by Beth Garrod
Damn you, Marcus, for telling me Adam was a fan of it. And damn you, Mum, for showing me Furry Flyers in action!
Bella: 18:15
Mumbles and I are going to show you what we’re made of!!!! Bring a cushion. And some Malted Milks.
The dentist must have drilled too far and replaced my brain with toothpaste.
On top of everything else, there was NO world where Malted Milks would be my first choice of biscuit. I collapsed into Rach’s shoulder.
“Tell me I didn’t actually do this??”
She stroked my hair. “I … cannot do that. But – he hasn’t replied yet. We could suggest something else?”
But as she said it my screen flashed in real time.
Five words that meant all my dreams of Adabella now rested on me and a dog that occasionally walked into rooms backwards.
Sounds great. See you Sunday. xx
Plus side: at least I knew what it felt like to have my worst idea ever.
Not plus side: this was my worst idea ever.
There was NO WAY I could go through with it.
So when I got back, as casually as I could I dropped the whole Adam date thing into convo with Mum to get full deets. It was so cringe I almost crimbled (verb: to cringe in on oneself). But Mum just smiled proudly (hypothesis: she clearly never thought a real human boy would agree to spend time with me) and excitedly told me she’d already treated me to some “fun props” for it. And they were non-refundable. So whatever I did, “I couldn’t change my mind now”.
Even her guilt tripping was on to me.
What HAD I done?!
With my mind near melting, trying to take today in, I climbed into bed fully clothed.
But there was no way I could sleep.
Because all the things that a week ago had felt impossible – Adam wanting to go out with me, winning the competition, going from a nobody to popular – were suddenly the nearest they’d even been.
But something was troubling me. And as I shifted from pillow, to time-wasting on my phone, back to pillow, I tried to work out what.
Was it because I also felt like I was the nearest I’d ever been to screwing everything up?
Or was it because the one congrats I wanted the most this evening was the one that never came. Tegan’s.
CHAPTER
EIGHTEEN
My walk into school the next morning was the kind of thing you’d see slow-mo in a music video – all high-fives and cheers from random groups of people (although if I was in a vid, I wouldn’t be wearing tights that had lost their elastic, causing me to semi-waddle as they fell down).
As far as everyone was concerned, the final was now just a formality – in their minds St Mary’s had already won the gig.
To say I felt under pressure would be like saying Zayn was a little bit fit.
Worst of all, Mrs Hitchman greeted me with an actual hug. Full boob-to-boob squash horror. I was so taken aback I’d stepped on her foot. And then was so taken aback-aback that it was wearing a Converse I’d stepped into a water cooler (which ironically made me a lot less cool than before I’d bashed into it).
But despite the competition being the only thing anyone was talking about, Tegan didn’t ask a single question about it till Rach brought it up on Tuesday morning. And when I’d excitedly said all three of us could go to the final and meet the band, she’d replied with a half-hearted “cool”.
It was rubbish to think about, but I was getting used to Teeg being a part-time friend. And, later that day, after a really honest chat with Rach, I’d discovered she felt the same. We weren’t cross. We were both worried. Worried she was putting herself under way too much pressure about the try out, and even more worried that she was shutting us out of anything to do with it.
Even worse, we had no clue how to help. Everything we’d tried so far had backfired. So with no other ideas, and Tegan getting more distant by the day, we’d decided to have a quiet word with Mikey to see if he had any advice. It didn’t help that Rach also thought it was weird that Teeg was being so cagey about “hot bus boy” (as Rach called him) after I let it slip about me spotting him pick Tegan up that day.
But finding a private moment with Mikey at school this week had been impossible – I was never alone. People shouted my name when I didn’t know theirs, and instead of pushing past me, strangers queued to ask how I was. Was this what life was like being Rachel? Even the dinner lady now chatted to me – and gave me the largest slice of treacle sponge pudding four days running.
I guess it could be fun if I wasn’t so hyper-aware how it could all change if I didn’t win the gig. It was almost too scary to think about.
