Chapter Six
It was halfway through day three of the retreat, and Thomas was already wishing it was over. Everyone seemed to have gotten used to him, and he no longer saw the sideways glances or the blushing faces of the women around him. In fact, he thought they might be annoyed with him. He overheard one of the ladies saying to her boyfriend that Thomas was such a typical celebrity and that he didn't take anything seriously. When he had first walked into the room, they'd been all smiles. He hadn't realized that everyone would be quite so into the whole 'health' thing, and he'd assumed that there would be a little bit more alcohol. Instead, they were only allowed one small glass of wine with dinner. He'd asked for more the first night, but Tamara had told him that they had only been allocated one glass. She said he should be grateful, because most retreats didn't allow anything.
"We are not trying to detox you, though. We want you take whatever you have learned from this retreat out into the real world. That's why we have still allowed alcohol and coffee and various other addictions," she had said, and the whole group of people had clapped in agreement. But all Thomas could think of was that the retreat would be a whole lot more enjoyable with a second or third glass of wine. A bottle would've made it brilliant. But he'd decided not to push the matter, and he certainly hadn't told Tamara that to her face.
Tamara intrigued him. He'd never quite met a woman like her before. She was absolutely beautiful. She had dark skin and jet black hair, and the years of yoga had given her a body that was most admirable. She didn't have all that much in the way of breasts, but her slim figure allowed for this. And Thomas didn't mind; he'd always been more of a bottom person, anyway. And she sure had a delicious backside to admire. Again, he wouldn't tell her that. Tamara didn't seem at all taken by him, like other women were. In fact, other than the occasional fluster, she seemed rather indifferent to him. He'd definitely bothered her at first. He could tell that she found him annoying and frustrating. He'd thought it was probably because she found him too attractive to be around. But lately, he'd started to wonder if he really just wasn't her type at all. She barely spoke to him, and when she did, it was almost as if it were a chore for her. But when he watched her interacting with others, she was incredibly amicable and sincere. He spent most of the day watching her as she went about her business. She was incredibly focused. She had laser sharp eyes and a mind that never wandered. He could tell that she had put a lot of thought and effort into the retreat - every single thing had been thought about and attention was made to every single detail. It was impressive. But there was something about her that frustrated him. She was almost too perfect. While she was naturally beautiful and wore almost no make-up, she never had a hair out of place. Everything she did seemed calculated, even the way she spoke - as if she was too afraid of simply letting go. He wondered why she was that way. He wanted to see what she would look like with messy hair. He wanted to see what she would sound like laughing at a completely inappropriate joke. He was curious to know what she was like after just one drink. But Tamara was all work and no play, and nothing seemed to get her out of that mindset. He watched her now as she took them through a healthy eating regimen. He had to admit the food was delicious. He had never eaten food that was so healthy, and yet so tasty, at the same time. He'd never pegged himself for someone that would enjoy it. But he wanted to tell her that life was about balance -there was nothing wrong with enjoying the odd piece of pizza or burger.
"Okay everyone, so let's go around the table. I want you to tell me what you have for breakfast most mornings. Don't worry if it's not healthy. Remember that we are all here to learn how to better ourselves. And the only way we can do that is by being honest with ourselves. Right, who wants to start?"
"Uh? I eat oats with a teaspoon of honey," someone said.
"I eat toast with peanut butter. Two slices."
"I don't eat breakfast at all."
"I eat fruit salad."
And so it went until it came to him. "I don't know, really. It changes. I eat out a lot, so whatever looks good on the menu. Also, sometimes, I don't get up until lunch time. So, I just eat a big lunch instead."
"Right, okay, that's good. It's interesting to see what everyone does," Tamara said. He noticed that a look of frustration had crossed her face when he was speaking and then quickly went away. He supposed she had mentally told herself to take a deep breath. "Now, let's take a look at some easy and healthy breakfast options, and then I'm going to take you through one of the recipes, so you can do this yourself. I have recipes printed for you to take home too."
Thomas then listened as Tamara went through a list of 'better' breakfast ideas. Then she took them through the recipe that had been prepared for them. It was incredibly boring, and he felt himself zoning out. Instead, he sat watching her. He looked at the way her mouth opened and closed. He created a line around her body with an imaginary pen and noticed all her contours and curves. He wondered if she had a boyfriend but couldn't imagine that someone like her would ever find the time for something like love. He wanted to tell her that she was missing out. He wanted to tell her that she didn't have to be so perfect. And then? while he was thinking of this? he promptly fell asleep. When he woke up, everyone had left the room, except for Tamara, who was in the process of cleaning up.
