“I’m sorry. I just needed to get out of there.” She drops the bag, smacking the back side against the too-white floor tiles.
“Talk,” she demands, giving me an angry face with the tense jaw and side-eye.
“I—I’m scared, I guess.” I slump my shoulders.
“Of what?” she pushes. Mayra closes the door behind her, giving us privacy.
“It’s all jumbled,” I try, my words getting caught in my throat. She gets the chair in front of the mirror next to me and pulls it close, sits down, and turns me toward her. She leans forward, putting her hands on my knees.
“Spill it.”
“I feel like I’ve lost him. I know I didn’t, but it sort of feels like losing my mom and dad.”
“That makes sense. It’s part of your PTSD.”
“I don’t have that.”
“Of course you do. You lost your parents in a fire, and then were attacked with fire, Mia. You have it. I’ll spell it out for you. It’s called post-traumatic stress disorder.”
“I know what the acronym stands for. Geez,” I breathe, looking away from her. Maybe I do have it. Maybe I should talk to someone.
“What else? You’re sad about leaving Kolton and Riley. But what else are you worried about?”
“What if—what if being separated for so long… what if he realizes he can do better? I haven’t signed with him. And there’s other stuff,” I whisper the last sentence.
“What other stuff?”
“Okay. Well, the truth is, I don’t know what happened to Katharina. I haven’t read anything about that night.”
“Why not?” she asks, her eyebrows furrowed.
“Kolton doesn’t want me to know. He’s ashamed, or something. I think Manny killed her. But I don’t know anything else.”
“Mia. You have a right to know. I can show you the video right now. It’s on all the major networks websites. Kolton’s lawyers tried to get it pulled, but—”
“I don’t want to know. I want him to tell me when he’s ready. Just because everything that happens is spoon fed like baby food to the population doesn’t mean Kolton shouldn’t be able to share this with me when he’s ready.” She stares at me, tilting her head to the side like she’s trying to figure me out.
“You really love him,” she says. “Holy shit. This isn’t a fling. This is—wow. Mia, this is real.” I feel a gasp escape my throat. Hearing her say that makes me feel it all at once. Him and me, that we shouldn’t be apart, that I really, really love him. It’s like we’re conjoined at some metaphysical level. Like we’ve always been meant for one another but it’s tentative. The future is never a sure thing.
I’m scared to lose what I have now. She hugs me, and I hug her back.
“Hey, can I be a spoiled brat and ask you to get me something to eat?”
“There’s my girl,” she says. “I didn’t want to send Kolton a message that you’re not eating and wasting away while you’re away from him.”
“Is he keeping tabs?”
“You have no idea, Mia. He’s fucking crazy about you. He’d do anything for you. And now I know you’d do anything for him, too,” she says, and then something strange passes over her face like a whisper before she shakes it off, stands, and runs toward the door. “I’m getting you some food. Now get ready or you’re gonna be late.”
When she walks out, Jessie and Blaire walk in looking perplexed.
“Trying to keep the room to yourself?” Blaire asks and I shake my head.
“I’m so sorry. Did Mayra keep you guys out? Come in.” I stand up and pick up my bag from the floor and wheel it toward my spot.
“I guess someone misses you,” says Jessie smiling and nodding toward the flowers. I affirm her accuracy with raised eyebrows and a surprised grin. Running my hands over the soft petals, I think of his note. True. Perfect. Faithful.
Us in a vase.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Sign Here
It becomes a routine, like brushing your teeth before bed, or locking the door behind you when you come into the house. The driving, the different cities, the shows—each a repeat of the others. It’s a cycle like the movie Groundhog Day. Reliving the same day again and again. The only part that changes is what city I’m in, and the present Kolton has waiting for me in the dressing room.
