He tried to stop himself from thinking. He concentrated on placing one foot in front of the other as he walked towards the shoreline. He used to love the sound of the waves as they crashed onto the shore. He used to come here all the time when he needed to think or to clear his head, but now it did not bring him any sort of comfort.
He had finally been presented to Cerdic when they reached Wessex. He had pleaded for clemency for his people. He had tried his best to describe their many merits. He had tried to make Wessex see the citizens of Cerniw the way he saw them. They were good people. But Wessex had not listened. Instead he ordered Alden to be lashed. One lash for every Wessex soldier that had been killed. Compared to Cerniw’s loses, Wessex losses had been small, yet he wore the scars for every single one of them.
The sound of thundering horse hooves snapped Alden back into the present and he raised his head and watched as four of his knights approached him. Three of them suddenly veered sharply to the left and galloped on towards the camp, but one remained true to his course.
“Where is Annis?” Merton yelled as he slowed his dappled-grey horse down to a canter.
He knew it. He knew something was going on between his wife and his brother. Alden fumed as he watched his brother approach. When he had left his burning fort to plead for clemency, Merton had followed him. He was always bloody following him. Always wanting what he had. But he had gone too far this time.
“Where is she, Alden?” Merton asked, coming to a stop. His horse’s neck was soaked with sweat and the animal blew softly as he tried to catch his breath.
“I thought I was your King?” Alden said, spitting out the words from between his teeth, so it came out more as an angry hiss. “You ignorant bastard.”
“You are my King,” Merton answered, unfazed by the fury he could read in his brother’s grey eyes, although he did not understand it. “Well, I hope so anyway.”
“And what is that supposed to mean?”
Merton dismounted fluently and pulled the reins over his horse’s neck. He had been up all night with Annis and all day he had been patrolling. He was tired, his horse was tired and the last thing he wanted was a confrontation with his brother.
Alden had not been himself for quite some time and he had grown very concerned. Everyone had to watch what they said when they were around him. Before the war, Alden had rarely raised his voice; now he did so all the time. He had certainly never spoke to his knights as he spoke to them now.
“It doesn’t mean anything,” Merton replied. “Where is my Queen?” he asked again. “Sire?” he added on an after thought, although the word came out with more sarcasm than Merton intended. Alden never used to stand on ceremony, but he had changed and it took some getting used to. He tried to make amends by bowing low.
“She is with Cadar,” Alden finally said, staring down resentfully at Merton’s bowed head. Merton had been the reason he had been lashed…of course he hadn’t known that then. Merton had turned into a demon on that battlefield; that is what James had told him anyway. Merton had once told him that his only thought had been to get to him and anyone who stood in his way paid with their lives. But he had watched Merton in the last months. He had watched how he fought. And he had come to the conclusion that Merton enjoyed it. He enjoyed the killing and the cruelty. He made him feel sick.
“Right,” Merton said as he straightened. He put the reins back over his horse’s head.
“Where are you going? I haven’t dismissed you,” Alden spat as Merton made to get back on his horse.
Merton had one hand on the pommel of the saddle and he turned, frowning at his brother. He could not remember the last time Alden had dismissed him from his presence. He certainly could not remember a time when Alden had pulled rank on him and treated him as a subject rather than a brother and a friend.
“You know where I am going,” Merton said, watching Alden carefully. “Sire, may I remind you of the mandate you set me when we crossed the channel?” He did not pause to let Alden speak but continued quickly, “You said that under no circumstances was Annis ever to be left alone and that it was down to the two of us to keep her safe. You are not with her and I am not with her. Now, I have the greatest respect for Cadar, but you made me swear to protect her, so that is what I am going to do. When you come to your senses and remember that you have a wife who is currently carrying your child, then you can come and get her from me. But until then, King or not, you can stay away from us both.”
“How dare you?” Alden roared. “Who the hell do you think you are? You assaulted her, you cut her with your knife and you threw her in the dungeons. How dare you imply she is safer with you than with me?”
“I will not deny that I made a few mistakes when I first met her, but everything I did was because I was trying to protect you, to help you,” Merton answered, “but may I remind you that in the last four months I have saved her life twice. I have defended her and protected her from your people when they hurled abuse at her, while you stood by and did nothing, said nothing. And I have protected her from you as well.”
“She doesn’t need protecting from me,” Alden yelled, his hands curling into fists by his side. He felt the rage burning in his veins and he did not know how he was holding himself back from smashing his brother to the ground.
“Doesn’t she? Whose shoulder do you think she cries on when you turn her away? Where do you think she goes when you treat her with such utter contempt? I sat with her all night last night. She was so upset, so frightened that something had happened to you, that I feared for the baby and then when you decided to come back I watched her run to you with such joy. She was so relieved to see you safe. But instead of a soft word, or even an apology, which was certainly owed, you rebuked her and accused her of adultery. She deserves far more than what you give her.”
“Are you telling me you have touched my wife?” He was so enraged he could hardly get the words out.
Merton couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Yes, we make mad, passionate love every single night,” Merton said sarcastically. “For the love of - ” Merton let go of the saddle and took a step towards his brother. “What the hell do you take me for? She is your wife.”
