But it didn’t matter, because once she actually added up all those little things about Christopher Riley, they amounted to one clear reality.
Oh no. I think I have a crush on Chris now.
She tried not to let the panic show on her face, but she failed, because when Chris, all confidence and smiles, looked over at the giggling girls and his eyes met hers, the glow of his face darkened instantly and his grin drooped at the corners as his eyes popped open in shock and … fear? Crap! She hadn’t meant to spook him by staring at him like that; she was just confused. He hurried on past her group of friends and glanced back at her over his shoulder one last time before disappearing out of sight around the corner.
“Oh my gosh,” Sandra said. “I think he’s scared of Jessica.”
Jess looked around at her friends and felt her face flush.
“I don’t blame him,” Courtney said. “We all know she’s a little crazy.”
When Emma and Sandra started to giggle, Jess forced out a laugh too. Because laughing was all she could do if she wanted to keep the precarious friendships she’d scrounged together. It was a minor sacrifice when it came down to it. And this wasn’t elementary school anymore; this was junior high. Being popular was a zero-sum game, one her life literally depended on if she ever wanted to see thirty-four.
* * *
Jess hadn’t expected it to be so difficult to ask her mom to sign the permission slip. It was just a stupid piece of paper. But the walk home from school had allowed her time to consider the ramifications of broaching the subject of sex with her mother, and, though she didn’t know much about sex, she suspected talking about it with Destinee might cross a line that her mother would immediately cause her to regret crossing. But Mr. Foster had been clear about getting it signed, and Jess definitely didn’t want to be the only one who had to sit out during sex ed.
So, once she threw her bag down at the kitchen table and Destinee walked in from whatever she was doing in the bedroom, Jess worked up the courage she needed by reminding herself how it would feel to have to miss out on what all her friends would undoubtedly spend the last week before spring break discussing.
She pulled the permission slip from her backpack. “So, like, Mr. Foster said we need our parents to sign this … or whatever,” she finished, taking a page from Mr. Foster’s book of How to Not Give a Shit.
“Uh, okay.” Destinee looked for a pen, found one in their crap drawer, and walked over to the table, where she leaned over, holding the form down with her left hand and hastily scanning for where to sign. Once she found it, she lowered the pen to the paper, and for a split second, Jess thought that maybe her mom wouldn’t even read it and all the worrying had been for nothing.
She let herself relax and sat across the table from where her mother stood.
But then Destinee laughed. “Oh shit. They got y’all doing this in the seventh grade? You poor things. Don’t eat anything before watching the slideshow.”
“What slideshow?”
Destinee continued reading the handout and the amusement disappeared from her face.
“What slideshow?” Jess asked, desperate for an answer.
“Son of a bitch.”
“What? What is it?”
Destinee rotated the permission slip so it was right-side-up for Jess and pointed to a section at the bottom. “You didn’t even read this, did you?”
“No, why?” Jess leaned in to see. In tiny letters at the bottom of the page was, A White Light Ministries Community Service.
“Jesus,” said Destinee. “This is going to be a goddamn mess. I have half a mind to check No on this thing and educate you on sex myself.”
“Please don’t.”
Destinee eyed her daughter closely. “Yeah, I guess I don’t know much about it either, outside of how to do it and how to get knocked up. That’s about what you’ll learn, too, though, so don’t be expecting anything useful. You’re probably better off just watching a few more of those nature shows.”
Jess took a deep breath and let it out slowly when Destinee finally checked the Yes box and signed the paper. “I don’t want you to be one of those kids who grows up ashamed of sex, but I also don’t want you to be one of the kids who gets made fun of for not getting to do the sex ed. So just do me a favor and don’t listen to anything they tell you, and then you and I will learn about good sex together … in like, five years. Does that work?”
Jess nodded and wanted nothing more than for this conversation to be over.
“But you gotta promise me one thing, Jess. You gotta promise you won’t have sex before we get a chance to learn about good sex, okay?”
“Okay.” That was an easy enough promise to make, considering that Jess had no desire to ever have sex with anyone, based upon the little she knew about it.
Destinee looked down at the paper again. “Abstinence. Ha! Do you know what abstinence is?”
Jess tried to remember Mr. Foster’s explanation, but it was too complicated. “No.”
“It means not having sex till you’re married.”
“Why should people wait until marriage?”
Destinee thought about that for a second. “Because it’s the right thing to do, I guess.”
“So … are you and God married?”
“No.”
“Were God and Jesus’s mom—”
“Mary,” supplied Destinee.
“Were God and Mary married?”
Destinee squinted at the air above Jess’s left shoulder and pursed her lips slightly. “I don’t think so.”
“But if waiting till marriage is the right thing to do, then why didn’t God do it?”
Destinee sighed and sat down in a chair across from Jess. “Well, I guess because it’s not a practical thing to do. And he’s God. He makes the rules, so he can be the exception to the rule.”
That sounded like God logic.
“Five years, though, baby. You gotta wait five years.”