There have been the flowers, then a necklace with pearls and moon stones, and after that I got matching earrings. Then there was a song he’d written for me, a heart full of chocolate truffles, a Kindle for me to read on, which has really come in handy for the long drives. But today as I walk into the dressing room, I see that he’s given me a jar full of something. What is it? I pick it up and shake it. It’s sand. Beach sand. And there’s a note sticking out of it. I open the top and pull the note out. It is typed and printed on thick beige paper. It says:
Love,
I accidentally watched the Princess Bride last night with Riley and Deloris. Do you know the movie? Riley is reading the book for school and she told me there’s a scene missing from the book and showed it to me. It seems Buttercup had trouble accepting Westley’s love. Sound familiar? There’s a part when he says to her, “If your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches.” When he says that, she gets mad at him for saying he loves her more. But he does. Here’s just a piece of that universe to remind you of how much you’re loved. I can still feel you from our last time together. I see the look on your face as you pulled me in. The trust that took. I get lost in that thought.
Yours,
Kole
P.S. There’s been a change of plans. The tour is making an appearance at the EMAs. I pulled some strings. Just a few more weeks until I see you.
My hands start shaking so I put the sand down and re-read the note. We’re going to the EMAs! I’m going to see Kolton. I still miss him all the time. I miss him until my stomach hurts.
“Five minutes until make-up,” I’m told by Blaire as I pull my outfit on and find my way to the make-up chair. I can’t stop thinking about being able to see him.
After my make-up is on, I run into Kenny in the hallway waiting to go on for the opening group performance.
“Is it true you tu—tur—turned down the deal Kolton was offering?” he asks.
“I’m weighing all my options.”
“I heard C—C—Ceol has a rep h—h—here today.”
“Really?” I ask. “I wonder why.”
“They probably want to s—s—sign somebody,” he says, looking at me to see if I know anything about it.
“How are you getting by without your mom?” I ask, changing the subject.
“It’s been n—n—nice,” he says, leaning into me a little and tapping my shoulder with his. I laugh, but get some space. I don’t want him getting the wrong idea about me. I’ve stayed to myself this whole time I’ve been gone. But this isn’t the first time Kenny has tried to joke with me or tried to touch me passively. I can’t have that. As the rest of the group comes up behind us to wait, I let a few people slip in between Kenny and me.
But behind me, Gypsy Dress is whispering and giggling.
I wonder if she saw what happened. Why does this whole thing feel like I need to worry about it?
* * *
After the show, I run off stage and Mayra escorts me back to the dressing room. On the way there, I see a familiar man wearing a suit coming my way. When he reaches his hand out to me, Mayra gets in front of me blocking his access.
“Can I help you, sir?” she asks in her no nonsense tone.
“Yes, John. John French. I work at Ceol. I’ve come to see Miss Phoenix. I tried to make an appointment,” he says, tilting around her to talk to me, “but I couldn’t get through to your assistant. Apparently you do have one, but we’ve been playing phone tag.”
“Yes. John French. From Ceol,” I say, and Mayra relaxes letting him shake my hand.
“Is there a place we could talk?” he asks. I hesitate for a second, looking around for Kaya. When
she comes around the corner, she’s holding a bottle of water.
“For you,” she says, handing it to me.
“Thanks. Hey, Kaya. John French from Ceol,” I say, introducing them. “He says he’s been trying to get a hold of me through you.”
“Oh, yes!” she says, shaking his hand. “I’m sorry. Let me find a place where you two can talk privately.” She turns to me with a nervous expression and I nod, letting her know all is well. We wait while Kaya leaves to find a private room.
“I thought you were from the legal department,” I say, after many awkward moments.
“I am,” he says, not clarifying. Kaya comes around the corner again, looking hurried.
“Right this way,” she motions, as Gypsy Dress walks by, eyeing us suspiciously. I cross my arms and glare at her. Jealousy is an ugly thing. It burns and causes the person who’s jealous to spew acid on everything that shines brighter than they do.
Once inside the meeting room, John opens his case and pulls out a folder, laying it down on the table. “We have another deal to offer you, Ms. Phoenix,” he says, not wasting any time on niceties.