Equally as terrifying was my date on Sunday. Prep was naaat going well. It had started on Monday evening when I’d got Mumbles to sit beside me as we watched vids of dogs running through tunnel tube things, and leaping over gates. I’d hoped she’d feel motivated to show the world what she’d got. But instead she’d fallen asleep with half a sock sticking out of her mouth. I’d tried to pull it out, but discovered it was mashed up with a dog chew she’d forgotten to finish eating earlier.
If swallowing was beyond her, I wasn’t sure my future with Adam was in the safest hands. Or paws.
And it hadn’t got any better.
Every inch of me wanted to cancel. But the others reckoned Adam was the kind of guy who’d be more put off by flakey-ness, than misjudged activities. Especially as he’d messaged saying he was “intrigued” (same) and “really looking forward to it” (not same). So, I was persevering as best I could.
My fear had notched up an extra gear on Wednesday when Mum’s props had arrived. It was a “starter kit” (who knew?!) of dog-size hoop, two stands and two poles. Sadly, it didn’t include a competent dog. In the two evenings since, Mumbles had only managed to clear one jump, and that was only because she spotted a particularly aggressive crow and was running for her life.
So what with “Sit!” still beyond us, I’d concluded any actual agility was going to be impromptu. I’d also concluded that my garden was a terrible location as Mumbles mainly stood staring at a fence because she thought there was a sexy dog the other side of it (sadly it was just a fake bark alarm the neighbours had installed).
After seeing me so stressed, like the wonder-saint she is, Rach had offered that we could do it all at hers. This was excellent for three main reasons.
1)It meant not bringing Adam into my family home aka Shame HQ, packed with pictures of me as a baby (I looked like a toe in a jumper), and my actual mother – who still referred to Adam as “That Man You’re Going To Marry”.
2)Rach had a range of statues and bushes we could make some sort of jumping course from. It was going to be positively Olympian.
3)Rach’s entire life/family/snacks/even wallpaper were cooler than mine.
I was gutted Tegan was going to miss it, but it was the same day as her audition so it wasn’t an option. She’d spent every waking hour this week training. Probably the non-waking ones too, as in this morning’s assembly she was so sleep deprived, she didn’t even notice Mrs Hitchman playing a Helicans song as the entrance music.
This was the exact moment Rach and I knew we had to speak to Mikey, and as it was Friday, we had to do it before the day was out. As much as Tegan was pushing us away, we wanted her to know she wasn’t alone.
“Oh hi, dream team.” Ava gave us a wave from a stepladder as we walked to class. She was putting up yet another “Vote Bella” poster. (Mr Lutas had let all classes design and make them instead of their normal art lessons.) She grinned at the poster. “Not long now. Just over a week before the actual HEL. I. CANS. Could be here?! In this very building?!!”
I “Ummm”-ed, feeling weird standing next to a giant picture of my face, which was bigger than my IRL face.
“Sounds ammmaaayyyyzzzinnnng – if you have zero standards.”
Luke.
Tegan thrust a poster straight towards him. “You know you don’t have to ask if you wanna give us
a hand putting some up?”
I stifled a laugh – she might be a part-time pal at the mo’, but her work was still excellent.
Luke glared like she’d handed him a bunch of dead squirrels. “I’d rather vom.”
Rach sniggered. “That IS one of their singles. Glad you’re on-brand.”
If there was one thing Luke hated more than being called out in front of his mates, it was being called out by Rach – the girl everyone fancied and he could never have.
“Fit Rach, I DO NOT KNOW why you still hang out with these idiots.” He looked straight at me. “Well, mainly THIS one.”
I gave Luke a cheery wave. It’s much harder to look like you care about being called an idiot if you’re choosing to look like one. He rolled his eyes.
“So, Fishy.” Oh good, he was back on the retro Fishy Balls nickname. “I came to say thanks for helping keep this whole Helicans thing going.”
I smiled. “Total pleasure.”
“It’s made it a whole load easier to avoid the tragics.” His mates all shrug-laughed – imaginative (except Boxer Boy who was pretending he couldn’t hear). “Except Fit Rach, of course. She’s always welcome, anywhere, any time.”
