“No shit. So the best way to make her feel welcome is to ignore her.” I’d been given heads up about the girls who worked at Forever Home from Shadow. He was the new pack alpha and Trina’s mate—if wolves could actually mate with humans.
And I killed Shadow’s brother. As far as Shadow was concerned, I was on a need-to-know basis. Good for me that I knew something that no one else around here did—how to care for livestock.
I ignored Trina, approaching Delaney. I knelt in front of her to introduce myself. Maybe she didn’t feel welcome. Join the club. Trina had barked orders at me the minute I walked in. Not exactly a ‘Welcome to Forever Home’ banner and red carpet.
Delaney put her head down on her knees, trembling, hair falling over her legs like a veil.
Didn’t expect that.
She was fucking terrified. It went way beyond Trina not knowing how to drive the welcome wagon, and it fucking broke my heart. The only good thing about that is it confirmed I still had one.
I looked to Trina for guidance. She had to know something about this girl. She motioned for me to follow her. I glanced back at Delaney, not ready to walk away from her. She stayed in the knot she tied herself in, even after I left.
Trina leaned against the outside wall of the shelter and took a deep breath. “I have no idea what to do with her.” She looked back to the door, but no one had followed us. Her eyes were glassy. “It’s never been like this before. I’m not sure what you know about us—“
“Shadow told me a little bit.” I made it easier on her. I couldn’t handle it when girls cried.
Shadow and I’d never gotten along, and I didn’t need new friends. Just a springboard to a paying job. He’d taken me aside, and warned me to be careful. Everyone who worked here had come as part of their recovery process. I knew about being an outcast, so I’d fit right in. As soon as the girls stopped looking at me like a pariah.
Trina relaxed, the corners of her mouth turning up slightly. Thank God she didn’t cry. “Okay. Good. We’re all here from a place called CAST. It’s the Center for Anxiety and Stress Therapy. I wound up there after a car accident that killed my fiancé. Before CAST, I was like that,” she said, pointing at the door towards Delaney. Whimpering sounds came from inside. “Completely catatonic. The animals were the only thing that helped me. Anyway, all of us had some pretty serious shit happen. But Delaney… all I know is that she was severely abused. She doesn’t talk. She came to my house this weekend, and she was like that most of the time. Curled up in a ball. Won’t even look at any of us.”
“Because she’s scared out of her mind. I’d think you, of all people would understand that,” I said. Trina better make her point quick because she was pissing me off.
“I do. I know what was going on in my head when I was like that, and it wasn’t good. But no one could force me out of it. I want to help her, and I plan on it. It’s horrifying, because sometimes it would be really easy for me to go back to that place. When the other girls came to me, they were further along in their recovery. None of us know what to do with her. We want her to feel comfortable, without alienating her more.” Trina rubbed her hands against her bare arms. She’d come outside without putting on a jacket, and a sharp December breeze whipped through the parking lot.
“What makes you qualified to help her? That it happened to you?” I rolled my eyes.
“I volunteered because CAST didn’t know what to do with her. What if they gave up and sent her back to where she came from?” Trina shuddered. “I wanted to help. There aren’t any books on how to human. All I know of you, Shea, is that you’re a loose cannon with a short temper. I don’t know Delaney yet, but I protect my girls. This needs to be a safe place for everyone.”
I’d argue with her assessment of me, but she nailed it. “I don’t like it when people make up their minds about me before they’ve given me a chance. I’d be willing to bet you don’t like it when it happens to you, Trina.” I paused, and she shook her head. “Maybe I’m not such an asshole. You met me at the absolute lowest time of my life. I did what I needed to do to survive. If it wasn’t Archer who died, it would’ve been me. I’m not perfect and I don’t claim to be. But you know what? I bet Delaney would agree with us. That looks pretty close to rock bottom to me. She’s hanging on, trying to get through it.”
