Wait a minute, how did he know that? He was dead when I graduated college.
“How…”
“I was there. I couldn’t miss your graduation. I was also at your wedding. Lucas was a cocksucker. It was hard not to strangle him after you told me what he was doing, all that cheating. He is not a man by the way. Men do not cheat on their wives.”
He was there.
For some reason that made me feel good, knowing that he cared enough to not miss important days in my life.
I was quickly running through my options. I knew Shane. He was going to try and railroad me any minute. I had to have a plan before he did. What did I have in my life I couldn’t live without? My centers were the only thing I would miss. The only thing I truly loved in this world, next to Shane. What was important was the work that the centers did, not me running them. Rebecca was ready, she had helped me manage them the last two years. There was absolutely nothing here for me except loneliness and regret. My biggest regret, of course, was not telling Shane I loved him before he left on deployment, that I didn’t fight for him because I was a chicken shit.
I had nothing left to lose. I had lived twelve years without him. Oh shit, what if in the last twelve years he had found someone? Someone he loved. I didn’t think he was married or had kids due to his speech about protecting me.
“Is there someone…a woman…I mean, do you love someone?” I hid my face in my hands. How embarrassing, I was a grown woman for Christ sakes, and I couldn’t ask a simple question. I was behaving like I was sixteen again. “God, I’m an idiot.”
“Yes, I am in love with someone,” he answered.
Damn, that hurt. Like, really hurt. A thousand sharp knives pierced my heart. I couldn’t even look at him. I kept my face in my hands and tried my hardest not to cry. Of course he was. How stupid could I be? I was just his childhood friend he was trying to keep safe. There was never anything more between us. He kissed me one time. Probably just nervous about going on his first deployment. It certainly didn’t mean to him what it meant to me.
New plan.
“Who was shooting at us?” I asked, needing to change the subject.
“I don’t know. I called it in, but I haven’t heard back with an ID yet,” he responded.
“Okay. So why were they shooting at us? And was it you or me they were shooting at?”
“I won’t have a definitive answer on that until I hear back from Command. Best guess, they were going to take you to get to me. If they were smart, they would’ve kept you alive long enough to bring me in. Killing you before they had me would’ve resulted in the opposite reaction they wanted.”
“What does that mean? Opposite reaction.”
“It means I would hunt down every person that had to do with your death and slit their throats.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. I don’t know if that was the most disturbing thing I’d ever heard or the most romantic.
“What does this mean for me now that they know I exist? Do I have to die too and go somewhere new?” I continued to question him.
I didn’t want to leave my centers if I didn’t have to. Shane belonged to someone else, and I would need the distraction. This was going to be like going back to square one. The mourning and pain would start all over again. Only this time it was with the knowledge he was somewhere out there and he was choosing not to have anything to do with me. At least before I believed he was dead. There would be no more visiting the cemetery talking to him. He would truly be gone.
“Lily? Aren’t you gonna ask me who I am in love with? Who this woman is?” he asked.
Hell to the no. I didn’t want to know anything about her. I couldn’t even muster up a fake smile and a polite congratulations. I was trying not to choke as I held back my tears. There was only so much I could take.
Vibration under my ass made me jump, and I banged my elbow on the steering wheel.
“Ouch.” I rubbed my elbow and moved over so he could get his phone out of his pocket.
“Go for Lenox,” he answered and paused before continuing. “Copy that. We’ll be in. ETA is four hours,” Shane said.
“What’s Lenox?” I asked.
“Not a what, a who. I’m Lenox. Carter Lenox,” Shane explained.
Holy shit, he used my middle name as his alias. Why would he do that?
“It’s too much. I can’t…” my body shook uncontrollably, and the tears poured down my cheeks. “I can’t lose you again. I don’t think I’ll make it a second time.”
Chapter 8
She was trembling in my arms. I had only ever seen Lily this upset at my funeral. And even then, she hid it well. I did this to her. All of it. Twelve years’ worth of pain and heartache. And now I was doing it some more. What a bastard I was. I should never have told her I was in love with someone. It was only going to make leaving her again harder. And as much as I would rather die a thousand painful deaths than cause her any more grief, it had to be done.
The fact still remained I lived a dangerous life. She was my only weakness. If something happened to her, it would be my downfall. I didn’t know what the right answer was. My brain was telling me I had to take her back to the compound and quickly get her a new identity and have her set up in a new location, one I knew nothing about.
But my heart was telling me to keep her close and protect her myself. But what would happen the next time I went on a mission? She’d be a sitting duck. This was fucked. These were the unknown effects of my decision to join the 707.
“I’m so sorry. I know that my decisions have hurt you. I wish there was some way to take that all away. But I can’t. I am a selfish prick, I chose my job and still couldn’t give you up. Not completely.”
“How could you do that to me? You left me,” she yelled.
I stopped and stared into her glistening eyes, wet with tears. My hands moved on their own accord going to her neck and feeling the soft skin there. Feeling. For the first time in years, I actually felt a woman’s skin. My hands continued their ascent, cupping her face in my palms. So smooth and warm. Her eyes closed and her head tilted to the side, rubbing her cheek against my work rough hand.
