by Amanda Jason
“I’ll stop by all your classes and get any work you need to finish. You just stay in bed and drink plenty of fluids. The last thing you need to do is get dehydrated.”
“I will. Jeff, don’t call my mom. I just want to just lay here and die in peace.”
“You’re not going to die. It’s just the flu, and you’re healthy, so you should get over it fast. Is there anything you need before I go, besides another stomach?”
Yep, Mr. Psychic knows what I was going to say.
“No. Just go to class and don’t come home. You have a date tonight, so take your clothes with you and dress at the loft. If I die, I’ll call and let you know.” I give a halfhearted laugh and then shoot out of bed, making it to the porcelain God just in time.
“I don’t think I should leave you,” Jeff says as he holds my hair.
“Get me some Saltines and I’ll nibble on those. I’m sure I’ll feel better soon. Now, go and stop mothering me. Thanks for holding my hair, and I love you, so scoot.”
I make it back to bed, barely, and Jeff brings me three bottles of water and a box of Saltines, blows me a kiss, and leaves after telling me to call him if I need anything.
I look at the clock. It’s been three hours since Jeff left for school, and with the nap, some water, and Saltines, I’m feeling better. Okay, I feel better as long as I don’t move.
I can’t remember the last time I was sick. I just never had the time. Before I fell asleep, I did call work and tell them I was sick, and my boss was in awe that the mighty Pandora Phillips had allowed a bug to bring her down. I’ve never missed a day of work in more than four years. I should get a medal or something for that. She told me to get better and call her when I was up to it.
I turn on the television and the morning shows are full of helpful hints of what to get and do with your love on this special day. Great. I flip channels, and every movie station is showing romantic films, so I turn it off.
Since I’ve changed my number, I’ve had no more missed calls from Drew. I avoid the tabloids so I don’t have to see that he’s moved on. My heart hasn’t healed like I had hoped it would. I type “how long does it take a broken heart to mend” into to Google, but don’t get a definitive answer. I’ll have to wait, I guess, and then one day it may fix itself.
My cell rings and I grab it off the bedside table. It’s Jeff.
“How are you feeling?”
“Better,” I reply.
“Are you lying to me?”
I roll my eyes as if he can see me.
“Rolling your eyes is not an answer.”
“I’m better—ate a handful of Saltines, drank some water, and thankfully haven’t vomited once since you left. So stop worrying and just enjoy your time with Liam.”
“Okay, but if you need me, I’m only a phone call away. Get some sleep and I’ll call you again in a few hours. Bye, love you.”
“Yeah, love you too.”
I’m drifting in and out of sleep when the phone rings. This time, it’s my mom.
“Happy Valentine’s Day, sweetie.” I hear my dad yelling the same thing in the background. “What exciting plans do you have tonight?”
Should I tell the truth? Hell no. She’ll get in the car and drive here, and that’d be terrible for everyone. I’ll have to lie and hope she buys it.
“Jeff and I are ordering a pizza and then watching romantic comedies all night. What are you and Dad doing?”
“We have dinner reservations. Bridget is out with her friends, and Taylor is going out with—honey, what’s her name again? Skye, that’s it. We haven’t met her yet, but he says she’s nice. And we think Bridget has a crush on someone, but she’s not telling. I wish you’d find a nice guy, not like that jerk you dated for three years. I never liked him. He had beady eyes. Well, you and Jeff have a nice time. While you’re looking for a nice guy, find one for Jeff too. He needs to find happiness. Love you, sweetie.”
That went well. Lie told and believed. So why do I feel dejected? Everyone has a life but me. I can’t even go out looking for anyone with this bug, so I guess I’ll have to wait it out.
What am I saying? I’m still into Drew, and who knows when I’ll get over him.
Depressed now, I switch on the boob tube again and find a movie that isn’t a freaking romance. It’s about the end of the world. Yes, definitely a more fitting choice.
I wake up the next morning with the television is still on. Jeff must not have come home, or he would’ve turned it off.
