by Beth Garrod
•As much dog-breath removing as possible.
•Spraying my crumpled uniform in body spray.
•Running to school with wet hair.
•Being the last to arrive in form room, making my entrance way more dramatic than I wanted.
•Everyone turning round to suss what dramatic appearance changes I’d achieved over the holidays. Only to realize I was the only person who’d managed a downgrade. And I smelt of changing rooms.
As soon as the register was done, the entire class rushed over to ask a million questions about the Helicans competition. Cue sitting on my desk while Tegan rubbed my back saying soothing things about it being lunchtime soon.
It didn’t get any less full on as the day continued. Actual crowds gathered around me when I walked down the corridor. A group of Year Sevens did a Mexican wave when I walked by. Sean K – aka Boxer Boy – high-fived me (then checked his mate Luke hadn’t seen. Luckily, Luke was too busy elbowing a small blond boy into the bin, loudly declaring that anyone who liked the Helicans should get a life.)
Like the amazing best friends/bouncers they are, Rachel and Tegan did their best to try and put themselves between me and all the questions.
It was a sign of the worrying times (we gotta get away from here) that the best parts of my day were lessons, cos at least when a teacher was talking, it meant no one else could be.
Still, at least there were small sections of the school who hadn’t heard about my new-found fame. And places we could hide. So, at lunchtime, in a bid to finally get some peace, Rachel, Tegan, Mikey and I ditched our usual lunch spot, and went to eat in one of the language classrooms that were always empty. Except today it wasn’t – Ava was there – which figured, as she seemed to hate every single person at school. Today had kicked off with rumours of her getting caught smoking in the disabled loos before first bell. Yawn. But she had headphones in and barely looked up from under her long hair.
I smiled anyway, in “I also want to be alone” solidarity. She blanked me and looked back at her magazine.
I plonked my tray down on a desk, and stabbed at my jacket potato like it was responsible for this sorry state of affairs.
“C’mon, Bells, it’s not that bad.” I was staring at my food so hard it took me a second to realize it wasn’t the potato talking, it was Rach. But it was easy for her to say. She had a #lifegoals existence, and I currently had an elastic band in my hair a random postman had lent me.
Tegan reached out for my phone. “What did it say again?”
I slid it across the table – Mikey stopping it just before it flopped off.
“‘Aloha, Dave.’ Dave?!?” Mikey read out, repeating “Dave” for good measure. I shrugged as I couldn’t be bothered to explain, and mouthed along dejectedly with the rest of it (seven words, zero hope).
“Sorry, can’t do this weekend. Long story…”
But the misery hadn’t stopped there. He’d followed up.
“Molly and I are heading to HillFest on Friday if you want to join?”
My heart had sunk so much it’d plummeted straight through the middle of the Earth and plopped out in Australia, probably on someone’s BBQ.
He might as well have messaged, “THIS IS ANOTHER HINT BECAUSE I AM A NICE PERSON. WE ARE JUST FRIENDS.”
“Plus side.” Tegan held up a finger as if going to count all the ways this wasn’t rubbish. “He replied.”
“Teeg, even our dentist surgery replies to texts.” She ignored me, not humouring my fun-sponging.
But Tegan was on a mission, and my protests were no obstacle.
“Two – there’s a ‘long story’. It wasn’t a flat-out no.” If Tegan was having a hard time positively spinning this, I really was in trouble. I huffed.
“Is the long story that he’s having a commitment ceremony with Molly, who’s probably his mega-hot girlfriend that he’s had all along, but they’re one of those couples that are so in love they hang out with friends all the time and so he assumed I knew?”
Mikey coughed, reminding us he was here. And was that person.
“Sorry, Mikey.” I stabbed my potato again.
I’d spent all night racking my brains. I had heard Adam mention Molly before, but it was in a story about a terrible car journey, and I was too distracted thinking about how he even made stories about traffic seem interesting (I assumed, as wasn’t listening to the actual details). Why was I such an idiot? He’d been trying to tell me all along.
“So are you going to HillFest?” Mikey asked innocently as if it was a reasonable thing to ask in the circumstances.
