“Tell me those tears aren't from pain,” Adam pleaded, the worry in his tone sending a jab of pain straight through Brynn's heart.
“No.”
“Regret?”
“No. They're from loss.”
“Loss?” He smoothed her hair from her brow, his touch so soft it was more of a whisper against her skin.
“Thirteen years, Adam. Thirteen years.”
The tears cascaded beyond her control as she turned against him and, perfectly in tune with her, Adam didn’t comfort her with words. Instead, he gave her exactly what she needed—two strong arms to hold her until she cried herself to sleep.
Chapter Fifteen
Brynn woke a few hours later, sure it was the weight of Adam's stare breaking into her consciousness. She rolled onto her back, opened her eyes and immediately locked gazes with him. He was propped on one elbow, studying her.
“Take a picture. It lasts longer,” she murmured.
“I'd love to have a picture of this moment.” He smiled unapologetically. “You're beautiful when you sleep, more so when you're first coming out of it.”
“Oh really? Is it the wild mane of hair or the general grogginess that does it for you?”
“I think it's the—you being naked next to me part,” he answered seriously, brushing a lock of hair away from her forehead. “Are you okay?”
“I'm fine,” she answered. “I'm sorry I got all emotional and female on you.”
“It's okay.” Adam’s mouth curved into a grin. “Besides, after what we just did, you'd better be female.”
“Hardy har,” Brynn said through a yawn, watching as he sat up in the bed, deep frown lines appearing on his forehead. “What is it?”
“I still can't wrap my head around the fact Cal was gay and nobody knew. I mean, sure, this is not a very tolerable town but he could have told me. I might not have showered with him in the locker room, but I wouldn't have been a jerk. He didn't have to do what he did.”
“Maybe there's other stuff you don't know.” Brynn rested her hand on his forearm. “Let's not talk about that, all right?”
“I'm sorry.” Adam slid back down and kissed her forehead. “I know the memories must be awful. Let's talk about something more pleasant.”
“Such as?”
“You and me.”
Brynn felt a ball of dread forming in her stomach, which only grew stronger when she saw the hope in Adam's gaze. “Adam…”
“You love me, Brynn.”
“Yes, but—”
“And I love you.”
“Adam—”
“That's all we need.” He leaned forward, his expression hard as stone. “Don't run again, Brynn, not after all the time we've already lost.”
She let out a sigh, wishing it were that simple. The body of Zeke’s pregnant girlfriend was found under floorboards—Zeke’s hiding place—and he still couldn’t believe his brother capable of murder with evidence slapping him right in the face. Why would he believe her if she told him what Zeke had done to her?
Urrgh! It’s so unfair! Was my momentary stupidity really deserving of all this? I was violated, shamed…and now I have to refuse the man I love despite the fact that doing so is ripping me apart?
“Adam, I—”
“I'll go with you if that's what it takes for us to be together. I will leave this town behind.” He ran the backs of his fingers down her jaw, and Brynn’s eyes closed against the rush of emotion the simple caress ignited. “Just don't leave without me.”
“You would do that for me?”
“I've known what it's like to live without you. I'll do anything to keep from experiencing that again.”
“This is your home. This is where your family is.”
“You and Nathaniel can be my family, too.”
Brynn stiffened automatically, the mere mention of her son's name falling from Adam's lips reminded her why she should have never given in to her heart's desire. She should have never let Adam believe they had a chance of rekindling what they'd once had, should have never let herself believe in that, even if it had only been for a few moments.
Now that they'd made love, it was going to be even more painful for both of them when she left. And she had to leave. If Adam ever met Nathaniel and discovered the secret she'd hidden from him, he'd never forgive her for not telling him. Worse, he'd never forgive himself for something he'd not even known about.
“Brynn? Say something.”