I get up to go pee and my stomach instantly rebels. I make it to the bathroom with seconds to spare. I’m so over this. I can’t afford to be sick any longer. I need to go back to school and work. I pull myself up from my sitting position on the floor and barely make it to the bed without falling. I cram a Saltine in my mouth and down a sip of water. I’ll just have another nap.
“Are you sure she’s okay?” I hear Julie’s anxious voice.
“She’s just sick. I checked on her all day yesterday and last night, but I didn’t disturb her when I came home this morning since she was sleeping. She needs rest.” Jeff sounds defensive, and I really don’t have the energy to get involved with this discussion.
“You stayed out all night? What if she had fucking died?” Julie isn’t happy. No, she’s not.
“Jules, calm down. Jeff is taking good care of her.” It’s Kevin, the peacemaker.
“He should’ve called me yesterday. I could’ve taken care of her.”
“Yeah, right. It was Valentine’s Day.” Jeff’s getting offensive now.
“Okay, all three of you please talk quietly. I’m trying to get better here.” I finally open my eyes.
“Aww, honey, how are you feeling?” Julie grabs my hand like I’m on my way out.
“Just peachy, especially for someone that has the stomach flu. Maybe you guys should sanitize yourselves and stay away from me. I don’t want anyone else to suffer through this. What am I saying? Julie you’re pregnant. Get out of here. Go wash your hands and leave. You can’t get sick.”
I begin to worry that I may have sat up quickly when a queasy feeling washes over me, and yep, you guessed it. I didn’t make it to the toilet this time. Jeff is there, holding my hair and clucking like a mother hen.
“She’s right. Don’t worry, I won’t leave her until she’s better, so you two leave now.”
I can’t open my eyes. I’m so tired. Jeff helps me back into bed.
The room is dark when I wake up again. I guess Jeff was able to convince Julie and Kevin to leave, since I find myself here alone. My clock says it’s nine, and I’m thirsty.
Turning on the lamp, I see my water supply is nil. I grab a cracker and slowly sit up in the bed, swing my legs to the side of it, and drop my feet to the floor. So far, so good. Stomach isn’t rolling.
I stand up as Jeff walks in the door. My eyes meet his while I try to balance myself and I send him a weak smile. I suddenly feel dizzy and Jeff’s image begins to blur. I hear his voice ring out when I feel myself stagger before collapsing to the floor, and then nothing.
“Ms. Phillips? Dora, can you hear me? Please open your eyes.”
I don’t know this male voice, and my eyes can’t open because it’s too bright.
“Dora, wake up. It’s me, Jeff.”
Duh, Jeff. My mouth is so dry and my head is throbbing. I wish they would turn off the lights.
“Jeff, turn off the lights.” I’m croaking like a frog, wonderful.
“Ms. Phillips, I’m Dr. Banner. You gave your boyfriend and us quite a scare. You probably have a little headache from the bump on the head. Nurse, dim the lights so Ms. Phillips can focus on us.”
Boyfriend? Does he mean Jeff?
“Okay, it’s safe to open your eyes now.” The doctor’s voice is smooth and calming, and I do as he asks.
There’s a crowd surrounding my hospital bed—yes, I’ve figured out that’s where I am. Everyone is smiling but Jeff, who looks like he might pass out any moment. He moves cl
oser, takes my hand and leans down to kiss my forehead which succeeds in bringing tears to my eyes.
“Dora, you had me so worried. I couldn’t catch you before you fell. I’m so sorry.” A tear trickles down his cheek and I let go of his hand to wipe it away with my finger.
“I’m okay, see? It’s not your fault.”
I hear a sigh and a young … I guess nurse, is looking at us with a dreamy smile.
“Doctor, I have Ms. Phillips’ test results.” Another older woman puts a piece of paper in his hand.
“Well, it’s as I thought, Ms. Phillips. You don’t have the stomach flu. You have morning sickness, or in your case, not just morning but a little more extensive. I’d say you’re about six weeks along. I’ll prescribe rest and a bland diet as tolerated. We’ve given you IV fluids to get you hydrated. I’m sure you and your boyfriend would like to be alone to digest this news.”
