“Why?”
“Well, because we have more puppies and kittens than we have good homes for them. We want good homes for all of them.”
“I think everyone likes getting a new puppy or kitten,” Mrs. Newman interjected. Audie almost laughed at her transparent effort to keep the discussion from drifting back to two dogs fucking.
“But when puppies and kittens come along, they’re so much fun to play with that people sometimes stop paying attention to their older pets. For instance, there’s my dog, Buster. He’s three years old. He’s not a puppy anymore, but he still needs me to play with him. And he’s still my best friend.”
A girl in the front row raised her hand.
“Yes?”
“Do you ever…”
She seemed unsure how to ask her question.
“Do we ever what?”
“My brother said when you can’t find homes for them you have to kill them.”
Audie knew this question might come up, and she had worried about how she was going to deal with such a sensitive subject with eight-year-olds. They deserved to know the truth, she thought, but not in a way that might cause them anguish.
“We used to do that, but not anymore. Now we try to find homes for all the animals that come to us, no matter how long it takes. We have a rule now that says every single cat or dog that comes to the shelter and needs a home gets to stay there until they find one.”
“What if they’re sick or something? My dad said we have to put them to sleep so they won’t suffer.”
Audie wasn’t going to be able to avoid this. “Well, your dad’s right sometimes. Once in a while, we get a dog or cat that’s very sick or that has been injured so badly that they’re suffering. We don’t think it’s right to let them suffer so we put them to sleep. It doesn’t happen very often though. Only with dogs or cats that are too sick or hurt to go to good homes.”
The boy who spoke before raised his hand and shouted his question simultaneously. “How do you kill them?”
Audie looked at the teacher again for guidance, but Mrs. Newman was raptly listening for an answer. “Well, it’s like this. If we have to do it, we bring the dog or cat out of its crate and set it on the table. Dr. Martin—he’s the vet—he’s the one who gives the shots… two shots. The first one is just to calm them down so they won’t be scared. While they’re relaxing, I usually brush them real good and tell them how pretty they look. And I scratch their ears and say they’re a good boy… or a good girl. And when they’re nice and calm, Dr. Martin gives them the other shot and they go to sleep forever. I like to think the last thing they remember is a person being nice to them and telling them how wonderful they are.”
Mrs. Newman was wiping her eyes, but the children seemed okay with everything she had said.
“Okay, thanks for inviting me to come. I brought some stickers for everybody. I’ll leave those with Mrs. Newman.”
“Class, let’s show Miss Pippin how much we appreciate her talking to us today.”
Audie blushed as the children clapped. She would have to figure out how to deal with being called Miss Pippin.
“… and then this one kid raised his hand and told all about seeing two dogs get stuck together when they were… you know. And his teacher looked like she wanted to just disappear through the floor.”
Her grandmother laughed with obvious delight. Audie knew she would love hearing all the details of the first day on her new job. “So what did you do?”
“I just acted like it was a question about puppies and started talking about why we didn’t want so many.”
“You’re smart, Audie.”
Audie grinned. “Nah, just a fast thinker.”
“Come here, honey.” She held out her hand and Audie took it.
“I’m so proud of you… for everything.”
Audie had probably never been prouder of herself, and hearing it from her Grammaw meant more than anything could. “I think I’m really going to like it. At first I thought it was going to be hard, but it turned out to be fun.” Her head was exploding with ideas.
“I’m going to tell Oscar this afternoon about this idea I have for setting up little talks for all the elementary schools. It’s a good way to—”
Her grandmother hadn’t moved, but her right eye—the one that usually stayed focused—was fixed in a downward position.
“Grammaw?”
Audie’s stomach dropped when she got no response.
“Grammaw? Wake up.” Panicked, she yelled out. “Somebody come quick! Something’s wrong.” She groped beneath the covers for the emergency call button and pressed it several times in succession.
“Beth!”
The next few moments went by in a blur as Beth and Wanda rushed headlong into the room. Neither even looked at Audie, but she didn’t care. She wanted them to fix whatever was wrong as fast as they could.
“I was just talking to her and all of a sudden, she just…” She held her tongue as Beth grasped her grandmother’s wrist and looked at her watch.
“Do you want me to get the crash cart?” Wanda asked anxiously.
“No. Get Hazel… and Clara,” Beth answered crisply.
Audie’s fear was ready to spiral out of control. “What are you going to do?”
“Hold your Grammaw’s hand, Audie. Talk to her.”
“Beth?”
“Tell her you love her, sweetheart. She wants to hear that.”
Audie did as she was told, trying her best not to panic as Hazel Tipton entered and austerely walked around to the other side of the bed. She held her breath when Hazel opened the top two buttons of her grandmother’s gown and pressed a stethoscope against several spots on her chest. Several minutes passed, with Audie watching closely for the slightest movement, any sign at all that her Grammaw was still with them.
“I’m not getting a heartbeat,” she said softly.
“Do something!”
“Audie… sweetheart.” Beth put a hand on her shoulder. “Your Grammaw wouldn’t want that… not this time.”
What was Beth saying?
