Leigh jerked her head toward the upstairs. “TJ might hear you.”
Sarah leaned forward with her arms on the table. “Right is right and wrong is wrong, and this is all wrong. The man deserves to know the truth. Your son deserves it as well.”
“It’s not that easy.” Leigh’s taste for coffee disappeared, and she grabbed her cup and walked to the sink. The battle between truth and protecting the lie warred in her heart. Sarah might be right, but didn’t she realize how telling the truth would upend Leigh’s life? And not just her life, but Ben’s and TJ’s. She poured the coffee down the drain. No. She couldn’t do it. Not yet.
Thunder rumbled overhead, and she peered out the kitchen window at the dark clouds churning against the sky. A storm was almost on them.
“Remind me to tell TJ to wear his everyday shoes to church,” she said. “And to take his raincoat.”
“You’re evading the subject, Leigh.” Sarah’s words were gentle but firm. “Put it in God’s hands. He’ll open the door, but you have to trust him and go through it. He’s big enough to handle the aftermath.”
Leigh heaved a sigh. “I have to get ready for church.”
Sitting beside TJ in church, Leigh wanted to nudge him and tell him to be still as he shifted first one way then another. Rain pelted the windows as thunder punctuated the minister’s sermon, yet again on forgiveness. She searched her heart. Was there anyone she needed to forgive?
The name came instantly. Tom Logan.
No. He didn’t deserve forgiveness.
Bitterness soured her mouth. She clenched her hands. If it hadn’t been for Tom, TJ would have his dad, and she wouldn’t be wrestling with telling them the truth. But it had been her choice. She flinched as thunder shook the windows of the little church.
Tom should never have made such an offer. He thought he was protecting his son. Maybe she needed to forgive herself as well.
“Forgiveness isn’t about the person who wronged you.” The pastor’s gentle voice carried over the storm. “It’s for you. Forgiveness releases you from the chains of anger and bitterness.”
“I wish Tom could tell you how sorry he is.” Marisa’s words that first night in their home pricked Leigh’s heart. Let it go. Could she? She closed her eyes and willed her mind to say the words silently. I forgive him. She didn’t feel any different. Except her hands had relaxed. She sighed. Forgiving Tom wasn’t her biggest problem, anyway. She smoothed the wrinkles from her cotton pants. If only she could be certain of the outcome of telling Ben the truth . . . Turn it over to God. Sarah’s words just this morning echoed in her heart. If only she could.
After the service, Leigh found herself agreeing to have lunch at the Logans’. She simply couldn’t say no to the pleading in TJ’s eyes. All through the meal, conversation and laughter flowed around the table. She looked up more than once to find Tom’s eyes following her, and for some reason, they didn’t seem as cold. His coordination was much improved, and he was able to feed himself without making a mess.
Marisa passed her a plate of homemade rolls. “I’m so glad you joined us,” she said. “And after dessert, I have a surprise for TJ. Actually, a surprise for everyone.”
Leigh shot Ben a questioning glance, and he shrugged, then he winked at her. So, he was in on the surprise.
Sarah took a roll and bit into it. “Mmm, Marisa, these are so good. I must have the recipe.”
“Oh, dear.” Marisa laughed. “I’m afraid you’ll just have to watch me make them and write down what I mix together. It’s a cup of this and a pinch of that.” She passed a bowl of potato salad to Leigh. “Emily said you went into TJ’s Sunday school class today.”
“I thought Emily could use my help. I’d forgotten Ben helped her.” After yesterday, she couldn’t bear to turn TJ loose, even in church.
“I, for one, was sure glad to see you. The class was a handful today.” Emily grinned at her.
Indeed they were, wanting to talk about the kidnapping, plying TJ and the twins with all kinds of questions. Leigh glanced around the table. Happy, smiling faces, even Tom’s today. TJ’s family. Laughter floated around the room again. Sunday dinners at her grandmother’s had never been like this growing up. Her mother rarely made the effort to get out of bed, and her grandfather could be counted on to start an argument with someone. She tried to remember what it’d been like before her dad died, and no pleasant memories surfaced. Marisa tapped her glass, bringing Leigh back to the present.