With that, he and his staff disappear around a green curtain. Jeff and I are left looking at each other in stunned silence.
Pregnant? Me? I can’t be. We used protection every time.
No, we didn’t. Not on New Year’s we didn’t. I was too anxious.
It’s all my fault. How could this happen?
“Dora, say something. You’re scaring me.” Jeff grabs my hand again and sits partially on my bed.
“Tell me this is a flu induced dream, and that I’ll wake up soon. I can’t be pregnant.”
Jeff just shakes his head. “Tests don’t lie, and it makes sense. You have no fever, Saltines calm your stomach, and you’ve been crying a lot more than usual lately. Yep, you’re totally pregnant.”
“What am I going to do? My mom is going to kill me. Never mind my grandmother, who will tell me if I had gone to finishing school, I’d have learned to keep my legs closed.”
I cover my eyes with my arm. I feel the beginning of a panic attack, which I’ve never had, but I think I’m about to experience one.
“Your mom won’t kill you, but you’re right about your grandmother. She won’t be happy, and you’ll be banned from the family.”
“Thanks for the pep talk. What am I going to do?”
Panic is starting to take over. My whole body starts to shake.
“Hey, now. Relax. Maybe it’s time to talk to Drew,” he says.
He lies down beside me, pulling me into his arms. I’m trembling uncontrollably, and he’s making soothing sounds and rubbing my non-IVed arm. I’m relishing the heat from his body, and the warmth seems to help. My panic button has seemed to have reset itself.
“Hmmrph. Excuse me, is she okay?” A fresh-faced nurse is staring at us, and I bet she’s wondering if it’s her job to tell him that he should get out of the bed. But she doesn’t say another word, just winks and leaves.
“Jeff, promise me something, and I mean really promise me, not just lip service.”
“Anything for you, Dora.”
He smiles, and I suddenly feel like I can do this. Other single women have babies and the children turn out all right. After all, I have seven and a half months to prepare. I’ll have to find a job to support us. Of course I have to finish school.
But what about my family? What kind of role model am I for Bridget and Taylor? Oh, hell, I start to shake again as the enormity of the situation hits me. I’m going to be someone’s mom.
“I’m waiting.”
“For what?”
“You said I have to promise, so I’m waiting to see what I have to promise you.”
“Oh, yes. Don’t roll your eyes. I’ve just realized I’m going to be someone’s mother. But I digress. Promise me you won’t tell Drew or anyone else until I’ve thought this through. You’ll have to cross your heart, pinky swear, and anything else you can think of.”
I feel his body vibrate and realize he’s laughing.
“Hey, it’s not funny,” I semi-yell at him.
“Pinky swear? Really?” He chuckles and I join in.
“You know what I mean. I’m serious. This is serious.” My eyes fill up with tears. God, this hormone thing is real.
“Okay, don’t cry. I’ll do anything if you don’t cry. I won’t tell a soul, promise. Dora, I’m here for you and the baby. I won’t desert you, but I think down the road, Drew needs to know. It’s his baby too.”
“But it’s my fault. I was so careless and worked up that night, and didn’t have him use a condom. We were so mindful after than night though. Who gets pregnant the first time?”
“How many first times are we talking about? How many times that night?” He looks at me in amazement.
“I lost track after the first, but it was quite a few,” I say sheepishly, the law of averages was definitely against me.
“So it seems you played the odds and gained a bundle.”
He did not just say that. Just wait until I get my strength back.
“Something tells me you’re angry now. If the sparks shooting out of your eyes are any indication, then you are, but at least you’re not crying.” Jeff jumps off the bed and sits in a chair, a few safe feet away when I send him a playful glare.
The last few weeks have been a complete blur. I felt much better after the hospital visit, and Jeff has been the ultimate caretaker. He made me an appointment after doing tons of research on every obstetric doctor in the area. Thank heaven, it’s a woman. She doesn’t normally take my insurance, but miraculously, she made an exception. Jeff won’t tell me why though. All he said was it must be his magnetic personality, which is a bunch of bull.