"Oh no! I fell asleep," he said and then cursed himself for simply stating the obvious.
"I see that. Glad you found the course so interesting," she said, without looking up.
Thomas felt terrible. He hadn't enjoyed it, but falling asleep was incredibly rude, even for him. "Oh no? it's not that at all. I'm so sorry. Honestly, I didn't mean to fall asleep. It really was interesting. I think I'm just so tired."
"You're tired? From what?"
"Uh? I don't know. Maybe I'm just not used to all of this."
Tamara sighed and looked up at him. There was hurt in her eyes that was impossible to ignore. "It's okay, Thomas. But maybe just don't do that in front of everyone. They were enjoying it. But seeing you fall asleep really made me look like an idiot. And out of all the things they are going to go home and tell their friends and family about, well, it's probably that very moment. They'll ignore everything else. The fact that the famous Thomas Winter fell asleep in the middle of one of my lessons - THAT will be what they tell people. And this is my job, Thomas. This is my very first retreat. I'm trying to make a good impression."
"You are making a good impression. They love you, Tamara. It's obvious that they are all in love with you and that everyone hates me." He knew that this was true and figured it would be a good thing to tell Tamara. She was obviously very hard on herself.
"But don't you understand? You're the famous one in this equation. Even if they hate you, they'll still go home and tell everyone that you were here. And they all look up to you, even if you don't realize it. If you hate the retreat, then they'll more than likely feel obliged to hate it too, even if they don't. You have no idea what sort of influence you have over people. They might like me, and they might really want to be here, but the way you treated the whole thing will be one thing on their mind. Because if the great Thomas Winter hated it, then perhaps, they should hate it too."
"I'm sorry. Tamara, I'm really sorry." Thomas realized that he didn't have anything more to say. He really felt sorry for what he had done, and he hadn't quite realized the impact that he was having on her. It was something his father had tried to speak to him about many times. The fact that, just because life was easy for him, didn't mean that it was quite so easy for other people. His dad was always telling him to walk in someone else's shoes every now and again.
She looked up then and smiled sadly. "Thank you. For once, I actually believe you."
"You see - I'm not all that bad."
"You're not all that great either."
"Ouch."
"Well, sorry? but it's true."
Thomas laughed. This woman sure had balls. "You're right. It's true. I'm really not all that great. And I didn't mean to fall asleep. T
his whole retreat thing is just not for me."
"Well, why don't you just go then? I honestly don't mind."
He laughed again. "I'm sure you don't. But my agent will kill me. She truly believes that I need to be here and that it will do me good. She has a whole bunch of auditions lined up for me, and I'm afraid that, if I don't stay for the whole retreat, she's going to pull me out of them."
"Well, maybe you should at least try it then. I mean, I would personally prefer it if you left, but if you're not going to go, then at least give it a try."
"You're hilarious, Tamara. I like how blunt you are with me. Okay then? you have yourself a deal. How about I spend the whole day tomorrow partaking in every part of the retreat? One day. If I hate it, then I'll just spend the rest of the retreat in my room. If I love it, then I'll see it through. We're almost at the end, anyway."
Tamara smiled. He wanted to tell her how nice it was when she smiled. It relaxed her entire face. "Okay, you have yourself a deal. One day. No complaints. Complete interaction. And no ogling at all the women."
He grinned at her and winked. "Oh, you know I only have eyes for you, Tamara Hope."
She rolled her eyes. "You really are exasperating. Now go - I have things to do!"
He stood up and saluted. "Yes boss." And when he walked away, he turned around quickly and saw that she was still smiling to herself.
The next day, Thomas woke up remembering his promise to Tamara. Part of him groaned at the thought of spending the entire day doing what she wanted. But part of him was glad he at least had something to do. He decided to view it as a job. He was an actor - surely he could just act interested in everything. This was the perfect time to put his skills into practice.
After a quick shower, he went straight to breakfast with everyone else and smiled at everyone around him. They looked at him nervously as if he had ulterior motives, and he wondered how grumpy he had seemed to them in the past couple of days. "Morning Tamara," he said brightly to her when she walked past him. She smiled and greeted him back, and there was genuine warmth in her eyes.
"This is good," he said to the man next to him. "I don't know about you, but I thought all this eating healthy business was going to be boring. But it's actually quite nice. I'm going to try to eat this way when I get home."
