“Me neither. It made me sick all day the next day.”
“That would have been the least of your problems. You could have gone to jail. You would have lost your job. Your Grammaw would have—” She was startled by Audie’s hand as it abruptly covered her mouth.
“It didn’t happen. We learned a lesson. I’ll never have drugs in my car again, I promise.” She removed her hand and kissed Beth on the tip of her nose. “Now, let’s please talk about something else.”
Beth wiggled from side to side to settle herself more firmly onto Audie’s lap. “I’m so glad you came over tonight. I would have gone crazy if you hadn’t.”
“I can’t stand having something between us.”
“Me neither.”
“And I feel better knowing we don’t have any secrets now,” Audie said.
It was all Beth could do not to look away to hide her guilt.
Their argument today was minor compared to the one they would probably have when Audie discovered her grandmother’s DNR.
“There are always things people need to keep to themselves, sweetheart. But no matter what the circumstances, I want you to know that I would never intentionally hurt you by keeping a secret.” It was a fine distinction, but it was true.
“I know you wouldn’t. And I wouldn’t hurt you either.”
No longer able to maintain eye contact, Beth gripped Audie’s head and pulled it to her chest. She needed to talk to Violet again, to beg her to change her mind.
Chapter 21
Audie stirred the spaghetti, checking to be sure there weren’t any big chunks of ground beef or tomatoes. “Why don’t you bring your bed up, Grammaw?”
Violet leaned forward as the electric motor raised her bed to a sitting position. “How did you get the whole day off, sugar?”
“I just told Oscar you wanted me to take care of a few things at home today, and he said it was okay. He’s been after me to use my vacation time.”
“He always has to get after you at the end of the year.”
“I know. I asked Joel if Beth and me could use their cabin for a few days and he said yes.”
“Beth and I.”
“Oh, you want to go too?” She gave her grandmother a playful wink. “You were right about Estelle, Grammaw. Your winter coat fit her just right,” she said, pulling the dinner tray closer. “And her daughter tried on one of the sweaters and took them all.”
“What about the dresses?”
“Those too. You wouldn’t believe how happy they both were.”
“I knew they would be.”
“And you should have seen Estelle’s face when I told her Tommy could come and get the Buick. She kept saying it was too much. But I told her you wanted them to have it.”
“I’ve got no use for it anymore.”
Either her Grammaw’s speech had improved a bit, or Audie had gotten better at deciphering it. “You’ve been helping out the Tuckers for as long as I can remember,” she said, presenting the first spoonful of dinner.
“They were poor, but they always worked hard.”
“Estelle said she’d get Tommy to bring her out here for a visit tomorrow when they come for the car. Would that be all right with you?”
“No!” Violet shook her head vehemently. “I don’t want people to see me looking like this.”
“Aw, Grammaw, Estelle won’t care how you look. She just wants a chance to visit and say thank you.”
“I said no. Tell her no.” Her anger seemed to be escalating.
Audie hated it when her Grammaw got upset, and she didn’t want to push her further. It was her fourth such outburst in the past three days, all of which had left Audie feeling guilty and frustrated.
Her efforts to cheer her Grammaw sometimes seemed to have the opposite effect. She chalked it up to Dr. Hill’s prediction that she would be depressed for a while, but Audie had expected things to get better after a few days, not worse. “Okay, I’ll tell her you’re not up for visitors right now. Maybe you’ll feel like seeing her in a couple of weeks.”
Audie continued to feed her the spaghetti, but in silence as her Grammaw calmed down from her flare-up.
“That’s enough,” Violet said, turning her head aside like a child.
“But you’ve hardly touched it. How about some of this cobbler?”
“No.”
“It’s peach. That’s your favorite.”
“No! Leave me alone.”
Audie fought a rush of tears. It hurt like hell when her Grammaw spoke to her this way, but she knew she wasn’t herself.
She would snap out of this depression soon.
“Okay, let’s get this tray out of your way.” She rolled it toward the door and returned to sit on the edge of the bed. “Beth and I are going to take Buster for a walk out to Sumter Point before it gets dark.” The mention of either Beth or Buster usually brightened her Grammaw’s mood and thankfully, today was no exception.
“She and BD came over and stayed at the house last night. I can’t stay too much at her place because they don’t allow big dogs and I don’t want to leave Buster by himself.”
“Do they fight?”
“No, they get along just fine. But Buster’s decided he likes cat food better than dog food, so we have to keep BD’s bowl on the kitchen table.” She knew that would get a rise out of her Grammaw.
“Audrey Jane!”
Audie grinned at finally seeing a smile. “I was kidding. I know you’d come home and kick my tail if I fed an animal on the table. We keep it on top of the dryer.”
“You’re wicked the way you tease me.”
“I know.” She looked at her watch. “I guess I’ll go on and pick up Beth so we can get there in time for the sunset. I’ll be back at breakfast, okay?”
“Okay, sweetie.” Violet reached out a hand to cup Audie’s face as she bent forward for her usual goodbye kiss. “I’m sorry if I was mean to you.”