The doctor visit went okay. I got a clean bill of health and a prescription for horse-sized vitamin pills. She said the ER doctor was right, and she agrees I got pregnant on New Year’s once I informed her that we had used protection every time after that. Jeff came in with me and used the same line that allowed him to be in the ER with me—that he was my boyfriend. Which technically isn’t a lie since he is both my friend and a boy.
Every day after my first appointment, Jeff has made sure I follow the instructions of the doctor and eat three meals a day, all bland tasting of course. Luckily, my nausea has started to subside. In fact, it seems surreal that I have a “bun in the oven,” as Jeff lovingly refers to the baby.
I still don’t know how I’m going to tell everyone, so I’ve distracted myself by concentrating on my studies. My heart is still mending, and I lie in bed every night wondering where Drew is, and what he’s doing. It really hurts. Jeff and I had a blowout or up, whatever, the other day, as he took it upon himself to tell my job I won’t be coming back. I was mad for a whole day and told him I needed the money, and he said he would pay for all my stuff, which is ludicrous. His parents have always made him work to pay his bills. He says not to worry, and I wonder where he’s getting the money since he quit his job as well just to take care of me.
I promise to pay him back one day, but I’m not sure how realistic of a promise that is. Every time I think of what it takes to raise a child, it makes me sick to my stomach. Termination or adoption are most definitely both out. I want to keep this baby, so I’ll just have to make it work.
“Dora, how about Papa’s tonight?” Jeff asks from the living room.
“We can’t afford to eat out. I wish you would tell me where you’re getting all this money.” I come out of my bedroom and put my hands on my hips. I’m going to get him to spill or die trying. Okay, I’m not going to die … it’s just a saying. “Anyway, my pants are getting tighter, and soon I’ll have to wear bigger clothes. Everyone will know soon. But I’m giving you an out, so spill. Where’s the money coming from?” I glare at him, hoping I’ll scare his gorgeous face into fessing up.
“Okay, stop nagging at me. I have a trust fund. I swore to myself that I’d support myself with a job and never dip into it. My parents agreed that it’d do me good to have to work for things, but things have changed. This is what I want to spend my money on,” he says. “I want to help you, Dora.”
“How will I ever pay you back?” I moan, putting my face in my
hands. My life is such a mess.
“We’re family. You mean the world to me, and I can’t wait to be Uncle Jeff to your little bump.” He pulls my hands from my face and pulls me in for a hug. He gives the absolute best hugs, and yes, my eyes fill up with tears at his words. “Now, no crying. Grab your coat and let’s go. I won’t take no for an answer.” He pushes me away and I go to my room to retrieve my coat.
Papa’s is busy, but it’s no surprise with it being Friday night. Jeff is leading me through the crowded place and every table is full. I wonder if we’re going to sit at the special kitchen table. We make our way to the back, and when I move to the side to avoid a customer getting up from his seat, I see two people I truly want to avoid. They’re waving to us, and Jeff pulls me with him to their table. Later, we’ll have a heated discussion, but I put on a smile and both Liam and Colin take turns hugging me and telling me they’re happy to see me.
I know Drew won’t be joining us, as the Internet says he’s in Australia on a job. Yes, I may have been stalking him recently. Jeff avoids my eyes and I think of ways I can get him back for his deception, making me believe this was a spur-of-the-moment decision.
“We’ve missed you two.” Liam’s eyes sweep both of us, but linger longer on Jeff.
“The loft isn’t the same without you, Dora. When are you coming back? Jeff says you’re temporarily with him because of the bad weather and he worries about you driving to school in it,” Colin says, and I restrain from eye-rolling at such a lame explanation.
“I know it’s more convenient, and now that Jeff has a two-bedroom, it’s handy. You guys have been traveling a lot, so I would’ve been alone anyway.” There’s a huge elephant in the room. Nobody is talking about Drew and me, and maybe they don’t know? But surely he would have told them. They’ve been best friends forever.