“Now for the surprise,” she said. “Tom has something he wants to say.”
All eyes, including Leigh’s, turned to him, but his gaze was fixed on TJ. Unease crawled down Leigh’s spine. Tom looked . . . different. More alert. For the first time, she noticed he sat in a regular chair, not his wheelchair.
He licked his lips. “I . . . w-w-want . . .”
A sharp pain twisted her gut. He can speak?
“I . . .” He tried to form words, but they wouldn’t come.
Marisa nodded, encouraging her husband. When he tried and failed again, she said, “Why don’t you show them how you can use the iPad instead.”
Frustration pinched his lips together, then he nodded, and Marisa handed him the tablet. Very slowly he typed a few words, and she held it up. TJ. Thank you.
A grin spread across TJ’s face. “You can do it! Mom! Pops can communicate!”
Tom turned to Leigh and typed again. Thank you.
The room swirled. If he typed one more word, she would scream.
“He does very well as long as he doesn’t get excited,” Marisa said. “And all the praise goes to TJ for showing him how to use that iPad. Tom finally made the connection and started working with his therapist. I believe he’ll be talking soon.”
Leigh connected with Tom’s eyes. They held warmth she’d never noticed before. Maybe he wasn’t going to spill the beans.
At least not yet.
But, if she read the look in his eye correctly, he would if she didn’t.
Armero folded the Sunday newspaper and slammed it on his desk. What was Gresham thinking? Kidnapping the three boys. The only good thing about it was the timing—stroke of luck it happened about the time he made his call. Now if the flash drive surfaced, he figured the doctor would give it up. Maybe one more call to make sure she knew what to do if she found it. He jumped as his door swung open, and Jonas Gresham strolled in. “What are you doing here?”
Gresham hooked his thumb in his overall straps. Under his arms, half-moon circles of sweat stained his long-sleeved shirt, and Armero wrinkled his nose.
“Seeing my boy. He’s on the loading dock today. I saw your car in the parking lot and thought we ought to have a little chat.”
“You shouldn’t be in my office. What if someone sees you?”
“Who? Nobody’s here on Sunday but the loading crew. Chill out.”
“What do you want?”
“I want to make sure you ain’t planning on this being your last shipment of rifles.”
How did Gresham know? “You’re not giving me a lot of choice.”
“What are you talking about?”
“This war on Ben Logan. It’s bringing too much attention to Bradford County. You need to back off your little games.”
“My little games, as you call them, are keeping Logan off balance. Otherwise, he might’ve figured out you killed Tony.”
Armero jutted his chin. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t I? It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out you killed Tony. Been meaning to ask you why, but I figure I already know the answer. Tony discovered you were stealing the unmarked receivers.”
Armero pressed his lips together. The fast-food sausage and biscuit he’d eaten on the way to the office churned in his stomach.
“I keep hearing something about a flash drive.”
Armero’s blood drained from his face and his stomach went into free fall.
A sly smile crossed Gresham’s lips.”That’s
what I thought. And you don’t have the drive.”
Armero regained his equilibrium. “I don’t even know if it’s still in existence, thanks to you and your stupid fire at his house.” He spit the words out. “And if I want to quit selling rifles to Mexico, there’s nothing you can do about it.”
Gresham shrugged. “Be a shame if a little bird whispered in Logan’s ear that receivers were disappearing before the serial numbers were stamped on them.”
“You wouldn’t dare. If I go down, you’ll go down.”
“Why do you think I always insist on cash? You ain’t got nothing tying me to your gunrunning operation. Nothing.” He spit the word out. “If Logan knew where to look, he might find a lot of interesting information about a certain Blue Dog company.”
Whatever happened to honor among thieves? And how did Gresham know about the company? “What do you want?”
“A bigger cut. Fifty percent.”
