“You would never cheat on Calla. Even without the mate bond, you’re too good of a man for that.”
I shook my head, edging away from her, turning to look out the window so I didn’t have to face her. “It doesn’t feel like it.”
“That’s just your head getting in the way of your heart.” She stepped beside me, staring out into the cloud-covered sky. “How long have you gone without sex since you met Calla? Other than after she had the baby.”
I chuffed a disgruntled laugh. “Jesus, Scarlett. Nosy much?”
“Totally.” She nodded, one side of her mouth turning up in a pseudosmile. “Just answer the question.”
“Three days.” I looked away again, squeezing my eyes closed for a moment as I remembered. “During the whole battle at Merriweather.”
“Then you went home, and you tossed the couch Amber had molested you on out the back door and reclaimed your mate, right?”
“I…yeah, I guess.”
Scarlett hummed. “I refused to have sex with Shadow for a month after that day.”
I spun, my eyes stretched wide. That wasn’t at all what I’d expected her to say. “What? Why?”
“Because grief is a bitch who rarely makes sense even as her claws are planted deep under your skin. But Shadow and his fucking sweatpants won out in the end.” She shrugged, turning to face me once more. “The truth is I felt guilty for being in love when Amber had never felt that joy, for having found my mate when she had never gotten hers. I felt guilty that I’d taken up her time with my petty red-thread refusal and my back-and-forth with Shadow. And that maybe, just maybe, if I’d surrendered to the pull earlier, she could have had the time to find a way to deal with Death without…dying.”
Tears rolled down her face as she stared, straight-faced and heartbreakingly honest. “I felt as if I shouldn’t get to live my life because hers had ended.”
My chest ached as I watched her cry. This girl was one of my best friends, was part of my family. I hated to see her hurting. “But her death wasn’t your fault.”
Scarlett stared back at me, tearful but fierce. “It’s not yours, either.”
“Yes, it is.” Guilt enveloped me again, made my shoulders curl in and my head hang. Made me feel unworthy to even be alive. “It’s completely my fault. She died protecting me.”
“She died protecting Sorrel and Aliyana’s future. You just happened to be the pawn in her game.”
“How can you say that?”
“Because I know her.” She took a deep breath and wiped the tears away. “Knew. I knew her…a lot better than you did. Amber hated to lose more than anything. She was competitive and argumentative; she always needed to be right. She died to win the ultimate challenge, one against Death himself. But she also loved with every single inch of her soul. She died so we could live on, grow our families, and be happy. Why negate her final wish? Miss her, accept the place in your life she would have held had the Fates not changed your course, and move on. Your family deserves all of you, not this front you put on to hide the fact that you grieve the woman who is not your current mate. The one who died protecting all of us, not just you.”
She walked off, heading for the door before I could answer her, tossing one last quip over her shoulder.
“Quit denying her connection to you and just mourn for your dead non-mate already. We all need to stop disrespecting her wishes and live.”
FIVE
Christmas Eve night, Phoenix and I found ourselves in familiar surroundings.
“Pass me that ratchet, would you?”
I tossed him what he needed and lay back on the creeper, sliding underneath Zuri’s Yenko. My mind had been spinning like a tornado since my chat with Scarlett, but I hadn’t talked to anyone else about it. Couldn’t. Wasn’t ready. “We should upgrade the exhaust on this bear.”
“My mate will kick your ass if she even hears you mention something like that. She’s particular about her car.”
I shrugged, using the concentration on my task to keep myself sane. “It’ll drive faster.”
“Doubt it.” Phoenix dropped his voice, speaking softer as if he worried said mate might hear him. “Besides, I don’t need her driving faster.”
I grunted, understanding the protective tone in his voice. We worked in relative silence, me on the car, him putting together a few toys for the kids. Me practically terrified at the thought of facing my mate, him calmly fastening plastic bits together. Fucker.
Once I finished Zuri’s oil change, I washed my hands and grabbed a bucket to sit on so I could help make sure the kids’ toys were assembled correctly.