“Audie, I’m so very sorry,” Hazel said, pocketing her stethoscope before she respectfully closed the gown and gently closed her grandmother’s eyes. “I can’t say for certain, but it looks like she had a major stroke.”
“Can’t you… ? Something… anything.”
“She asked us for a DNR, Audie,” Beth finally said. “It’s what she wanted.”
“No.” Audie wouldn’t believe it. “I never signed it.”
“She asked for it on her own, sweetie.”
There had to be some mistake. Her Grammaw didn’t want to leave.
“Beth, why don’t you take Audie down to the sunroom for a few minutes while we prepare things here?” Hazel met Audie’s eyes with a somber look of her own. “You can come back in a few minutes and wait with her if you like.”
Audie didn’t want to let go of her Grammaw’s hand. She wanted to be there when she woke up.
“Come on, Audie. We have to leave the room for a few minutes.”
Beth nudged her gently toward the door and into the hall.
Audie broke down in tears and felt an arm go around her waist as she struggled to stand on her own.
“Come on, sweetie. Let’s just go sit here for a little while.”
With Beth’s help, she made it to the sunroom, where she collapsed into a vinyl chair. “What are they doing?”
“They’re just cleaning her up a little… putting her in a fresh gown.” Beth was kneeling in front of her, gently rubbing her hands and arms. “We can go back in when they finish.”
Suddenly it hit her what was happening. “She doesn’t want to die, Beth. I know it. Go back and make them save her.”
Beth was crying now, and shaking her head. “She didn’t want to go back to the hospital, Audie. She didn’t want to lose anymore control.”
Audie sobbed and sniffed. “She never meant for you to let her die.”
Beth’s
hands cradled her face. “Honey, this is what she wanted. She told me so. I tried to talk her out of it—”
“You knew?” Audie jerked her head out of Beth’s grasp. “You knew about this and you didn’t tell me?”
“I couldn’t.”
Audie felt her whole world spinning out of control, and she strained to stand up, but Beth had her pinned in the chair.
“Listen to me, Audie. Please, listen.”
She had no choice.
“Your Grammaw said you would only trust one person… one person, Audie.”
“To do what?”
“To tell you it was what she truly wanted. She didn’t want you to doubt it, on account of your Grampaw, so she asked me to be the one to witness it. I told her I didn’t want to do it, but she said I was the only one who could.”
Audie slumped against the chair back, defeated and heartbroken.
Her beloved Grammaw had chosen to leave her.
Hazel stepped into the hall and motioned that it was okay for her to return.
“I don’t want to go back in there.”
“You need to, honey. You have to say goodbye.” Beth stood up and took her hand. “We can wait until they come for her. Then I’ll come home with you.”
“No… no, I just… I’ll come say goodbye, but…” She felt Beth’s hand squeeze hers and she gripped it tightly. “Will you stay and wait with her?”
“Where will you go?”
“I have to…” They stopped in the hallway outside the door and she took several deep breaths. “I have to call Oscar… and Joel and Dennis.”
“Are you sure you’re okay to drive?”
Audie nodded.
“Okay, let’s go do this and I’ll wait with her. But I’m coming to find you as soon as Hazel lets me out of here.”
Beth drew a sigh of relief when she saw the yellow Xterra in the lot at Sumter Point. When she had reached the house only forty minutes after Audie left the nursing home, she assumed Audie would be here because Buster was gone. It worried her to think Audie might have come here to get away from her, angry about the DNR.
She parked and got out, wishing she had more to ward off the chilly autumn air than the sweater she had worn to work. But she warmed up as she briskly walked along the path toward the point.
When she rounded the last curve, Buster barked and jumped down from the boulder to meet her.
“Hey, boy. You looking after Audie?”
She continued tentatively to the rock, where Audie sat with her knees pulled to her chin. Her eyes, nose and mouth were swollen and red from crying.
“Audie, I’m so sorry.” A quick glance was the only indication Audie heard her. She scooted up from behind and began a gentle massage of Audie’s shoulders. The fact that Audie wasn’t pulling away was a good sign. “Your grandmother loved you so much.”
“I feel like I failed her.”
“No, you didn’t. She was so proud of you.”
“I mean with that form. She needed me to do that and I couldn’t.”
Beth slid around to sit where she and Audie could see each other’s faces. “Your Grammaw never meant for you to be the one to do that. But she was afraid you might think somebody pressured her or tricked her into signing it.”
“She told me just the other day to trust you. She said you wouldn’t let me down.”
“I won’t.”
“You’re all I have now.”
Beth’s heart was breaking for Audie’s grief, but it soared at the simple understanding that they would see this life through together. “You’ll always have me.”
Chapter 24
“You look tired. Why don’t you take a load off?” Joel offered, pointing to one of the small antique chairs in the corner of the little-used parlor.
“Thanks,” Beth said, taking a seat for what seemed like the first time in three days. “I am tired. I don’t know what Audie’s running on.”
From their vantage point, they could see her in the hallway by the door, greeting guests one by one. After more than two hours of condolences, she was answering with an almost robotic cadence.