She looked into his eyes, saw the hope that had shimmered there just a moment before slipping away, and cursed herself for hurting him yet again. Unsure how to tell him gently that they'd never be together again, Brynn eased out of the bed with a sheet wrapped around her body and walked to the dryer to retrieve her clothes.
Whatever she decided to say would come out easier if she were dressed while saying it.
She heard Adam stirring behind her, rising from the bed and gathering clothes while she pulled on her own. Once dressed, she closed the dryer door and took a deep breath, turning to face a very hurt, very angry half-dressed male.
“So, this is the part where you close back up on me, huh?” he snapped, tightening the draw-string on his lounge pants before reaching for the T-shirt he'd discarded earlier.
Brynn winced at his harsh tone, guilt rolled over in her belly. “I'm sorry, Adam. I didn't intend for you to think this was a new beginning.”
“So, what? You just used me because it had been so long since you'd been with a man?”
Brynn gasped, and then hardened her gaze. “That's a low blow, Adam.”
His face colored as he closed his eyes, nodding in agreement. “I know. I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that.”
“I accept your apology,” Brynn mumbled, moving to the couch where she sat to put on her socks and shoes, ready to end the confrontation and go home where she didn't have to see Adam's pain-filled eyes. Yet, she knew the memory of them would never cease to haunt her anyway.
“So, if you and Cal really weren't together, why did you wait all these years? Why didn't you find someone else?”
“I'm through with this conversation,” she answered, sliding her foot into a shoe.
“I'll tell you why you didn't,” Adam went on as though she hadn't spoken. “You never stopped loving me. So, why is it that now with everything out in the open you've decided you don't want me in your life anymore?”
Because it’s not all out in the open! It can never be out in the open!
“Adam, please, this conversation isn't going to make either of us feel any better.”
“And avoiding it is? I'm willing to raise another man's child as my own, I love you that much, and you're rejecting me. I am at least entitled to an explanation why.”
Brynn's eyes burned with the pressure of restrained tears as she stood and looked at the man she'd loved for the largest portion of her life, knowing there wasn't anything she could do to erase the pain she saw blazing like wildfire in his eyes. “I do love you, Adam. We just can't erase everything that happened and pick up where we left off, no matter how much we might want to.”
“Because you'll never forgive me.”
“What?” She looked at him, taking in the shadow of guilt dulling the usual brightness in his eyes, a guilt so deep it sucker-punched her in the gut to know it was there because of what had happened to her. Because she had been so stupid.
“I didn't protect you.” He sat on the end of the bed, his head lowered into his hands. “I wasn't there when you needed me to be, and you can't forget it. You don't trust me to protect you and your son in the future.”
“You are not to blame for what happened to me,” Brynn said sternly, curling her hands into fists. What she wouldn't do to beat them against his brother's skull, but someone else had already given the bastard his comeuppance.
He looked up at her, jaw tight and eyes glistening. “Then why are you rejecting me as though I am?”
Brynn opened her mouth to speak, but was distracted by the sound of
rocks crunching and spitting out from under tires. She turned to see the glare of headlights shining through the lace curtains covering the windowpanes seconds before hearing the vehicles come to a quick stop just outside the cabin. Car doors opened and slammed shut.
“Expecting company?”
“As far as I know, only Jamie Lee knows I'm here,” Adam responded, moving toward the door.
“Open, up, Good, damn you!” Sheriff Clarkson yelled beyond the door, his fists slamming hard against the wood.
Adam threw Brynn a quizzical glance and unlocked the door, opening it to reveal Chief Parker and a very ticked off Sheriff Clarkson.
The sheriff looked past Adam to where Brynn stood and made a derisive grunting noise. “Well, no wonder we couldn't get a hold of the two of you. I guess you two were busy with other things.”
He pushed past Adam and stomped into the cabin with a scowl on his face. Brynn felt like shrinking inside herself as she watched him flick a disgusted glance at the sheets scattered in disarray across the bed before picking up Adam's cell phone from the coffee table.