“Fifty percent? No way.”
“Seventy-five, then.”
“What? You’re crazy.”
“That’s a possibility. I’m tired of doing all the dirty work, and you getting the biggest part of the money.”
Gresham leaned over the desk, and stale sweat assaulted Armero’s sensibilities. Did the man never take a bath? The old man pointed his finger in his face.
“You’re going to let me into that offshore account, and I want half of the money you collect. Starting with this shipment. And there’ll be no quitting. At least until I say we quit.”
Armero narrowed his eyes at Gresham. His mind raced, trying to find a hole. He wasn’t giving Gresham half. He’d die first.
Or maybe Gresham would die.
20
Forgiveness. Since church this morning, Ben hadn’t been able to get the word off his mind. Even the chatter and laughter around the table hadn’t been enough. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to forgive himself for Tommy Ray’s death. He couldn’t.
Forgiveness was way more complicated than the pastor indicated.
Ben pushed away from the table that Sarah and Leigh were already clearing. The boys had disappeared, probably into the living room to play one of their video games. He glanced out the dining room window. The skies had cleared.
Leigh reached over his shoulder for his plate. “Finished?”
Her voice soothed the jitters in his stomach. “Yeah. Would you like to walk down to the lake with me?”
He’d give anything to recapture what they’d had last night at the top of the Ferris wheel—if it had actually existed. But it was like everything that had happened before the boys’ kidnapping didn’t exist. Did he imagine that she was receptive to his kiss? And where did he want to take his feelings for her? After all, she was leaving in six weeks.
She glanced down at her clothes. “How wet is it outside?”
Emily passed by. “I have something that should fit you upstairs. A pair of sneakers too, if you wear a size 8.”
“Thank you.” Leigh held up her index finger. “Be right back.”
“I think I’ll change into something old too. Meet you outside.”
The white pea gravel crunched under their feet as they walked in silence. Leigh seemed preoccupied. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.
“Do you have any leads on who kidnapped TJ and the twins?” she asked.
“I’m afraid not. The only fingerprints inside the van belonged to the driver. The boys did remember the man wore rubber gloves, but they didn’t think anything about it.”
“Was TJ the target?”
“I think I was the target,” Ben said.
“But the phone call . . .”
“He’s trying to hurt me by targeting the people I’m sworn to protect.” He heaved a sigh. “But whoever is responsible will make a mistake. He’ll get too cocky.”
“I hope you catch him soon, but until then, I’m keeping TJ close. Emily said I could bring him to the clinic. I think she’s bringing the twins with her when she’s there.”
Frustration boxed him in like iron bars. He needed a break in this case, evidence against Jonas Gresham—if he was the one. Maybe now that Dad was getting better, he could talk to him. Ben dismissed that thought immediately. His father wasn’t that much better. Ben hadn’t even brought up the shooting yet, for fear thinking about it might cause his dad to have another stroke.
“Hey!” Leigh stood in front of him and waved her hand in his face. “We came out here to relax. Let’s try to do that before we have to face reality again. Why don’t we take the paddleboat out?”
“Nah.” The sun glinted off the white fiberglass craft tethered to the pier. He hadn’t been out on the lake since Tommy Ray. “There’s a shady place around the bend. Let’s walk.”
Fifteen minutes later, Leigh panted beside him. She wiped her face with the tail of her shirt. “Are we there yet?”
“Five more minutes,” he answered with his standard reply to the twins. “Just around this next bend.”
Sure enough, five minutes later, they reached the shady spot he’d promised and flopped down on a patch of grass under a water oak.
Leigh fanned herself. “The breeze feels good.”
“I didn’t remember it being so far over here.” Ben plucked a blade of grass and chewed on it, savoring the green taste. “I’m glad you came for lunch.”
She breathed deeply, not answering.
“Were you surprised that Dad was so much improved?”
“Oh yeah. I had no idea he’d come that far. Did you see the look on TJ’s face?”
“Yeah. Wish I’d had a camera.”
