Unable to stop himself, Connor said, “You aren't supposed to leave for another two weeks. What about the solstice run? The holiday party at the den?” Our own holiday, he wanted to add, but he bit off the words.
He saw something shift behind her eyes, but her face stayed firm. “Connor, they booked me a flight already. For tomorrow morning.”
“I see,” he managed quietly, although his wolf was howling with anguish inside him.
He couldn't stop her. This was her dream. This was the life she'd planned out before she ever met him. He would not take that away from her. If he did, she'd resent the hell out of him the rest of her life, if she even stayed anyway.
Wolf still howling inside him, Connor just nodded. “Right. Okay. Better get you packed now, love.” His voice managed to stay steady as well. One professional to another.
“Okay,” she whispered back, her voice just as quiet.
Connor pushed his wolf back as hard as he could as he rose from the couch and slowly began to dress. If he hadn't, he knew he'd grab his mate and never let go.
FOUR
A blizzard raged outside the darkened windows, hurling snow and windy gusts against it as Lia worked. She ignored it, focusing instead on the paperwork before her. Her new office was big, although of course not nearly as grand as those of the higher-ranked attorneys here. One day, though, she'd get there. The firm had welcome Lia the Wolf with open arms.
That is, they had her come into the office the second her plane landed and shoved a giant pile of work her way, demanding without saying as much that she work around the clock with the others on the case to get the essential parts done before Christmas rolled around. She'd expected no less. Putting on her can-do face, she got to work. Aside from a quick text to let him know she'd arrived safely, she hadn't even had a chance to call Connor till late that first night. He'd answered groggily, and she'd felt instantly guilty for waking him when she knew he was on call for the clinic starting in just a few hours and needed his sleep.
But she wanted to hear his low, warm voice. To feel it wrapping around like his arms had just the night before she'd left, keeping her safe with their circle. To know she still had a connection to him despite her choices.
Being in DC was exciting, it was a huge accomplishment, it was her dream. It was also so damn far away from Connor she was startled. Even though the winter holiday season was in full swing here, with impressive displays of lights and decorations in every window and street, carolers singing in the building's lobby as she slipped out from the office at dinnertime to grab something from a nearby fast food joint, she barely felt any holiday cheer. Well, obviously it was far away from Durango. Geographically as well as philosophically, she thought. Throngs of importantly busy people, the energetic buzz of something always going on, the political whirl surrounding her on every street corner, every office, every newspaper she barely glanced at as she raced into the office by five a.m. and didn't leave till well after midnight, only to do it again the next day. Yet the real distance she felt from her mate—that, she hadn't expected. Not after the blazing hot reconnection they'd shared after their glorious morning skiing through the trees on the mountain, weaving in and out in the brilliant sunshine, their laughter pealing out together.
Her wolf whined, low and nervous. She was used to cities in her wolf form due to her upbringing. But she hadn't realized five years spent in a much smaller area would make the city now seem too loud, too crowded, too busy. Almost too overwhelming.
Damn it.
Huffing to herself as she worked, Lia forced aside all thoughts of beckoning amber eyes, a smile meant only for her, a roughened voice calling out her name with an urgency and need she missed. That she craved. That she needed, with every tiny bit of her being.
Damn it.
“These, too,” a voice startled the hell out of her as another stack of papers thumped onto her desk. Her wolf snarled in her mind, reflecting Lia's run-ragged state since arriving here a week ago. “Can you look through them before leaving tonight?”
The cool eyes of another member of the team on the case regarded her a bit challengingly. Her wolf snarled again, a little closer to the surface. Lia returned the cool stare with an even chillier one. She'd already recognized the deadly serious atmosphere here. Succeed or perish on your own, as far as the firm was concerned. You were to get your job done, no questions asked, whatever toll it took. And there was definitely no such thing as friendship with any of the other employees here. She'd sniffed out that venomous pressure here during her first interview, one she recognized from her law school internships at other top firms. Her years with Joe had made her soft. She'd close to forgotten how brutally thin the atmosphere at the very top could be.
Intellectually, she'd known perfectly well what she was getting into, though. Yet not having the support of the one person in the world she most wanted at home each night was a hell of lot harder than she'd expected. She'd relied upon Connor's strength more than she'd realized.
She only now actually understood he probably did the same. Her wolf snorted at that.
“Of course I can get this done tonight,” she answered smoothly, raising an eyebrow back at the other associate in similar challenge. “Not a problem at all, if it's a little too much for you to handle right now.”
His mouth tightened as he took her testing barb. Although this was part of the survival game, Lia felt slightly sick to her stomach as she said it. She'd forgotten what it was like to have to defend one's territory with every weapon at one's disposal, no matter how low or potentially nasty. For a longing moment, she thought of Joe again. He'd always insisted everyone get the job done right for their clients—but they worked as a true team, supporting one another along the way.
Funny how she hadn't really appreciated that while she had it.
Buck up, she snarled to herself. You've barely been here one week. Get it together, Lia the Wolf.
Her wolf snarled back at her, the sound filled with a deep unhappiness. She sent an image of Connor's wolf, strong and playful and waiting for her, tongue lolling out in wolfish laughter as he pounced on her in the snow. No head games, no tricks, no battling for top spot. Just mates, together. As they should be. Always.