An image of Merton dancing with his wife in Brittany at their brother’s court came to mind. He could remember the jealousy he had felt then; he felt the same thing now. Alden swore and grabbed his brother’s arm tightly enough that it would leave a bruise. “You dare touch her...” Alden warned.
“You’ll what?” Merton asked, twisting his arm away from Alden’s grip. “What will you do, Alden? What? Call me out?” He shook his head in disgust. “I don’t have time for this. I have a kingdom to protect. Just…Alden, if you don’t love her anymore then bloody tell her, but you have to stop treating her like this; it isn’t fair. Can’t you see what you are doing? You are breaking her heart with your coldness and as for the way you are treating me - ” He didn’t continue. He was losing his brother. He knew he was. He just didn’t know why. “I haven’t done anything to warrant this from you. I am your staunchest ally. Damn it, man, I would stand by your side even if you were in the wrong.”
“You only stand by me because you feel guilty. It was your fault I was lashed.”
Merton couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “I was trying to save your life.” His voice was thick with emotion. “I didn’t know Wessex would…” His words faded away. “Alden…Please, don’t do this. Don’t blame me for something I had no control over. I was trying to save you,” he said again. “And I am sorry that I failed, I really am sorry. And I am sorry that Wessex lashed you because of me. But that is not the reason I stand by you. I stand by you because I happen to believe in you. At least I used to. I don’t know you anymore.”
Alden turned away from his brother and looked back out to sea. He didn’t know why he had said that. He didn’t blame Merton at all for the lashing he had received. God, he was going mad. He knew he was hurting the two people he loved the most, but he didn’t
know how to stop. “Can you go?” he said between clenched teeth. “I want to be alone before I do something or say something else that I will regret.”
“I told you not to come here,” Merton said. There was compassion in his voice. He knew what Dor had meant to his brother. He had wanted to be here, to take the edge off the pain. “You promised you would wait for me.”
“I asked you to go,” Alden yelled. “I am your King; I am ordering you to leave me alone.”
“You are my brother before you are my King and there is no way on earth that I am leaving you alone like this,” Merton stated. “I have had enough of this. You have to tell me what is going on inside your head, because that is the only way I am going to be able to help you. And I want to help you, Alden - ”
“You want to help me?”
“You know I do.”
“Then do as I tell you and go,” Alden said. He felt tears threaten and he swiped at his eyes angrily with the back of his hand.
“I have been so proud of you these last months,” Merton said softly, ignoring his King’s command. He had to break through this barrier Alden had put up around himself somehow. He wanted his King back and he wanted his brother back. “You have been so brave. I am honoured to call you my brother - you do know that, don’t you?”
“I am brave?” Alden scoffed and looked back out to sea. “I am anything but brave.” He was shaking; truth to tell he had not stopped shaking since he set foot back in his kingdom. “I am going to abdicate.” He had been thinking about it for a while and now that he had said it, he felt like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders.
“No, you are bloody not,” Merton returned instantly. He had wondered in the past few weeks if that was what Alden was thinking. He had told himself not to be so stupid; Alden would never abandon his country. The Alden he knew wouldn’t, anyway. But this man…this man was capable of anything. “You are going to get through whatever this is and you are going to make this country great again.”
“Have you seen the fort?” Alden shouted, turning around so abruptly to face his brother that the horse shied, his ears going back in fright.
Merton held on to the reins tighter. Usually he would have taken the time to calm the animal, to reassure him, but his brother was more important, so he ignored the horse and concentrated on Alden.
“Have you seen how the people react to Annis? How they react to me?” Alden continued, shouting at the top of his voice.
The horse snorted in fear and backed up a few steps. “It’s all right,” Merton said gently. The horse’s ears went forward as Merton spoke. Merton knew not whether he was speaking to the horse or his brother. Both were frightened, he realised.
“I have witnessed it,” Merton answered, his voice steady. “And I have defended her. You need to give them time to get used to the idea and to realise that she is nothing like her father.”
“I don’t want to give them time. I bled for them.” He turned abruptly away and ran his fingers roughly through his dark hair. “I bled for them,” he said again, only this time his words were softer, and the hurt that Alden had tried so hard to conceal rang out in his words. “I would have died for them and how do they repay me? They spit at my wife and they call me a traitor.” Alden shook his head and laughed without any humour. “I am going to abdicate. My mind is made up.”
“And who is supposed to take your place on the throne?” Merton questioned, his voice wobbling a little, for he knew if he said the wrong thing there would be no going back from this. This was his last chance, he realised. If he did not bring his brother back now then he would be lost to him forever. “Me?” he asked when Alden simply looked at him. “Can you even begin to imagine the mess I would make of that?” He tried for humour, but Alden’s expression did not change.
“They like you,” Alden pointed out. “They don’t like me.”
“I don’t give a damn if they like me,” Merton said, angry now. Alden had no right putting this on him. “I am not wearing your crown. How many times have you berated Garren for doing precisely what you want to do now?”
“That was different,” Alden said.