He takes a piece of paper out and slides it across toward me. As I read the terms, I’m a little shocked.
“Four hundred thousand and forty percent?” I ask. “Why’d you guys renegotiate? He said that was a final offer.”
“Because we think you’re worth it. Your name is on everyone’s lips these days, and we know we’ll make money with you.”
“What about the options?” I ask, thinking about Kolton’s warning that they’ll own my name and will keep me from producing anything else until I’m in my thirties.
“We’re willing to negotiate. But we’ll still keep our rights to some options.” I nod. Well that sucks.
I’m momentarily stunned. I look at Kaya, whose expression is blank. She’s way out of her league. Mayra just looks pissed off, as usual. “I will definitely think about it. I’ll need to talk this over with my lawyers and my family first.”
“Of course, but I think you’ll really want to consider it. It may be the only offer you’ll get this competitive.”
“No, I mean, Kolton’s Bad Heart is offering a better deal. I’m just not sure I want my boyfriend to be my boss,” I say with a nervous chuckle.
“Have you seen the deal they’re offering?” he asks. As I think about it, I haven’t actually seen the deal.
“Kolton has kept saying his deal would make me an equal partner. I think it’s fifty percent.”
“I spoke with someone at Bad Heart last week, and it didn’t sound like that’s what they’re offering, Mia. You should really take a look at that deal before declining this one. It’s unheard of for a new artist to sign with us at these terms.”
I’m taken aback. Bad Heart is Kolton and his uncle Tedd’s company. The lawyers who’d gone with me to my first meeting with Ceol mentioned that I should have the Bad Heart deal sent over to them. I decide to do that as soon as I have a spare second. What am I waiting for? What if his uncle isn’t approving of Kolton’s deal with me? What if his aunt Vivien has done something with my deal behind Kolton’s back?
“Thanks for the heads-up, John. I’ll definitely take this into consideration.”
“Yes. Of course,” he says, adding another paper to the terms. “Would you mind signing this for me, Ms. Phoenix? It’s just a form that shows we’re in negotiations and you’re thinking about the offer. It shows that you’re interested so we can lock the terms or they might change.”
I start reading the page. It’s all legal language. I don’t really know what it says. “I—I don’t know if I should sign this without my lawyer.”
“Okay,” he says. “No worries. But to be clear, the terms could change if you don’t at least show interest.” He leans back in the chair and waits for me to make up my mind. I take out my phone and take a picture of the page for my own reference. I pick up the pen and write a note on the back.
I’m signing this to show my interest in further negotiations, nothing more. I’m told that my signature locks the rates and terms so that they don’t revert back to the terms that I’d previously declined. My signature does not indicate an acceptance of the terms, just that I’m considering them and presenting them to my lawyers.
Mia Phoenix, January 25th, 2014
On the front of the page, where the signature line is, I write, See note on back.
Then I take a picture of the note on the back and the note on the front. “There’s no need to do all of that,” he says, as if I’m being ridiculous.
“Thanks, but I’d like to make sure my intentions for signing the form were clear.”
“We’re really looking forward to working with you, Ms. Phoenix,” he says, reaching his hand out to shake mine, and packing up all the paperwork in his leather case.
“Thank you. I’ll be in touch,” I reply. As he leaves, I turn to Kaya.
“I guess I need to see what Kolton’s actually offering me, huh?” I decide.
“Yeah, it sounds like you do.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
The Bus
Back in my bunk, I try calling Kolton, but he doesn’t answer, so I send an informal email to Bob and Lenora, the lawyers who’d met me at the Ceol building in New York, to ask them for the contract Kolton had sent to them. When I can’t get a hold of Kolton the second time, I call Riley instead. I want to hug her and hear her little voice.
She starts chatting right away. I wish I could watch her facial expression as she tells me about her game, Animal Jam, and how they got rid of all the snow leopards, but brought back the lions. Instead I listen to her through my Bluetooth. “Why’d they get rid of the snow leopards?” I ask her.
