by P. Jameson
But didn’t she feel it, the bond growing between them? His suggestion wasn’t that obnoxious, was it?
Or was it? The Mother Bear’s prophecy was clear. Nastia would have no love for him.
Thames felt his cheeks heat and it had nothing to do with the warmth of the cavern. Damn it. He hadn’t been embarrassed since he was a young and he hated the feeling. It reminded him of all the times he and Theo had been humiliated in front of their clan.
Also, it was a boner deflator extraordinaire.
Roughly he cleared his throat, breaking the awkward silence. He stared into the water instead of at her, briefly scrubbing at the grime on his arms until they were clean. Dipping his head under the steamy surface, he scrubbed his face and dragged his fingers through his hair.
Wash it away, all the shame and humiliation. Like back then. It doesn’t belong on you now. You’re good enough. Mate will see.
Coming up for air, he avoided Nastia’s gaze. He had something to say, and if he was going to get through it, she couldn’t be taking his breath away.
“Mating for shifters is different,” he began. “For the cats—most cats—they claim a mate for offspring but aren’t monogamous. Ouachita is different. They believe in doing what is right for each person involved, so they’d never take another lover unless it was agreed upon. Monogamy by choice. Or not, by choice.”
“That sounds fair.”
“The wolves though, they’re more like the bears. There is one mate, and no other female ever appeals to them. For life. Mated and marked means forever.”
“Forever sounds nice,” she whispered. “If I fell in love, I’d want it to be forever.”
Thames peeked at her, but she was looking at the water too.
“How does a bear know they’ve found their mate?”
“A feeling,” he said, not caring that his voice was wispy thin. “They just feel like yours. There’s really no mistaking it, but there’s a ritual for my kind, to prove it.”
Nastia’s forehead creased while her gaze continued drilling into the water. “A ritual. I understand rituals. A Sorcera’s power is harnessed through rituals.”
“Like the counting?”
Her eyes flipped up to him. “Yes. And the rhyming, the challenging, whatever our vice is. But also our spells, our patterns, our celebrations.”
“Like the equinox.”
“Yes. Tell me about your mating ritual.”
Thames took in a deep breath, settling his arms along the ridge of rock behind him. “The bond starts right away. The connection we feel to our mate, it’s instantaneous. But we wait for her to choose us.”
“How does she choose?”
He found her gaze and held it captive, speaking his next words with his heart as much as with his mouth.
“If the female risks herself to protect the male, she has chosen. Found her male worthy enough to take a chance on. He must then prove himself. If he succeeds, there will be a mating and she’ll carry his mark by scent and claw for eternity.”
Her eyes were wide as she took in his words as though she lived and breathed information. Like learning, no matter what it was, was in her blood. He imagined her in a library among stacks of books, one open in her palm as she skimmed a finger across the page, reading faster than she should.
“How… how does a male prove himself?”
“By making his female happy. By bringing her to a safe place, his domain. His cave. And meeting every need, emotional and physical. Protecting her against any enemy. By loving her even before knowing if she will ever love him back.”
He paused in case she had questions, but she was silent. Processing. Making her conclusions. He could practically see the wheels turning in her head and it was sexy as hell.
“You believe love is an action rather than a feeling.”
“I believe it’s something you choose, not something that chooses you.”
“That you love somebody by the way you treat them,” she added. “By the place they hold in your life. Love them by making them important, and as you say, seeing to their needs.”
Thames gave a single nod. “You disagree?”
Nastia thought about it before answering. “I don’t know. Love is not a subject I’ve studied. I’d say I love my sisters. I see to their needs at times and they hold an important place in my life. But what I have for them is also something I feel. A connection.”
“A bond.”
“Yes. A bond. So then what is love? An action or a feeling?”
Thames stared into her eyes. “Both. Love is both.”
Nastia nodded, as if finally getting it.
“If the female didn’t feel something for the male, she’d never take a risk for him. If the male didn’t feel something for the female, he wouldn’t try to make her happy. It’s basic nature, really. Human or animal, commoner or supernatural, we do what we have to in order to be satisfied.”
As brilliant as she was, she was over thinking things. But he could break it down for her.
Leaning forward, he said, “Just like watching me die by cat would leave you unsatisfied, so you struck them down.”
She opened her mouth to answer but nothing came out.
“Like seeing you smile satisfies me so I said yes to the lizard.”
Those wheels inside her head were churning with realizations. His mate was so expressive, he could see every one of them on her beautiful face.
“What are you saying?” she whispered, and the little flicker of hope in her eyes gave him the strength to tell her the rest.
“I’m saying we’re in the mate,” he declared, proudly.
There. It was out in the open, never to be taken back. She’d know his intentions, and that he planned to keep her.
Nastia’s head shook back and forth, her eyes going big and watery.
No. No, no. Mate is upset. Make her happy.
His bear was floundering to fix whatever had brought the tears to her eyes, but in the next breath, they were full to the brim and spilling over her lids like the spring from the rock. Big heavy tears he didn’t understand.
Thames’s chest seized up in panic. What had he done. His female was crying, and it was all his fault.
