They were alone with the one she knew as Simon. Nolen was praying, invoking the aid of Mary and the archangel against the demon that embraced him. Simon’s hands caressed her husband like a lover’s hands. Give in to him, she urged wordlessly. It will be finished sooner. He will grow bored and kill you.
But Simon didn’t intend to rape Nolen. His violation was more sinister. He was gentle and tender, aiming to seduce his unwilling partner into consent, forcing Nolen’s body to betray him, making him take pleasure from unforgivable sin.
This is my fault. The sadness and regret gripped her then. A fine time to get her heart back, when she lay dying a world away from home.
Simon took his time with Nolen, and Marianne, too weak to turn away, watched her husband weep as he came, trembling, beneath Simon’s mouth and hands, even as the monster penetrated him.
“Your husband did this to you, Marianne.” Simon groaned, hissing in pleasure as his hips pumped against Nolen’s body. “Tell him how you hate him for it.”
She found her voice then, to whisper a weak, “No.” For all she resented him, she loved him. She would not have him die thinking she’d scorned him. Her gaze lingered for a moment on Nolen’s fingers clutching futilely at the slick marble floor. Then her eyes slipped closed.
As life continued to slowly ebb from her, Marianne wished for the strength to cry for joy. They would both be gone soon, abused to death at the hands of these monsters. And then she would be free of a worse pain, the pain of walking the earth in a faltering shell, watching her husband transform her from an object of desire to an untouchable martyr in his eyes.
I have to tell Nathan. The thought startled me, namely because it had rung through my mind so clearly. I remembered instantly where I was, what was happening, but where had I been? I’d seen it all, but it hadn’t been me. Marianne had truly taken me over. Now, as she died in the past, her control slipped.
Concentrating hard, I felt myself detach a little from her flickering soul. Silvery threads of pain webbed around my mind, but I fought past them. It was like running through knee-deep water, but the struggle was worth it. I heard sounds from my own time, namely, Bella commanding me to stop fighting.
“It’s important.” I didn’t recognize my own voice. Was it Marianne’s voice, or was I Marianne, not recognizing Carrie’s voice? Where did she end? Where did I begin?
“I want to die.” I felt the carpet beneath my knees now, at the same time the marble cooled my back. I shook my head. No, I shook Marianne’s head, and she shook mine. I stood on weak legs, while she delighted in my strong ones. “Nolen, I want to die.”
We were alone in the Soul Eater’s dining room. Nathan’s bed was here, now, with him handcuffed to it, but there was no sign of the madness that had tormented him.
I touched him with Marianne’s hand and felt his skin beneath my own in another time and place. His throat convulsed as he swallowed, and a tear slid from his eye. “I don’t want to kill you again. I kill you every time I close my eyes.”
“You can’t keep me here any longer. It hurts to be in this body.” Was I talking, or was she? Did she speak of the past or what she lived through now? “It hurt, Nolen. You answered my prayers. You blessed me with death. Now let me go.”
In the past, a phantom hand closed over Marianne’s wrist as she reached to unlock her husband. In the present, Max restrained my arm as I tried to release Nathan.
“Let her,” Bella urged, and then Nathan was free.
He fought it at first, trying to hold back the madness. “I can’t. I want to stay with you.”
“You can’t have me.” I heard my voice speaking in a gentle Scottish lilt. Marianne’s voice. “Kill me. For the last time. Set us both free.”
When his arms closed around her body, they crushed the air from my lungs. When his fangs pierced my neck, she cried his name.
Tears poured down his face as he drank my blood. That was a part of me I couldn’t mistake. Though Marianne’s soul was in my body and I was crowded into her mind, my blood was his. It mocked him as he tasted it, but in it he saw the truth and acceptance. No matter how many times he replayed this night, he couldn’t change what he’d done to her, and now he knew he shouldn’t wish to.
As I died, so did Marianne, but I had a much farther distance to fall. Her eyes closed on Cyrus’s ballroom, her second death as much a relief as the first one, and this time she died with her husband’s name on her lips.