Gritting her teeth and keeping her cool facade firmly in place, Lia stared down the other associate until he snapped, “Get it done tonight,” before he turned on one heel and strode out of her office into the hallways of the firm, which were insanely busy despite it being ten p.m.
Lia sucked in a fortifying breath and turned back to her work, trying as hard as she could to ignore both the longing images her wolf continued to send and the gnawing emptiness in her own suddenly conflicted heart.
This is my dream, she savagely reminded herself. I want this.
Want mate. Want pack. Want to run. The words were said simply, not even accompanied by images. Her wolf had retreated back in the face of city life again, somewhat overwhelmed by all the commotion and bustling human activity everywhere.
Lia sighed as she closed her eyes for a second and thought of Connor, his face crinkled up in a smile meant for her only. Yes, she missed him. But this was her dream, dammit. Buck up, sister, she sternly told herself, ignoring the long sigh of her wolf as she curled up in dark corner of Lia's mind again.
Grimly, Lia began to go through the new stack of papers, scouring them for the nuggets of information they needed to help build the case. She knew she had about three good hours left in her before she'd need to crash for the night. If she could, she'd call Connor before it got much later. He was pulling a late shift tonight, she knew.
Abruptly, her eyes snagged on something in the paperwork. Stopping short, she read it again. And again. “No way,” she muttered, shock jittering through her. Her wolf pricked up her ears.
After reading another few pages, she was shivering with the wild hunch that she was onto something big. Something she'd never expected. Something that had just changed her entire world.
As her wo
lf whined along with her excitement and confusion, Lia grabbed her phone and scrolled to the name she needed. As she stabbed her finger at the call button, hoping it wasn't too late, she almost held her breath as she waited for the line to be picked up on the other end.
— — —
Connor struggled to keep his expression and tone professional yet understanding, rather than grim and scary, as he delivered the news to the young Jenkins family. Their baby was a lot sicker than they'd thought. Sick enough to require hospitalization and more tests, although Connor already feared he knew the answer those tests would provide.
No way would they be able to afford it all. And frankly, no way Connor would, either. But he couldn't say no, especially not to their shocked, blank faces that betrayed a lifetime of disappointment and getting kicked again and again when they were down.
“Look, we'll figure it out,” he assured them while his mind desperately did the math and kept coming up short. Lia's first paycheck wouldn't hit till January, but it might be too late by then.
He knew some of the sick feeling he had wasn't even about the situation with these kids. It was the knowledge that his own poor management of his clinic, his own do-gooder aspirations, had helped send his mate away so she could not only chase her dreams, but help support his, too. He'd never wanted their life to be like this. Never. Everything felt like it was falling apart, during what was usually the most magical time of the year for them both. Having his mate across the country left a gaping hole in his days that was far worse than he'd imagined.
It ached like a wallop to the gut by an elephant.
His wolf whined in his head, pacing in agitation. He missed his mate. He wanted to run with her, play with her, see that sparkling smile again, hear her laughter decorate the air. He wanted his mate with him.
Connor kept his sigh to himself. They'd figure this out. All of it. Somehow.
The young Jenkins parents looked at him, nodding mechanically. “Definitely,” said the father, who couldn't be more than twenty-three. Connor nodded back, his thoughts churning. They were good kids, handed a raw deal.
You can't save them all, he heard Lia's regretful yet practical voice in her head. Even though I love you for it. She'd said that to him right before she caught the airport taxi that took her away from him. She hadn't wanted him to drive her, saying she had to look over her notes while she waited for her flight. But he'd seen the tremble on her lower lip. His wolf had about ripped out of him, wanting to comfort his mate.
Wanting to hold her and not let her go.
He told the young family he would take care of it all, and showed them out the door with an encouraging smile on his face while fighting back his own feeling of ineptness.
You can't save them all.
Definitely not, when he couldn't even save his own relationship.
As soon as he turned back to his office, his cell rang. He glanced briefly, hoping it would be Lia, then stopped in some surprise. Tate Bardou, a fellow pack member and son of the alpha. He and Tate had been friends since they were cubs, but Connor had fallen a bit away from the pack in recent years. Both Lia's desire to live in town and his own focus on the clinic had left him little time for his pack ties, although of course he abided by pack rules and showed up at every required gathering. Even so, he felt a a bit contrite as he answered. Tate had been trying to hang out with him since the summer, but Connor had had to blow it off each time in favor of his mounting hours at the clinic.
“Hey, man,” he greeted his packmate.
Tate's perpetually cheerful voice sounded a little forced as he answered. “Hey. I know you're probably busy”—Connor winced—“but Alpha wanted me to check in that you'll be at the solstice run.”
Something painful stabbed Connor in the vicinity of his chest. His wolf sent him an image of running with the pack in the moonlight, Lia at his side. Then, tail drooped, his wolf made the image fade with a dramatic flair as he retreated to the back of Connor's mind.
“Yeah.” His voice was short, and he winced again. “Sorry.”