The man looked at him and seemed taken aback at the fact that Thomas was talking to him. "Uh? yeah, me too. I mean, I'll be honest, I only really came here because my wife wanted me to. But I'm really enjoying it. It's good to get away. I don't even miss my phone at the moment. I feel like I can breathe here, you know."
Thomas smiled and nodded. He actually knew what the man was saying to him. He'd felt the same thing the day before but hadn't wanted to admit it. He also felt as if he were breathing better. It must be the wide-open space and the fact that he wasn't tied to his computer all the time. He spoke easily to the people around him, and the more he did, the more they opened up to him. He felt bad about thinking that they were all idiots. They were all actually very nice people, and the more he got to know them, the more genuine they seemed. And for the first time in a very long time, they seemed interested in who he was as a person, rather than his money or his fame. It was quite a nice feeling. After breakfast, he went for a walk around the grounds. It was his first proper walk, and he was amazed when he got to the big lake. It was breathtaking. Little cushions had been placed all around, and he went and sat on one and watched his reflection move with the water.
"It's beautiful, isn't it," someone said to him, and he jumped up in surprise. He'd been so lost in thought that he hadn't noticed her coming up to him. She sat down not too far from him and smiled. He remembered her, but he couldn't, for the life of him, remember her name. And he knew why. She wasn't the most attractive girl at the retreat. She was small and mousy and had unfortunately bad skin. He felt bad that he hadn't bothered to learn her name.
"It really is beautiful. I'm Thomas, by the way."
She laughed. "I know. I'm Sarah. We've actually met before."
Thomas could feel the blood rushing to his face, a very unfamiliar feeling. "Oh, I'm sorry."
"That's okay. It's not easy to remember everyone's names. And I'm sure this must be incredibly daunting for you. The day you arrived, nobody wanted to leave you alone. And I'm sure you came on this retreat for the very reason of wanting to be left alone," she said kindly.
That wasn't at all the reason he had come on the retreat, but he didn't want her to know that it had been forced on him. He suddenly wanted to be the sort of person that came to retreats to better himself.
"That's okay. I'm used to it. It sort of comes with the territory. But I haven't really given this retreat enough of my attention. I guess I figured I didn't really need it. But to be honest? I'm happy to be here."
She smiled. "And we're happy that you're here. Don't worry - everyone has their own agenda. I've done retreats before, and sometimes, it takes days for people to settle into it. I'm glad this one is a week. The weekend ones don't really do anything."
"Thanks, Sarah. I've done nothing to deserve your kindness. I'm going to try and get into it today."
"Even with yoga?" she said and grinned.
He laughed. "Even with yoga."
"Tamara's great, isn't she? She's so calm and collected. I think she's just perfect for this sort of thing. I feel like I can learn a lot from her."
"Yeah, she's great. I mean? I fell asleep during her cooking lesson, and she's still being nice to me."
"I saw that. Everyone was so shocked, but Tamara told us all how hectic your life is and how tired you are from it all. She was so sweet about it. And we all felt so bad for you. One guy even wanted to go get you a blanket."
Thomas didn't know Tamara had done that. He'd figured that she'd scoffed at him with everyone else. Instead, she'd made him look like the good guy. "That's nice of her. Tired or not, I shouldn't have fallen asleep."
"That's okay. You're going to try harder today, aren't you?"
"I certainly am."
"Well, I'm going to leave you then? it's good to get some alone time in a place like this. Thanks for the chat, Thomas. And don't worry - we're all happy that you're here." Sarah smiled at him, and Thomas thought how pretty she actually was, now that he had taken the time to speak to her. Why had he not seen it before?
The rest of the day went by with ease. The talk with Sarah seemed to have put him on a good path, and by the end of the day, he knew that he wasn't acting anymore. He even enjoyed the yoga class and found that his body felt better by the end of it. When it came to the cooking lesson, not only did he not fall asleep, but he volunteered to go up and help. And when he made jokes about pizza, everyone laughed and knew that he wasn't being serious. Thomas woke up the following day and continued getting involved. He expected Tamara to come up and ask him what he was doing, but she just let him carry on, and he was glad for that. He didn't want to admit yet that he was having a good time. And by the end of the week, Thomas started to feel sad that the retreat was coming to a close. He couldn't believe how quickly things had turned around for him after he'd actually decided to make an effort.
On the last night, after a big celebratory dinner together, Thomas decided to go for a walk to the lake. He couldn't sleep, and he wanted to know what it would be like there at night. He was surprised to find fairy lights dotting the trees, and when he lay down to watch the water; he was captivated by the beauty of the place.
