by Erin Trejo
“It isn’t real, Remi. Just remember that,” Angel whispers in my ear. I nod my head and when I open my eyes I keep my head clear. She’s okay.
“Gimme your phone,” Kred says holding his hand out to me. I reach in my pocket and pass it to him and watch in silence as he snaps multiple photos from different angles. The more I look at her, the more it hurts and the more I know this could have easily been a reality. I’ve never felt like this before not even when taking a woman’s life but something about seeing Giselle in that position just sits wrong with me.
“I can’t do this shit,” I mumble shrugging Angel’s arm off me. I spin around and stomp toward the side of the building not giving a shit if the guys are all watching me. I need to get away from that sight and those thoughts. It unsettles me that I’ve only known her a short time and I can feel that way. I pull out a cigarette and light it up, leaning against the brick of the building when I hear her.
“Are you okay?” when I glance over my heart races. I put the cigarette to my lips and inhale another lungful of nicotine.
“Do you know how close that was to real life?” She looks at me, cocking her head to the side.
“But it wasn’t real, Remi.”
“It could have been! Don’t you fuckin’ get that? Anyone, me included could have fuckin’ shot you in the fuckin’ head and been done!” The anger that billows inside of me is about to overflow. I don’t know how much longer I can control myself before I lose it.
“Remi, you said we had to do this!” She screams back at me. I look away not wanting to see the way too realistic looking blood coating her skin. It tears at my heart and mind just thinking something could have happened to her.
“Look at me, Remi!” She screams louder. I shake my head and blow the smoke from my mouth. Giselle steps in front of me, grabbing my face in her hands and forcing me to look at her. I hate it. I fucking hate what I see.
“You said we had to do this so that we could move on. I’m here. I’m okay and most importantly, I’m with you,” she cries softly, tears slipping down her cheeks. My heart aches with the words I’m about to say to her. I flick the cigarette to the ground and reach for her face much the same as she’s doing with mine.
“You aren’t safe until I find the motherfucker that hired me. Do you think I’m the end of the line for these contracts? I’m not!” I roar loudly. “There are so many more that I don’t even know. The first one, I got lucky. Lucky Logan was a friend and knew about you or he would have taken your ass out long before we got to this point. Do you think that if they fuckin’ suspect that’s a fake picture that they won’t send number three after you?” the tears continue to fall but she doesn’t seem to be listening. My heart is pounding in my chest and my stomach has formed so many knots that I can barely contain the bile that wants to flow free.
“Don’t do that, Remi. I can see it your fucking eyes! I can see you rejecting me just like my dad!” I lower my head, resting it against her forehead. Taking deep calming breathes, I try to form thoughts that actually make sense.
“She’s right, you know. Son, you got somethin’ good right there in your hands. Don’t go throwin’ that away out of fear. No one wants to think about their woman dead. No one wants to have to see what you just did but she’s here and in your arms. That’s somethin’ you need to remember before you go rip apart somethin’ that might not be repairable,” Kred says off to the side.
“It could be her at any time, Kred. This life, my fuckin’ life!”
“Your fuckin’ life is yours, Remi! I made goddamn sure we gave you that life. You want out? Walk away! There’s no one to stop you! When you went Nomad I was pissed that you weren’t part of this club with me but the other part was happy. Happy! That’s all I ever wanted for you! You have that in the palm of your goddamn hands and because of your damn fear of loss you’re gonna ruin it. Get your fuckin’ head together,” Kred growls out his words before I hear him walk away. I’m too much of a coward too look him in the eye and tell him he’s right. I’m fucking scared to death to lose her. As fucked as that sounds, I am.
“Is that what this is? You’re afraid of losing me?” God, that fucking voice of hers. I could listen to her talk all day if it meant she was next to me.