“I look at you and I can still feel Archer take his last breath in my arms.” Trina shook her head, her voice cracked. She’d rescued all of us from a dog fighting ring. My family and the Channing pack had been imprisoned in our wolf form, and it was kill or be killed. She’d been too late for Archer. “If we do the wrong thing with Delaney, we might not be able to undo it. I’ve been through this before. I know you’re trying to help, but follow my lead. Please.”
Trina headed up the stairs, her hand on the doorknob, waiting for my answer, or apology, or something. At one point I would’ve told her to take her job and shove it up her ass, but the fights changed all of us. For the first time in a long time, I cared about someone besides myself.
Delaney.
She needed someone to fight for her.
“I’ll try.” It was the best I could do. My brother Xavier waited for me in his truck, my ride for the barn. He could wait a few more minutes. I went back in the shelter. I had to see Delaney one more time, but I’d never tell Trina why.
Trina smiled. “Good. I’m actually glad you’re here, Shea. The barn is in amazing shape already. I want this to work. For all of us.”
I sat beside Delaney on the couch but she didn’t notice, trembling even harder now. It resonated deep inside me. She was braver than me, letting her fear out. I kept mine buried deep inside. I’d done so many shitty things to shield it, and I never knew what was coming next. Fighting, blood, fear, uncertainty. Chaos. I was caught in a culture I’d helped create and grown to hate. I needed something different, and so did Delaney.
TWO
Delaney
They said they were bringing me to a place that would help me. And it was full of cages.
“Sorry I didn’t have a chance to give you the tour earlier. Shea has a way of taking over things. So here’s where we bunk the guests,” Trina said. I’d spent the weekend at her house, but I didn’t know her yet. She could grab me and shove me in a crate, lock the door and forget about me. “That’s how I like to think of everyone here. We’re honored to have them, and want to find them the best people for them. We let them...”
She realized I wasn’t there anymore. I didn’t know where to go. I didn’t know where I was, besides a place called Forever Home, someplace in Idaho. If I ran, I might not get another chance. That’s what this was. A chance. So far, it didn’t look too different from what got me here in the first place.
I couldn’t go back in a cage.
“Delaney?” Trina sat next to me on the couch. She put her hand on my arm and I flinched. She was trying to help, I knew it. If only I could tell her. “Did I do something wrong?” she asked.
I wanted to say something. On the inside, I was screaming. But I had no voice. I never had.
The wrong thing could land me back in one of those cages. Trina seemed so nice, but I’d met nice before. It never lasted. Nice was an illusion that masked the ugly things inside. A way to get inside and strike. I’d been nice once. The ugly things inside made me weak, and got me locked in a cage.
Believe me, I was frustrated too. I wanted to be like the people around me more than anything. I watched them like I watched TV; there was a glass wall between us. On the inside, I banged my fist against the glass, but I could never make anyone hear me. Eventually they all turned on me, frustrated when they couldn’t magically make me normal.
I did what I always did--curled my knees into my chest and hugged them tight. I couldn’t look at those cages anymore. I put my head down and pretended to be someplace else.
“Okay,” Trina continued. “I don’t know what happened to you, Delaney. But I want you to know that when I went to CAST, I was a complete mess. I co
uldn’t take care of myself, and worse, I didn’t want to. You can do that, so you’re a step ahead of where I was. You eat, sleep, shower… It sounds crazy, I know, but those were huge steps for me. All of us, Kiera and Lyssie too, came from CAST. When and if you’re ready to talk, we’ll listen. No matter how you do it. And we don’t judge.”
Maybe this time was going to be different. I lifted my head and looked at Trina. Her eyes widened in surprise, and she smiled. She lifted her hand like she wanted to touch me again, but thankfully, she didn’t.
“The animals really helped me,” she said fast, like she expected to lose me at any time. “They’ve gone through some serious shit, too. I hope you don’t mind I swear. Sometimes it sounds like a men’s locker room in here. Shadow, my boyfriend… I’ll tell you about him later. Anyway, the animals depend on us to take care of them. They have to learn to trust again, some for the first time. The awesome thing is they love us. And they let us love them. They don’t care what’s wrong. They see the good, no matter how deep we’ve buried it. I’ve learned a lot about myself here, and I hope you will, too.”