“Fucking stickers,” Phoenix mumbled. “Why can’t they put these things on at the factory?”
“Because then it would cost a dollar more,” I said with a shrug even though I agreed with him wholeheartedly. Stickers had ruined many an evening for me since Ali was born.
“Worth ten dollars, if you ask me,” Phoenix mumbled, placing a sticker on a pink plastic…something. He moved slowly, staring hard at the offending toy. As if the sticker were dangerous, explosive. As if the placement of that one sticker meant the overall success or failure of the toy assembly. In other words, being Phoenix. Precise, exact, and demanding of himself to do everything right.
“Got it.” He smiled once the sticker was in the exact necessary location, looking relieved. “Just fifteen more to go.”
I laughed, the loudness surprising even me. “Good job, kid.”
“You know,” he said, staring at the sticker in its perfect spot. “Sometimes it’s the smallest things that make a project perfect. One sticker, one laugh, one push to see the truth.”
I nodded, unable to look him in the eye, already knowing where he was going.
“Calla’s a smart woman, Beast.”
“That’s a definite.”
“She knows you need to grieve for Amber.”
My heart dropped, the claws of guilt cutting deep tracks around my chest.
But Phoenix wasn’t done. “She understands, man. We all do. Just…stop fighting so hard.”
“I’m trying,” I whispered, giving him the best answer I could at the moment.
He sat silent for a long time, watching me, until he finally responded with a quiet, “Good.”
The two of us went back to the easy silence we’d always shared when working together. Busy…on task. I helped him finish building what turned out to be a pink ball-popping tower for Ali before moving on to Sorrel’s light-up alligator keyboard. As I wondered how those tiny baby fingers were going to press the keys, nostalgia about Phoenix hit me hard. I remembered the gangly kid who’d come asking me for a job, the way he’d duck whenever I spoke at first, how he’d practically hide when I raised my voice. How I’d wondered if his skinny fingers could even wrap around the handle of a drill.
But I also remembered how he’d grown to trust me, how we’d spent so many hours working side by side. How fast he’d learned, as if his life depended on it. And I guess, in his reality, it had. He’d been my first child almost, the first person I’d ever been responsible for other than myself. And now he was trying to take care of me.
Fitting, really.
“You know,” I said, tightening a screw. “We’re going to need more tools.”
“More?” he asked, his brow drawn low. “For what?”
“For the days when Ali and Sorrel are out here learning to fix things.”
Phoenix nodded, a slight upward tilt to his lips. “Taking on the teaching role again?”
“I did okay with you.”
“You did more than okay.”
“Good to know. Pass me the pliers, would you? I want to get this done so I can spend some time with my mate.”
SIX
I snuck inside long after the kids had been put to sleep. Creeping into the nursery, I leaned over the crib and ran my hand over Ali’s head.
“Sorry I didn’t play much with you today, angel. I promise to do better tomorrow.”
“Don’t make her promises you can’t keep.”
I turned to face Calla, who stood leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed, a reserved, almost angry expression on her face. Not that I blamed her. I didn’t often miss dinner and bedtime with the two of them.
“I wouldn’t do that.”
She nodded, not looking convinced. “Are you coming to bed?”
The worry in her voice, the fear of my answer, gutted me. I’d done this. I’d made her doubt me. Doubt us. And I needed to fix it.
“Yeah.”
She held out a hand, my brave mate, inviting me to her. I hurried over, picking her up off her feet and gripping her ass with both hands. My mouth came down on hers as I carried her into the guest room, wanting every inch of her and unable to wait for a single minute. As I shut the door behind us, I pulled back, pressing my forehead to hers.
“I love you, Calla.”
She sighed, rubbing her nose along mine. “I love you, too.”
“No, I mean I truly love you. Not because of the mating bond, not because the Fates thought we’d be a good fit. I love you, everything about you. I’m so happy you’re my mate.”
She ran her hand over my cheek, a soft smile tugging at her lips. “I love you, too, Bastian.”