“Has she eaten anything?”
“Not much. I fixed her a plate and put it in the kitchen for later, though.”
“Good. Maybe all of us can sit down together when these people are gone.”
Dennis came in to collect a load of plates and cups from around the room.
“I should see if they need a hand in the kitchen.” She started to stand, but Joel gently pushed her back into her seat.
“Dwayne and Dennis have it all under control. You just take it easy.”
It felt good to sit, but Beth felt guilty at seeing Audie still on her feet. Neither of them had slept well since Violet died, with Audie walking the house every night and sitting for hours in her grandmother’s bedroom.
Joel grabbed a newly vacated chair and pulled it next to Beth’s.
“Audie says she feels bad about her Grammaw giving up.”
“I don’t think it was like that. I told Audie I thought she needed to leave on her own terms, when she still had some control.”
“I know she feels good about her Grammaw being taken care of all the way to the end.”
“And she was happy, Joel. She loved seeing Audie and me together.” Beth swallowed hard, the knot nearly piercing her throat as she considered the weight of Audie’s loss. “I think her last days were happy.”
“That’s what counts, isn’t it? I don’t know about you, but I want to go exactly the same way.”
“I wish everyone could.” It was definitely what Miss Violet had wanted, Beth reminded herself. Even Audie had come to accept that.
“I haven’t said anything to Audie yet, but Dwayne and I are going to be fixing Thanksgiving dinner at our cabin in Dale Hollow. We’d like for you guys to come.”
Beth usually made the holiday trip to Knoxville to have dinner with Kelly and her husband, but she wanted to be with Audie and her friends this year. “That sounds good. I’ll talk to her about it and we’ll let you know.”
“We have an extra bedroom if you want to stay over. We can put Dennis on the couch.”
Beth snorted. “I’m sure he’ll like that.” She looked up to see Dennis whispering something into Audie’s ear. Audie gave him a nod before turning and locking eyes with her for a brief moment.
“I don’t think Dennis likes me very much.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Just some things Audie said. I think Dennis feels like I might be… too old for her.”
Joel shrugged. “I wouldn’t worry about it. Dennis just figured out he’s the last one left in Never Never Land.”
“I don’t want to come between Audie and her friends, though. She loves Dennis.”
“She loves you more.”
“But it doesn’t have to be a competition.”
“Dennis is the one who needs to realize that, not you.” He leaned closer and rested his hand on her knee. “Beth, I’ve known Audie for eight years, and I’ve never seen her settled like this before. She always looked around, but she didn’t have a clue what she was looking for. Now she acts like she’s found something with her name on it, and she’s ready to take her life in a whole new direction. She’s very happy with you.”
“This has my name on it too, Joel.”
“I’m glad to hear it. You’re good for her, especially now, so she won’t have to feel like she’s alone.”
“She’s not alone. I won’t let her be.”
“And I won’t let Dennis screw that up. I’ll talk to him.”
“You don’t have to do that. I just need to reach out and show him that he’s not going to lose Audie as a friend.”
“Okay, but if you need an ally, let me know. I can reason with him better than most.”
“Thanks.”
The last group of visitors walked out the door and Audie slumped immediately onto a bench in the hallway, obviously exhausted. Beth hurried to her side.
&
nbsp; “I guess it’s all over,” Audie said, heaving a sigh.
“That’s right. It’s just your friends here now.”
“Are Joel and Dwayne still here?”
“They’re in the kitchen with Dennis, cleaning up. I saved you something to eat.”
“I’m not really hungry.”
“I know, but you need to eat anyway.”
Audie tugged at the lapels on her black jacket. “What I need is to get out of this suit.”
“Let’s go put on our jeans and come back down and have dinner with the guys. Then we can just relax tonight, maybe watch some TV or something.”
“If it’s okay with you, I think I’ll go over to Dennis’s house tonight. I need a change of scenery. I feel like these walls are closing in on me.”
Beth drew in a breath. It wasn’t a change of scenery that Audie needed. She was probably going with Dennis so they could get high. That was the invitation he had whispered into her ear earlier.
“We could go over to Oscar’s and get Buster… maybe walk down to Sumter Point if you want to get out.”
“Nah, it’ll be dark soon.”
“Do you want to stay at my place tonight? We can sneak Buster in if you want to.”
“No, I just… I need to… he says he has a bottle of tequila…”
Among other things, Beth thought. “You don’t have to say anymore.”
In spite of her insistence to Joel that she and Dennis were not in competition, Beth felt jealous that Audie was choosing to spend this emotional time with Dennis. It wasn’t just his company that Audie wanted though. She was following her wild side.
“Look, Beth. I don’t have to go if you don’t want me to. I just thought…”
“It’s okay, Audie. You should go and relax with Dennis if that’s what you feel like doing. Just promise you’ll call me to come get you if you guys get messed up.”
Audie nodded.
“I mean it. Promise me.”
“I promise. Where will you be?”
“I’m going to pick up Buster and BD and bring them both back here. Is that okay?”
“That’s perfect. I won’t stay out late.”
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