cruel. I don’t want our son or daughter growing up being called a bastard.”
“Things have changed since you and I were in school, Liza. It doesn’t matter anymore.” Julian rubbed circles on her back. “Let’s not ruin a good day with this.”
Liza faced him. She brought her knee up on the bed so it was between them. “Any time we’ve discussed marriage you always bring up two things. ”
“Then you know my stance on marriage.” He shrugged.
“Then there’s no chance of us getting married?” She folded her arms across her chest.
“How about this? I don’t know.”
She laid on the bed and rolled over so she faced away from him. “Fine.”
“Liza.” Julian wrapped his arm around her. Maybe he could talk his way out of this. “Your lease ends in December, since Thanksgiving falls early this year, why don’t we move you in the last week in November?”
“And we’d be what then, Julian?” She pushed herself up and out of his arms.
“Living together.” It was the wrong answer, but wasn’t lying worse? He stood, yanked a black t-shirt out of the drawer, and pulled it over his head.
“Will you be at the ultrasound tomorrow?” She avoided his gaze.
He sat down beside her and she turned away from him.
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” He rested his hand on her back. “Why would you expect me to miss it?”
“I don’t know if you’ll wake up on time from your place.” She stood and walked out of the bedroom.
“My place? Shit.” He followed her out of the room. “Liza, wait. Are you kicking me out?”
“How about this? I don’t know.” She planted her hands on her hips.
“Okay, I deserved that.” He rubbed his neck. Could he break the promise he made to himself on the steps of the court when his second divorce was finalized, to make her happy? He let out a deep breath. “What if I said, I may be interested in marriage, would it help?”
“I don’t know, Julian.” Liza paused and raised both her eyebrows. “Maybe I’ve decided I don’t want a first ex-husband.”
Thousands of thoughts flooded Julian’s mind. He put his hand against his forehead as he fought to regain control over his mind. “If that’s the way you, want it, fine. I’m leaving.” He moved toward the door, his hands clenched by his sides. God, he wanted to hit something.
“Julian.” Liza touched his shoulder.
He stopped and pumped his fists.
“Now you know how it feels to me.”
He spun around.
She gasped, took a step back, and her hand went to her mouth. The look in her eyes stopped him in his tracks.
“Liza, I’d never hit you.” He lifted his hand.
She flinched and a tear ran down her face.
Julian tugged her into his arms. “I’m sorry, babe.” He lifted her chin. “Please, believe me when I say I’d never hit you.”
“I know.” She wiped her eyes. “I wasn’t afraid you’d hit me. It was the look in your eyes. I knew what you were thinking.”
He cupped her face in his hands. “When I get that way, it’s not me. If the things I’m thinking come out, I’m sorry.”
She rested her head against her chest. “I recognized it for what it was, but I’m pregnant and my hormones are out of whack and . . .”
He hugged her and pressed a kiss to her head. “I should go.”
“I’m sorry.” She took a step back and wrapped her arms around herself.
“Don’t be. You have every right to have your feelings.” Julian gave her a quick kiss and then headed out the door.
*****
July 26th
Julian sat in his car outside the hospital. His head rested against the seat, his eyes closed, and his arms resting in his lap.
Liza went in with Audrey a few minutes before.
His thoughts raced, but he managed to get them under control enough to be out in public. Pain shot through his head. He rubbed his temples. His penance for his night of binge drinking. Flipping down the visor and opening the mirror, he peered at his eyes. Bloodshot. A dead giveaway.
He opened the glove compartment, grabbed the eye drops, and squeezed a few drops into both eyes. He blinked rapidly, wiped the excess liquid away, and tossed the bottle in the glove compartment.
A car door shut somewhere nearby. His parents and Liza’s headed toward the building. Why did they all have to be here? Couldn’t they wait until later to see the pictures? Whose baby was it anyway?
His cell rang. It was Drew. “I’m heading into the hospital for Liza’s ultrasound, can I call you later?” He sprayed cologne to get rid of any lingering smell of alcohol and shoved a piece of gum in his mouth.
“That’s what I was calling about. Audrey said you weren’t there yet.”
“I’m here, just not in there yet.” Julian donned his sunglasses.
“Give me a call or shoot me a text when you find out what you’re having.”
“I will. Later.”
“Later.”
Julian clicked off the call and headed for the building.
Liza stood in the lobby talking to Audrey, his parents, and her parents.
Audrey whispered something to her.
Liza glanced in his direction.
He nodded at her.
“Where’s Julian?” His dad scanned the room.
“Behind you, old man.” Julian pushed past his parents and went to Liza. “Can we talk?”
Liza nodded and walked away from the group. She stopped in the hallway outside the waiting area.
Julian followed and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I’m sorry about last night. Both the bipolar thing and not wanting to talk about—”
She pressed a finger to his lips. “It’s okay. Can we forget about it for now?”
“You have every right to feel the way you do, Liza.” Julian held her hand, rubbing her fingers with his. “I’m not saying it will never happen. I need a little time, okay?”
Her gaze drifted to his eyes. Liza set her lips straight. “Fine.”
He reached up to take off the sunglasses, but stopped. He looked like shit. The last thing he needed was for her to see he was hung-over.
Liza opened her mouth, but then snapped her lips closed.
“What?” Dumbass.
“Nothing.” She turned away from him.
He touched her shoulder. “I know better. Fine is code word for pissed off.”
“I need to sit down.” She walked into the lobby.