I kissed her hard, needful, my body filled with a desire to claim her all over again.
“I’m sorry,” I panted as I yanked her robe from her shoulders, wanting her naked skin against mine. “I’ve been such an idiot. I never meant to put distance between us.”
“I know.” She wiggled out of my hold, pulling my shirt over my head with desperate hands before moving to unzip my jeans. “You don’t have to choose. I love that your heart is big enough to mourn her and still love me.”
“I never loved her. I never once thought of her as a mate before she died.” I bit her neck, my hands sliding back to her ass, grabbing and squeezing her to me.
“I know.” Her legs shook as I stepped out of my jeans, her body ready for me. For my touch. For my cock.
“You’re my only mate.” I walked her backward toward the bed, my hands no longer able to stay in one place. Over her hips, her thighs, between her legs, up her back… I roamed over every bit of skin I could reach. My desire driving me to the brink of my control.
“Trust me, I know.” She gasped as I dragged my fingers along her pussy, barely slipping them inside her. Teasing.
I tried to calm my wolf, to settle myself down so I could focus. So I could make sure she came long before I did. Multiple times preferably. Shaking my head, trying to clear my thoughts, I murmured, “Everything I do is for—”
“Seriously, Bastian,” Calla interrupted, grabbing my cock and running her thumb over the tip. Something that made my knees almost buckle. “I know you love me and that I’m important to you. I truly do. Now shut up and fuck me before I die from foreplay.”
I blinked, then picked her up and tossed her naked body on the bed. “Yes, ma’am.”
She laughed as I crawled on top of her, but when I pressed my thumb to her clit and pushed three fingers inside her, the laughing turned to a stuttering gasp.
“Bastian…”
Her knees fell open, spreading herself to my teasing. I latched on to her nipple with my lips as my hand stayed busy between her legs. Licking, sucking, biting as she drenched my fingers. As she shivered beneath me, still trying to give me mine with her shaking hand. Fucking hell, I couldn’t get enough of this woman.
“You smell so good,” I said as I moved up to nuzzle her neck, ready to slide inside her and fuck her silly. “I want to devour you.”
“Bastian, please.”
“Please what, cariño?”
Her eyes met mine, all hooded and pupils wide. Sex eyes. She reached down my body, grabbing my heavy cock and stroking it once, twice, three times.
“Please.”
I nodded and rolled between her legs, holding her hips up with both my hands. “Anything for you. Anything at all.”
I slid inside with a single thrust, making her buck, making her gasp. And fuck, she felt amazing wrapped around me. All hot and soft and wet. I had to press all the way in and bite my lip, holding still, trying hard not to come like some two-pump chump.
“Bastian,” she moaned, clutching my shoulders.
“Yeah,” I whispered, swallowing hard, finally able to begin the long slow draw out of her heat before pushing back in. “Fuck yeah, baby. I got you.”
Head back, I thrust harder, faster, holding on to her like a lifeline. A raft in a storm. But land was close…I could finally see it. I was almost through. I just needed to hold on, to hang on to Calla. She was my true north. Between her and my friends, I’d make it back to where I belonged.
Too close to coming, I stopped and pulled out of Calla with a growl. Before she could ask, I flipped her onto her stomach, picking her ass up so she was on her knees. I still couldn’t rut her when she was flat on her stomach. That position made her anxious and uncomfortable, something I never wanted her to feel when I was loving her like this. But fucking her with her weight on her knees instead of flat on the bed, she liked. Liked how deep I could go when she put that ass in the air. How easy it was for me to reach around her hip and tease her clit. And I liked how hard her pussy squeezed me when she came like this. I liked that a lot.
“C’mon, cariño. Take it all.” I pushed back inside, my growl deep and harsh. Her walls fluttered, her hips pressing back into mine. “Yeah, that’s it. I want to feel you come. Want to feel you milk my cock, baby.”