The apology brought fresh tears that Audie couldn’t stop and she hurriedly wiped them away. “You weren’t, Grammaw. I know you don’t feel so good right now. I’m sorry I kept pushing you.”
“I love you, Audie.”
“I love you, too.”
She sighed deeply as she walked out to her car. She needed for something good to happen.
Beth could see that Audie was hurting today. It had nothing to do with yesterday’s argument, she knew. They had worked that out last night. This probably had more to do with her Grammaw. She wore a faraway look when she tried to push things out of her mind.
Beth wanted to take her in her arms and comfort her, stroke her head and give her soft, reassuring kisses. But Audie didn’t need that just yet.
She was just beginning to understand the nuances of how Audie dealt with little things that got under her skin. First, she needed a little space in her head to work through whatever it was. She wanted to be strong enough to handle things on her own, but eventually she would reach out for support. Beth had to wait for that moment. In the meantime, she decided on a compromise, a physical gesture to let Audie know she was there for her. As they walked along the path to the river’s edge, she linked her fingers loosely with Audie’s and gave a small squeeze.
“I love you, Beth.”
Beth raised the fingers to her lips and delivered a soft kiss.
Then she tucked both of their hands into the warm pocket of her jacket. “That’s because I’m now the girl of your dreams.
Remember?”
“I do.” Audie unclipped Buster’s leash with her other hand and tossed the ragged Frisbee ahead on the path. “I’m worried about Grammaw.”
“I know. I could tell it was bothering you.”
“She isn’t happy anymore. She’s acting like she’s getting ready to leave me.”
Beth had come to the same conclusion last week when she had been asked to sign the DNR. Still, she was watching Miss Violet carefully for signs her depression was subsiding, looking for a chance to talk to her about rescinding the f
orm for Audie’s sake. “I think she’s having a hard time adjusting to the total loss of movement on her left side. She’s not as independent as she was, and she’s not the kind of person who likes to ask for help.”
“Tell me about it. I had to practically force her to let me adjust her bed this afternoon. I couldn’t believe it when she told me to call Estelle Tucker. She’s always given Estelle her hand-me-downs, but she wanted me to give her everything today—all of her dresses and sweaters, even her winter coat.”
“Maybe she was thinking about winter coming on, and she realized Estelle might need that stuff.”
“And then she told me to give the old Buick to Estelle’s son. She even said they could have her bedroom furniture if they wanted it, but I said no, that I wanted to keep it.”
“Old people go through times like this, Audie, at least the ones whose minds are still sharp. Your Grammaw had a scare with her last stroke and I think she feels like she needs to get her affairs in order. But it doesn’t have to mean she’s finished with living.” Audie didn’t answer, but Beth could tell from the thumb stroking her hand that her words were comforting. “It might help her to do all of this. Maybe it’ll make her feel like she’s back in control.”
“I hope so.” She pulled the Frisbee from Buster’s teeth and tossed it again. “I can’t stand it when she yells at me.”
“I don’t believe it’s you she’s yelling at. I think she’s just frustrated at not being able to do things for herself anymore. She hates that you have to come to feed her, but—”
“I don’t have to. I want to.”
“I know you do. But she feels bad that you changed your work schedule to come back at dinner.”
“Oscar doesn’t care when I work, especially now that I’m going on a regular workday. He even told me it would be okay to skip out a little early every day and do dinner.”
“That’s good. But what your Grammaw sees is that you had to make special arrangements. She feels bad about that. The thing she really hates is being a burden on the staff.”
“But that’s why she’s in the nursing home in the first place.”
“I know, but she still wants to be independent. She wouldn’t even call for help to go to the bathroom, so we just put it on the schedule to take her every three hours, whether she asks or not. We’re all trying to get her to feel normal about things again.”
They reached the point just as the sun was starting to dip and discovered they were alone. Audie helped Beth up onto a boulder where they wrapped themselves in a flannel blanket to watch the blazing sky.
“How do I get her to snap out of it? I swear the only thing that even brings a smile to her face is when I talk about you or Buster.”
“So try to do that as much as you can. I will too.”
“She’s so happy about you and me.”
Beth laid her head on Audie’s shoulder. “That’s because she’s knows what a catch I am.”
Audie chuckled and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close. “I don’t know where I would have been without you these last few months. Even before I knew I loved you, you were already there for me.”
Each time Audie spoke her heart like this, Beth savored the sweetness of their new love. She couldn’t remember a time when simple words—anyone’s words—had made her feel so grand. The more she got to know Audie, the easier it was to reconcile this softer side with that brash young woman who hid her heartache for her beloved grandmother behind a wild, angry front. Audie was all of these things, a dynamic, multi-layered woman whose appetite for fun was exceeded only by her capacity for tenderness.
And Beth was undeniably, irrevocably in love with her. “What can I do to make things easier?”
“Just be here with me.” She scooted behind Beth on the boulder and spread her legs, pulling her snugly to the cushion of her chest. “Let’s watch the sky and talk about something a little less depressing.”