When her soul left my body I came jarringly awake, shivering uncontrollably from the blood Nathan had consumed from me. His mouth was still fastened to my neck, but he no longer drank. He kissed my wounded flesh and sobbed, crushing me to the rock-hard wall of his chest.
“She is gone,” I heard Bella say, and for a terrifying minute I thought she meant me.
Nathan lifted his head. His eyes met mine and went cold. My heart froze with them. It wasn’t me he wanted. For a moment, he’d held his wife in his arms again. Now that she was gone, only I remained.
To his credit, he masked his grief quickly, trying to smile for me as though his tears were joyous at being reunited with me. “Did I hurt you?”
More than you know. I didn’t trust myself to answer him. Instead, I eased from his grip and tried to stand.
When I collapsed, Max caught me. Instead of easy encouragement, he whispered, “I’m sorry I let you do this.”
He’d seen it, I realized. He’d seen Nathan’s disappointment when he’d found it was me in his arms.
“I will tend to Nathan. You make sure she is all right,” Bella instructed.
I wanted to lash out at her, to slap her or scream at her, but I didn’t have the strength and it wasn’t her fault, anyway. All she had promised was to cure Nathan of his possession, and her ritual had done just that. She’d never guaranteed I wouldn’t be left empty and hurt in the process.
Max scooped me up in his arms and carried me to the living room, to lay me on the couch. “We’ll get some blood into you.”
“You could let the rest out of me.” I tried to make it sound like a joke, but the horror of the suggestion was evident on his face.
“Don’t say that. You’re just upheaved by this whole ordeal.” He squeezed my hand. “I can’t imagine what you went through.”
“Hell.” The word bubbled from my throat and I coughed, spilling wetness onto my lips. When I wiped it away, I saw it was blood.
Max went to the kitchen and made a horrible racket. He hurried as if my life depended on it, and in a way, I guess I was in danger. But it would take a lot more to kill me.
The floorboards in the hall creaked, and Nathan emerged from the shadows. His hair was still matted, his skin marred by the sigils he’d carved there in a time that seemed ages ago. But he was at least half-dressed, in a pair of jeans, and the feral anger was gone from his eyes.
The tenderness on his face broke my heart as he stroked my hair back from my forehead with the palm of his hand. “Thank you.”
“It was no problem. It’s still not the worst dinner party I’ve been to.” I smiled weakly, but inside I fell apart. I loved him enough to sacrifice myself, at least symbolically, on the altar of his pain. While he clearly appreciated my devotion, it was impossible for me to forget who he really wanted. I could never be Marianne. And he wasn’t ready to give her up.
And he knew that I knew. He lifted my hand in his and kissed my palm. “Don’t hate me.”
“I can’t hate you. I love you too much.” I didn’t fight my tears any longer. He held me, but it was a bittersweet comfort. Touching him, smelling him, feeling the pull of the blood tie between us wasn’t enough. It would never be enough.
At least now we were acknowledging it.
The floorboards in the hall creaked again as Bella joined us. Max stepped out of the kitchen and Nathan reluctantly let me go.
I wiped my eyes as I watched Bella ease open the door to my bedroom. After what I’d seen and been through, I didn’t have the strength to explain why Cyrus was
in our apartment. “Maybe now isn’t a good time to—”
“Where is he?” Bella stepped into my room. The light clicked on and she swore.
“Who is she talking about?” Nathan asked as I used his shoulder for support to stand.
Before she returned with the folded paper in her hand, I knew where he’d gone. There was no time to shield Nathan’s feelings. “She’s talking about Cyrus. And I know where he’s heading.”
26
Desperation
“H ow could you have let him into my house?” Nathan raged for the third time since our conversation had started.
I took another hurried swig of blood as Max wrenched open the weapons closet. Inside, axes and crossbows and sharpened stakes were stockpiled, as though we were planning a return trip to the dark ages. Not that I’d be good for much. I was still weak from blood loss, but I was quickly recovering. Whatever strength I had to contribute, I would.