I slid a hand underneath her and between her legs, pinching her clit in time with my movements. “Give it to me, Calla. Come on. I want that pussy soaking wet and clenching me. I want it bad.”
Calla bucked beneath me, pressing her face into the pillow as she came hard. I fell forward, thrusting in a rhythm I had no control over, my body completely on the precipice. And when I came, when I growled loud enough to shake the wall and felt my entire body seize up, Calla reached back and grabbed my ass. Holding me to her. Wanting even more. And I loved her all the more for it.
Once we’d rolled ourselves under the covers, Calla snuggled into my chest. I ran my hand over her hair, soothing her. Preparing myself for the conversation I’d been avoiding for months.
“She was supposed to be my mate,” I whispered, admitting that truth to her for the first time.
Calla pulled back, staring up at me with her deep, truthful eyes. “I know that.”
“Does that…bother you?”
“Do you love me?”
Her question caught me off guard, but I still answered her honestly. “Of course.”
“Then, no. It doesn’t matter what some mythical Fates had thought was a good idea for you. They changed their minds and put us together instead.” She pressed her lips to my nipple, keeping her eyes locked on mine as she kissed the flesh then bit the metal barbell there. “Even without them, I would have fallen in love with you if…no, when I met you. You’re my soul mate, my true love. I truly believe we would have ended up together, fate or no.”
I squeezed her tighter, pulling her up the length of my body. “I feel the same way.”
“Then, what does it matter? You’re allowed to be upset about her death, Bastian. I promise, it won’t upset me in any way other than to see you in pain. She never could have taken my spot in your heart. I know that.”
I gripped her tightly, so fucking thankful for her words. “I love you, Calla.”
“I love you too. Now stop being so hardheaded. I want my mate back.”
“You’ve got him. Right here. Forever.”
“Yeah?” she asked with a wicked glint in her eyes.
She pushed my shoulder until I turned to my back, then climbed on top of me and straddled my hips. I sighed as she grabbed my cock and ran it along the length of her pussy, placing the tip just inside her then holding still. Smirking at me.
“Prove it, Bastian. Prove that you’re mine.”
I gave her an exagg
erated sigh. “A mate’s job is never done.”
So I thrust up inside her. And I let her ride me until we were both too tired to keep our eyes open. Until Christmas Eve had long since become Christmas. Until her body chased the worst of the guilt away.
SEVEN
The doorbell pulled us from sleep on Christmas morning. A sad fact seeing as I hadn’t gotten to bury myself inside my mate yet when it rang. I’d have to hunt down some alone time later in the day. After last night’s emotional overflow, I needed her touch and her comfort more than ever. Needed a day or two to spend wrapped in her arms. And I had a feeling she did as well.
I dressed quickly, Calla joining me, all flushed face and smiling. Grabbing my elbow, holding my hand, bumping into my side in the hallway. Yeah, my girl needed me just as much as I needed her. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders as we turned into the living room, happy to see her grinning at me.
But she flat out laughed when she saw the man at the door.
“Ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas.”
Gates walked into the house dressed as Santa Claus, complete with a realistic-looking white beard and a velvet bag thrown over his shoulder. Kaija followed him inside, her elf costume making Zuri smirk.
“Are you Santa’s helper or his concubine?” the witch asked, her voice teasing.
Kaija smiled, a wicked glint in her eyes as she reached to take Sorrel from Zuri’s arms. “I’m the keeper of the naughty list.”
I coughed. “Nope, Scarlett’s got you beat for that spot.”
Kaija zeroed in on my eyes, a feral, predatory glint to hers. “I’m pretty sure I can take the fire witch.”
Rebel leaned forward and took his wallet from his back pocket. “Sorry, Princess, but I’ve got twenty on Sparky.”
“It’s Christmas,” my brother bellowed, indicating he would match Rebel’s bet, but backing his mate. “Where’s my niece?”
I nodded to Phoenix. “Spot me until I get my wallet.”
“Yeah, sure. Who you backing?”
Sugar, Spice, and Shifters: A Touch of Holiday Magic Page 3