“Dream on.” Rach shook her head. “And if you’re not gonna help, leave us alone.”
Luke didn’t move.
Ava stepped forward. “Errr, think she meant ‘get lost’?”
Which he eventually did, but not till they made us so late we had to sprint just to avoid missing the start of biology. We then got shouted at for running. School life was no win.
Break time was another instalment of people hounding me with questions so by the time lunch came, it was fair to say that the comp was the number one last thing I wanted to talk about.
So I was relieved when we spotted Mikey. I waved him over and he plonked himself down.
“Did you guys see that Radio Shire blog about the Helicans?”
ARGH. Et tu, Mikey?
“Don’t wanna talk about it.”
Course I’d heard. But so far had managed to avoid the details. They’d revealed what order the three finalists had come in vote-wise. I was nervous enough already – and if I found out I was in last place I was not going to feel ANY more confident.
But Mikey looked put out. “But isn’t it better to be David rather than Goliath?”
WAIT.
WAS HE TELLING ME I WAS DAVID?!
Rach, Tegan and I stopped chewing and stared straight at him. Realizing his slip, he gulped so loudly the next table turned round.
“I just meant hypothetically, you know.” He pointed out of the window. “Look! Puppy!”
But even imaginary small animals couldn’t gloss over what he’d said. And through a variety of nagging, poking and low-level threats about sharing the vid of him attempting Tegan’s floor routine, he confirmed what he’d started to say. I’d come third. Aka last. And in first place was Queevil.
“OK, so, to recap,” I put my hands on my face. “I’m going to lose. And be a massive loser – literally – in front of the Helicans. And live to the nation.”
Tegan shook her head firmly. “Nope, course you’re not. Knowledge is power, Bells. It just means we have to step up our efforts. Get EVERYONE ready to vote.”
I kind of thought that’s what we’d been doing already.
“Plus,” Rach looked over her shoulders like we were in Pretty Little Liars, “the other finalists don’t have our secret weapon…”
“A tiny catapult?” I quipped at Mikey.
“How many times. You are NOT David?!”
But Rach was full flow. “NOPE. Best friend to the band, and good word putter-inner… SHAY.”
I knew what was needed right now was positivity so I gave Rach a “Hells, yeah!” Truth was, I wasn’t sure what Shay could really do for us. And what I felt comfortable even asking her. I certainly didn’t want to do anything that could jeopardize the final, not with Letty on the lookout.
But… I looked at Rach and imagined how destroyed she’d be if we didn’t win. And how much every single person in this building would hate me. And … well, maybe the easier option was chatting to Shay tonight.
“Talking of which, you guys want to come round for a bit later? Shout at a confused dog with me?”
Rach shook her head. “Soz, gotta do that essay so I’m free Sunday for…” She mouthed the last two words, “… the date”. She knew I couldn’t handle them with actual volume. I mouthed back, “Thank you.”
“And T and I are off to see my brother’s band play a headline gig.” Mikey looked all uber-cool and mysterious like he was about to casually drop details of a Wembley slot. “… Aaaat my cousin’s ninth birthday party.”
Tegan’s face fell. “Oh, Mikey. No way.” She dropped her head into her hands. “It’s the last time, I promise. PROMISE.”
He finished what Rach and I knew was coming.
“… But you’ve booked in a last-minute training session?”
Tegan nodded slowly. “I’m SO sorry.”
But Mikey wasn’t cross. “Don’t be – all we want is for you to nail Sunday. Whatever it takes.”
Rach and I made noises of agreement. Teeg smiled at us all, embarrassed. “You guys are the best.”
I didn’t feel the best, because right now I was mainly feeling sad for Mikey. But Teeg didn’t need to know that. All she needed to know was that we were on her side.
I prodded her arm. “You’ll smash it. I know it. Just please try and not put too much pressure on yourself? For me?”
I smiled as I said it, but she glared back. “What – like you’re not doing with this Helicans thing?”