Till she was seventeen? Yeah, no problem there. That was how old her mother was when she’d had her, though. A brand new question surfaced in Jess’s mind, and because she was thinking in terms of math, it slipped from her lips before she could stop it. “Wait, how old were you when you first had sex?”
Destinee jumped up from the table. “You hungry? I was thinking spaghetti tonight.”
* * *
“I basically know all there is to know about sex,” Chris said as Jess approached the small group standing just outside her homeroom the following Thursday morning. Miranda was looking at him with a pained expression, as was Trent. “How do you know everything already?” Trent asked.
Chris opened his mouth to reply but then noticed Jessica. “Uhh … I don’t know. We should get to class.”
She stared at him for a moment. “You don’t have to stop talking just because I’m here.”
“Uh, yeah I do.”
Jessica shook her head slightly. “Why? I’m not going to be offended.”
“Because you’re the daughter of God.” The words tumbled out of his mouth like he was vomiting them.
“No, she’s not,” Trent began. But then he seemed to remember something, and he glanced at Jess and swallowed down the rest of what he was planning to say.
“Yes, she is, Trent,” Miranda said loyally.
“It doesn’t matter either way,” Jess interjected. “It’s not like I’m a spy for him. He can hear what you say and see what you do no matter where I am. And trust me, he doesn’t care.” As a last-ditch effort, she added, “Also, have you met my mom?”
But Chris wasn’t buying it. “Yeah. We better get to class.”
How did people not understand how God worked? She wasn’t going to tattle on anyone, because that was entirely unnecessary. God already knew, and for the most part, He didn’t seem to care much. About anything.
The throng of students in the hallway parted for Mrs. Thomas, who shooed away the boys to Mr. Foster’s and Mr. Miller’s classrooms, where they would b
e educated on sex separately from the girls. Jess was glad about that. Almost more so than she was about it being the last day before spring break.
All thirty-two of the sixth grade girls were rounded up into one of the larger classrooms, meaning Jess had no chance of being allowed a respite from the company of Courtney, Emma, and Sandra, which she really could have used, despite them now being her friends.
The desks had been removed from the room to accommodate more chairs, and as Jess filed in with her clique, she saw Mrs. Thomas standing at the front with two women Jess didn’t recognize, not even a little bit. One was tall and thin, with long, straightened light brown hair and a heart-shaped face. Jess couldn’t guess the woman’s age. From the way she stood and the way she dressed—sharp, professional, with a bright blue satin shirt under a chocolate brown suit jacket and matching pants—Jess guessed her to be in her late thirties. But her face was sweet and youthful, with freckles spattered over the bridge of her small but sharp nose and a complete lack of bags under her eyes. Jess wanted to like this woman.
The second woman was even shorter and rounder than Mrs. Thomas, easily pushing two-fifty, with thick, coarse black hair that she slicked back into a tight braid and might have served well as a helmet, considering the amount of gel holding it in place. Her smile appeared surgically pinned to her face and clashed with the intensity in her eyes as she scanned each of the girls who walked by from head to toe. When Emma passed in her short-shorts, the woman’s eyes lingered on the girl’s thighs for a moment and her smile melted into a disapproving frown while her eyes narrowed the slightest bit before jumping to the next girl walking through the door.
Mrs. Thomas waited for the students to be seated but not for the anxious chatter to die down before she addressed the class. “You all know me,” she said, and the chatter ceased immediately, “and I hope that you feel comfortable enough to talk about sex in front of me. Much to Sandra’s chagrin, I’m sure, I have an active sex life in my marriage and don’t want you to be too scared to ask your questions about sex. Now’s the time because we have with us today Dr. Monica Fractal”—at the mention of the name, Emma leaned over and whispered excitedly to Sandra, though Jess wasn’t sure why—“and Mrs. Jamie Reyes. Doctor Fractal is a gynecologist over at Midland Memorial Hospital, and Mrs. Reyes is part of the sex education program that our school leaders and PTA have contracted out to.” Mrs. Thomas smiled stiffly, her lips peeling back to bare her teeth while the skin around her eyes remained unmoved. “Now. Before we start, does anyone have any questions for Dr. Fractal or Mrs. Reyes?”
Emma’s hand shot up and Mrs. Thomas pointed to her. “Are you related to Jameson Fractal?”
The majority of the class giggled. Jess had zero idea why.
Dr. Fractal smiled. “Yes. He’s my little brother.”
As most of the girls gasped and some idiot screamed, Jess leaned over to Miranda to whisper, “Who’s that?”
Miranda listened then leaned back, looked at Jess, and shrugged.
Mrs. Thomas quieted down the class. “Okay, now that we have that out of the way, do we have any sex education questions right off the bat?”
The class was still lost in a torrent of whispers though, and no one seemed to have education—not even pertaining to sex—on the mind.
“Okay, then. We’ll go ahead and get started.” She headed to her laptop as Mrs. Reyes and Dr. Fractal took a seat in two chairs at the front of the classroom, facing the whiteboard that displayed the projection. “We’re going to get started by watching a short video that will teach us about the female body.” Mrs. Thomas pressed play, and as the movie began, she took her seat next to Dr. Fractal.