Trina got up and grabbed something from her desk. She placed a notebook and a pen beside me. “They told me you love to read, and that you have written communication. If you have anything you need to tell me, no matter what, write it down. Or draw it. I hear you’re a pretty talented artist. Remember, this is a no judgment zone.”
I reached for the notebook and opened it to the first page. Trina’s eyes lit up. She’d probably expected me to ignore it. My pen strokes wobbled, it would be a while before my hands stopped shaking. My first note was simple. I tore the page out and handed it to Trina.
Thank you.
“You’re welcome.” Trina held the paper against her chest as she stood up. “Watch and see how our day goes. If you have any questions, write me a note. Or if you decide you want to give us a hand, that’s great, too. But everything when you’re ready. We’re happy to have you here, Delaney.”
I nodded. I wanted to be happy here. Not that I really knew what that was, besides what I saw of other people. Their huge, carefree smiles. To me, happy meant not hurting. Trina understood. All the doctors, social workers, and foster parents that had been assigned to me hadn’t been through anything like this. They didn’t know what to do with me, and I couldn’t tell them. Studying about it in a book was different than living it. Trina knew there wasn’t some magic formula that would fix me. She seemed to know what to expect. I needed to find the words to tell her how much I appreciated that.
Words were scary. They could be used against me.
But first I had to figure out how to tell her that I couldn’t stay here. With the cages.
I preferred to draw in pencil. It was easier to add shading and detail, and erase mistakes before anyone had a chance to point them out. This wouldn’t be my best work. I drew myself first, making my hair crazy and omitting my glasses on purpose. I kept my body in stick form, hoping Trina would understand what I meant to portray. That I’d been fragile and hungry. I didn’t need to look at the rows of crates in front of me to draw a perfect rendition of one. Without my glasses, I hadn’t been able to see my cage clearly, but I’d never forget how cold the wire felt against my bare, abraded skin, or how I couldn’t sit upright or straighten my body completely in the small space. Drawing the bars in front of my face felt like cancelling myself out. I couldn’t draw a straight line again—I was back in the cage, nothing but white noise and fear in front of me.
I dropped the notebook on the floor and curled back into a ball. A dog came over and picked the notebook up in his mouth.
“Hey,” one of the other girls said, gently wrestling the paper away from the dog. “That’s not yours.”
While I drew, the girls had let the animals out of the crates. A cat jumped on the couch, rubbing against me and sniffing. I’d never been this close to animals before and didn’t know what to do.
The girl sat beside me. “I’m Kiera. I know Trina introduced you to both of us, but I can never remember anyone’s name when I meet a bunch of people. Having a new person here is cause for celebration. We celebrate everything with cupcakes. And lattes. I suggest the peppermint white chocolate latte, they only make them at Christmas. It’s so good with the chocolate cupcakes with vanilla filling. Can I get that for you?”
My stomach growled at the suggestion. I’d barely eaten since I arrived at Trina’s house. I nodded.
“Can I look at your picture?” Kiera asked. She glanced at it before I had a chance to respond. Her mouth fell open. She looked back up at me, wide-eyed, and I nodded. “Oh.”
I took the notebook back, and tapped the pen against the drawing, over my face. It wasn’t the same as getting hit and kicked, but it got my message across. Kiera’s eyes darted from the paper to me, and I nodded again.
“Holy crap.” She jumped up and started pacing. “Listen, I’m not a hugger, and I have a feeling you aren’t, either. But why the hell did they send you here?”
I flipped the page and wrote the words that would break my heart.
I can’t stay. The metallic squeal of the cage doors made me want to vomit, the click click of the animals leaving their cages reminding me of my own overgrown nails. I could feel them. Tonight all the animals would have to be locked behind those bars, and I’d lose it if I watched them get shoved in there. I couldn’t look at their faces peeking out from the bars, begging to be let free.