“Er, NO?! I took the hint. With grace and dignity.” Well technically I’d replied to say, “Thanks, but no thanks,” then spent thirty minutes yelling “Whhhhhhhyyyyyyy” into my pillow. And googling Adam and Molly like I was going to find a Wiki on their relationship to date.
I flopped my head on to the table, hitting it way harder than I meant to. May have to add potential loss of brain function to “Reasons today is terrible”. “It’s fine, guys, it’s fine. I GET it. The only guy I’ve ever really liked is into someone else. And I’m destined to a life of single beds and getting stuck in dresses cos there’s no one there to undo the zip, but at least I can legit have Pot Noodles for dinner every night of my adult life.”
Tegan put her hands on my shoulders and pulled me back up. Mikey was staring at me with genuine concern.
“Bells, c’mon. It might not be as bad as you think.”
“Please tell me what on earth could be worse?” I took a dramatic sip of my Ribena, which made a satisfying gurgle.
Mikey thought. “His long story is that he’s also dating your sister?”
Rach nodded, impressed. “Or that he’s dying to go out with your mum? Or just dying?”
“Orrrrr,” Tegan interrupted, “how about … instead of listing really terrible things to cheer Bella up, we talk about something happy…” She pushed an open packet of Skips my way. I so wanted to eat them, but didn’t want to look as if I’d moved on.
I accidentally stuffed two in my mouth.
“Don’t think I’m over this. I just like crisps.”
But Tegan was determined to cheer me up.
“So – what GOOD stuff have we got?” She held a finger out. “We’re already half a school day down this term which leaves,” she looked up as her brain calculator whirred, “ninety-nine and a half days until Christmas.”
“I thought we were meant to be cheering her up?!” Mikey laughed.
Rach lifted up another of Tegan’s fingers. “OK. What about the fact that Tesco Matt Healy exists?” She hhmmmmmed – the official noise of barrel scraping. “Orrrr, the fact that everyone here thinks Bella is AMAZING, and cos of her, the actual Helicans might be playing in this actual school vicinity?! For our real-life eyes?!”
Fair play. Maybe this one was a tiny bit OK. In the safety of my friend bubble (frubble) I let my mind wander to what could happen if we won.
Where would they play? Outside on the football pitch? Or in the canteen? Everyone leaping about as Lis rocked out on the tables (must warn her the squashed baked beans that never got cleaned up were a serious slip-hazard).
And what would they play?
Would we get a half-day? Be able to wear non-uniform?
Oh man. Would I have to go up and say something?!
My heart sped up just thinking about it.
But I mustn’t get carried away. The worlds of the Helicans and St Mary’s were so polar opposite it surely wasn’t physically possible for them to coexist?
The most dramatic thing that had ever happened here was last term when Sean K was trying to stop a fight Luke was involved in – Sean kicked out, somehow dislodging a pair of old boxer shorts that must have been stuck down one of the legs of his trousers, and they flew across the canteen, landing on a tray of macaroni cheese. He’s been known as Boxer Boy ever since.
And the Helicans were deffo better than that. Lis’s eyeliner alone was going to contraven
e at least four school rules.
“Bumface. Serious BUMFACE.” Tegan’s almost-swear snapped me out of my something-going-right-for-a-change daydream. She was glaring at her phone. “They’ve put in another gymnastics session.” She shoved it back in her bag, muttering, “As if ALL evening on Friday wasn’t enough.”
Mikey put his arm gently round her and lowered his voice to talk privately. But Rach and I could still hear (maybe because we instinctively leaned nearer to listen in. Teeg would only tell us later, so technically it was just time saving).
“Please don’t push yourself too hard, T. You’ve worked so hard already. You’re amazing as you are.”
I totally agreed – and was so glad he was looking out for her too. The try-out was still two weekends away, and she was already exhausted.
But Tegan shook her head stubbornly, her mind already made up. “No, no, I HAVE to. Whatever it takes. You haven’t seen my valdez. If I even want to think about getting a place, it needs serious work.”
Mikey gave her another squeeze. “I’m sure if any of us had a clue what that meant, we would tell you it’s already excellent.”
Tegan looked up at me and Rachel eavesdropping, which I figured was the green-light to joining in.