“I was never wanted aside from this club, Giselle. Havin’ you with me, fuck, it fucks with my head. It makes me think I can have things in life that I didn’t think I ever would. Killin’ people is what I’m good at. I don’t know how to be somethin’ else or someone else but I know that you deserve more than that.” I watch the smile pull across her face before she leans into me.
“I don’t think you get it, Remi. I don’t care what you do. I don’t care where we go. No one has ever wanted me either. The one person that did died. If you give me the choice of choosing you or walking away when this is all over, I’m choosing you. Don’t you see that? I don’t want you as someone else, I want you as you. Don’t push me away,” she says that smile still in place. God, she fucks with my head and my heart. She messes up every plan that I’ve had in place for my life. Kill until I had enough money, then kick back and enjoy. I’ve had the money but something else was missing and I think that missing part is standing here with her hands cupping my cheeks right now.
“If I hold onto you, I’m never lettin’ you go. Do you understand that? Does Suzi understand that?” Her smile slowly fades when I mention Suzi. I know that’s the one that I have to convince. Giselle is a free spirit and would gladly ride away into hell for the adrenaline rush but Suzi will hold her back and that’s where the real fear lies.
“We can work on,” she winks at me.
“You think we can? She’s been a part of you for a long time, Giselle,” I remind her. Giselle shifts from one foot to the other, unsure of how to approach this subject. Hell, I am too.
“I’ll do whatever you need me to do. I’ll go to counselling, I’ll take the damn medicine. I just don’t want you to leave me too, Remi.” Fuck! Why does she do this to me?
“I’m not leavin’ you. Even if I wanted to, I don’t think I could do it. When I’m with you, fuck Giselle, everything else falls into place. It’s like I can picture us ridin’ the fuckin’ country together. Anywhere we wanna go, we go. We’d be free together.”
“Me too, Remi. Me too.”
20
Giselle
Waiting has never been so hard in my life. I’ve paced the room a million times. Remi sits back like it’s just another day smoking his cigarette and laughing at something one of the other guys is saying.
“Not sure why he’d choose you,” a long legged red head says next to me. I look her up and down before crossing my arms over my chest and spinning to face her directly.
“Why does it matter to you? As far as I knew, Remi didn’t have a lot to do with this club lately.” She narrows her eyes, gazing at me like she wished I could just drop dead. I almost laugh.
“He belongs here. We all know it.”
“And who exactly are you in this club? What is your role?” I think I can gauge that by the way she looks but then again, I can’t be sure.
“She’s a club whore. Walks around sucking dick for a living. Isn’t that right, Deb?” Tilting my head to the side, I take in the woman next to me. She’s a lot taller than both of us, her hair pinned back out of her face. She’s beautiful. She looks like she could be a model but as I take her in a notice a patch that says Property of Limp on it.
“I’m just informing the new girl here that she isn’t going to last long with Remi. He has taste,” she snarls looking me up and down again. This bitch. We should stop now while we’re ahead, Suzi keeps repeating in the back of my head but I can feel that burst of adrenaline rushing my system.
“Oh, let me guess, you have taste? Have you seen yourself, Deb? The only thing that looks good on you is a cock in your mouth. I suggest leaving this one alone,” the woman winks at me before she walks away leaving the two of us once again. I think I might just like her.
&nbs
p; “Stupid bitch,” Deb mumbles as my hands ball into fists. “I don’t know what Remi sees in you.” She doesn’t get to say another word. I pull back and slam my fist into her face as hard as I can making her had snap back.
“Are you crazy?” She screams holding her now bloody nose as I grin. The room explodes into chaos and in the matter of seconds there are guys surrounding the two of us.
“More crazy than you know, sweetheart,” I say condescendingly. She makes a move to step toward me again but I’m ready for her. My fists stay clenched ready to take her on when she’s pulled away quickly.
“Hey! I was just getting started!” I yell after the man that has her tightly in his grasp.
“Didn’t know I had a boxer on my hands,” Remi whispers in my ear making my body shiver from his warm breath on my skin.