Damn it. God, damn it.
Pushed too hard. Fix it! Fix her.
“Nastia—”
“That’s not what you’re saying at all,” she said, her voice thick with emotion, her eyes drilling into him like she was going for liquid gold. All the way down to the bottom of his heart. “If your logic about love and your mating ritual is true…”
Thames held his breath, wanting so bad to reach for her, hold her and kiss her tears away. To let her know he didn’t require anything from her she wasn’t ready to give. As much as he wanted to keep her, there would be no mating if she didn’t want him too. He could live with it, he could, somehow, live without her. As long as she was happy. Because seeing her cry was like acid to his soul. He wanted it to stop. Needed it to.
More tears streaked across her cheeks, until he shook with the restraint of keeping his distance like he’d promised.
A strangled sob pushed past her throat, and it snapped his resolve. He couldn’t hold back anymore. Reaching for her, he—
“…then you’re saying… you love me.”
—froze. Hands half through the water stretching toward her. Those words had him in a choke hold. You love me. Love me, love me...
Did he? Already?
Yeah, he did.
Like he’d told her, loving her before he knew if she’d love him back. An action intertwined indefinably with a feeling. A choice. But he wasn’t ready for those words yet. And neither was she. Those were words he’d save for their claiming.
But why did that make her cry?
Thames swallowed hard, still unable to move while Nastia continue with her ruthless gaze, digging and digging as her tears kept coming. She was digging so deep she’d reach his soul in the next two breaths.
But did he want her to see it yet?
&n
bsp; “And by that logic…” she breathed, “that means I love you too.”
Oh, damn.
Those words. From her mouth. They fluttered over him like her magic had when she healed his back. Maybe even better. Whether she meant them or not, they affected him like nothing else in his life ever had. Under the water, he trembled like a lost boy, torn with what to do, say.
She inched forward, her shoulders coming out of the water like she’d forgotten about her modesty.
“Thames?” Her voice was small and scared. A lost girl, torn with what to do, say.
Need her. His bear was oddly calm. Mate needs comfort.
Under the pool, Nastia’s hand touched his, grabbing onto his fingers like he was her lifeline.
“Thames.”
“Yeah, baby,” he croaked.
“What is happening?”
Mate so close. Hold her. Just hold her.
He trusted his instincts before, when he’d given her the rock, and it had turned out perfectly. He should trust them again. He knew what his female needed. Reassurance. To feel his strength.
Yanking gently where their fingers were entwined, he pulled her forward until they were close enough for skin to touch.
Another soft sob escaped her throat, and Thames knew her tears weren’t because of the mate or her conclusions about love. They were about the weight she carried, the responsibility she felt for her coven and the clan. For herself and now, for him. They were about her future as a Sorcera and the unknown, and suddenly no longer having to face those fears alone. That’s what she understood now. What his revelation had shown her. And it was liberating. Her tears were liberating her drop by drop.
The bond, his bear growled low.
Yes, the bond was strengthening. Thames knew all these feelings his mate had because he could sense it through their bond. The connection was so satisfying he had to force himself to keep going slow with her.
“It’s going to be alright, my female.” His voice was sure. He knew it in his bones, they were going to get through this. Her, him. The sisters. All of them.
Beneath the surface, he pulled her body flush with his, finally feeling everything she hid under those modest dresses. Her palms fell to his chest, drawing a soft rumble from his bear.
“What does that sound mean?” she breathed.
“It means my animal likes what we’re doing.”
“What are we doing?”
“Getting closer,” he whispered at her ear.
She sighed, shuddering, and her body melted into him even more as he wrapped his arms around her. “I like it too.”
Her skin was softer than his. Softer than anything he’d ever felt. Against him, she felt so small. But he knew her strength, the power she could wield. Both in mind and spirit.
They stayed like that, entwined in the hot spring until her breathing evened out and the tears dried.
Nastia eased back, staring up at Thames with her studious gaze. Her dark lashes were still tipped with moisture, making her eyes seem even larger and more beautiful.
“This might be wrong,” she said, carefully. “I don’t know. My spirit is so mixed up that right looks wrong and wrong looks right, and by tomorrow I might not be able to feel my light at all. But… I don’t care when we’re like this. I feel safe. And I want to keep doing this. With you. Your mating ritual.”
Thames stared down at her, troubled. His mind was hung up on the word wrong. This was not wrong. There was nothing wrong with them. He was for her and she was for him. And he would prove it.
Taking her face in his hands, he went in slowly but determined, inching closer until his desperate lips connected with her tender ones. She didn’t move so he moved for her, plying her mouth with his until she opened.
And then it was on.
His tongue dove in, sweeping and tasting his mate for the first time. And she was. So. Sweet. Dark cherry wine that he couldn’t get enough of. He lapped and licked like a starved man until she went utterly limp in his grasp, her tongue moving to catch his. A delicate butterfly trying to soar with an eagle.
But still, he couldn’t slow to wait for her. He needed to memorize every part of her mouth, every sensation, every sound it made.