“I’d also say, ‘be careful’ cos it sounds all sorts of painful.” I was joking. But inside I wasn’t laughing, cos I wanted to say more. I was worried about her. But underachieving me wasn’t exactly the life guru anyone needed, let alone someone as on it as Tegan. I had to choose my words carefully. “Seriously, Teeg, like Mikey said, you’ve done soooo much already. And not just these last months, all the years. So, er, please don’t overdo it now?”
“Overdo it?” Tegan’s eyes narrowed like she couldn’t believe what had come out of my mouth. “When it’s what I’ve worked my whole life for?! Yeah, course.”
WOAH. Well, that backfired.
But as quickly as Tegan’s anger flared up, it disappeared. She put her hand on my arm. “Sorry, Bells, I just…” She looked down at the desk. “I know what I’m doing, OK?”
I nodded, and said, “Sure,” although I didn’t think I was.
Checking she was OK was cut short by an unexpected person. Ava.
“Yeah. So. I thought you should know that Luke’s telling everyone it was basically him that got this dive through last night’s round.”
Well that was one way to start a conversation.
“Er, hello to you too?”
I was more surprised she was speaking to us, or even speaking at all, than I was about Luke being an idiot. I was even-even more surprised when I spotted a Helicans T-shirt under Ava’s regulation school shirt. Who knew she was a fan?!
“He says you’re still not over him, and based your answer on him blanking you.”
I think Ava expected me to be shocked. But instead I laughed. At Luke’s total patheticness. One minute I’m too lame to be associated with, next he’s trying to get some glory through being my ex.
“He’s such a douche.”
Ava nodded. “Agreed … just thought you should know.”
“Well, thanks – I guess?”
But I had a good idea why Ava was suddenly on Team Bella (considering she’d never even returned an “er, hi” before).
She side-eyed me.
“I’m not being one of those people that’s only speaking to you cos of the Radio Shire thing… If that’s what you’re thinking.”
I said “noooooooo” with hopefully enough enthusiasm to cover that I’d been thinking “yesssssss”.
She grimaced. I think. It might have been an attempt at a smile.
“I’ve just had a summer of Luke trolling every post I’ve done about the competition. So I’m not exactly his biggest fan.” She swung her bag over her shoulder. “Anyway, see ya – and good luck, I guess.”
I didn’t know if she meant with Luke or the comp. Mikey then remembered he was meant to be meeting up with his best mate Jay and dashed out in the same direction.
Rach was first to acknowledge what’d just happened. “Intense.”
“Kinda. Still – good to know we’ve got someone on our side.” Tegan snapped her lunchbox closed. Her trainer had put her on a weird protein diet thing so she was off the school’s beige-food options for the next ten days.
“How you feeling about Puke, Bells?”
We’d been through this before. It was old ground.
“After last term? Not wasting a single second on him.” It felt good knowing I meant it. “And if I DO get knocked out at the next round… I’ll just find a way of making him get the credit for that too!”
We set off to take our plates back to the canteen, laughing, which soon stopped as the gawping started again. I felt like a human goldfish. If my bowl was the school. And I had legs.
“Can someone change the subject?! Pleeease?” I hissed.
Rach’s eyes lit up. “I’ve got a good one.” She prodded Teeg. “Whoooo was that dude at the bus stop yesterday? Don’t think we didn’t see him?!”
But Tegan looked blank. “Who d’ya mean?”
“Who do I mean? Who do I meaaaan? The grey-tracksuit loiterer, that’s who.”
But Tegan wasn’t even 1% smiling. Was she confused? Or … annoyed?
Rach pushed the canteen door open for us. “C’mon, Teeg. Do I have to spell it out? The really fit guy. Dreads and shaved side. Six foot something. More brooding than Brooklyn Beckham?”
Tegan walked through, not making eye contact. “Oh, him? He’s no one.”
Rach snorted. “Errrr, a no one who could be on the cover of Vogue?!”
But Tegan still wasn’t getting on board. “I told you. He’s not important. And definitely not on Vogue?!”
At that exact awkward moment Mikey crashed back into our convo. “Oooh – who’s gone rogue!?”