She looked so damn beautiful even in her anger. I brought my lips to hers. What was supposed to be a soft touching of the lips, an apology of sorts, quickly became something more. Her tongue came out and licked the seam of my lips, and she moaned against my mouth.
I pulled away startled. The electricity snapping between us was unbelievable. A simple lick of my lips had my body standing at attention ready to take her.
“Did you feel that?” she asked. Her eyes dancing with heat.
“I did,” I confirmed.
We met somewhere in the middle as we both leaned in for more. Our lips collided and our tongues tangled together. Nothing had ever felt so good. Even the kiss in the hotel room in Georgia wasn’t this. That first kiss was full of regret and sorrow. I knew what I had done. I knew I was leaving her. This kiss was full of heat and passion. Love and lust that knew no bounds.
Her hands went under my shirt, and her nails scored my skin as she dragged them up my stomach.
“Holy shit,” she murmured with her lips still on mine. “I need this off,” she demanded, tugging at my shirt.
I pulled my shirt over my head and tossed it on the passenger seat. Her eyes widened in appreciation as she took in my bare chest. A heartbeat later her shirt joined mine, and her full tits bounced, still partially covered by the pink lacy bra she wore. Even with the obstructed view, I could see her nipples were hard and straining against the fabric.
“This too. Take this off.” She fumbled with the zipper of my jeans.
Abandoning her attempt to undress me, she went for the button of her own shorts. She rolled to the side, sitting on the center console, and in one smooth motion she pulled off her shorts and panties. My jeans were barely open when she straddled my lap and her slick pussy nestled against my dick.
I ran my hands up her thighs - so damn soft.
“I missed you, Lily.”
“Don’t say that. Just fuck me, Shane. No more talking.” She took my mouth, silencing me.
The passion and lust were still present, but there was an underlying presence of urgency. She said fuck her - not make love to her, not have sex. If I was a better man, I would’ve put a stop to this. But I wasn’t, and the need to finally have her was overwhelming. I knew what this was; she was using me to work off some of the fear, shock, and anger still pulsing through her. I understood that all too well. How many times had I used meaningless women to do the same? I only wished I wasn’t that to her, that this could’ve meant something more, and I could’ve been the man she deserved.
But I wasn’t, and she viewed this as a quick fuck to make her feel alive.
I positioned my dick at her entrance, and she slid down taking me inside of her. The lace of her bra chafed my chest as she glided herself up and down my dick. That had to go; I needed to watch her tits bounce in my face. I unclipped the back and yanked it free. Goddamn her tits were amazing. I licked and sucked and touched everywhere. Every place I had dreamt about. My hands found her tight ass, and I squeezed and massaged, helping her ride me faster. She was grinding herself against me on every down stroke sending bolts of pleasure through my body. Her snug pussy was so fucking wet, her excitement was coating my balls - this was going to be a lot faster than I wanted.
“I need you to get there, Lily,” I demanded.
“Almost,” she panted. Her lips went back to my neck, her teeth digging into my skin.
She slammed down on my dick and rocked herself back and forth, grinding herself so hard she had me seeing stars.
“Now, baby. You have to come now.” I pushed deeper and rocked her faster.
It was a goddamn miracle when her pussy convulsed and tightened around my dick. There was nothing I could do to stop myself from coming. My body tensed and I let go, enjoying the rush of pleasure.
Lily stilled, her lips still at my neck, kissing the sting of her bite. The girl was a vampire - she had to have left marks. Not that I gave two shits. I would enjoy looking at them. They would be a beautiful reminder of what I lost once she was gone.
I was enjoying the feel of her back as I traced the bumps of her spine when she spoke, “What now?”
I didn’t want to talk about what now. I wanted to enjoy her relaxed against me, my stiff dick still inside of her.
“Lily.”
“I know you want to get rid of me,” she whispered.
“No, I don’t want to get rid of you. I want you safe,” I corrected.
“Why can’t you keep me safe? Maybe this is our second chance. I have loved you since I was sixteen. I’m not ready to lose you again.”
Lily’s admission gutted me. Her tears on my chest rolled over my heart. Like an indelible mark, I would forever feel them on my skin. I would wear her tears for the rest of my life.
“I can’t protect you if you’re with me. A good operator and a good husband cannot be saddled in the same man. I have to be one or the other. The only way for me to keep you safe is if you are far away from me.”
I cannot believe that fucked-up garbage just came out of my mouth. I was lying to us both. I knew plenty of men who worked with me that were married. Maybe I am still the weak coward I was at twenty. I had a choice, I could’ve brought her with me.
But I didn’t. And now I was about to pay the ultimate price.
Chapter 9
He was as much fool as he was stubborn if he thought I wasn’t going to fight for us. I refused to live with any more regrets. It had taken me years and a whole lot of soul searching to change my life from a rich spoiled twit to someone I could be proud of.