“We've been calling the two of you for close to three hours.” Chief Parker glanced at the phone from where he and Adam stood just inside the closed door. “There was another fire. It would have been nice to have been able to reach our arson investigators.”
“We left the last fire only five hours ago.” Adam’s wide eyes and dropped jaw matched Brynn’s surprise.
“They don't give a damn about catching this guy,” Clarkson snapped, tossing the phone onto the couch. “They're too busy playing bunnies-in-springtime.”
Adam moved toward the sheriff, his jaw clenched nearly as tight as his fists. Brynn stepped in his path and forced him to stop before he did something stupid enough to jeopardize his plans of joining the police force.
“For one, we were under the impression the city police would be taking over, and, furthermore, the arsonist has never struck twice in such quick succession,” she stated, choosing to ignore the sheriff's insult. He could think whatever he wanted of her and Adam's relationship. She'd had worse things said about her.
“You still have a chance of solving this before they get involved,” Chief Parker said. “Have you made any progress at all?”
Brynn glanced at Adam, who nodded in return before spearing the sheriff with a dark look and cleared his throat. “Seeing as how my brother was killed in the first fire and the other fires have been in locations affiliated with him, we think someone killed him and the fires are a message. We just don't know for certain what the message is.”
“How are the locations affiliated with him?” Clarkson asked, crossing his arms.
“The Mulroney property belonged to the grandparents of Zeke's best friend. Zeke spent a lot of time there before his friend moved away. The fire on the football field…” Adam trailed off, obviously considering whether or not to admit he'd allowed evidence to burn.
Although Zeke's retired jersey had been reported stolen, no one had connected it to the fire. If he admitted to what he'd done, his plan to join the police force after solving the arson case would go up in smoke.
“Zeke played football,” Brynn said, coming to Adam's aid. “His retired jersey was reported stolen about that time, so we have reason to believe it was the fabric burning on the stake. The arsonist most likely didn't realize it would fall from the stake and burn beyond recognition.” Brynn caught herself before she glanced at Adam. “We think the arsonist wanted it to be found.”
“What about the house the kids use for their costume parties?” Clarkson rubbed his fingers across his chin.
“We believe the deceased body was that of Rachel Wood, as we told you when we found it. We've already disclosed to you Zeke's relationship to her. We believe the arsonist was leading us to her body.”
“So what you're saying is…”
“We believe Zeke killed Rachel—”
“Or someone else did,” Adam interjected. “And the arsonist then murdered Zeke in retaliation.”
Clarkson and the fire chief looked at each other, considering the information, before Clarkson turned his attention back to Adam. “Well, this goes along with our most recent fire.”
“Where was it?” Brynn and Adam asked in unison.
“Zeke's home.”
Brynn's mouth dropped open as she turned to stare wide-eyed at Adam, who had gone very still.
“Zeke's home was my home,” he said slowly. “My mother's home.”
“We got her out,” Chief Parker said quickly. “She suffered smoke inhalation and a nasty bump on the head, but she's fine. She's resting.”
“Resting where?” Adam growled.
“She's in the hospital, but she's going to be fine,” Chief Parker said in the same tone one would use to calm a hysterical child.
“She's in the hospital and you waited this long to tell me?” Adam bellowed, stepping closer, clenching his teeth together so tightly it formed a clear indentation in his jaw.
Brynn pushed against him, restraining him from acting on impulse. “They said she's fine, Adam. They got her out of harm's way.”
“You would have known all of this if you'd had your phones turned on,” Clarkson said irritably, his tone of voice indicating he believed he'd done no wrong in waiting to give Adam the information regarding his mother.
“Your mother was unconscious, and, judging by the goose egg on her head, we think she was actually accosted by the perpetrator before the fire was set. Unfortunately, she isn't speaking to us. As a matter of fact, the only thing she's been doing is fussing about you, demanding we find you and bring you to her.”