No one attempted an answer and Tegan swerved the convo with a detour to the water cooler. A totally oblivious Mikey then launched into a full story about how Jay had just asked him to be in a music video for his band. And he was all hyped until he realized his role was “background guy who can’t skateboard”.
I was happy to let him talk, cos I was trying to get my head around instalment two of Tegan’s bad mood. And by the way Rach was so quiet, I guessed she was doing the same.
But by the time we’d all finished scraping our plates – and trying not to gag at the squashed up mound of mashed potato and custard heaped up over the top of the bin – I was ready to put the weirdness behind us.
“Soooo, you guys still free Wednesday night?”
“Give a Dog a Cone launch?” Tegan nodded. “Try and stop me.”
Phew – the stand-off was over.
“And me.” Mikey successfully threw his empty can into the bin that was two metres away, and celebrated like he’d scored a winning World Cup goal.
Rach blinked all innocently. “Me too – will Modger be there?”
I fake humphed. Fumphed.
“Probs, yeah. And I will be too. NOT THAT YOU CHECKED.”
Rach blew me a shower of mini-kisses. “Maybe she’ll give us more inside Helicans deets?!” A huge smile spread across her face. “Maaaaybe she’s been messaging Lis about us?!”
“Errr, maybe.” I didn’t want to tell her that yesterday Shay had ranted about how tragic it was when people tried to chat to her about the famous people she worked with.
“In fact, I wanted to show her my potential outfit for the launch. I’ve been thinking of buying these AMAZING shoes. I’ve been lusting after them for MONTHS.”
Tegan raised her eyebrows at Rach. “You say that like you haven’t been SHARING your lust of these AMAZING shoes for MONTHS too. Do our opinions not count any more?!”
But she was teasing. Tegan mainly bought shoes that helped you leap around, and I went for anything that lessened the chances of me tripping over my own feet. Plus Shay was fluent in designer speak.
BANG.
The classroom door flew open and Mrs Hitchman, our headmis
tress, stormed in. Conversations came to a halt. Except for ours, as Mikey muttered, “What fresh hell is this?”
She’d missed assembly this morning, and it was reassuring to see the holiday hadn’t altered even one hair on her head. She was still rocking the daily tweed two-piece (she had the same one in five colours. Probs in matching pyjamas too). (Although, brain – why are you using your free time to think about our headmistress in bed, you weirdo?)
“Good afternoon, everybody,” she chirped. “I won’t keep you.” Lie – she is literally the one who keeps us here every day of our lives. “At three-thirty please make your way to the hall.” She paused. “Understood?”
It would be a pretty bleak school if we didn’t. It wasn’t like she’d said it in French. Although je ne sais pas what the French is for “understood”.
Despite zero answer, she gave a satisfied nod, and strode out to spread the bad news elsewhere. EURGH. Emergency assemblies were never a good thing – unless you enjoyed watching detentions getting dished out. I always felt nervous about them even though I didn’t think I had anything to feel guilty for (except wishing the school would burn down for the last four years… Oh, and discovering/utilizing Jo’s blackhead squeezer, but that would be a weird thing for a school to intervene with).
I felt on edge right through PE. We’d ended up staying late, as much to mine and Rach’s regret, we persuaded Tegan to show us what a valdez was. Forget my limbs – even the stitches in my pants couldn’t cope with one. By the time we dashed to the hall I was a sweaty mess. Of course the first person to spot me was Luke. I gave him my best evil. He gave me a one-handed wave. I gave him a fake big smile. He turned his hand wave into one finger up. I fake grinned even more. Which evolved into a real one as he looked around to check a teacher hadn’t caught him. Such a bad boy. Bet Ska would be really impressed.
I dabbed a fresh layer of head sweat on to my sleeve as Mrs Hitchman took her place on the stage. She’d even had her lectern moved to the centre of it. This. Was. Serious.
“Some of you might know why I’ve gathered you together.” The way everyone turned to look at Ava suggested they had an idea. Smokers always got called out in front of the whole school. But Ava didn’t move a single muscle – icy cool. “I’m not going to pretend it’s good news.”