“Because they’re endangered. But I don’t want a lion. They took my snow leopard away, though.”
“Why not get a lion then, to replace it?”
“Because. When you’re a girl and you want to make a girl lion on the game, you can give her girl eyes, but it still has a mane. I mean, don’t you think when you change the eyes to girl eyes, the mane should go away?”
“Well, yeah, I guess so,” I agree.
“That’s why girls get the snow leopard. We just change the spots and act like she’s a girl lion.”
Staring up at the ceiling in the bus, I listen to Riley’s story. Just like the snow leopard without the spots, I feel like I’m trying to be something I’m not. I’m not a celebrity. I shouldn’t even have the options I have. I get to choose between a recording contract with Bad Heart or Ceol.
But what if there’s something wrong with Kolton’s deal? I don’t even know how to feel other than nervous.
My body aches, I’m so tired, but I’m anxious, and this little bunk feels like it’s closing in on me and sucking away all the air I need. I get up and join the others in the back lounging area for the first time, ever. They eye me carefully as I sit down.
“Did you get a record contract?” Blaire asks me. It’s dark in here, just the light shining from the TV on in the background.
“No. They were presenting some terms,” I reply.
“What’s stopping you from signing?” Jessie asks.
“It’s a big decision,” is all I say. I feel the weight of it on my chest as the words come out. It still makes it hard to breathe. My face feels hot, even. I hope I’m not coming down with something.
“Why didn’t you take Bad Heart’s deal?” Gyspy Dress asks.
“Would you want to work with your boyfriend?”
“Fuck yeah,” she says, with all this attitude and looks around to Blaire and Jessie with a stupid duck face expression. “If I was fucking Kolton Royce, I’d want him to boss me around all the time,” she says, implying in the bedroom. I feel my blood start boiling to the surface.
“I don’t think you could handle it, bitch,” I say, standing up. She stands, too. And I get closer, nose to nose.
“You think you’re so important,” she says, “with your body guard and your
assistant. But you’re just going to fade away like all the rest of us.”
“Take your jealous ass and sit the fuck down!” I say, pointing to the bench behind her.
“Do you even know where your boyfriend is now?” she quips. And I’m taken aback because I don’t. He didn’t answer the phone when I called. When I don’t respond, she laughs, the tone of it getting itself all under my skin like a rash. “Maybe you should keep better tabs on him,” she says, looking deep into my eyes.
I stare back, and we go over a bump in the road, causing us to smash up against each other’s chests. “You don’t even know what he did, do you?” she says. “Kaya told me, but I didn’t believe it until right now.” She stands defiant. I feel like such a fool. Everyone knows what happened up in Kolton’s apartment but me.
“He’s going to tell me when he’s ready,” I say, showing weakness, but strength, too. Because if I was insecure, I’d look at the video, right?
“He fucking kissed that psycho bitch upstairs while you were running for your life, you fucking naive little bitch,” she says. As her words wash over me, all I see is red, and then a sting as she slaps me so hard across my face my head swings to the left.
I feel my palms as they’re pushing against her chest. She flies backward, hitting the bench. I turn to walk away, but she grabs me by the hair, pulling me backward. I fling myself around and punch her as hard as I can, right in the mouth. I feel the contact, her teeth against my knuckles, but it doesn’t hurt. I’m frantic as she grabs my hair again and pulls as hard as she can. I kick her in the shin to get her to let go of me, but instead she scratches me across the face with her nails.
I step back, feeling as she pulls my hair so hard my neck snaps to the side. I reach out, grabbing her head with both fists, just above the ears. She yells, “Bitch!” but won’t let go of me, so I pull her head down quick, and feel the crunch of her nose as it smacks into my pulled-up knee. She screams as blood gushes out, and then everyone is between us. Someone is holding my arms, and the Adonis is holding hers. His pants are unbuttoned.
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