“Do you know how good that felt?” I spin around quickly, my head smacking into his face as I go. “I’m sorry!” I squeal when I see the look in his eyes. His features slowly soften before he begins to shake his head.
“Tell me.”
“What?”
“Tell me what it felt like?” he says again. I furrow my brows until it hits me.
“It was freeing. I mean, I know I shouldn’t have hit her but God, it felt so good!” Energy races through me. A feeling I’ve never had before works its way up my spine. I would have never done any of this before I met Remi. Just as I’m about to say something more his phone rings. He slides it out, holding his hand up to quiet everyone else before he answers.
“Yeah?” my heart nearly stops in my chest when I hear the voice on the other end of the line. My face must pale because I feel like I’m going to pass out.
“Yeah, it’s done. You want proof?” shaking my head slowly, I gasp for air. Remi’s eyes narrow as he tries to listen and figure out what the hell is happening to me at the same time. I take a step back slamming into the wall my head still shaking. He wouldn’t do this to me. Why would he? He was the only thing I had left.
“Fine. Call back.” Remi hangs up but it’s too late. My heart rate is out of control. Greyness creeps into my vision as everything around begins to fade.
“Giselle! Don’t go, stay with me baby. Come on.” Remi begs me, his voice pleading to me.
“Slow your breathin’, darlin’. Come on now. Don’t do this,” he says softly. I can feel him lift me into his arms and only then does my body start to relax. Suzi is losing herself to what we heard and that’s so unlike her. She’s the strong one. She’s the one in control, not me. Remi’s hand caresses my face gently.
“Open your eyes, babe. Open them up and look at me.” I slowly do what Remi says and open my eyes. I blink rapidly to bring him back into view and once I see his perfect face, I lose it. Tears spring from my eyes as sobs rip from my chest.
“On the phone.” I hiccup. “It wasn’t my dad. Remi, it wasn’t him. That was Andre.” Remi looks away from me toward someone else before locking his gaze back on mine.
“Who is Andre?” His fingers move up and down my cheeks soothingly.
“He was my guard. My dad hired him a long time ago to watch me. He was my friend, Remi. Why would he be on that phone?” Remi shifts so that he’s leaning against the wall with me in his lap. He runs his hand through his hair and blows out a breath.
“They wanted the proof, Giselle. I don’t know why,” he says softly. Kred steps in front of us, ushering everyone else away before he kneels down.
“You know his last name, darlin’? anything else you can give me?”
“Andre is tall. Like six four. Dark skin and gay. He goes to Rubylee’s on Saturdays to the drag shows when he isn’t watching me. He’s my best friend,” my words come out as a whisper. Kred nods his head before reaching out and wiping a tear from my cheek.
“He callin’ back?” Kred turns his attention to Remi.
“Yeah. Anytime now.”
“I want it on speaker in the office. I want her to be sure that it’s his voice she’s hearin’.” Remi nods but my body tenses.
“It’s okay, babe. I’m not goin’ anywhere. I’ll be right there with you the whole time, yeah?” I look up at Remi and nod slowly.
“He was always with me, Remi. We talked about everything and I was even upset when I did finally leave because I left him.” Remi leans down pressing his lips to mine. The gentlest kiss he’s ever given me nearly takes my breath away. Remi pulls back before standing and setting me on my feet. He keeps his arm wrapped tightly around me as he leads me into the office and closes the door behind us.
“Don’t say a word. Just listen so that we can confirm its him,” Kred says making sure he locks eyes with me as he says each word.
“I understand.” Remi sits me in a chair before moving to stand behind me, massaging my shoulders as we wait. Again, we wait. I nearly bold out of my seat when Remi’s phone rings. His hands tighten on my shoulders before he moves them to answer the phone and turn on the speaker.
“Yeah?”
“I want the body,” Andre says into the line. My heart races and it’s all I can do to not scream at him.