“How bad was the fire?” Adam’s tone was terse, but, he was less tense than he'd been a moment ago.
“The fire must have started in Zeke’s bedroom, the others are pretty bad, too,” Chief Parker answered. “But the rest of the house is in good shape. We got to it quick thanks to that alarm system you have installed. We were notified the moment your smoke detectors went off.”
“My father's den is still there?”
“It wasn't even touched,” Chief Parker stated. “So, who do you think is doing this? Tell me you have a lead.”
“Well, the obvious culprit would be Rachel's sister,” Sheriff Clarkson said.
“Yes, you would think so, but she was genuinely shocked when we found Rachel's body,” Brynn advised.
“We've discussed it and we don't think she could have led us to the body if she didn't know where it was herself.”
“And she wouldn't have burned a building containing her sister's body,” Adam added. “She kept wailing about how she'd almost lost her sister again. She would have wanted to bury her remains, not take a chance on burning them.”
“We obtained Rachel's diary and discovered Zeke was dealing drugs and doing some other illegal acts,” Brynn added. “Rachel had implied he was up to something that would hurt other girls. She may have tried to stop him or possibly even told someone what he was up to¾”
“A drug deal could have gone bad,” Adam cut her off. “We also may be looking at a love triangle scenario. Rachel was pregnant with a child we assume to have been Zeke's. A jealous girlfriend may have killed them both.”
“Well, I'll get the boys on this,” Clarkson said affirmatively. “And we'll dig up whatever dirt we can on Rachel Wood and your brother.”
“Gee, imagine how far along we'd be if you'd done that when Rachel went missing,” Brynn couldn't help but snap.
“Look here, little lady—”
“She's right,” Chief Parker interjected, holding out an arm to stop the sheriff's approach. “Nobody bothered looking for that girl because of her reputation, and maybe if we had, we wouldn't have had so many fires. Maybe we'd have our arsonist already.”
The sheriff grunted, directing a hard glare at Brynn. “The two of you are still working this until the city boys get here and yank this thing out from under you, you got that? And for chrissakes, keep your damn phones turned on!”
He stomped past them and slammed the front door behind him as he left.
“It didn't take long to put the fire out. The property has been cleared for your inspection,” Chief Parker stated, pausing long enough to put a fatherly hand on Adam's shoulder before leaving them alone in the cabin.
The silence between them was so complete, the sound of the door closing softly behind the chief came out more like a bang. Brynn looked at Adam, watching the myriad of emotions cast shadows over his eyes. He crossed to the small dresser by the bed and pulled out a pair of jeans. He wasn't saying anything to her, and Brynn couldn't blame him one bit.
“I'm sorry, Adam.”
“It's not your fault,” he responded as he stepped out of his drawstring pants, replacing them with the jeans.
“It's my fault you weren't there,” she said firmly. “I distracted you and you turned off the phones, not thinking clearly. If something worse had happened, you wouldn't have known because of me. I knew this was a mistake and I can't apologize enough.”
“My only regret,” Adam paused from buttoning the fly to his jeans in order to hit her with a look so hauntingly sad it caused her to choke on her own emotion, “is that you think what just happened between us was a mistake.”
~~~
Twenty minutes later, Brynn stepped through the Good family home, a place she never thought she'd set foot in again. Under the circumstances, she wished she hadn't. She hated Doris Good, that was for sure, but she wouldn't wish for anyone's home to be destroyed.
“My dad's den is all right.” Adam joined her in his brother's bedroom, the relief on his face plain as day. “I really should put some of his stuff in a fireproof safe just in case…” His voice trailed off, not wanting to speak of the unspeakable and Brynn clearly understood.
After losing a loved one, all that remained were their belongings, items you'd guard with your life in order not to suffer a second loss.
“I'm glad his things weren't damaged.”
She received only a nod in response. He'd barely spoken to her since leaving the cabin, obviously still smarting over her apology.
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