by Dani Collins
“I’ll tell ’em to suit up.”
Vin disappeared into Sam’s office for the details while she stood there forcing herself to breathe evenly, gathering her composure.
Don’t make me think…what? He’d looked like he was being drawn and quartered.
With a compression in her heart, she headed back to her desk as Vin left Sam’s office without glancing back.
Sam met her at her desk. He was no dummy. The weight of his gaze was waiting for hers when she came back from gazing after Vin. His eyes were filled with knowledge.
Kill. Me. Now.
“Who is he taking?” she asked, trying to act as normal as possible. “How am I coding their hours?” She reached for her sticky pad, peeled off a sheet, then set the pad back on the rim of her coffee cup.
“Why do you always do that?” Sam pointed his pen at her coffee. “Leave the pad on your cup like that?”
“Do I?” She looked at the cup with its little yellow square topper and chuckled weakly. “I didn’t even realize. Russ used to steal my coffee. He’d steal anyone’s. Not on purpose, just picking it up absentmindedly while he was talking, thinking it was his. I got used to doing that so he wouldn’t take mine.”
Sam’s expression twisted like he understood all too well how those old reminders could ambush you. She genuinely couldn’t have a more understanding boss. Sam was reticent about his own grief, but he was patient and always willing to hear her out if he was making a change, but she wanted to explain first the rationale behind why Russ or Hugh had done things a certain way. If he caught her blowing her nose, he always veered away and gave her a few minutes before coming back to talk about whatever work item was on his mind.
“How are you doing with all this?” he asked now. His gaze went upward to the ’chute lightly inflating and deflating with the soft breeze. Russ, breathing peacefully.
“Oh, you know,” she said, casual and self-deprecating, because he did know.
“I mean, are you going to be…anxious? As the season progresses?”
About Vin, he meant.
He wasn’t being unkind, but the intrusion annoyed her. She would not be a source of entertainment again.
“Russ’s sister said something funny to me.” Ire stung her cheeks, but she ignored it as she deliberately removed the pad from her coffee cup and set it in the top drawer of her desk. “She said her parents wouldn’t look for a new son and she wouldn’t audition a new brother, but a wife is expected to eventually find a new husband. She’s never going to worry about Russ again, but you and I will wind up worrying about new people, won’t we?”
She lifted her gaze to his. I know there’s something between you and Laurel, she silently telegraphed.
He backed up a step as though she’d stood on his toe.
“That is a strange thing to say,” he said in a cool voice. “Do you have a copy of the charge codes handy? Or should I get my list from my office?”
Yeah. That was what she had thought. She handed him the sheet and scribbled out the names he gave her of the four men Vin was taking.
Sam walked away and she reached under her desk to give Muttley’s ear a scrub, heart feeling like a balled up wad of gum.
*
The king of compartmentalization was losing his touch.
Vin couldn’t stop thinking about Jacqui as they flew to the jump spot. He made himself take a visual inventory of his crew, seeing nervous excitement in the newest faces, but it only made him more aware of the emotions swirling in him.
He kept seeing that naked look on Jacqui’s face as she had said, “I don’t feel like this about anyone else.” She had looked like she knew she’d get burned and wanted to run straight into the flames anyway.
His freaking heart had nearly exploded. His dick had given a hard pull of excitement and a tingle that was pure animalistic desire to mate had lifted all the hairs on his body.
Don’t take it personal. It’s just sex. Jacqui wasn’t a woman who catted around. Lots of people needed an emotional connection before they could have sex. He understood why she might have singled him out unconsciously. They were already close. She trusted him.
It was still just sex.
His history of disillusionment had him tamping down on any sort of optimism that it could be more than that. He wasn’t sure if he even wanted it to be. He’d pretty much resigned himself to never having that nuclear family he’d aspired to most of his life. Even she had found it hadn’t lived up to the hype.
But she had been happy with Russ and Vin couldn’t shake the feeling of being a placeholder. Secondhand and second best. To say Jacqui’s love for Russ had been obvious was to downplay it. It wasn’t like she was divorced. Her first husband died. That was the only reason she wasn’t still with Russ. He had to still occupy a huge chunk of her heart.
Damn it, he wished Jacqui hadn’t put ideas into his head. It didn’t matter if she was looking for sex or something more, he had been dead serious. Nothing could happen between them. It would be career suicide, not to mention how it would impact their friendship.
It was already impacting their friendship. He didn’t know how to talk to her anymore.
Maybe it would be actual suicide, he thought as Doster Cohen, one of the new spotters, called his name, snapping him back to where he was. Cohen was ex-military, like Sam, and easy enough to get along with, but he took his job damned seriously.
“You awake?” Cohen barked.
Get your head in the game, Kingston.
“You bet.” He moved into the doorway of the aircraft, readying himself to jump, reluctant for once to let go of the thoughts in his mind when that was usually the easy part.
He had to, though. His survival depended on it.
He felt the slap on his back and leapt.
*
“Forest service,” Jacqui said as she picked up the ringing phone.
In her periphery, Sam went behind her desk to open the file cabinet.
“Hi, Jacqui, it’s Tori,” Vin’s ex-wife said in her ear. “How are you?”
