Chapter 9
After a couple of weeks and with Leslie’s blessing, Meredith was ready to take another step forward. No more just getting reacquainted with physical intimacy, it was time to move into some kink. Light kink, nothing overly hardcore yet, but not just vanilla sex with safe words.
To say I was nervous was a fucking understatement.
I walked through Meredith’s front door at a little past eight, and as soon as that door closed behind me, a chill ran down my spine. I’m here. We’re really doing this. And even out here in the hallway, both fully dressed and making small talk like the once-lovers, near-strangers we were, I couldn’t shake the feeling of stepping into a minefield.
“Anything to drink?” She glanced over her shoulder on the way into her kitchen, gesturing with the glass of water she’d been drinking when she came to the door.
“No, I’m okay. Thanks.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
She drained the water glass, then set it in the sink. The small talk ground to a halt and Meredith didn’t look at me. Awkward silence descended. We both knew why I was here. Someone just needed to say the word and we’d be in her bedroom, and if I thought walking down the hall and into her kitchen was a minefield, the bedroom could only be worse.
Might as well jump right in.
“Before we go in the other room,” I said, resting my hip against the counter, “let’s talk rules.”
She shifted her weight. “Rules?”
I nodded. “In a consensual Dom/sub scenario, rules are established upfront. To make sure everyone knows what they’re getting into and everyone’s safety and well-being are taken into consideration.”
She gave a single sharp sniff of bitter laughter. “What a concept.”
“Welcome to safe, sane, and consensual.”
“Okay, so these… rules.” She raised her eyebrows. “What kinds of rules?”
“Well, things either of us won’t do, for example.” I hooked my thumbs in the belt loops of my jeans. “There are hard limits and soft limits. Hard limits would be the things you absolutely won’t do, soft would be those you might consider under the right circumstances. Make sense?”
“Yeah.”
“My one non-negotiable hard limit is choking,” I said. “I absolutely will not choke you.”
She shuddered. “I don’t think that’ll be an issue.”
“I know, I didn’t figure it would be something you’d want. But I wanted to put it out on the table so you know where I stand. Now, are you okay with me touching your neck at all? Or would you prefer I didn’t?”
Probably not even realizing what she was doing, she raised one hand and rubbed the sides of her throat. “I’m fine with you kissing my neck, but nothing else.”
I nodded. “Kissing, nothing else. Noted. What about bondage and restraints?”
A shudder straightened her spine. “I can handle being bound, just…” She trailed off.
“Just what?”
She took a deep breath. “Just don’t leave me when I’m bound.”
I cringed. “Fucking hell.” I shook my head. “Baby, I would never, ever leave a sub alone while she was tied. I promise you, if I’ve tied you, cuffed you, restrained you, or in any way immobilized you, I will always be in the same room. Always.”
Another breath, and this time her shoulders slowly fell. She rolled them, loosening some tension. “That’s all I ask.”
“Trust me, you don’t even have to ask. But I’m glad you mentioned it anyway.” I paused. “Are you okay with flogging? I mean, does it irritate your scars or anything like that?”
“No, no, it’s fine,” she said. “Though they’ll sometimes itch if I work up a sweat and don’t put any lotion or anything on them.”
I nodded. “Not to worry. I always put lotion on a sub after I flog her.”
“It shouldn’t be a problem, then.”
“They don’t cause you any pain?”
She shook her head.
“Good.” I chewed my lip. “Okay, I don’t want to bring him into this any more than I have to, but I need to know: did Rich make you call him by any title? Sir, anything like that?”
“Master.” She spat out the word. Through her teeth, she added, “He made me call him Master.”
“Did he ever have you call him or anyone else Sir?”
“No.”
Thank God for that. At least he left something unscathed. “Then that’s what you’ll call me.” I thumbed my chin. “Are you okay with that?”
She nodded.
“Tell me your safe words.”
She licked her lips. “Red to stop, yellow to back off.”
“Good. And since we’re moving into a little bit of kink now, one thing I can’t emphasize enough is to always err on the side of caution with your safe words. I will never, ever punish you or give you a hard time if you use one. Anything we’ve stopped can always be started again, and using a safe word is never a form of disobedience. Understood?”
Another nod.
“You sure you’re ready for this?”
A fleeting second of hesitation preceded the whispered, “Yes.”
I took a step toward her, resting my hand on her waist. Touching her face with my other, I said, “Do you trust me?”
“Yes,” she said quickly. “You know I do.”
“Let’s do this, then.”
Meredith took a deep breath, then led me down the hall to her bedroom. There, we kicked her cat out, much to his great disgust, and closed the door.
Enclosed in her room, she turned to me. She looked me in the eye and squared her shoulders, but couldn’t quite hide her nerves. Her breathing was deliberately slow; the long, deep breaths of someone trying to counter a thundering heartbeat. Her hands were at her sides, opening and closing as if she was a second away from wringing them.
Nerves were to be expected. Every novice sub had them to a degree. So far, she was nervous, but not scared. Good.
I regarded her silently for a moment. I conditioned most of my subs to submit after a series of subtle gestures. Kristen instantly slipped into a submissive mindset when I took a sip of wine, rolled each of my sleeves in turn, and took a second sip. Amy responded the same way to a different routine.