Nastia moaned loud enough to echo in the small cavern and everything within him went primal.
Mine.
Never breaking their kiss, he lifted her out of the water, swallowing her gasp as the air hit parts of her body she’d been trying to keep covered. Sliding backward against the rock wall of the spring, he settled her legs over his lap. There was no missing his erection, but he wasn’t going to hide it anymore. No, this was him, showing her they weren’t wrong. They were so right, he could barely stand it.
He eased their kiss to an end, sucking on her lower lip as he released her, and finding her shocked gaze.
“This does not feel wrong. Me and you, we are not wrong.” Thames stared hard at her, not willing to give an inch on this. “Understand, mate?”
Nastia’s eyes swirled with emotion as she nodded.
“Good.”
His gaze moved down, taking in what he could see of her body for the first time. Freckles that matched the ones on her cheeks dotted her shoulders and sprinkled the skin above her breasts, fading out to creamy pale mounds tipped with pink nipples. Lower. Her waist tapered inward at her tiny belly button before the rest of her disappeared under the water.
His mate was exquisite.
His hands tightened at her waist as he struggled for control. He would do this right. He wouldn’t scare her by being a brute.
But then she tossed back her shoulders, sticking her perfect breasts out like she was proud of them. And she damn well should be.
He caught her gaze, and saw a tiny ounce of apprehension remained. That was his female, naïve yet bold.
“I don’t know much about getting um, physical, but I know you’re staring at my body like it’s a book that holds the secrets of the universe.”
Oh, it held the secrets to a universe alright. His universe. And he was going to unlock every last one.
Tonight.
Chapter Eight
Nastia’s heart beat a hundred miles a minute as Thames carried her through the tunnels back to the great room. The lantern had been forgotten in the hot spring cavern and even though they were bathed in pitch darkness, she clutched her dress to the front of her body as if it was still necessary to remain covered.
She wasn’t sure how far they were from the great room but there was no light anywhere. Maybe this was how it would be when she’d completely succumbed to evil. When all her goodness was blotted out.
Each step Thames took was sure. He wasn’t fumbling like he should be in a blackout. Like she’d be. He squeezed her closer against his chest as if he could sense her toiling thoughts.
“You can see in the dark,” she whispered.
“Yes.”
She rested her head on his shoulder, happiness warring with fear. Thames wasn’t her Anchor. She knew it to be true. Darkness still sang to her. Her light still faded. But right now, it didn’t matter what he was. She cared for him, risked her future to protect him. It meant something. And she was going to be with him as long as she could, starting tonight. Starting now. Because she didn’t know how long she had left to be herself.
The way his kind mated was beautiful. Maybe some women would want the feelings first. The unexplainable passion that built and built until love was proclaimed and plans made, culminating in a union of bodies and life.
But that wasn’t what Nastia needed. His way made sense to her. Touched her deep inside where her hopes collided with reality making something messy. It was that messy part of a person that made them unique. Finding someone who was willing to take on that mess with her was something special.
Even if it only lasted a night.
“If I was a bear, the darkness wouldn’t come for me.”
It was several steps before he answered.
“It doesn’t matter if the d
arkness comes, Nastia. We’ll go through it together. You’ll see.”
The tunnel began to get lighter, an orange glow bleeding out the black and casting shadows on the rocks. Nastia blinked as they stepped into the great room. The only light was that coming from the fire in the stove but it seemed much brighter after walking through the dark tunnel.
Thames stalked straight for the bed, but then stopped suddenly, his arms stiffening around her.
She stared at his rigid profile. “What is it?”
He tipped his head forward, a frown pulling his brow tight. “Someone’s made the bed.”
Sure enough, the sheets were crisply folded around the mattress instead of bare bones the way they’d left it. A fluffy white comforter and too many pillows made it look heavenly.
Thames walked with her to the edge, and Nastia gasped at what rested in the middle of the bed. A small heart shaped stone. A geode crystal from what it looked like. She could see the dark amethyst color peaking through the rough gray exterior.
He set her carefully on the bed, and she reached for the rock, drawing it close to examine.
“It’s beautiful,” she breathed, her cheeks puffing up in a smile she couldn’t help. She stared over at Thames. “Two?”
But he looked even more troubled as he shook his head. “I didn’t do this.”
“Oh. Adira and Mirena then.” She rubbed her fingers over the rough stone. “They probably brought it as an apology.”
“For what?”
Nastia shrugged. “They were a touch judgmental earlier about Newt. They think he’s a familiar.”
Thames touched her cheek and brought her gaze back to him. The worried look on his face held her attention. “What’s a familiar?”
“A familiar spirit. An animal companion the Magei keep to do their bidding.”
His eyes narrowed. “A dark spirit?”
Nastia pressed her lips together. She wouldn’t lie to him. Familiars usually were dark spirits. But Newt wasn’t that.
“They take on the characteristics of their witch. So, yes. They belong to the darkness. But perhaps if the witch wasn’t dark, they wouldn’t be either.”
Thames seemed to relax a bit. “How can you tell if an animal is a familiar?”