by Erin Trejo
“That’s her.”
“Not what I expected. I mean, she’s cute but not what I pictured you with,” he adds. What the hell does that even mean? I glare at him until he speaks. “Just thought you’d have a big tittied blonde. Not some little redhead.” He laughs but I don’t think it’s all that funny.
“We were young. It’s all the past, yeah?”
“Not the way it looks to me.”
“Look, Chip. You’re my boy and all, but if she’s gonna be lurkin’ around, I’m out, man. I can’t deal with the old bullshit. Not right now,” I tell him even though I feel like shit for it.
“I’ll talk to Josie. Have her keep her distance.”
Nodding my head, I run my hand through my hair.
“Appreciate that.”
We climb in and pull up to the doors. Josie wheels her out and opens the back door, ushering her into the truck. Chip leaps out to help her and I sit here like the fucking bastard that I am.
“We need to stop and get her medicine,” Josie says. Chip nods.
Sometimes I wonder why he’s my friend when he’s such a good guy. I’m beneath him, shit under his shoe. Once everyone is settled in, we head to the pharmacy. The tension in the truck is stifling. It pisses me off more than anything. I came here to help Chip out. I never thought the one thing I ever cared about and gutted me would be there staring me in the face. I didn’t want this. I didn’t plan it. In fact, I want to get far away from all the memories she’s brought back and her. I don’t want to be around her. Like everything else in my life, it was completely fucked up.
Chip and Josie head inside to get Harper’s medicine when I feel her hand on my shoulder. I close my eyes, willing myself to not snap at her. Trying to be decent and not cause her anymore stress.
“Get your hand off me,” I say in a low gruff tone.
“I didn’t know, Lynx,” she says softly, her hand still in place. My body trembles just like it did all those years ago. It’s her. It’s always fucking been her.
“I mean it, Harper. You don’t know me anymore.”
Her fingers tighten.
“I didn’t know you would get out, Lynx. He said you got life,” she says in a pleading tone. I shake her hand off and climb out of the truck, leaving the door open. I start walking when she screams at me.
“He said you got life! What did you expect me to do?” I clench my hands into fists before turning to look at her.
“Does that make it better? Does that help you fuckin’ sleep at night? Does it?” I roar.
She climbs out of the truck and moves toward me slowly, not backing down. If she gets too close, I might snap. I might lose it and I can’t. I can’t do that. Not to her.
“No, but you said to run and I did. I did what you wanted me to do, Lynx! I went to find you!”
“No, you took the easy way out. I get it, Harper. I was nothin’ back then just like I am now. I fuckin’ get that okay?”
“No you don’t!”
“I do! You wanted somethin’ better. How many girls would want a man who went to prison? I understand, Harper. I’ve hated you for doin’ that to me for the last five years. This, seeing you and hearin’ your reasons, changes nothin’,” I inform her.
“You…you hate me?” she asks her lips quivering. She’s on the verge of tears and there is nothing I can do to help her. It’s fucked up. It’s all fucked up.
“More than you know. I nearly killed for you, Harper. I wanted to but fuck! I knew if I killed him, I’d lose you forever.”
“What did you expect from me?”
“I expected you to be there! I expected the girl I loved to stand by me. I was a complete fuckin’ mess, Harper. You, just you, were the only thing that got me through most days, but then I realized you were gone. I felt like a complete fuckin’ idiot. You never loved me!”
“I did love you!”
Now she cries. I’m laying it all out on the line and she cries. Fucking cries! Anger surges inside of me. Chip and Josie walk back out and look between us. The emotional showdown is about to burst. I’m about to lose control.
“You walked, Harper. You walked.”
She moves quickly, grabbing my shirt in her fists. She looks up at me through the tears. “I loved you, Lynx! I thought you were never getting out; don’t you get that?”
“It was all a mistake. I made a mistake lovin’ you, Harper.” The words burn my throat like fucking acid. She shakes her head as tears stream down her soft cheeks.