“I’ve already explained. He’s human now, and we needed to keep him away from the Soul Eater.” Nathan was never one to see the big picture if it didn’t suit him. I added that to the list of reasons I should be glad we would never have a relationship other than the blood we shared.
Max lifted an ax and handed it to me. My arm fell under the weight and the mug in my other hand tipped, sloshing blood onto the floor. Max steadied me and took the ax back. “You’re not going, you’re still too weak. Bella and I will handle this.”
“Nobody is going,” Nathan growled, pulling the weapon from Max.
I was of the opinion somebody was going to get killed if they didn’t stop recklessly tossing axes around, but I didn’t interject that into the conversation.
“You’ve been off the scene for the duration of this mess, so maybe you don’t understand what will happen if the Soul Eater gets ahold of Cyrus.” Max got right in Nathan’s face, so they were almost nose-to-nose. “We don’t have a lot of time to go over it in detail again, so I’ll give you a brief summary. Bad things will go down if the Soul Eater eats tonight!”
Nathan dropped the ax to the floor with a clatter. “I don’t care, you’re not going to go save him!”
“No one is going to be eaten tonight,” Bella pointed out, not helping our cause at all. “We do not know that the Soul Eater is here in this town. His minions are, though, and I agree with Max and Carrie that we should not let Cyrus fall into their hands.”
“Cyrus is reformed,” I said, hating the way I sounded—as if I was defending his past actions. “But his father is persuasive. If he turns him—”
“I’ll kill him and I’ll make damn sure he stays dead this time.” Nathan spun away. “This isn’t a discussion. I’m telling you, we are not going to save him.”
“Fine. I won’t save him. I’ll go kill the Soul Eater’s guys.” Max grabbed a larger ax from the closet and hefted it over his shoulder as if daring Nathan to make a wrong move.
“Are you nuts?” Macho posturing was one thing, but the Soul Eater had a seemingly endless retinue of guards. Even Max, Bella and I together couldn’t take out all of them. “We’ll get killed.”
“It is not a bad idea,” Bella said, shocking us all into silence. “If you kill them, it might draw the Soul Eater out of hiding. Then we can exterminate him.”
Nathan stood in front of the door. “I’m not going to let you risk it. Any of you.”
“I don’t want Cyrus to die!” I blurted, unthinking. The loss of blood had made me stupid with fatigue. Choose your words carefully, a cautious inner voice urged. You might not think things could get worse between the two of you, but you proved tonight that they always can.
I looked at Nathan, but offered no apology. “I don’t want Cyrus to die. He doesn’t deserve it. You killed Marianne! He didn’t. And as for the other crimes he’s committed, he’s served his penance!” It felt good to vent some of my hurt on him, though I knew I should feel ashamed for taking such a low road.
“Every time I go to sleep in the morning I remember holding your dead body in the alley.” Nathan pounded his chest with his fist. “Every time I close my eyes, I see Marianne’s face—”
“That’s your fault, not his!” I laughed at the ridiculousness of it, a bitter, explosive sound. “Didn’t you learn anything tonight? Marianne was dead long before you walked into that trap. It’s not Cyrus you hate, or even the Soul Eater. It’s you! You hate yourself because you couldn’t save her, not from the cancer, not from yourself. And you hate that she wanted to leave you! But it’s over, Nathan. It’s over!”
He nodded, his expression tight and pained. “You’re right, Carrie. It is over.”
Brushing past me, he growled at Max, “Do whatever the hell you want. I’m not one of your Movement flunkies anymore. Look to someone else for help.”
The bedroom door slammed so loudly I thought it would break off the hinges. It was so final, so jarring, I couldn’t even feel sadness.
With grim resolve, I turned to Max and Bella. “Let’s go find Cyrus.”
“We can’t just leave Nathan here. If the Soul Eater’s guys came, he’d be alone,” Max began.
I cut him off. “Nathan has lived in the same building for fifteen years now, worked the same business for just as long. If the Soul Eater really wanted him, really wanted any of us, he would have sent someone by now. Don’t you see? He’s just playing with us, waiting to drive us out! And I, for one, am sick of being toyed with!”