“How much did you drink last night?” His father came over to stand beside him.
Damn, his dad had him pegged. “Nothing.”
“Bull shit.” Everett folded his arms over his chest. “You’re wearing sunglasses inside, you’re chewing gum, and your cologne’s overpowering. If you think Liza missed the signs, you’re an idiot.”
Julian yanked off the sunglasses, folded them, and hung them on the v of his t-shirt. He regretted it, the florescent lights hurt his eyes.
“Are you two fighting again?”
“She kicked me out last night.” Julian paused, his gaze scanning the room until he found Liza.
“And you think drinking will get you an engraved invitation back?”
“I’m an idiot.” He hit the wall with his hand.
Liza looked up at him.
He rubbed his hand over his forehead. He wanted nothing more than to go to her, instead he peered at his father. “Every time I think I’m on the right track with her, my bipolar rears its head and I’m apologizing for the next week. She shouldn’t have to put up with my shit.”
“Unless she makes that decision there’s only one way out.” Everett glanced over at Liza, before turning to Julian. “And no matter how mad she gets at you, I doubt she wants you to leave her.”
“I don’t want to leave her either. I want to get my head on straight.” Julian stuffed his hands deeps into his pockets. “I love her too much to leave her.”
“Good. Now about getting your head on straight. Vince called me the other day and said something about having an idea about how to make you personal stash more effective,” Everett said.
“Yeah – he talked to me about it last week. I told him I’d have it to him next week, I think he’s going to try and put it into pill form.” Julian glanced over at Liza.
She patted the seat next to her.
“I need to—”
“Go.” Everett gave him a gentle shove in her direction.
Julian sank down in the seat next to her. “I love you.”
“I know.” She rested her head against his shoulder. “You were drinking last night, weren’t you?”
Julian put her hand on her leg. “I wasn’t feeling great about myself after our fight.”
She opened her mouth to say something, but then stopped. She cupped his face in her hands. “I love you but I want you to be healthy.”
“No lectures about being an alcoholic?” He pressed a kiss to her palm.
“You need one.”
Julian tugged her into his arms. “You’re the best thing that could ever happened to an asshole like me.”
Liza laughed. “You’re not an asshole.”
“Keep telling yourself that. I’m sure I’ll prove it.”
“Elizabeth Thomas?” A lady in green scrubs stood at the door.
“Oh thank God, I swear I’m going to pee myself.” Liza put her hands on the arms of the chair.
Julian stood and held out his hands or her. “Let me help you up.”
“This will get worse, right?” She accepted his hands and he hauled her to her feet.
“I’ll spend the rest of my life helping you up if you’ll let me.”
She smiled, putting her arm around him, and together they headed for the ultrasound.
*****
Julian headed out to the waiting room while Liza got dressed. He came into the waiting room.
Four expectant looks greeted him from both sets of parents.
“I know you’re all dying to know what we’re having. So I thought I’d . . .” He let the sentence trail off. “Wait for Liza.”
“You’re an ass, son.” Everett smiled.
“I’ve been told I take after my father,” Julian returned with a grin.
“You can say that again.” Jackie shook her head.
Everett glared at his wife.
Julian chuckled. He felt a smack on his arm and turned to see Liza.
“Stop teasing them. We’re having a girl.”
Sally jumped up and gave Liza a hug. “This is exciting.”
Handshakes and hugs were exchanged.
“So are you ready to go shopping?” Jackie beamed at Liza.
“I�
��m not.” Julian shouldered his dad. “Get me out of this, will you?”
“Nope. Rick and I are going fishing. You’re stuck with the ladies.” Everett smiled.
“I was right. I do take after my father.” Julian shook his head. “And for the record, I’d much rather be fishing.”
“You should come sometime. We have a small boat and a lake nearby.” Rick invited.
“I’ll do that.” Julian nodded and looked over at Liza.
She smiled at him – beamed was more like it. She glowed.
“She looks different now that she’s pregnant doesn’t she?” Everett patted his son on the back.
“She’s radiant. She was beautiful before, but now . . . she’s incredible.” He was at a loss for words to describe her beauty.
“Good, take her shopping and make her happy.” Rick said with a wink.
Julian laughed. “Thanks.” He walked over to where Liza stood with Jackie and Sally. “You gals ready to go shopping?”
“Yep.” Liza smiled and stood on her toes to press a kiss to his lips. “I love you.”
“I love you, too, babe.” He motioned them to go ahead of them, waved to his dad and Rick and then followed them out of the waiting area.
*****
Julian leaned against the wall and massaged his temples. It felt like someone was squeezing his head with a vice grip.
Liza looked up from where she, Jackie, and Sally discussed furniture.
His stomach soured. Time to get out of here. He tapped Li on the shoulder. “Babe?”
“Oh good. What do you think about the sheets, lavender or lilac?” She held up two purple sheets.
He raised his eyebrow. “They’re both purple.” He shook his head and regretted it. His headache intensified. “How upset would you be if I left?”
“Are you okay?” She touched his cheek. Concern showed in her gaze.
“I have a headache from hell and I can’t deal with people. Some lady walked past me a little bit ago and made a joke about holding up the wall and I told her to fuck off.”
Liza nodded and gave him a hug. “Go home and see if you can get rid of your headache.”
“Your place or mine? You kind of kicked me out last night.” Julian let out a deep breath and closed his eyes. He hoped he could make it home.
If You Only Knew (And Then Came Love Book 1) Page 26