“I’m good,” Jacqui said with surprise, nodding acknowledgment as Sam showed her the file he was taking back to his office.
Other than tagging each other’s posts with occasional ‘likes,’ she and Tori hadn’t been in contact much over the last year, especially once Tori and Vin had officially split. They didn’t have much in common.
Still, Jacqui tried to sound friendly. “I’ve been thinking of coming by The Drop Zone to say hello to everyone, but you know what this time of year is like. Plus there’s been a lot to do at the house.” Like binge-watching British serials while baking cookies. Super-serious, time-consuming stuff. “How are you?”
“Until today, I was great. Too bad you weren’t back a month ago. You missed a kick-ass divorce party.”
Jacqui paused in hunting for the email she needed to print, offering a belated, “I saw the photos.” It came out a little flat, but she wasn’t that into parties since, you know, her husband died.
Jacqui had thought it pretty tasteless of Tori to hold the party at The Drop Zone anyway, seeing as she’d deliberately left Vin off the invite list. If it had been something the couple had planned together, Jacqui would have seen the funny side of something like that, but Tori’s celebrating her freedom from Vin as if he was a communicable disease had struck Jacqui as pure bitchery.
Vin hadn’t cared—or let on that he cared. That night had turned into one of their longest remote conversations, when they’d had that extra glass of wine and bottle of beer, talking about everything and nothing. He’d asked her about growing up in Glacier Creek, she’d learned what his favorite cartoons were as a kid, and that he had shoplifted once. Once, he had stressed. It had been a baseball cap, the kind all the kids were wearing, and it had promptly been nicked from his gym locker.
He had figured he deserved it and wound up going back to the store a year later and overpaying for something else to get it off his conscience.
“I’
ve never told anyone that,” he’d admitted sheepishly.
“Not even Tori?” It had been Jacqui’s first gentle pry into what had gone wrong with their relationship.
“She would have told me I was stupid to go back and pay,” he’d said with a shrug.
Tori was the stupid one, Jacqui had thought then and thought it again now.
But in a close community like this, she kept such opinions to herself and stayed polite for the betterment of all.
“What happened today?” Jacqui prompted mildly.
“The house sale fell through,” Tori said on an agonized groan. “I tried Vin’s cell a couple of times, but it’s going to voicemail. Is he there?”
“No, he’s been out all week.” Oh Vin.
Jacqui had been spending the time while he was absent trying to process that he’d said he was “tempted,” but had still rebuffed her. She understood that politics around here would affect him more than her. She definitely saw how pushing romance into the equation had affected their friendship, but she didn’t think that was a valid reason to ignore the potential between them.
Their friendship meant so much to her, though.
And now she worried how this news would affect him. The more time she spent in the house, the more she could see all the little touches he’d put in that showed his growing attachment to it.
“His phone’s probably in his locker,” Jacqui said. “They were getting picked up a few hours ago. He should be back soon.”
“Can I leave it with you to tell him? He’s going to be so pissed. I’d really rather not be the one to catch the blowback.”
“Um, sure.” Thanks. “What exactly happened? Do the buyers need more time or…?”
“Their financing imploded. It definitely won’t finalize. Our real estate agent said she’d go back to the couple who looked at it right before this offer was made, but I’m not holding my breath. We’re back to square one.”
“That’s awful. I’m so sorry,” Jacqui said dumbly.
“Me, too. I’ve already started packing. Sounds like you have, too.”
“Some.” Mostly she’d been sorting Russ’s things. She had planned to make more decisions about household items once she knew what kind of space she’d be living in, but had been dragging her feet on finding something, because, well, it would mean seeing less of Vin.
She sighed at herself.
“Well, that’s why I decided to call you,” Tori said. “I thought you should know, too.”
“Thanks.” Jacqui honestly didn’t care about herself. Vin, however…
*
Vin swiped at the specks on one of the backpacks to ensure it wasn’t insects or eggs, but it was just detritus from their slog through what should have been a boggy field. Instead, it had been dry grass and twigs that had snapped and crunched easily. Whatever snow had accumulated and melted hadn’t penetrated more than an inch or so into the soil.
Not good. The dust was still clouding around them here in the parking lot from their pulling in, too. Some wildland firefighters called that lack of moisture the smell of money, but Vin saw it as a fast, hot start to a long, hard season. They were going to need every last one of the rookies making it through training. Good thing they were holding up in the speed and stamina department.
He lifted the backpack over the side of the pick up and handed it to whichever pair of hands lifted to grab it.
Liam shouldered it and reached for the next.
Dex McCoy caught the next one. He was local rancher stock, knew the area really well and was their keenest rookie, willing to dig in, take orders, and learn. He would pass with flying colors and Vin had a suspicion he’d take some travel jobs for the work and experience, rather than stay here all season on the bottom of the call board.
“Hey. Here comes that babe from the office,” Marco Linetti said.
He had shown his mettle in training, meeting the physical and mental demands well enough. He had also demonstrated enough smarts in the bush not to be a liability there, but he was still a dumbass kid in some respects.
“Most of us refer to her as the nice lady who makes sure we get paid,” Vin said, letting go of the next pack abruptly so Linetti let out an, “Oof,” as he caught it.
