She looks alarmed. “Did that hurt?”
“No,” I manage. “Keep going.”
The finger returns and starts tracing a maddening path around all the places I’m ridged and swollen. She draws a map of my veins, she navigates the sensitive shoals of my frenulum. She meanders around the crown and over the leaking slit at the top. Her fingers drop down to my root, circling the base to measure me, and I register a nice swell of masculine pride when I see the tips of her fingers and thumb can’t meet around me—although the pride is still largely secondary to the feeling of her touching my cock because holy fuck, she’s touching my cock.
“I want to see all of you,” she says, oblivious to the effect she’s having on me. Her eyes are on my body, on my abs and my cock and the places where my open pants strain around the muscles of my hips and my ass, and I have to say, her seeing all of me sounds amazing, the best idea anyone’s ever had.
“That can be arranged,” I say, pulling her to her feet and leading her out of the living room and into my bedroom. I don’t bother with lights out of habit, but Zenny flips them on and then gives me a shy smile when I glance back at her. “I need to be able to see,” she says with a little shrug.
“Anything you like, darling.” I wouldn’t miss her exploring my body for the world. For seventy times seven worlds. And I am almost unbearably unworried about how infatuated I am with this girl—I’ve never felt like this about anyone else…but then again, I’ve never met someone like her before, so perhaps it’s not shocking. Perhaps I’d been programmed at birth only to want this one person, and there’s this tiny thing in my mind—not a thought, not even the seed of a thought, but like the frozen root of some dormant plant that might one day years from now drop a seed that can become a full-blown thought—that I can almost remember feeling this way about God once upon a time. That years ago, there used to be a Sean Bell that loved without restraint and reluctance and fear.
She reminds me.
I make to ease myself out of my pants, and Zenny helps me. I allow it, because there’s no sweeter feeling than having an eager woman tearing at your clothes, and also the sweet clumsiness of it is both endearing and so fucking hot.
“Okay,” she says matter-of-factly once we’ve finished and I’m naked. “On your back.”
I comply, lacing my hands behind my head after I arrange myself, watching her move around the foot of the bed and take off her bra, which she drapes carefully over the footboard. She looks good here, naked in my room, the city lights moving in gleams and glitters across her skin as she walks past the windows and her hair trailing cascades of corkscrewed shadows across the floor and over my bed.
Then she crawls onto the bed and I forget everything else. There’s only her, only her utter lack of artifice and complete ignorance of seduction as she moves to my side and then sits crisscross like a kid. Just her curious fingers and nervous sucking on the corner of her mouth and her avid gaze roving over me.
She pets my arms and caresses my stomach. She runs her hands along the swells of my thighs and chest. She asks me the names of the muscles hugging my ribs (serratus) and if I’m ticklish (yes, but only on the soles of my feet). She strokes down to the hyper-aware skin near my cock and she fondles my sac—not to stir me, but to weigh and to measure. And then when she sees how my body responds to being touched, she seems to make an experiment of it all. Silently measuring how much I twitch when she brushes up along my underside, how much I moan when she circles me, how much I gasp and seize when she slides that circle up the length of me.
I groan when she moves her attention elsewhere, but I’m grateful—beyond stamina and pride reasons, it feels just as good to have her exploring the rest of me. It’s hot to see how new everything is to her—my feet and hands, for example, so much bigger than hers. Or the hair along my thighs and calves, rough and distinct against her silky legs. She spends what feels like hours running her fingers along my happy trail and I have to fist my hands in the covers to keep my back from arching off the bed; she rakes those chipped gold fingernails over the flat discs of my nipples and I have to grit my teeth and close my eyes to keep from grabbing her.
“Turn over,” she whispers, and I do.
Hands roam up my thighs, over the tight muscles of my calves and down to my feet, where she discovers for herself that I didn’t lie and am indeed ticklish. She finds the furrow of my spine, the broad spread of my shoulders, and the place at my nape where my hair threatens to curl when it’s left too long without a trim.