There was nothing harder than taking a look in the mirror with an honest eye and admitting your shortcomings. Picking yourself apart and having the audacity to make a change. I did that. I did the hard work. And I’ll be damned if I lived out the rest of my life lonely because I gave up.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t convince him here in the car. I was in no position to argue while I was still naked on his lap. I was so bloody mad at him. All that anger bubbled up, and it had nowhere to go. So I used him to fuck it out of me. Not that he seemed to mind. If nothing more, I would have the memory of us being together one time. I wasn’t naïve - I didn’t have my head in the clouds with unicorns dancing around me. I knew I had a fight on my hands and it was a long shot I could convince him not to leave me again. But the operative word was fight, and I was going to fight until there was nothing left.
“Where are you supposed to be taking me?” I asked.
“Shit. We have to go. If we don’t check in within the next four hours, Command will send out a rescue team. Come on, we have to hurry.”
I pushed off his chest, and my eyes slowly ate up the view. I had never seen muscles like his in real life. His chest and abs were cut, every muscle fully defined. I glanced farther down at where our bodies were still connected, and my pussy tightened.
His dick twitched in response, and he let out a low growl.
“We don’t have time for round two, and my cock is still throbbing hard inside of you.” He pulled me by the hair and pressed his firm lips against mine in a soft peck before he gently kissed my forehead. “Hop up, we have to go.”
I opened my eyes from the kiss, and the charm around his neck caught my attention.
“Is this mine?” I asked.
“Yeah, I took it while you were in Georgia,” he admitted.
“I thought I lost it. I went crazy looking for it and was heartbroken when it never turned up.”
Shane had bought me a beautiful silver tree of life necklace one day when we were walking along the Venice boardwalk. I loved that necklace and wore it every day until it went missing.
“I needed to take a piece of you with me. I haven’t taken it off since the day I took it,” he explained.
I gently fingered the charm, happy he had something of mine with him all these years. It meant he thought of me.
Reality came crashing down on me when I remembered he said he was in love with someone. I couldn’t believe how irrationally jealous I was at the thought of him wearing my necklace while loving someone else.
Oh God, we had sex.
My stomach rolled, and I felt sick. How could I’ve been so stupid and get caught up in the moment? We were no better than our cheating parents.
I scrambled off his lap, disgusted with myself when I pulled off his dick and all but jumped into the passenger seat. I found my shorts and quickly pulled them up my legs sans panties and did the same with my shirt. Wordlessly, I threw his shirt in his lap trying to cover the evidence of our indiscretion.
“What’s wrong? I’m sorry about the necklace,” he started.
“Fuck the necklace. I thought we were in a hurry.” I angrily adjusted my shirt trying to regain some sort of modesty, which was hard with large boobs and no bra.
“We’re not going anywhere until you tell me what’s wrong. Shit girl, you just went from riding my dick to prickly in one point two seconds.” He reached across and stilled my hands as they needlessly pulled at the hem of my shirt.
“Nice, Shane. You wanna know what’s wrong? You’re in love with another woman and fucked me without giving her another thought. That’s what’s fucking wrong,” I yelled.
“Oh that. Believe me, I was thinking about her the whole time I was fucking you,” he told me with a cockiness I had never seen in him before.
Bile rushed up, and I thought I was going to throw up.
“You’re a disgusting pig. How dare you say that to me?”
“There isn’t a single moment of the day I don’t think about her. And when you were riding my cock and your tits bouncing in my face, the only thing I could think of was her. And how long I had waited to feel her, and taste her, and how my fucking soul was finally home.”
“Feel her? What the hell, Shane.” I wanted to be angry but I couldn’t - I was too devastated.
&
nbsp; “It’s you, Lily. I have loved you for what feels like my whole life. I have never loved another woman, and I never will. Remember when we were at the Observatory looking at the stars and I told you that I knew there was only one person out there I was meant to love? And when I gave my love to her it would be hers forever? I knew then, that person was you.”
“Then you left me. Alone. To mourn your death. You left, and I became everything we hated because I was weak. You left, and I was forced to marry a man who lied and cheated on me. I hated myself for disappointing you.”
“You’re right, I did do that.” He stopped to pull his shirt over his head and started to fix his pants. I won’t lie, I watched as he tucked his dick back in his pants and wished I had savored those last moments with him a little more.
“But I did it for your safety. Don’t you understand that you could’ve been taken today or killed? What if I wasn’t there? What if those men had come to the center and took you? That is why I faked my death. My father was too high profile - I would’ve been easy to track, it would’ve been a cakewalk for these douche bags to find you.”
Suddenly I was bone tired and didn’t feel like hashing this out. As much as I hated to admit it, he was right. If he hadn’t been there today, I could’ve been hurt or killed. Was I willing to live in constant fear that something could happen to me or to him? That was a question I wasn’t ready to think about at the moment.
“We should go. And thank you, by the way, for saving me from those men.” I looked out the passenger window as Shane started the car and slowly started to drive down the dirt access road.
It had been a long time since I was up here at the reservoir. We used to come here a lot with our friends when we were in high school. It was much different then. There weren’t houses or boat docks. It was basically abandoned back in the day.
I closed my eyes and welcomed the silence. I just wanted a few minutes to rest my racing thoughts.
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