Only then did Vin turn to watch Jacqui approach.
The fatigue that had numbed him through the drive disintegrated. The air smelled sweeter, the day grew brighter, and his weary muscles revitalized, pushing him to stand straight as he watched her approach.
She wore jeans and cowboy boots, typical attire for her when the weather was still cool. Her yellow T-shirt hugged her small torso and dipped in a V that made her breasts look really nice. Not big, they were never going to be heavy, but she was so small, those subtle, perky curves were perfect on her.
It had been easier not to dream about fondling them when he’d been staring at Linetti’s ass end after putting him in charge of their pack out.
“Hi, Jacqui,” Linetti said, shouldering his backpack with a little swagger.
“Hi, Marco.” Her tone acknowledged the flirt with tolerant amusement before she greeted Liam and Dex warmly, knowing both from growing up here. “Vin.” She summed up, sending a too brief cut of her glance up to him in the bed of the pick up.
He had a stellar view down her top. His abdomen tightened. Don’t think about sex. He made himself finish handing out the gear. Why had she even come out here like this? To greet him?
A clenching twist in his chest caught him by surprise so he almost let the next bag slip from his grasp before it was caught.
“Looks like you all had bunches of fun on your all-inclusive getaway,” Jacqui teased as the guys slouched under their hundred-plus loads.
“I thought it was my birthday, it’s been such a party,” Linetti said.
“Didn’t save me any cake, though, did you? Good thing I made cookies.”
“Did you?” Liam held out one filthy arm. “C’mere and let me hug you for that.”
“Rain check,” she said dryly. “But get in there before Broxson eats them all.”
The men, visibly energized by the promise of cookies, left to break down their gear, clean it, and prep it for next time.
Vin shouldered his pack and leapt to the ground, reaching back for his other two bags before using one hand to slam the tailgate shut. His heart was pounding.
Her color was up.
He scanned the parking lot, noted a couple of the guys were looking back at him. Them.
“What’s up?” he asked.
She crinkled her nose. “Message. It’s not that bad, but I knew you’d want to know right away. Tori called and said the buyers for your house lost their financing.”
And there it went. All the things he hadn’t let himself believe in, but that had unconsciously filled his head like sugar plums dancing almost within reach of his grasp…
Poof. Gone.
“Fuck.” He shook his head. So fucking typical.
“It doesn’t mean you can’t have my house, Vin. Just that it will take longer.”
He was tired. Physically tired from hiking out, mentally tired from trying to resist letting fantasy get the better of him, and emotionally tired of this shit.
It made her kind voice abrade his nerves so his whole body prickled and tensed. She didn’t understand. Couldn’t. This was exactly the way life went for him.
He should have let go—really let go—of this idea when she had come back and decided to stay. Instead, he had let himself “wait and see.” It had been a tentative hope that had been exactly as self-delusional as a solid belief that something truly good could happen for him.
Not for him, though. Not ever.
“Forget it.” He dismissed, making himself move on. “I don’t want it anymore. Fuck it.”
“Vin.” She caught at his arm as he turned away.
“Really. I don’t care. Forget the whole thing.”
Forget the big dream of putting down roots and forget the barely acknowledged dream, t
he one he’d indulged in those moments before he’d fallen asleep beneath the stars. The one where he felt her body beside him and knew she’d be there when he woke up.
“Listen.” She insisted.
“I’m working,” he said in his fire boss voice, basically telling her to get lost.
She folded her arms, smearing the powdery dirt from touching him onto her own upper arm. It added a layer of disgust to her expression as she glanced at it then looked back to him.
“You’re shooting the messenger. I’m actually bringing good news. I’m saying I don’t care how long it takes. You can stay in the house until the deal closes. It’s yours.”
“And I’m saying forget it. All of it.”
Yes, he conveyed with a dark look, he was including whatever the hell it was that she was offering.
She paled and backed up a step.
He might as well have abandoned her dog on that lonely stretch of highway where he and the crew had been picked up, she looked so hurt and betrayed.
“This is how it goes for me, Jac.” He tried to gentle his voice, but it was rasping with anger at the fates. “There’s no point in trying. Let it go. I have.”
He turned to see Linetti was still staring at them. He strode toward the dumbass and ordered him back to work.
*
The Drop Zone was filling up and lively by the time Jacqui got there. It was Friday night and sounded like it.
A pang of nostalgia washed over her as she entered the cloud of laughter over country tunes and the aroma of popcorn and beer.
She’d seen Vin’s truck in the parking lot. She knew he was here, but she went to see Hugh first.
She stood at the end of the bar and waited for him to notice her. Hugh had been more than a boss to her. He had a daughter, Miranda, and had treated Jacqui like she was his adopted one—which was to say, he’d been overprotective and sometimes a teensy bit sexist, but always a stalwart support. She adored him.
He was used to adoration, she was sure. He was still handsome and fit, working as a volunteer firefighter despite retiring from smokejumping. His hair was white, but it was thick, his jaw square, his features gently lined by a rich life. She would bet he had been adored most ardently by every female with a pulse twenty or thirty years ago.