Mikey rubbed her arm. “Teegs, c’mon. Bells didn’t mean it like that.” He looked at me. “Did you?”
Tegan didn’t give me a chance to agree.
“It doesn’t matter what she meant. I wish you’d all just stop hassling.” She slammed her lunchbox closed. “Support? Isn’t that what friends, best friends, are meant to be for?”
“Teeg?” I pleaded. But it bounced right off her.
“See ya. I’ve got work to be doing.” And like that, she stormed out. Something I’d never seen before. She was full of surprises these days.
And this latest one made me feel like I’d been thumped in the stomach. I gave up eating my lunch. Another world first.
Mikey gave me the most reassuring look he could. “It’s just the trial, Bells. We’ll have her back soon.”
But the way he said it made it sound like a question, rather than a fact.
“You do know I was trying to help?” They both nodded, making me feel a tiny bit better. “I just can’t stand by and watch her slowly implode.”
Rach put her hand on mine. “Bells, I’m with you – all the way. But I have zero idea what to do either. She’s just so on edge. All. The. Time.”
I footsied Mikey under the table. “Has she said anything to you?”
He shrugged. “Nope. Other than the obvious.” He thought a bit. “Although… I can’t help but think a lot of it might be cos of this new Charlie from training.”
Rach and I exchanged a look – we’d never heard that name before. Yet another detail we didn’t know. “Some Team GB squad gymnast who Tegan’s got friendly with. And now it’s all ‘hours in – power out’, ‘sleep is for second place’… I’m exhausted just listening.”
That did explain a lot. And it had given me an idea.
“Charlie can drive, right?”
“Yeah…” Mikey nodded and got out his phone. “Elite gymnast… personal chauffeur? Hang on a sec, think there’s a pic of them together somewhere…”
Mikey searched for the account to show Rach. But I already felt like a weight had been lifted.
“Rach – Charlie must be hot bus stop boy who we keep seeing her with?!” But Rach was doing tiny head shakes. She wasn’t getting it. “You know – the one who picked her up last Saturday?” Rach’s shakes got bigger. But it was too late. Mikey had turned his pho
ne round.
“Bells – this is Charlie.”
Oh. Tegan wasn’t with the hot boy I was expecting.
She was with an even hotter person. All muscles and smiles.
“Ah,” was about all I could say.
Charlie was a girl.
Mikey flicked the screen off. “Ah, indeed. So you were saying?”
Could I urgently retrieve my foot from my mouth?! “It’s nothing.”
But Mikey’s gutted face didn’t look like nothing. “So there’s a, to quote, ‘hot boy, and you, to quote, ‘keep seeing him’ with Tegan? And … she’s never mentioned him to me?”
OK – this wasn’t ideal. “I’ve made it sound worse than it is. It’s probably just a, a training thing.”
Rach was staring at a yoghurt, not blinking, like she was trying to teleport somewhere, anywhere, else.
“And you said they were together last Saturday – when she told me she was too busy to see me?”
I didn’t know what I could say that would help.
“There’s bound to be a logical explanation.” Shame I didn’t know it yet. “Like you said, it’s just a weird time. She’s being weird with ALL of us. You saw what just happened?”
Rach backed me up. “She didn’t even hand in her homework this morning.”
But Mikey looked heartbroken. I had to give it everything I could. Try and undo the damage. As weird as this whole thing was, Tegan would never hurt him. “We ALL know she’s crazy about you. And you know you can trust her?”
He didn’t look any happier. “Do you think I should speak to her?”
“NO!” I snapped too quickly. “Sorry … no. Please don’t.”
If Tegan was already mad at us – me especially – and stressed about Sunday, her thinking I’d dropped her in it with Mikey wasn’t going to help anyone. But I got it. If I was him I’d want to find out who this guy was. I mean, I was me, and I wanted to know badly enough. “Can you wait till after the try-out? Then I’ll speak to her. Properly this time.” I owed it to her to be honest and explain the mix-up that had just happened.
He nodded. But with nothing but a Tegan-sized hole for company, we finished lunch in silence. We didn’t manage to find her before the bell went either.