Beth relaxed and gave in to the embrace. Buster scrambled onto the boulder to lie down next to their outstretched legs. “You want me to talk about how good it feels when you put your arms around me like this?”
“That could be nice. Or you could murmur sweet nothings when I kiss your neck like this.” Audie nuzzled her behind her ear.
“I love that,” she said, allowing her head to drop to the side.
Being close to Audie this way was incredible. It wasn’t as much their sensuous connection—Audie oozed sex appeal, so it was easy to relate to her that way. What was special about their relationship was the growing emotional bond, something that only a few short months ago had seemed far-fetched. “When did you first know you loved me?”
Audie took a few moments to think about her answer, reaching down to scratch Buster on his back before wrapping her arms around Beth again. “I think the first time I realized it was really love was when I said it out loud that night in your bed. Maybe after I had that dream about us and decided I wanted it to come true.”
“And now it has.” Beth turned and they shared a long kiss, relishing their privacy at this special place.
“I remember the first time I thought about kissing you. It was that night I stopped by your place on my way out to the Gallery. You had on those gray sweatpants, and when you bent over to pick up your keys I checked out your lovely ass.”
“I remember that night. You looked so hot I would have done you on the floor.”
Audie chuckled. “Sure wish I’d known that.”
“It’s a good thing you didn’t. I would have failed my nursing boards.”
“I doubt that.”
They watched the sun sink lower in the southwestern sky, sending shimmers off the river to sparkle in the golden trees.
“Thanks for bringing me out here again, Audie. It’s beautiful.”
“I needed this today, to be with you out here away from everybody.”
“I think we both did,” Beth said. Sumter Point was peaceful and romantic, better for serious conversation than at home, where they tended to get sidetracked by spurious lovemaking whenever they began to share deep emotions. “You know, after Shelby left, I thought I could get used to being by myself, maybe even get so I wouldn’t want anyone else that close again.”
“And what do you think now?”
“Now I can’t imagine not having you like this. I thought about that yesterday and it scared me half to death.”
“I thought about it too,” Audie said. “But I’m not going to be that easy to get rid of.”
“I don’t ever want to lose you.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” They both sat mesmerized as the last sliver of sun disappeared. “I’m kind of new at this, but if this is how it feels to be in love, I hope it never ends.”
The words, solemn and heartfelt, were like music to Beth’s ears.
Without turning around, she said, “It doesn’t have to end, Audie. I could see myself being with you for a long time.”
“I hope so. Sometimes I get so scared of being alone.” Whether they talked about it or not, it was obvious her anguish was still close to the surface.
“You won’t ever be alone.” Beth turned around to find Audie near tears. Now was the moment of transition she had thought about earlier, when Audie let go of her feelings and looked to her to be the strong one. “There are so many people who love you.”
“I know.”
“Look at me, sweetheart.” She tipped Audie’s chin upward and wiped a tear with her thumb. “You won’t ever be alone as long as I’m around, I promise. No matter what happens to us a year from now or twenty years from now, I’m going to love you, and I’ll always be there for you.” She didn’t care if it sounded like a lofty vow, it was true. “Okay?”
Audie nodded, her expression tentative. “What do you think will happen to us?”
“I want to be part of you for a long, long time—however long it takes to really know your soul and have you know mine.”
“What if that takes forever? Will you stay wit
h me that long?”
“Yes, I would stay with you that long.” Beth’s heart skipped a beat as she realized what she was saying. But she was undeniably ready to make Audie Pippin the center of her life. “It’s a big step for us to be talking like this, Audie. Maybe we ought to wait until there’s not so much going on.”
“Why, are you going to change your mind?”
Beth gave her a reassuring smile. “No, I’m not. I can make that kind of promise right now, but can you?”
“I’ve never felt like this about anybody before. It’s like the ground’s been shifting under me all this time and you’ve given me something to stand on.”
“Oh, Audie.” Beth wrapped her arms around Audie’s neck and hugged her tightly. “For somebody who claims to be new at this, you’ve sure got the heart-stopping lingo down.”
They held each other for several minutes without saying a word before finally leaving their perch to return to the car. As they walked down the path in the waning light, Beth noticed that Audie’s hand felt different from earlier when she tucked it in her pocket. This hand belonged to her now, and she wanted it to be the only one she would ever hold this way. “What’s today?”
“November sixth.”
She stopped walking and tugged on Audie’s wrist, turning her so they faced each other. “I want this to be the day we mark our time, not when we met or when we first made love. I want our time to start when we both said we wanted to stay together forever.”
Chapter 22
“Let me know when you’re ready for me to help,” Audie called through the crack in the bathroom door. She had gradually overcome her discomfort regarding her grandmother’s personal needs.
It seemed as normal now as helping her eat or put on her slippers.
“I’m almost done. What’s for dinner?”
Audie stirred a bowl containing rice and minced meat. “I think it’s chicken but I’m not a hundred percent sure. Mr. Wortman got a chicken leg with his. You want me to go steal it?”
Her grandmother laughed as she struggled through the doorway in her wheelchair to return to her bed. “Get his biscuit too.”
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