Then I feel her straddle my thighs, bracing her hands on my hips as she does, and I make a noise into the bed. The extra weight pressing my cock between my body and the mattress is amazing, in the worst way.
Or it’s terrible in the best way. I can’t tell.
She runs both her hands up my back and then back down to the tops of my glutes, plumping them with those measuring, probing touches that seem calculated to drive me mad with lust. She squeezes my ass cheeks, scoots farther back on my thighs, and then does something that makes my toes curl.
She spreads my ass apart and sends a curious finger down the seam.
I make another noise into the bed.
“Are you okay?” she asks. “Should I not…?”
“No, no, you definitely should.”
“Do you like having this part of you touched?” She’s touching me again, this time swirling the pad of her finger along my rim. Sensation flares everywhere, and I feel fucking dirty, so fucking dirty.
“I don’t know,” I manage, my voice muffled by the blankets. I’m so hard I might die, and I’m consumed with the need to fuck. To come. “No one’s ever touched me there before.”
Zenny makes a studious kind of hmm, like she’s my own personal anthropologist, the first person to discover and survey Sean Bell, and I can feel the strain of staying still everywhere in my body. I want to flip over and yank her to my chest, I want to crush my mouth to hers, I want to wrap her legs around my waist and push deep into that wet, sweet well between her legs.
“I can’t believe no one’s touched you here before,” she says, a finger pushing against my entrance while her thumb strokes pensive strokes along my perineum. “You’ve had so much sex—how is that even possible?”
There’s no way to describe to her how it comes to be that way. How the same three or four acts simply get put on a tired merry-go-round, made different only by the person you’re with, and how the journey becomes tainted by the destination. I’m a generous lover by most accounts, but it’s only because pussy gets me hot. It’s a selfish thing, really, and all my sex is selfish. I’ve just justified it to myself by having sex with equally selfish people.
Anyway, I can’t describe it because all my words are gone, they’ve been driven out by waves of painful need, and even if I could describe it, I wouldn’t want to. I don’t want Zenny to know how banal sex can be, I only want her to know sex as a revelation. As the kind of epiphany that rivals all religion.
But still I need to answer her, so I say in a joking voice—or as close to joking as I can get with my body on fire, “Oh, you know. People get bored and they just want it to be easy. Get it over with.”
She doesn’t joke back, her fingers trailing down my ass cheeks to rest on my thighs. “How could anyone ever get bored with this?” She’s quietly incredulous. Faintly accusatory.
I assess the quiet wonder I feel at the warmth of her on my legs. I can’t even see her, I’m not touching her with my hands, my cock is nowhere near her body, and yet this is the most profoundly sexual I’ve ever felt.
“I don’t know,” I finally say. “I don’t know.”
We continue in silence for a few more minutes, and I stay there, stretched and straining and still, all so she can pet and explore me, so she can satisfy her curiosity.
“On your back,” she says after a while. “I want to see your…” a shy pause. “Your penis again.”
I don’t tease her for the Latinate language. I’m past teasing. I’
m starving, I’m dying. I roll over and expose my aching cock to the cool air, and I know I said I wasn’t going to let her make me come—and I meant it—but I just want her to touch it again. Just once, just a little bit.
“So when you’re not…erect…it’s not this big?” she asks. She’s moved so that she’s perched on her knees between my legs and her hands slide up my thighs to bracket my balls. Her thumbs meet in the tender place right below my testicles and my cock jolts like it’s been hooked up to a car battery.
“No,” I say, my voice so raspy it’s barely a voice any longer.
“And then it gets—”
“Hard,” I supply, trying to nudge her past the textbook terms.
“Then it gets hard,” she soldiers on, “whenever you’re turned on?”
“Yes. That’s when it needs to fuck.”
“And when you don’t have anyone to fuck? What do you do?”
I show her by circling a hand over my cock and tugging upwards. Pleasure spears deep into my groin as I do, and I have to remind myself that I’m showing her, that she’s exploring, that this is part of the plan, and I can’t just jack myself right over the edge like I want to.