“Don’t tell me you don’t feel anything for me, Lynx!”
“I don’t. Not anymore.” Lies. It’s all fucking lies. I feel like my walls are caving in. She’s breaking me again and I’m not going to let her. I can’t be that guy again, but her tears, her admissions, they are all overwhelming me and the fact that she is standing this close to me is killing me.
“You liar! You told me you’d always love me, Lynx! You lied!” She tries to shake me slightly but it doesn’t work. I don’t budge as she begins to hit and punch. I let her do it. Maybe this is what she’s needed all these years. She needs to be free of whatever was holding her back.
“You told me you’d always be there for me, Harper. You lied,” I say softly. She looks up at me with swollen, tear-filled eyes. I swallow hard, not letting my emotions show. I won’t. Not for her. I look away and find Chip watching us intently. I give him a nod, and as if he knew what I was trying to say, he walks over and wraps his arm around Harper, trying to pull her away from me.
“You’re just going to pretend we didn’t happen?” she screams as he tightens his hold.
“In my head? We never did,” I hiss the words.
Her eyes widen, her mouth falling open before heart-wrenching sobs fall from her lips. I take a deep breath and turn, walking away. I don’t give a shit how far it is.
I need the air.
I need the silence.
I need to forget that she ever meant anything to me.
80
Harper
Josie stayed with me all weekend. I know the bar needed her, but I couldn’t help but feel grateful for having her here with me.
“How are you feeling?” she asks as we sit at the table.
“Better. Thanks for staying with me, Josie. You didn’t have to.”
“Of course I did. You needed me and that’s what friends are for.” She smiles sweetly.
“I didn’t mean to cause a scene. I didn’t think.”
“It’s fine. No one was there, Harper. No one knows what’s going on. I made it clear to Chip that it was all to stay between us.”
“Thanks for that. I don’t think I could face the girls if they all know what happened,” I tell her, bringing my coffee to my lips. I let the burn coat my throat as my heart settles inside of me.
“You still love him?”
“Love who?” I close my eyes just as I hear Luke’s voice. Perfect timing. He walks in, leaning down to press a kiss to my cheek. “You feeling better? I’m sorry I couldn’t make it back. I had so many meetings.”
I wave him off not listening to what he’s saying. Of course he had to work. I know that.
“I’m fine. Well rested and ready to go,” I say, plastering a fake smile on my face.
“That’s good. I’m glad you’re feeling better. What were you two talking about?” he asks, setting a package on the table in front of me.
“What’s that?”
“Don’t know. It was on your porch so I brought it in,” he says as he makes his way into the kitchen. I reach for the box and peel the tape off before looking inside. My heart nearly stops as I gasp.
“What the hell?” Josie asks. She stands up and moves to stand next to me, looking into the box. She doesn’t gasp. She screams. Luke comes running back into the room looking around like someone was killed.
“What?” he snaps.
“The box,” I whisper. Luke moves to look before throwing up on the floor next to us.
“Is that…?”
“A fin
ger,” I whisper. What the hell is happening? Why me? What does this mean?
“I’m calling the cops,” Josie says.
“No! Get Lynx,” I tell her. She looks at me like I’ve grown two heads. “This has to be related to him,” I add.
“How the hell would this be related?” she screams as she pulls her phone out.
“Just tell him he needs to see this!” I scream back.
“What the hell is a Lynx?” Luke asks.
Oh my God. That ring. I know that ring. I’ve seen it more times than I can count, but why was this sent to me? What the hell does this mean? I was never a part of that world aside from Lynx. “Harper? Who the hell is Lynx?”
“My ex.”
“What?”
“My ex. He’s my ex from Texas, Luke,” I say softly trying to keep my breakfast from coming back up.
“What the hell do you need him for?”
“He’s here,” Josie adds.
“In Nashville?”
“Yes, genius!” Josie yells at him before leaving the room to talk on the phone.