“No,” Tate said immediately, and now he was the one sounding contrite. “I get it. I'd miss the hell out of Claire, too, if she couldn't be there.”
Tate's mate, Claire, had recently started to run with the pack despite being a wild wolf who wasn't yet an official member. Connor thought about the differences in their mates: his, so drawn to the human world and driven to succeed in its political machinations. Tate's, so drawn to the wild world and driven to keep herself as far from anyone's politics as possible.
Running with the pack would be so good for Lia. Regardless, he still had to be there, even if she wasn't. It was duty, it was tradition, and to be honest it was a lot of fun. He'd always loved it, ever since he was a cub old enough to keep up. Running on the winter solstice was something he immensely enjoyed. He knew Lia did, too. The fact she'd had to leave for DC a mere ten days before the run, rather than after the new year, had been yet another spike of grief that neither one had mentioned.
A tap on his door told him his next scheduled patient was ready. Keeping his voice brisk, he said, “I'll be there. Gotta go. I'll try to catch up with you soon as I can, though,” he felt prompted to add, still spurred on by guilt.
Everything was falling apart. Damn it.
A short pause before Tate said, “She's your mate, Connor. She loves you more than anything on earth. Even her job. She'd come back if you asked her to.”
Connor's facade slipped. Tate knew the whole story. “I could never ask her to do that,” he said, his voice surprisingly steady. “Isn't it enough that she gave me five years here? We'll figure out how to live like this.” I hope, he thought grimly.
“Well,” Tate said reasonably, “if you can't ask her to come back, why can't you go to her? Alpha would approve it and you know it.” It was an old response.
“I can't leave my clinic,” Connor answered, the usual stuck feeling making his entire body feel heavy. “Or these patients. I'm all they've got,” he answered.
His voice suddenly as serious as Connor had ever heard it, Tate said, “And maybe you're all she's got. There's always a choice, man,” he added, though his voice was compassionate. “Always.”
For long moments after they hung up, Connor stared at the phone, new thoughts whirling. His wolf sat up, taking note. He whined hopefully, pawing at Connor's mind while sending equally hopeful images of running in the moonlight. Or even sliding down mountains in human form while strapped onto those weird stick things, the wind racing past his ears.
Feeling knocked sideways by a sudden revelation, Connor allowed the hope to surge inside him as well. The clinic's other doctor, Trevor, insistently rapped on the door again. Connor had opened his mouth to ask him to hang on when another wild thought struck instead.
“Hey, come in here a minute, would you?” he called out to Trevor.
Maybe, just maybe, he had the answer after all. He only hoped it wasn't too late.
— — —
The sprawling urban terminal was so crowded Lia almost couldn't squeeze through with her bags. For a Wednesday, the number of people trying to either fly in or fly out of town was surprising. Then again, Christmas was only five days away.
Run with pack? Her wolf was sitting in her mind, but so taut with anticipation she seemed about to erupt into wild motion.
Yes. As long as they made good time in the air. Lia checked her watch, pushing through the crowds with more urgency. She wasn't about to miss this flight. Not at this point. Not after everything else.
“I have to hand it to you, kid,” Joe had said to her on the phone two nights ago after she'd called him and filled him in on her massive discovery. “You've got the instincts of a bloodhound. Maybe we'd better start calling you Lia the Bloodhound, instead. Though it doesn't quite have the same ring as Lia the Wolf,” he'd added with the usual grin in his voice.
“I think,” she'd said back, feeling her own smile spread across her face, “I really do prefer Lia the Wol
f.”
Then she swore him to secrecy about her plan. Oddly enough, he'd laughed. “I've been keeping lots of secrets lately,” he said, chuckling. “No problem, kid. Just tell me the details of your travel plans and I'll help you out. And I can't wait to see you back in the office, kid. Hasn't been the same without you.”
Picking up her pace as the crowds thinned a little, she spotted her gate. Soon, she murmured to herself, soothing both woman and wolf. The sure knowledge she was making the right decision made her feel light as she got in line to board her plane. Soon, she'd be in Durango. She'd find Connor and tell him she'd been a fool. And, she hoped, they could still make the solstice run with the rest of the pack. Her wolf paced in her head, urging the crazy metal contraption they were entering to fly really, really fast.
— — —
Connor paced as he waited with no patience for his flight to start boarding. The tiny airport was fairly busy for mid-week, but the weather was clear. He'd be in DC before dinnertime. The thought, which would have filled him with dread a mere week ago what with all the crowds and harried pace of a big city, had made his face split with a smile since he'd woken up that morning. Any second now, they should be calling his flight. And he'd get to see Lia, and tell her what a fool he'd been, and hold her close and never let go again.
So intent was he on listening, he almost missed her scent. Almost. A sudden whiff of drifting snow caught his wolf's attention. Connor stopped in his tracks, swinging his head side to side as he tried to surreptitiously scent the air currents in the tiny terminal.
There. His gorgeous mate. Striding down the hallway a determined gait, heading straight for him. She saw him almost at the same time and stopped short as well. Then her face lit up with that amazing smile and she was hurtling down the carpeted floor toward him, heedless of anyone else.
Sugar, Spice, and Shifters: A Touch of Holiday Magic Page 81