“How is it different? Enlighten me, Alden, because I do not know,” Merton said, raising his voice a little.
“Because Garren didn’t think he could rule two countries,” Alden shouted back.
“Is that so?” Merton said coldly. “And all these years you have been saying it was because Garren felt sorry for Budic and that is why he gave him Brittany.”
“He should be King here,” Alden grounded out, ignoring the truth in Merton’s words. “He should be King, not me. It was never meant for me. He shouldn’t have bloody died.”
“I always found him incredibly inconsiderate too,” Merton answered sharply.
“So help me, Merton,” Alden said, fisting his hands again.
“Hit me if it will make you feel better. Fight me, if that is what you want. I don’t mind. You can take all your anger and all your hate and anything else you want to out on me, you know that. I would let you kill me if I thought for one minute I could have you back.”
“Don’t tempt me,” Alden said, his voice hard. “Merton, you really need to go, right now.”
“I am not going anywhere. You know better than to try to tell me what to do. Alden, I don’t know what you are thinking anymore. I don’t know how to talk to you.” Merton hoped that maybe he could get through to him with honesty. “I am scared I am losing you and I want you back. I want my brother back.”
“We can’t always have what we want. You know that,” Alden said, keeping his gaze on the horizon.
“The last two years have been hell for you. I know that. I was there with you. But please, stop dwelling on all the bad things that have happened and look towards the good. You have a wife who adores the very ground you walk on. You have a baby on the way. You may have lost your kingdom but you fought to get her back and you have. Cerniw is free from that tyrant and it is all down to you.”
“No,” Alden immediately contradicted. “That is down to you. I am no military man; we both know that.”
“You are no military man?” Merton scoffed. “I’ve heard it all now.”
“You are the one with all the plans,” Alden stated, letting his resentment show, which was strange because he had always taken pride in his wayward brother’s intelligence. He had never resented him before. But now Merton stood with confidence whereas he had none, because Wessex had taken it from him.
“I am going to forget I heard that,” Merton said. “I know how much you hate being compared to father - ”
“No one can compare to him,” Alden interrupted. “He is becoming a legend. Have you ever stopped and listened to the peasants when they tell stories of him? Lancelot du Lac, the great first knight of Camelot. The noble man who would ride into battle and outsmart the enemy - ”
“Yes, I have also heard that he ran off with King Arthur’s wife as well, but we both know that is not true.”
“Isn’t it?” Alden asked.
“Don’t do this. Don’t sully our father’s name, because it will not make you feel any better. I just brought him up because I wanted to remind you that you are an equal to him, maybe even a better man than he was.”
“I don’t want to hear about him. I don’t want to be a du Lac anymore. I have had enough.” He knew he sounded childish, yet he couldn’t seem to stop the words from pouring out of his mouth. “I just want you to take the throne. You will make a better king than I am. And I want you to look after Annis as well. You are right, she is safer with you.”
“Do you still love her?” Merton asked, holding his breath as he waited for his answer.
“I am damned because I love her,” Alden replied.
“You are damned?” Merton shook his head in disgust. How could he say such a thing after everything Annis had done for him? He wasn’t going to stand here and listen to this. “Fine, have it your way. I am through. I am done with you.” Merton turned
back to his horse. His brother was gone and he felt the loss as a physical pain across his heart.
“Good. It will make it all the easier for me to…” Alden took an unsteady breath. It had all gone wrong and he couldn’t take any more. “Just promise you will look after her for me.”
“What are you saying?” Merton asked, turning back to look at his brother.
“Wessex has won…I can’t…I can’t do this anymore.”
“Alden…” Merton stepped towards him, his hand outstretched in appeal, “you are scaring me. What are you implying?”
“I am making a mess of everything. I am not fit to be a King. I am not fit to be a husband and I am certainly not fit to be a father. So I think it is for the best…for me not to be here.”
“You do know suicide is a mortal sin, don’t you? You dare do anything like that and I swear I will hunt you down in hell and murder you myself,” Merton said, sublimely unaware that if Alden did kill himself, he would be unable to carry out his threat. He felt sick with fear now. He knew Alden was in a dark place, but he had not realised it was this dark. “Don’t you dare,” he said again. “But if you insist, let me tell you what will happen to those you leave behind. I will not stand as King. I will not step into your shoes. So all those people who have suffered and sacrificed loved ones or their own lives will have suffered for nothing, because this country will be back under Wessex’s control by the summer. Annis’s heart will be forever broken and who knows what sort of an effect your death would have on her pregnancy, and with you dead she would fall back under her father’s control. You selfish bastard. How dare you even think such a thing?” Merton looked away in disgust.
“Merton, I can’t do this anymore. The responsibility is too great, I am not old enough, I can’t - ”
“You are not old enough?” Merton frowned at his brother in confusion. “What are you talking about? I am only eighteen - am I too young to go to battle? Should I not lead men because of my inexperience? Perhaps you should have said something sooner. I would have stayed in Brittany and not bothered helping you to win your lands back.”
The Pitchfork Rebellion: The Du Lac Chronicles - Novella Page 2