My heart is hammering in my chest. How is this happening? No one knew where I went.
“What is all this? There’s someone’s…”
“Finger,” I add in for him.
“Yeah! In a goddamn box at your house, Harper. What kind of people were you mixed up with?”
Anger surges inside of me. How dare he?
“What kind of people? Are you serious? I was in fucking foster homes all my life. I was beaten and used! Abused. You know what? Get out of my house, Luke!” I can’t take anymore. I can’t deal with this. I stand to my feet and run to the front door as tears leak down my cheeks. No one knew I was here! Flinging the door open, I run out only to slam into a hard chest. Hands land on my shoulders as my body trembles. I’m shaking and I can’t seem to stop.
“What the hell happened?” His voice is deep and throaty.
Even after all these years, I still want to curl up inside of him just like I used to and hide from the rest of the world. I want to stay in his arms and listen to him tell me that everything will be okay, but that’s not going to happen anymore. Never again because he hates me now.
“Someone sent a box here,” I say through the hiccups. Lynx passes me off to Chip before storming in the door.
“Son of a bitch!” I hear him roar even from outside. Chip holds me tighter, keeping me close to him.
“You okay?” I can’t answer. I shake my head when Lynx comes back out with the box in hand.
“No one knew where I went, Lynx.”
“Someone did!”
“I never told anyone,” I whisper.
Josie and Luke both come outside looking between us all. Lynx is running his hand through his hair, completely pissed off.
“How the hell did you get here so fast?” Josie asks, looking to Chip.
“We were picking up some supplies and just about to head back to work when you called,” he says, keeping me pulled against him. Luke’s eyes move over everyone out here before stopping on mine. I open my mouth, but he just shakes his head before I can say anything.
“Who the fuck are you?” Lynx growls as he eyes Luke.
“Her boyfriend,” he says, holding his head high. Lynx chuckles under his breath. I pull out of Chip’s arms and turn to him.
“What the hell does this mean, Lynx?”
He blows out a breath before running his hand through his hair again. God, I remember what it used to feel like when I’d do it.
“I don’t know. No one knows where I am except one person.”
“Your dad?”
“You really think I’d fuckin’ tell him where I went?” he yells at me.
“Don’t scream at her!” Luke steps in between us.
I move around him, inserting myself between the two of them. I’m more than capable of taking care of myself and they both need to realize it.
“No one knows I’m here! There is no fucking way. I’ve been here for the last five years, Lynx, and I’ve never had a problem until now!”
Lynx steps closer to me, invading my space.
“I’ve only been here a few weeks, Harper. There’s no way in fuck they knew I was comin’.”
“So now what?” I challenge him back.
“Nothin’. You and the accountant go back to your borin’ little lives,” he hisses. My chest aches as I look into his eyes.
“And that box?”
“It’s nothin’ to you. It’s my past, not yours.”
“It was sent to my house, asshole!”
“Then get a fuckin’ dog, Harper!” With that he turns and walks away from me.
The rest of us stand here in a stunned silence unable to comprehend what just happened here. I for one am confused as hell. Luke stands with his mouth hanging open, pissing me off a little more.
“I think that went well,” Josie adds, breaking the tension. I giggle unable to stop myself. I don’t know what the hell I’m laughing at. None of this is funny, but the bubbling laughter refuses to be contained.
“It was a finger,” I laugh harder.
“You think that’s funny?” Luke asks, looking at me in disgust.
“A little. I mean, if it was a hand that might have been worse, but it was only one finger!” I double over holding my stomach as I laugh harder. It’s borderline hysteria, but I’m helpless to stop it. Josie walks over, placing a hand on my shoulder before pulling me in for a hug. This sobers me instantly.
“No one knew I was here, Josie. No one.”
81
Lynx
“You sure you don’t mind me stayin’ here?” I ask Chip as I carry in my small bag.