She fell silent again.
“Thanks for helping out in Sunday school this morning. In fact, you can take my place until Jeremy comes back, if you’d like.”
“What? You don’t like helping?”
“Sometimes it’s hard.”
“How hard can teaching nine- and ten-year-olds . . . oh.” The laughter died in her voice. “They remind you of Tommy Ray. But I thought he was older, fifteen.”
He nodded, not sure if he could trust his voice not to break. It’d been three years. He should be able to put it behind him. He grabbed a breath of air. “I’m not comfortable around kids of any age, but if they were fifteen, I don’t think I could do it at all.”
She put her hand on his arm. “Look at me a minute.”
He turned his head. Her emerald green eyes had darkened.
“Did you not hear anything the pastor said this morning?”
“I don’t need to forgive anyone.”
“Ben! You’re beating yourself up for something that wasn’t even your fault. I wish Sarah was here. She’s so much better at this than I am.” She licked her lips. “Do you believe God has forgiven you for what happened that day?”
How could God forgive him? A boy had died. A family suffered.
“Wait, before you answer that—exactly what do you believe needs to be forgiven?”
That was an easy question. “I was responsible for those boys. I should have known he wasn’t horsing around. And when I did realize it, I should’ve gone in the water right away.”
“Did you do what you were supposed to do?”
Go into the water only as a last resort. The words had been drilled into Ben’s head from his first lesson as a lifeguard when he was a teenager. So what if he followed protocol. It didn’t ease his guilt. Ben closed his eyes, reliving the horror. “We were so close to making it. I tried to capture his arms. I couldn’t breathe.”
He sucked in a deep breath, then another. “He let go of me, and I knew if I didn’t get air, I’d die. I shot out of the water and grabbed some air and went back down to find him, but he was gone.”
He balled his hands so tight his knuckles hurt. “I keep replaying what happened, looking for a different answer. One where I wasn’t a coward.”
Leigh took his hands and gently pried his fingers open. “The instinct to survive is the strongest instinct we have. You are not a coward. Look at how y
ou raced into our smoldering house to get TJ. That’s not the act of a coward.”
He had saved TJ. Hadn’t thought twice about what to do, either.
“You can second-guess yourself for the rest of your life, and it won’t change anything. I don’t think there’s anything God needs to forgive you for, but if there is, he did it a long time ago. Now it’s simply a matter of you receiving his grace.”
Forgiveness seemed so close, almost like he could reach out and touch it. “You killed my boy. Let him drown.” Jonas Gresham’s bitter words echoed in his mind. “Not everyone feels that way.”
“Ben, you’re the most caring, courageous man I know.”
Leigh’s passionate words branded his heart. He could almost believe her. He could certainly believe he might be falling in love with her. But what if she took off again? There was no what-if—she was taking off, to Baltimore. “Are you still leaving in September?”
She bent her head, studying something in the grass. When she looked up, uncertainty clouded her eyes. “Sarah wants me to stay here. She says I don’t have to go to Baltimore to make a difference.”
“She’s right, Leigh.”
“TJ doesn’t want to go, either. But I’m not sure it’s an opportunity I can turn down.” She picked up a stick and drew a stick figure in a bare patch of ground. With a shake of her head, she pierced him with her gaze. “Let’s talk about something else.”
Even if she changed her mind, Ben wasn’t sure he could trust her. She’d left him before with little explanation. She might do it again. “What happened ten years ago? I never understood why you wouldn’t take my calls.”
The color drained from her face. “W-what?”
“Why did we break up? I never knew why. Oh, I know what you said, that you were going to med school and couldn’t afford the distraction of a relationship, but I never thought that was the whole story. We could have made it work.”
She pressed her lips together. “That’s water under the bridge.”
“But I need to know what happened or it might happen again. It really hurt when you left.”
Leigh shot a skeptical glance his way. “It doesn’t seem like you were hurt to me. When I came back for my grandmother’s funeral, you were engaged.”
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