“Since when is that an option? Never been asked for a body before,” Remi answers keeping his cool about him. I glance up at him and see that he is in fact under control even though Andre is asking for my dead body to be handed over to him.
“We’ll pay extra. The father of the girl is very influential and we need to make sure things are handled accordingly.” I wrap my arms around my stomach fearing that everything I’ve ate today will come back up.
“My kill, my rules,” Remi growls into the phone. Kred paces slowly careful not to make a sound.
“What the hell do you want for it? We need that goddamn body!” Andre screams into the phone, a tone I’ve never heard come out of him before. I jolt slightly as I listen to him speak.
“Fuck it. You want the goddamn body, it’s yours but on my fuckin’ time not yours. Some people do have lives and jobs, yeah?” My mouth hangs open and so does Kred’s. Neither of us know what the hell is running through Remi’s mind right now and honestly? I’m afraid to find out.
21
Remi
“How long?” the bastard snaps into the line. Fuck him. He thinks he’s getting shit from me? That motherfucker is crazy.
“Few days at the most.” I listen to the silence on the other end. I can’t bring myself to look at Giselle. I can only imagine what is running through her head right now. I know I’m not making things easier either.
“You have until Wednesday,” he snarls into the line. I laugh into the speaker.
“If I don’t bring it on Wednesday, what the fuck are you gonna do? You forget who the fuck you’re talkin’ to?” laughing might not be my best decision ever but I can hear him growling in the other end which gets my point across. Before I can say anything further, the line goes dead.
“What the fuck was that?” Kred snaps in my direction. His hands are on his hips and his eyes are ice fucking cold.
“Remi, I’m not dead!” Giselle squeals and jumps from her seat.
“I know that. You will be,” I wink at her. Her mouth hangs open when Kred moves toward me.
“Tell me you got a goddamn plan here, Remi cause right now I think you’re fuckin’ delusional!” I laugh a little more before grabbing Giselle and pulling her into my arms.
“I got a few days to make it happen. Think about it. If it’s Andre that set this up why would he need the body?” Kred lets that sink in for a second before looking between me and Giselle.
“He wouldn’t. Only daddy would.”
“There you go. I don’t give a shit why he did it, I give a shit that he did it. Now we need to figure out how to get in unnoticed.”
“You’re going to kill him, aren’t you?” Giselle asks looking over her shoulder at me. With her back pressed to my chest, I can feel the way she trembles.
“Giselle, I need you to understand what’s happenin’ here. He tried to have you killed. Somethin’ that belongs t
o me! No one fucks with what’s mine!” I roar loud enough to cause her to flinch. She tilts her head, clearly still confused.
“I wasn’t yours when he ordered the kill though.”
“Means shit now. You are now and that’s what fuckin’ matters.” Kred grunts his agreement from the other side of the room before he walks closer and leans against the table.
“He’s my dad. He’s powerful,” Giselle grumbles under her breath.
“Look at me.” I spin her around but her eyes never meet mine. “Look at me!” I growl low in my throat. Her eyes come to mine and I can see that fear. I know what Suzi is trying to do and I pray to fucking God she doesn’t come through and mess this up.
“He wants you dead,” I say bluntly. She blinks a few times and I know I lost her. I can feel it.
“Stop touching me,” she snaps pulling out of my grasp. Fuck! Guess praying was for nothing. God doesn’t seem to like me all that much anyway.
“Suzi, come on. You know this has to be done.” She shakes her head and steps back a little more.
“He adopted us,” she says softly.
“And hated every fuckin’ thing about you both!” I take a step toward her as she watches me warily.
“He just doesn’t understand us. He never has. That doesn’t mean he should die,” she says although the look on her face doesn’t match her statement. I move quickly, trapping her arms at her sides as I look her in the eyes.
“He wanted to kill her, Suzi. That’s no different than what happened to her when she was younger. You protected her then. Remember?” her eyes soften as the memories play through her mind.