I go slowly, so she can see the places that send me squirming, so she can see the steady rhythm I like, the grip. And then there’s the way she looks at me as I do it, her gaze hot on my tensed stomach and bunching biceps, on the swollen tip that emerges from the end of my fist over and over again.
“Can I try?” she asks in a voice both timid and inflamed, and my God, it’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard, ever, ever, ever.
“Yes, baby. You can try.”
I release my cock and watch her grip it, a bit uncertainly, stroking up with a hold too loose for any real friction.
But it’s still too much. Her determined face, with its pouty mouth screwed up in concentration, which makes the piercing in her nose wiggle and glint as she wrinkles her nose. Her hair brushing the ends of her shoulders in uncountable dark spirals, her tits with their nipples in tight little beads, her ribs and stomach quivering with breathing she can’t quite control.
I throw my arms over my face so I can’t see her, because even her clumsiness is fucking hot, everything about her is so much, too much, and I should be worried, I should be terrified that she has this power over me, but I’m not, and maybe that’s the scariest part of it all.
I let her experiment with rhythm and pace and tightness, I let her try stroking the lower part of the shaft and squeezing and caressing the head, I let her try whatever she wants and I just do my best to hold on, to keep my promise not to come at her touch.
It’s fucking agony though.
Agony.
Finally she finds the killing zone, that sensitive underside right under my crown, and within seconds she has me arching and panting. When I dare to peek out from under my arms, I see her lower lip tucked into her teeth and her eyes glued to my steel-hard dick, fascinated. And her other hand rubbing idly at one breast, as if she can’t stand not to touch herself as she’s touching me, as if she doesn’t even know she’s doing it.
I’m going to come if she doesn’t stop.
“Enough,” I growl, sitting up and grabbing her fast enough to surprise her, to send a cute little squeak out of her mouth.
“But I want to see you come,” she says from the cage of my arms. “You promised I could see you come.”
She’s too perfect not to kiss, so I kiss her. I drop my mouth to hers and I fuck her mouth with my tongue the way I want to fuck her pussy. “You’ll see me come, princess,” I murmur against her lips. “You will.”
She’s dazed by the kiss, melted and boneless in my arms, sharing breath with me, tentatively sliding her tongue against mine, her hands flexing and fisting at my bare chest like a kitten kneading her paws. “I want you to come now,” she finally manages. “Now.”
“One thing first.” And if I enjoyed having this body because of the way Zenny looked at me before, I extra enjoy it now, being able to effortlessly move with her cradled in my arms, being able to drape her over the edge of the bed with her face down and her ass and cunt available for me to eat.
And then I show her the thing I promised on the night of the gala.
She squeaks again at the first lick—right up to the pleated aperture between her cheeks—and I have to band an arm over top of her hips to keep her still. She squirms and gasps, one of her legs kicking up at me in an instinctive move to hide herself.
“Sean,” she pants. I can actually hear the scratches of her fingers against the covers. “It’s…I’m…”
I know what she is. I stop eating her, running the tip of my nose in the divot between her cheeks, very close to that entrance that she’s embarrassed of. “Don’t worry, darling.”
“I know, but you can see everything like this,” she protests, a hand reaching back as if to block me.
“I know, and I can smell and taste everything too. That’s why I like it.” I catch the hand and guide it to my hair instead. “Here. Whenever you think you can’t bear it, you pull my hair instead of trying to pull away.”
She gives my locks a gentle yank. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“It would be worth it,” I say and then lean forward again, letting her feel it all—the bump of my nose against her ass as I devour her cunt, the stubble of my jaw as I work, even the light scrapes of my teeth. It’s messy and delicious and she’s all over my lips and my face, she’s on my tongue, she’s the slick combination of sweet and salt and earth. She may be shy, embarrassed, inexperienced from her navel up, but down here, she is all woman. Her cunt knows what it needs, growing wetter and softer, her clit getting plumper like a little needy berry, and even as she still makes noises of flustered, uncertain pleasure, her hips grind back into my face and her legs spread more and more, letting me deeper, lower, letting me suckle on her clit. Her hand still snatches at my hair; like a good student, she’s done as she’s told and pulled on my hair whenever the surge of shame or awkwardness rolls over her. But the yanking has changed from the simple tugs on my hair to practically tearing at it to get me closer to her, to get my mouth on her harder, faster, more—
“More,” she gasps. “Oh my God, more, more, more, more…”
Shit, I want to fuck her right now. Right here, bent over my bed, with her so wet and begging. I’d squeeze into that tight hole and show her how good it feels to come around a cock.