The background music was flat and wobbly, and the drawings reminded Jess of the Looney Tunes she sometimes watched when nature shows weren’t on or were about boring things like human tribes.
“You may feel some changes in your body that seem scary—but don’t worry! They’re completely normal and just as God intended.”
Jess could feel eyes dart to her face at the mention of God. But she kept her gaze focused on the projection and tried to ignore it, which was easy enough to do when her mind was busy scrambling to make sense of the information being presented in the form of bolded captions and poorly animated images.
Oh, and then there was the blood. How had no one mentioned the blood before? Sure, she knew that female mammals went into heat, but she’d always assumed humans were the exception, because if they weren’t, it seemed like someone would have mentioned it to her, even if it was as simple as, “Oh by the way, enjoy life while you can, because at some point soon you’ll start bleeding from your vagina for one week out of every month.” The fact that men didn’t have to deal with anything even close to that—at least that she knew about yet—seemed grossly unfair. How was she supposed to get anything done during the week she was bleeding? It was like someone was stealing a quarter of her adult life from her and saying, “See? Women are doomed from the start.”
God. He did this. This had His fingerprints all over it. As soon as she was done taking in all the ammunition she could get from this video, He would be hearing from her.
The video ended on a graphic of clouds floating in a serene blue sky before parting to make way for the important takeaways, which were written in bold, red letters that floated closer to the viewer, where they hovered until the narrator could read through each of them.
✓The female body is full of mystery and awe
✓Your body is a temple that should not be tainted until marriage
✓Menstruation is the body’s way of cleansing itself once a month
✓Tampons and contraceptives can cause cervical cancer and unsightly stretching that will make sex less pleasurable for your future husband
The video ended and the image changed to the desktop of Mrs. Thomas’s laptop, a picture of a fiery orange sun setting over a field of bluebonnets. The room was silent as Mrs. Thomas stood, cleared her throat, and walked over to cue up the next video without saying a word.
God! GOD!
Jess waited for an answer. When she didn’t receive one she tried to think of ways to force Him to show up. Persistence was the only thing she could think of.
God! Where are you? I need to talk to you! Now! God!
SO DEMANDING. WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Where did she even start?
Why do girls have to have periods but boys don’t?
OH ME. MUST WE HAVE THIS TALK RIGHT NOW?
Obviously not, because you make the rules, but come on! What’s with menstruation?
PLEASE. IT’S REALLY NOT THAT BAD.
You have a lot of nerve to make women deal with that and then say it’s really not that bad.
TOUCHE, BUT AT LEAST YOU HAVE TAMPONS FOR IT NOW. AND MEDICATION. BOTH ARE MIRACULOUS, AND TRUST ME, I KNOW.
But tampons cause cancer and unsightly stretching.
SAYS WHO?
You, I thought.
NOPE. WASN’T ME.
Okay, then this video said it.
OH. UM. NO, I DON’T THINK THAT’S CORRECT.
You’re not sure how the female body works?!
LISTEN, I’VE BEEN SORT OF HANDS OFF WITH ALL THAT SINCE ORIGINAL MISTAKE. I LET EVOLUTION RUN ITS COURSE.
Ugh. You’re no help.
Mrs. Thomas introduced the next video. “This one is about how boys’ bodies work so that you’re not completely taken by surprise when they start acting weird around you.”
This video seemed about as old as the first, but instead of the background music being mostly flutes and some piano, the video faded in from black to the sound of gunfire and war drums.
“Men … the sex that stands between safety and chaos. The protectors of the innocent and bringers of justice …”
Jess accidentally zoned out until a giant cartoon of a penis appeared on the whiteboard. She didn’t have to know about sex to recognize a penis when she saw one. All animals had them.
“When a man becomes s
exually aroused, blood pumps into the penis to prepare him for intercourse, if necessary. For a young man, anything from the picture of a naked woman to a girl wearing a knee-length skirt can set off arousal, making it difficult for him to complete whatever task is at hand, even if it’s something as important as defending this great nation from Communists or Orientals …”
THEY REALLY NEED A NEW VIDEO.
What are Orientals?
ASIANS.
Wait. Like Stephanie Lee? Why do we need to be defended from them?
WE DON’T.
I don’t really understand.
THAT’S OKAY.
This video finished up with similar bullet points as the first, though the tone of the narrator’s voice was markedly more assertive.
✓Erections can be triggered by any female
✓A male with an erection will find it difficult to make good choices
✓Females in provocative clothing risk being raped
✓Keeping women out of the military is a necessary step for national security
By the time the video ended, Dr. Fractal was visibly upset, with stress lines cutting across her forehead, tipping the balance and pushing her appearance closer to forty than twenty. But Mrs. Reyes’s eyes finally matched her plastered grin as she sat up straight in her chair, her hands folded in her lap.
“Okay,” Mrs. Thomas continued, sounding exhausted. “One more video. I think this one needs no introduction, even if I could find the proper words to give it context.”
She pressed play, and returned in her chair to face the projection wall.
The Beginning (Jessica Christ Book 1) Page 14