“You can,” Kiera said when I handed it to her. “Please, trust me. I thought this place was a joke, but l’m so much better for being here. Baron, my boyfriend…shit, I can’t tell you about him yet, it’ll freak you out. But give us a chance. I’ll talk to Trina. Maybe you can work at the barn. There aren’t any cages there.” She knelt down in front of me, taking the cat who’d settled in the crook of my bent legs and putting him over her shoulder. “And let me tell you something, no one will hurt you here. God help them if they try. They’ll have to answer to me, Trina, Lyssie, and a whole pack of overprotective guys who like to see the girls of Forever Home happy. I know you’ve probably heard a ton of empty promises, and had your heart broken more times than you can count. It’s going to be different this time. I know you don’t know me, but I don’t bullshit anyone. I promise.”
Maybe I could try. Especially if there was a barn. I smiled and nodded once again. I wanted to trust these girls. They got it.
Kiera squeezed my foot. “Awesome. I’ll be right back with coffee and cupcakes.”
THREE
Shea
Trina’s jaw dropped when I got out of the truck in front of the shelter. X waited for me in the truck. I braced myself for a ration of bullshit; she asked me to meet Shadow at the barn from now on, probably to avoid this moment.
Sorry, Trina. You may have pussy whipped one wolf, but his name ain’t Shea Lowe.
“I know, I’m not following your instructions. X will bring me to the barn. But I want to talk to you,” I said quickly, still walking toward her. I wasn’t going to give her a chance to cut me off. “She’s haunting me.”
My mind flashed between images of Delaney rolled in a ball, and me and my brothers in chains. We’d been kept in captivity and only freed to fight each other. They were one and the same, she was trapped in her own Hell.
“Delaney?” Trina’s expression softened, and I could swear she wanted to smile. Not what I expected. Maybe she wouldn’t send me packing. “Good. Well, you know what I mean. I want to talk to you about her. Can X wait a minute?”
“Yeah.” I held a finger up and X cut the engine. I followed Trina up the stairs. “Every time I close my eyes, I see her. All I can think of is her rolled in a ball, hiding from us.”
“I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised when you see her. But let’s talk out here first.” Trina stopped in the doorway. “We got her to open up a little. She drew a picture for Kiera that kept me up last night. Basically, she can’t stay here, at the shelter. But we still think we can help her.”
<
br /> “What happened? What do you mean?” Rage bubbled in my veins. I knew it was some serious shit, and I was about to find out what. And Trina better have a damn good reason for sending her away.
I wouldn’t let that happen. I’d never felt so irrationally protective of any woman in my life. A human.
If I brought a human woman home, my brother Major would flip his shit.
Trina took a deep breath. “We think she was kept in a cage.”
If Trina had kicked me in the gut, it would’ve had the same effect. I couldn’t breathe. “What the fuck?”
“Right? I’ve been sick ever since I saw the picture. She can’t work at the shelter. How they agreed to bring her here is beyond me. I think she should stay with us, but I’m hoping that things might be easier for her at the barn. She can help you with the lighter stuff, and Shadow in the office.”
“Sounds great.” And the total opposite of what I expected. I came here not expecting Trina to let me see Delaney. I didn’t know what I wanted out of this, but like I said, she haunted me. I couldn’t leave someone like that without fighting for them.
“It’s taking a lot for me to do this. You need to prove to me that I can trust you. Shadow will have an eye on you. Not just at the barn. All the time. That means no fighting. I can’t have Delaney around violence in any capacity.”
I pushed my lips together. My work with Forever Home was on a volunteer basis, and the only money I pulled in right now came from underground fighting rings around Granger Falls. “She’ll never be around it.”
“How are you going to explain a black eye or a broken nose to Delaney? What if they come to the barn looking for you? I know how this stuff goes. One lie can ruin everything for her. I’m not letting you do that.”
“She’s not going to get hurt,” I growled. “But we can’t keep her in a bubble, either. Shit happens. If anyone knows that, it’s her. I won’t patronize her and keep things from her.”
Sugar, Spice, and Shifters: A Touch of Holiday Magic Page 35