I moved closer to Meredith. With my right hand, I ran the backs of my fingers down first her left cheek, then her right.
“From here on out,” I said in a low, even tone, “I am in control. My commands are to be followed, and you will address me as Sir. Understood?”
“Yes… Sir.” The hitch in her speech wasn’t hesitation, just lack of familiarity. Trying it out, learning the words.
I touched her face with the backs of my fingers again. Left cheek, right. “This will continue until a safe word is spoken or I relinquish control. Clear?”
She nodded.
I raised an eyebrow.
“Yes, Sir,” she corrected.
“Good girl.” Left cheek, right. “Do you trust me to do this without abusing my authority?”
Another affirmative, this time with no hesitation.
“Are you afraid of me?”
“No, Sir.”
“Do you understand that as my submissive, you are completely safe and will not be harmed?”
She swallowed. “Yes, Sir.”
“Good girl.” Left cheek, right. “For tonight, I’m just going to have you go through a few basic tasks. This is to get you accustomed to obeying me. There won’t be any bondage or pain play this time. Understood?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Good girl.” Left cheek, right.
I walked around her slowly, keeping about a foot between us as I circled her. She kept her eyes down, but I had no doubt they tracked my movement just as all her senses likely did. By now, she was probably hyperaware of me, tuning all her senses to my presence, my movement.
I stopped, facing her. She kept her eyes down. Her breathing was slow, but uneven. Her lips were pressed int
o a thin line, and her shoulders were bunched with tension.
Left cheek, right. “You’re doing fine, Meredith,” I whispered. “Just relax.”
She closed her eyes and swallowed, but the tension remained.
“Breathe, baby.” Left cheek, right. “You can stop this at any time.”
Finally, she exhaled, and her posture lost some of its stiffness.
“You all right?”
“Yes, Sir.” She kept her eyes down.
“Good girl.” I touched her face once more. “Unbutton your shirt.”
She took a deep breath and raised her hands to do as I’d ordered.
I’d taken similar steps with Kristen when I first introduced her to kink. Simple commands and tasks. Progressively more demanding, progressively less flexible. When she and I had started, we’d never been intimate before at all. Though I’d been intimate with Meredith plenty of times in both the recent and distant past, she’d been abused, so I took small, careful steps as if I’d never touched her at all. Before we could proceed, she had to learn to submit to me because she wanted to, not because she felt she had no choice. She had to respect me, not fear me.
When her shirt was unbuttoned, she dropped her hands to her sides and waited.
“Take it off,” I said.
She shrugged once and let her shirt slide down her arms until it fluttered to the floor at her feet.
“Unclasp your bra.”
She reached back and did as I ordered. Once it was loose, she started to pull it down her arms.
“Wait.”
Her eyes flicked up and met mine.
I raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t tell you to take it off.”
Cheeks darkening, she immediately dropped her gaze. “I’m sorry, Sir, I’m—”
“It’s okay.” I touched her face—right hand, backs of fingers, left cheek, then right—and said, “You’re learning. I’m not angry, just correcting you.”
Her eyes flicked up to meet mine. We exchanged smiles, and she rolled some tension out of her shoulders before looking down at the floor again.
“Take it off.”
She did, but before letting it drop, she held it on her crooked finger. She looked up at me, an unspoken request for permission in her eyes.
I nodded.
The bra fell to the floor without a sound.
“Unbutton my shirt.”
With another deep breath, this time released slowly through parted lips, she reached for my top button.
In my mind’s eye, I saw us doing this in another time and place. Her hands weren’t so timid then. Submission wasn’t on her mind, nor was it on mine. Buttons weren’t so carefully undone, and neither of us could have cared less if we’d just ripped them off in the process. Once enough of the damned things were out of the way, we’d both hauled my shirt over my head so we could finally touch. No fear, no reservations, no ghosts.
Something jarred me back into the present.
Her fingers had stopped, that was it, and now hovered tentatively above my belt.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Your shirt,” she whispered, nodding toward my waist. “May I untuck it, Sir?”
“Yes.”
She closed her eyes and gulped, then reached for my shirt again. She freed it from my jeans and unbuttoned the last two buttons before dropping her hands to her sides once more.
“Take it off.”
She slid my shirt over my shoulders and down my arms, and I fought to keep my breath steady and even. Never an easy task with a woman’s fingertips brushing my skin this way, but as I always did when I played these games, I managed.
I managed, even as I said, “Unbuckle my belt and take it off.”
The unusually emphatic rattle of the buckle revealed the unsteadiness she probably didn’t want me to notice. She slid my belt free of the loops and held it until I gestured for her to put it aside.
“Take everything else off,” I said. I did the same, getting out of my jeans and boxers while she let her skirt and panties fall to the floor.
Naked and facing me, though with her eyes down, she shifted her weight once, twice, again. Her bare shoulders bunched slightly, and she moistened her lips a couple of times.
“Doing okay?” I asked.
She nodded.
I cleared my throat.
“Yes, Sir,” she corrected.