“She is right,” Bella said softly. “The Soul Eater knows where we all are, every moment. Why else did he have men here in town?”
“So, what, he’s not really all that into becoming a god? Have you all lost your damn minds?” Max punched the wall with the side of his fist and the plaster crumbled beneath his hand. “You’re not thinking straight!”
“And you are not listening!” Bella placed a palm on his shoulder and it actually appeared to calm him some. “Whatever the Soul Eater’s plans are, he is not finished with your friend. He will not come for him tonight.”
“You sound so sure of that,” Max said bitterly. He shrugged off her hand and headed through the door, slamming it behind him.
But she was sure of it, I realized as we stood silently staring at each other. Whatever the Soul Eater wanted with Nathan, it wasn’t to kill him, yet.
And that terrified me more than anything we’d encountered so far.
Bella was able to locate Cyrus with stunning speed. I couldn’t help but find it comical that she did so with her head stuck out the window, sniffing the air as we drove around the neighborhood where they’d first found evidence of the Soul Eater’s minions.
“Left!” she shouted, and Max jerked the steering wheel, nearly pulling the car onto two wheels as we careened down the street.
“This is a one-way!” I shrieked, grabbing at the dashboard.
“I’ll honk the horn so they hear me coming,” Max said through clenched teeth. “It’s not like anyone’s going to be out jogging at this—”
“Watch out!” Bella screamed as a figure stumbled into the road.
Max hit the brake and we spun sideways, skidding to a halt just feet from the man, who stared at us from blackened, swollen eyes.
Thick, bloody trails dripped from a wound at his hairline. His garments were torn, not so much clothing him as draping over him.
“It’s Cyrus.” I pushed open the door and raced to his side.
He looked at me with a dazed expression, as if he didn’t recognize me.
I took his hand in mine, careful not to startle him. He was warm, thank God. I took it as a sign he had not been turned again.
“Cyrus, it’s me. Carrie. Do you know who I am?” I tried to lead him to the car as I spoke, but he resisted.
“He wants me dead. He sent them…. He really wants me dead.” His words sounded as though they came from an empty room. I’d heard the phrase “I was beside myself” before, but I’d never actually seen someone in the literal state. Wherever he was, Cyrus was not in his mind at the momen
t.
“Come on, let’s get someplace safe.” I looked in the direction he’d come from. The Soul Eater’s men would be searching for him any second now.
Max had exited the car, but stayed safely behind it, watching us from a distance. When I called for his aid, he sprinted to my side.
“The vampires you two found. Do you remember which place it was?” I asked Max quietly. The huge houses looked sinister in the early morning darkness, like horror movie sets crammed onto one lot.
“Not far from here. They could be anywhere.” At an imploring look from me, Max nodded, his face grim. “I’ll check it out.”
“Be careful,” Bella called after him as he jogged down the street. She approached us as though Cyrus were a wild animal I’d tamed, and she didn’t want him to run away.
“He needs medical attention. Can you get him to the hospital? I’d take him, but there aren’t many more hours until sunup and I don’t want to get trapped in the ER.” Or spotted by anyone I knew. It would make an awkward reunion with my former coworkers if I shambled in with a confused, bleeding man.
“Can you not care for him?” Bella wasn’t challenging me, but I could tell she didn’t want to be left alone with Cyrus. After what I’d seen in the circle, I wouldn’t have wanted to, either.
“I can’t take him back to the apartment. Nathan.” I shrugged helplessly. Cyrus had been through enough tonight, and he wasn’t likely to live through much more.
Neither could I. The entire business of the ritual and its aftermath had been too confusing. I needed time to myself, to think. Another cruel irony, as days ago I’d been going mad from the isolation of living on the road.
Max reappeared, brushing dried leaves from his hair. He’d apparently jumped—or tumbled through—a few hedges.
“Did you find them?” I called, jogging toward him.
“The vampires? Gone. I saw a couple combing a park over that way, but I don’t think they saw me. So I went back to the house, tripped the burglar alarm. The cops will be here soon, and that’ll hopefully set them running.”
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