In fact, I even get so far as standing up before I remember myself, before I remember THE PLAN, SEAN, THE FUCKING PLAN, and instead I smooth a gentling hand up her back and press a single finger inside her. I easily find the spot that drove her so wild before, and I press down in massaging caresses that make her moan into the bed. I lean my body over hers, savoring the feel of her smooth legs against my hair-rough ones, the delicate wings of shoulder blades against my chest. The firm plumpness of her ass against my hips as I replace my finger with my thumb and start rubbing at her clit with my middle and pointer fingers together.
She cries out in jumbles and moans, she arches and bucks under my body, and it’s so delicious, so very delicious, especially hearing my name in those jumbled noises, sean oh sean oh God keep going keep going more more more sean more—she’s an ocean whipped into a restless froth, storming and pitching and nothing but a tempest ignic with lightning and electric tension. I kiss everywhere as I coax her over the edge; I bury my face in her curls and smell her hair, I nip at the nape of her neck, I drop my lips on her cheek and the shell of her ear and the edge of her jaw. And then as I kiss and suck on her neck, she comes underneath me, an ocean out of control, a tempest beyond reckoning. A noise tears out of her throat, something like keening, something delirious and violent and helpless all at once.
All her bucking and rocking under me has me in agony, not only because it’s insanely hot, but because her ass is grinding hard against my cock. I can still smell and taste her, and her pussy is all flutters and clutches in that addictive way that pussies flutt
er and clutch when they’re happy. And it takes a superhuman act of strength to keep from pressing harder against her ass and coming right then and there—screw chasing snakes out of Ireland and stigmata, this is an actual miracle, that I’m able to keep myself sewn together while Zenny rides out her joy on my hand.
By the time she’s finished, she’s utterly limp, goose bumps everywhere and a faint sparkle of sweat misting her forehead. Her eyes are closed and her breathing slowly evens out, and I take the opportunity to scoop her into my arms and crawl back onto the bed so that I’m sitting with my back against the headboard with her nestled snugly against my chest.
I kiss her head and leave my lips there because it feels nice, because I want to kiss her forever, and she reaches up to trace idle shapes on my chest, eyes still shut. The lashes are long and thick and curved against her cheeks.
“It’s your turn,” she says sleepily.
“I’m fine, Zenny-bug.” It’s a lie, I’m dying, but I also feel like I might die if I have to stop holding her, so maybe it’s not too much of a lie. I’d be content to stay here forever too.
She wrinkles her nose at the childhood nickname. “I’m not a kid anymore, you know.”
“Oh, I’m aware.”
She opens her eyes, her hand sliding over the bevel of my collarbone and up the corded length of my neck, and curving to fit the cut of my jaw. With her peering up at me with those copper-ringed eyes and her hand so warm and lovely-feeling against my face, I can’t help but to want to taste her mouth again, and we kiss for a long moment before she sits up in my arms.
“Seriously, though,” she says impatiently. “Your turn.”
There’s a moment when I almost feel guilty, but it dies as soon as it’s born. Or rather, it dies the moment Zenny arranges herself at my left side and puts my right hand on my cock. I wrap an arm around her and snug her close, and she rests her head on my chest as she watches me fuck my own fist. There’s something strangely erotic about having her cuddling me as she watches me beat off; it’s different than the normal performance these acts usually turn into. It’s intimate and real. Nothing but itself—which is frenzied, near-painful release.
Need you Now (Top Shelf Romance Book 2) Page 124