“Good girl.” Left cheek, right. Some of the tension disappeared. More when I did it again. Nerves, then. Not fear. Just as I’d hoped. “Go to the bedside table and get a condom out.”
“Yes, Sir,” she murmured. She turned and started toward the bedside table. With her back to me, I winced at the sight of her scars, the pale reminders of the delicate psyche with which I worked. I looked away, gritting my teeth and wishing all manner of foul things on Rich.
Meredith took the condom out, closed the drawer, and just as I looked up, she started back toward me.
I put a hand up. “What was my command?”
She gulped. “Get a condom out of the drawer.”
“I didn’t say to come back to me yet, did I?”
“Sorry, Sir.” She dropped her gaze and shrank back slightly.
I went to her and put my hands on her hips. “Like I said before,” I whispered, lifting her chin, “you’re learning. It’s okay.” Left cheek, right. When she chanced a look at me, I smiled, and with some effort, she returned it.
“Thank you, Sir,” she whispered.
Still holding her chin up with two fingers, I kissed her. “I want you to put the condom on me.”
Then she tore the wrapper with her teeth. I’d done a similar lesson with Kristen early on. Meredith was more accustomed to touching me, if only because of our past intimacy, but her hands still shook when she rolled it on. Nerves or fear of displeasing me, I couldn’t tell.
Once the condom was in place, I touched her face as I’d done several times already, and she closed her eyes, releasing a relieved sigh. Whether the gesture had calmed her nerves or her need to please me, the effect was the same.
“Still doing okay?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Do you want to continue?”
Our eyes met, and I’ll be damned if there wasn’t a glint of excitement in hers and a playful grin on her lips. “Yes, Sir. I do.”
I couldn’t help grinning myself. That’s my girl.
I lay back on her bed. “I want you to get on top.”
She did as I ordered, joining me on the bed and straddling me. With one hand on her hip, I kept her from coming all the way down. Still holding her steady, I teased her pussy with two fingers. Oh yes, she was wet. It wouldn’t take much at all to slide inside her. I suppressed a shudder of anticipation, at least enough to keep it out of her sight.
“You’ll only take as much as I allow.” I fought to keep my voice even. “When you feel my hand, you’ll stop. Understood?”
“Yes, Sir.”
I guided her down until my cock pressed against her pussy. Even the layer of latex between us couldn’t keep the heat of her body from reaching my nerve endings. My heart thundered in my chest, but I stayed in control as she lowered herself on to my cock. I barely gave her an inch before stopping her and making her rise again. She screwed her eyes shut and dug her teeth into her lip, probably biting back a frustrated string of profanity. The next time, I let her have a little more. Each time, a fraction of an inch more, and all the while, my eyes flicked back and forth from her face to my cock slipping just a little deeper inside her. This little game, one I’d played with numerous subs, always drove me almost as crazy as it did the sub. I wanted to fuck her—deep, hard, fast—but we’d get there.
Her hips trembled in my hands as I let her have a little more. Finally, just as I started getting deep enough to relieve some of her—our—frustration, I made her rise completely and stop. I held her there, with only the head of my cock inside her now.
“Look at me,” I said.
She blinked a few times, th
en did as I asked.
“I want you to remember one thing,” I said. “No matter what…” I suddenly pulled her hips down, thrusting my cock all the way inside her.
She gasped, falling forward on trembling arms. My own vision clouded over for a split second, but I didn’t let it show. I slid my hand around the back of her neck and drew her down to me.
Nearly touching her lips with mine, I whispered, “Always remember, Meredith, even when you’re on top, I am always in control. Do you understand?”
She shivered, nodding slowly.
“I said, do you understand?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Good girl.” Left cheek, right, and she relaxed, exhaling against my lips. I went on. “You’ll move exactly as fast as I tell you. No faster, no slower. Understood?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“And you’re not to come until I allow it.”
“I won’t, Sir.”
“Now tell me,” I said softly, “Do you want it fast or slow?”
She closed her eyes, quite possibly to avoid looking right at me, and moistened her lips. “However you prefer, Sir.”
I wasn’t sure whether to be impressed she knew the correct response on the first try, or furious because her spirit was too broken to even try expressing her own desires. I wanted her to surrender control to me, but it had to be of her own free will. Conscious submission, not passive surrender.
She looked at me, eyebrows raised. “Sir?”
Shit. I hadn’t realized how long it had been since I’d gone quiet, and if the furrow of her brow was any indication, she thought she’d done wrong.
“Good answer.” I forced a smile. “And I want it slow, so slow it is.” I nudged her up with my hips and, with hips and hands, guided her to just the right speed. As she moved, I put my thumb over her clit, putting just enough pressure against it to make her breath catch, circling at precisely the same slow, languid speed of her body rising and falling above me. Whenever she adapted to one speed, I changed it. Fast and hard. Slower. Faster. Almost completely still. Faster again.
I fucked her and teased her clit until the first tremors of an impending orgasm caught her breath and tightened her pussy around my cock. She kept her eyes shut tight, held her breath, struggled to maintain whatever speed I chose in a given moment, and she couldn’t hide how close she was to the brink.
Reconstructing Meredith (Light Switch Book 2) Page 10