"Isn't it wonderful?" His head shot up in surprise. He thought it might be Sarah again. Instead, he saw Tamara walking towards him.
"Tamara, hey?" he said.
"I couldn't sleep," she said. "How about you?"
"Same. And I was curious to see this place at night. So much more beautiful than I thought it was going to be."
"Mind if I join you?"
"Of course not," he said. "So? last night, hey. Congratulations. The retreat was a huge success."
"Are you being sarcastic?" she asked.
She laughed. "Yeah, you did seem to be enjoying yourself. I was surprised when your one day resolve turned into more. But? well? you're an actor. I figured you were just acting to make the whole thing more bearable."
It was his turn to laugh. "That's exactly what I wanted to do. That was my plan all along. But turns out, I didn't have to act at all. I? I had a good week. My agent was right - this really was just what I needed. And, Tamara, I have to say? I'm sorry for everything, for falling asleep in your class, for arriving late, for disrupting lessons, for talking about inappropriate things. I'm sorry."
"Ah, that's okay. It was actually really nice to have you with us. I like this version of you, by the way. You're not so bad."
He smiled. "Not so bad. Hmm? that's a compliment coming from you."
"What do you mean?"
"Well? you've been pretty clear with how much you dislike me. So, hearing that I'm not so bad is a compliment in my books."
"Sorry, Thomas. Ah? that's not it at all. I do like you. It's just?"
"I'm an idiot. I know. Hey? I've got an idea. Wait right here."
Thomas ran off and came back with a bottle of champagne and two glasses. "What's this? Where did you get this?"
"I brought it with me."
"You brought champagne?"
"Well, not really. But I remembered yesterday that I still had a bottle of champagne in my car from some event. Strangely enough, I didn't feel the need to drink it yesterday. But it's the last day of the retreat, and you have lots to celebrate." Thomas poured them both a glass and handed one to her.
"Oh, no, thank you, but I better not."
"Why not? It's not like we're going to get drunk by sharing one bottle of champagne. And anyway? you deserve it."
"Uh?"
Thomas could see how uncomfortable she looked. "Sorry? don't you drink?"
"Oh, I do. I just. Well, I don't know."
"Oh, come on, just one glass then. I'll have the rest."
She looked uncertain but still took the glass from him. He watched as she took a sip and then smiled. "Okay, this is nice. Man, I haven't had champagne in years."
"Seriously? How come?"
"I don't know really. I guess I've just been so focused on work. I've been working so hard to get my company going. I hold yoga classes every day, and I also host health courses at a caf? opposite my work. I guess I felt like drinking was sort of cheating."
"I'm your opposite. I just realized that. You and I are polar opposites. I'm the sort of person that has champagne lying around in his car. Even though I drank some wine with dinner here each night, it was still the least I've had to drink in a long time. I can go through bottles in a night. I'm used to waking up with a pounding headache and throwing pain killers down my throat. I'm used to the sort of lifestyle where the only thing that concerns me is where my next party is going to be."
"Wow? so this week must've been torture for you," she said. He noticed that she was already halfway through her drink, so he topped her up and was glad when she didn't refuse.
"Nah, it wasn't. Well? it was at first. But it was good for me. I think I needed this wake up in life. I didn't realize just how into myself I'd become lately and how few friends I actually had. It was the one thing I kept thinking about this week - how I didn't have any true friends anymore. It's my fault - I've been using my money to make friends. That's not real friendship. This week has been good for me. But? Tamara? if there is one thing it has taught me, it's that life is all about balance. You're very good at teaching that," he said.
"Thank you."
"But you're not very good at applying it to your own life."
"What do you mean? Yes, I am."
"No, you're not. And it's not just about drinking. You're very disciplined - and that's good. But you should also learn to let go a little bit. Let your hair down, so to speak. Life is also meant to be enjoyed and not everything needs to be planned. Sometimes, mistakes and failures are just as important as successes."
"You're wiser than I thought you'd be, Mr. Winter."
"And you already sound slightly tipsy."
"Well? I told you that I never drink. Now, top me up and let me hear more of your wisdom."
Thomas laughed and filled her glass. And the two of them sat like that for what must have been hours, just talking, drinking, and laughing. By the end of the night, they were somehow holding hands, and Thomas thought that he'd never been happier. For the first time in his life, he wanted to kiss a girl so badly that he was too afraid to make the move. He didn't want to ruin the moment. And the moment, just like Tamara, was perfect.
The Retreat (A Clean and Sweet Romance Novella) Page 6