“Nah, you’re welcome here. You’ll meet my brother now and I know Josie doesn’t mind if you’re here.”
I cringe at the thought. Where there’s Josie there’s Harper. I don’t want to see her but a part of me is dying inside. She looks so goddamn gorgeous, just like I remembered her. Her hair’s longer, her body filled out more in all the right places.
“Appreciate you lettin’ me stay. The clubhouse was gettin’ into shit and I don’t wanna end up back in the pen. Not yet anyway,” I chuckle. Chip laughs and leads me down a hallway.
“Fuck that. We did enough time. This is the spare room. Mine and Stan’s are upstairs. You got free reign, man.”
I drop my bag onto the bed before turning to him. He pulls me in, patting my back in a man hug that I’ve grown used to from him. Before, I didn’t like anyone touching me. I didn’t like anyone that close to me. But I’ve let him in and gotten used to his ways. He’s like a brother to me so it doesn’t bother me anymore.
“I mean it, Chip. Thanks for all this,” I tell him once more.
“You kept me sane in there, man. Kept my ass out of trouble. This is the least I can do for you.”
I nod my head as he turns to leave the room. Dropping down onto the bed, I sigh. I don’t know what the hell is happening to me. Pulling my phone out, I call the one person who can help me figure this out. Vic.
“Hey?”
“Got a question for you,” I say, trying to keep my tone as calm as possible.
“What’s up, brother?”
“Shit’s off, brother. I’m workin’, yeah? It’s all good ‘til I see the girl workin’ next door.” I pause to gather my thoughts before I drop my bomb. “It’s Harper.”
“What the fuck? You’re shittin’ me? What the hell is she doin’ out there?”
I listen intently to the sound of his voice, trying to pick out any lie that may be slipping through, but just like I thought, I don’t hear it.
“Don’t know, brother. How’s shit there?”
“It’s goin’. Just like always. Miss the fuck outta you, but we’re good.”
“Nothin’ interestin’ happenin’?” I need to know what he knows without giving him too much information. If this shit didn’t come from my dad, I don’t know who would be behind it.
“Hell no. You know how
it is around here. Just doin’ what we do, Lynx. You good? Like for real? Need anything?”
“No, man. I’m good. Just checkin’ in.” Lies. It’s all I ever do anymore. I lie about everything. My thoughts, my feelings. Everything.
“Good to hear your voice, brother. Keep in touch,” Vic says before the line goes dead.
I stuff my phone back in my pocket before standing and grabbing my cigarettes. I head back out of the room and back outside, dropping onto the porch to light up.
“Can I ask you something?”
I hear Josie’s voice next to me. I look over my shoulder and see her standing in the doorway.
“Suppose so.”
“What was your relationship with Harper?”
I blow the smoke through my nose, looking out at the sky. “She was my girlfriend before I went to prison. I beat the fuck outta her foster dad.”
“She said you told her to run. You saved her,” she adds.
“Yeah, somethin’ like that.”
“She still has feelings for you, for what it’s worth,” she says softly.
I inhale deeply, pulling the nicotine into my lungs before shoving up and turning to face her. I don’t want to have this conversation with her. Not after seeing Harper. That brought back far too many feelings that I’ve long since kept locked away. The thought of her leaving me still pisses me off.
“Don’t matter anymore. I appreciate what you’re doin’, but me and Harper are done. She left me, and that’s somethin’ I’m not sure I can forgive.”
She watches me closely before nodding her head. “I understand that. Just thought you might like to know that she never got over you completely,” she says.
“What’s going on out here?” Another man that looks just like Chip appears.
“Nothing. Just talking to our guest,” Josie says with a smile.
“I’m Stan.”
“Lynx.”
“Good to meet the man that kept my brother’s head straight,” he says, shaking my hand.
“He did a lot for me, too,” I tell him in return.
“Is your friend still coming for dinner?” he asks, turning to Josie. Her cheeks turn pink as she quickly looks away from me.